3:30PM EST - 3:58PM EST
3.23.2019
SATURDAY AFTER WORK
SYRACUSE, NEW YORK
CHAPTER FOUR: WHEN THE WAVE BURSTS

DEAR HONEY, SO HONEY, IT'S BEEN TEN YEARS SINCE I FIRST SAW YOUR FACE. TEN YEARS SINCE I NEVER SAW YOUR PLACE. YOUR MOM'S PLACE. MS. FLORA. BIRTHED A BABY GIRL JUSTICE FOR HONEY THE WHOLE WORLD NOW ADORES HER. WE DEPLORE THE DEPLORABLE ONES WHO TOOK HER AWAY FROM US. KARMA WILL PAY FOR US. HONEY PRAY FOR US, YOU KNOW WE PRAYED FOR YOU. WE STILL PRAY FOR YOU. WHILE WE'RE STAYING TO CONTINUE TO PAY OUR DUES HONEY KNOW WE ARE PLAYING FOR YOU. WE ARE PAYING FOR YOU. WHEN THE WHITE LIGHT SHINES I MAY SEE YOUR FACE. WILL I FOLLOW? I CAN'T WAIT. YOU WERE FIFTHTEEN AGED FIFTHTEEN YEARS YEAR FIFTHTEEN. TRUTH IS YOU WERE CORNED ASF YEA I SAID IT YUP YEAH I SAID IT ONCE YES I SAID IT BUCK YEAH I SAID ENOUGH I ONLY SAID ENOUGH ABOUT CORN. NEVER KNEW WE ONLY HAD EIGHTEEN WITH YOU BEFORE WE MOURNED.. YOU AND THE UNIVERSE SHARED ONLY WITH ME THREE BUT THREE'S BETTER THAN NOTHING OH NO BLUFFING IT WAS A ROUGH THING. IT WILL ALWAYS BE A ROUGH THING, A TOUGH THING, WHEN DISCUSSING. IN CONVERSATION WITH PEOPLE WHO KNEW OR WHO DIDN'T
YOUR NAME AND THE STORY SOMETHING I ALWAYS MENTION, IN MY VERY LONG SENTENCE, IN MY SENTENCES NO PARANTHESIS. BEFORE I CAN READ IT, SPEAK IT, PERFORM IT, RECORD IT, FILM IT, AND STORE, OR UPLOAD IT TO THE FREE STORE IT'S APPARENT I WRITE IT FIRST. IMPERITAVELY INDEED RECORD THE THOUGHTS AS THEY BURST. WE PRAY TO GOD SHE'S IN HEAVEN CAUSE HONEY WENT IN THE HEARSE FIRST. THE HEARSE WE ALL MUST FACE EFFING WITH MOTHER EARTH.. THESE THOUGHTS MAKE ME CRY  I GET TEARY EYED I PRAY I'M AS FLY AS YOU WHEN I DIE OR BEFORE. BEFORE I DIE I'LL CONTINUE TO LET THEM KNOW, YOU'RE A PART OF I'VE BEEN THRU. SO BLESSED TO MEET YA. HAD A CHANCE TO MEET YA THEN HAD THE CHANCE TO GREET YA, FOR THREE YEARS SUCH A, SUCH A BEAUTIFUL SENORITA, MAMACITA, WE LISTENED TO ALL OF THE SILLY, GIGGILY STUFF I MENTION BUT YOU NEVER SAW THE SWAG INTRODUCE NEW DIMENSIONS. LIKE FOUR OF THEM, JUST TO PUT IT IN THE SENTENCE. HONEY RIPPLE'S XRP IS ABOUT TO BLOW UP THEN I SHOW THEM MY MORALS. SPREAD A BILLION RIPPLES OF HOPE. HOPE. SOLD THEY WON'T EVER HAD TO SELL DOPE AGAIN EFFING WITH ME. I SWIM WITH ADULTS THEY CAN CALL ME OREL. DON'T EMULATE SQUIRRELS. I DON'T CHASE NUTS I DON'T CHASE BUCKS. I DUPLICATE BUCKS, UNTIL THERE IS A TRADE TRUST FROM THE TRADE FUND TRUST FUND YEAH I TRADE FOR FUN YET I DON'T TRADE FOR FUN , IS TRADING FUN? IT'S TRADING FUN AND I CAN NEVER TRADE ENOUGH. IF I'M STILL ALIVE WHEN THE WAVE BURST...THE RENEWED FRONTIER DEDICATED TO HONEY FOR US. WHEN I DIE PLEASE HONEY SHOW YOUR FACE.

In


3:50 PM EST - 4:10PM EST
4.1.2019
MONDAY APRIL 1ST, 2019
AFDAY

DEAR X,
THE FIRST SONG I HAD HEARD OF YOURS
FUCK LOVE AND YOU NEVER VERSED THE TITLE
WE DON'T BELIEVE IN IDOLS
YET YOU WERE THEIR RIVAL
THEY TOOK YOU AWAY
ON THE EIGHT TEENTH ON A JUNE DAY
LAST YEAR
WAS THIS MY LAST FEAR?
MEDIA ANTICS KEPT HIS PAST NEAR
KEPT HIS PAST CLEAR
LEE DISTORTED
ACCOMPLISHED HIS GOALS IN GREAT PROPORTIONS
GEKYUME NO ABORTION
I PRAY THERE IS HOPE FOR THE REST OF US
AND THERE IS STILL HOPE FOR THE REST OF US
HE DID WHAT HE WANTED WHILE HE COULD'VE
HE PROMOTED A MESSAGE ANY MOTHER WOULD LOVE BECAUSE HE SHOULD'VE
WE CRY PONDERING ON WHAT HE WOULD'VE
DONE OR WHAT WE WOULD'VE
SEEN FROM HIM
A DIVINE GLEAM TO HIM
ONLY THRU CORRUPTION
DOES ONE FACE ABDUCTION
YET HE WAS NEVER ABDUCTED
KEPT HIS PAST AND HE TUCKED IT
WHAT MAKES US DISCUSS IT
IS THE FLOW WAS JUST DISGUSTING AND
IT'S APPARENT HE IS A PARENT
FROM BENEATH THE SOIL TO THE UNIVERSAL SPOILS
WHAT HE DID WITH THE SAME YEARS OF FAME AS PAC
FIVE
LEFT US WITH ALL THAT WE HAVE GOT
TO REMEMBER
BORN AFTER THE MONTH OF DECEMBER
HEART  WAS TENDER
DO YOU REMEMBER?
NOW HE IS NO LONGER ALIVE
LONG LIVE X, THE BEST, TRIPLE X NO SEXXX
UNLESS
BUT UNLESS,
GEKYUME GROWS INTO AN ARTIST
WE SHALL FEEL WE SAW THE BEST REST
AFTER BESTING THE REST IN THE TEST TO SEE LESS
DISTRACTIONS, ILLUSIONS, EXACTING CONFUSION
ILL, REVENGE, BUT STILL
BORN IN THE LAND OF THE PALM TREE
CALMLY
ENGULF THE WORLD IN POSITIVE ARMIES SORRY
CAN YOU SEE THIS WORLD SCARRED ME?
ALMOST LIKE IT SCARRED HE?
PARDON ME BUT X IS THE CARTER FIVES'S SECOND TRACK
FIRST FEATURE BEAT THAT
KEEP THAT
DON'T CRY
WEEP AT THAT
WEEP THAT
NOW WE AT BAT
DIRECTED BY EVERYTHING THENG HE LEFT US
POINTED TOWARDS JUST TO TEST US
FOR GRADUATION IN THIS TEST YES
IT'S SO TRAGIC
HE MET HIS END AFTER SHOWING US HOW ONE BREACHES THE FABRIC
OF THIS SILLY GAME OH MAN OH MAN WHAT HAPPENED?
NEVER KNEW WHAT HE WANTED TO PURSUE ENTER RAPPING
ARTISTRY GOD SMACKING
STARTED MUMBLED RAPPING
TO PULL THE BASE INTO HIS FACTIONS
SO VERSATILE ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS YELL SCREAM ACTION
AND THEY SAY HE WENT TO HELL
WE PRAY THEM NXZ GET SLAPPED IN
THEIR DREAMS
OH WELL
AND X ACCOMPLISHED HIS DREAMS
AT LEAST MOST OF HIS DREAMS
OH JUST LOOK AT WHAT WAS REDEEMED
FROM HIS ACTIONS IN THE TOTAL PAST
WOULD YOU PAY THE TOTAL TO HEAR HIS LAUGH?
ON YOUR INSTA TAB?
WE JUST INSTA GRAB
VARIOUS MEMORIES
VICARIOUSLY FROM HIM TO ME
FROM HIM TO YOU
FOR HIM WE DO
WHAT WE NEED TO
IN ORDER TO FULFILL
THE PROPHECY
WHAT PROSPERS IS WHAT IS ALWAYS REAL
ILL
BUT STILL
CHECK THE REVEAL
THIS IS JUST THE INTRO INTO BUT YO CHILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
FOR TWENTY MINUTES

   6:20PM EST - 6:24PM EST - 6:28PM EST - 6:46PM EST
4.1.2019
AFDAY 2019

DEAR DAGGER,

I DISCOVERED YOUR ART
ON THE DAY YOU PARTED
DEARLY DEPARTED
X GOT IT STARTED
GOING RETARDED
I WAS LIVING IN GEORGIA
STILL BORN IN FLORIDA
FRESH BACK FROM NEW YORK
SYRACUSE'S NEW DORK
BUS TRIP BACK TO GA NOW I'M FEELING DISPLACED
FEELING DISGRACED
FEELING DISGUSTED
CAN SEE IT ON THE FACE
JUST LOOK AT MY FACE
IF YOU CAME TO NEW YORK YOU CAN LOOK AT MY PLACE
THE PEACE OF MIND I NOW FIND FROM YEARS OF PEACEFUL RHYMES
PEACEFUL TIMES
MORE PEACEFUL TIMES IN STORE
BEFORE MORE PEACEFUL RHYMES HIT THE STORE
WHEN X DIED I JUST HIT THE FLOOR
WE WOULD'VE GOTTEN ALONG
I JUST NEVER HEARD HIS SONGS
I JUST SEE THE PRONGS
THE APPEARANCE THAT STICKS OUT
THE WORDS THAT PRICK OUCH. ?THE MESSAGE
THE VERBS HE IS STRESSING ABOUT. THE MIGOS GAVE CLOUT
IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE HIM, MAYBE YOUR SISTER DID
SHOUT OUTS GEKYUME, X'S KID. I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE NEW YORK AND YET I HAD TO. CAME BACK TO JADEN SMITH'S SYRE FIRE I'D BE GLAD TO. BURN A HUNDRED TWO BEFORE I HEARD OF YOU. I WAS A LOST BOY LISTENING TO LOST BOY FEELING LIKE A LOST TOY FEELING LIKE I LOST JOY FEELING LIKE I HAD NONE FEELING LIKE A BAD ONE FEELING LIKE THE BAD ONE FEELING LIKE I'M CHAD SON. YO WHY THEY TRY TO PLAY ME AS IF I WERE THE BAD SON? THE BAD SON MY BAD SON I WAS JUST HAVING MAD FUN. X'S DEATH INTRODUCED ME TO HIS MUSIC INSTANTLY SMITTENED I COULDN'T CONFUSE IT I WOULDN'T CONFUSE IT I SHOULDN'T CONFUSE IT X IS CONFUCIUS. NOW THE LITTLE SISTERS OF HIS HATER'S STEADY CHOOSING. FLASHBACK JUNE 2018, I WAS TRADING FOREX, NOT HAVING MORE SEX. I WAS JUST TESTING FINANCIAL LEVERAGE GOD'S BLESSING MY FINANCIAL BEVERAGE I SIP ON THEN THREE WEEKS AFTER I BEGAN TRADING CURRENCY THEY KILLED JAHSEH HURRIEDLY. WHY WOULDN'T THEY MURDER ME? AND THEY HAVE NOT EVEN HEARD OF ME. I FLOW WITH THE CURRENT SEE. CURRENTLY, X IS ALL I LISTEN TO TRAGIC THAT IT ISN'T YOU. HIS EFFORTS BROUGHT RESIDUALS NOW AIN'T NO TELLING WHERE HIS KID WILL GO.
SCHOOL WISE CAUSE COOL WISE X HAD THE OOOL VIBES. COOL VIBES FOREVER X VIBES FOREVER
6:46PM EST
8:33PM EST -

DEAR JAHSEH,

I LOVED YOUR MUSIC FROM THE VERY BEGINNING, I STARTED WATCHING YOUR DOCUMENTARIES OF YOUR LIFE AND PERSPECTIVE.LOOKING BACK ON IT FROM THE RETROSPECTIVE, THEN I STARTED WINNING. YOU HAVE MOST DEFINITELY BENEFITTED THE COLLECTIVE. THE MASSES WITH THEIR ALPHA PASSES ITS OUTSTANDING HOW MUCH YOU HAVE ALREADY OUTLASTED. ALL OF YOUR AMBITIONS YOU OUT CASTED, SAW THEIR RESPECTIVE MANIFESTATIONS BEFORE YOU TOUCHED THE CASKET. ALL OF YOUR OTHER AMBITIONS SAW THEIR PROTECTIVE ACTUALIZATIONS AFTER YOUR CASKET PASSED THE GRASS IT'S AMAZING JUST HOW MUCH YOUR CREATIVE EVOLUTION SURPASSED IT'S INCREDULOUS AS IN WHAT YOU DID WITH YOUR LIFE AND THEY CALLED YOU A KID MAN YOU WERE ONLY A KID MAN A KID DAM YEA I KNOW THIS DUDE GOES HAM BUT TELL ME WHY DID THEY HAVE TO GO AND GO HAM? JUST GO FAM, THEY WRECKED THE WORLD WHEN THEY WRECKED HIS WORLD. PLEASE PROTECT HIS LITTLE BABY BOY HE DIDN'T HAVE A LITTLE BABY GIRL, MAYBE HIS KARMA WITH WOMEN WASN'T SO QUESTIONABLE AT ALL. I CONSIDERED MYSELF A TRUE FAN FROM DAY ONE ONLY BC SINCE DAY ONE CHAD'S BEEN STUCK IN X LAND CALL CHUCK MEAGAN'S DAD FOR THEY BOTH HAVE THE SAME NAME. 4 YEARS LATER FROM THE PHONE GIRL THE FIRST NOVEL BASED ON CHAD EVENTS YEA STILL PLAYING THE SAME OLD GAME WITH A DIFFERENT OLD NAME A DIFFERENT NEW NAME NEVER NEW FAME WE SO INFAMOUS, NOTORIETY YES WE BEEN BEEN BEEN THRU THIS. YOUR LIFE MEANT SO MUCH TO ME JAH LIKE SO MUCH TO ME YAH. TIRED ASF YET STILL WRITING THIS DOWN. WHAT YOU WROTE AROUND YOUR TOWN TURNS THE FROWNS UPSIDE DOWN NOW SMILE SMILE SMILE DIAMONDS REPLACE CAVITIES THE MINDS OF YOUR MEN REPLACED THE TRAGEDY.

8:48PM EST -


THE FATALIST MEMORY

SATURDAY 4.28.2018

7:07AM EST - 8:09AM EST

THE INTRODUCTION:

DEAR HONEY, IT HEALS A PAIN TALKING TO YOU. OR SENDING TO YOU, KIND WORDS OF AFFECTION. OF HOW I TRULY FEEL, TRULY FEEL NOW AND TRULY FELT THEN, FELT WHEN, SAY AGAIN? IT IS ALMOST TEN YEARS, SINCE I FIRST MET YOU. IT’S BEEN MORE THAN TEN TEARS SHED SINCE I HEARD THE WORDS “OH SHE’S DEAD”.  NEVER FORGET YOU. WHAT AN INCRED-OUSLY PREDICAMENT WE FOUND OURSELVES IN INSTEAD. WHEN IN OURSELVES IN ITSELF WE PREVAILED, WHEN EVIL FINALLY FELL, OR FAILED. HONEY CAN YOU TELL, THE IMPACT THAT YOU’VE HAD? THE FACT THEY TOOK YOU DID NOT SIT WELL WITH OTHERS; THEY TOOK IT BAD. YOU WENT VIRAL, YEA THAT WAS PYRO. SAD YOU WERE GONE, THE IMPACT YOU MADE HOWEVER, MADE US GLAD. FYE YO. IT MADE ME GLAD PERSONALLY, THE SAME PAIN HURTING ME, DIDN’T GO UNFELT BY OTHERS. MANY-MANY THOUSANDS OF OTHERS. THOUSANDS OF MOTHERS, THOUSANDS OF BROTHERS. MILLIONS OF TEARS HONEY. MILLIONS OF BETTER THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS PUT IN GEAR HONEY. SO CLEAR, NOT HERE YET STILL FEARED. FEARED BY YOUR ADVERSARIES, HONEY WOULD BE CHEERED. IF WE COULD SEE HER NOW, HONEY WOULD BE SMEARED. WITH A LOVE SO ENDEARED AND NEAR. LOSING HONEY KICKED MY REAR. THE MOMENT YOU PASSED, IT LEFT A PAIN THAT LASTS. AS IT LASTS, WE CAN ONLY CONTEMPLATE ON AS TO WHY IT RAINED SO FAST. I FEEL GUILTY THAT YOU’RE GONE AND I’M STILL HERE. STILL NOT YET CLEAR WHY WE DIDN’T TRADE? AS IF I HAD A SAY. I DON’T HAVE A SAY. HAD I HAD A SAY, YOU’D BE HERE TODAY AND I NEVER SAW OCTOBER TWENTY-EIGHT. I SIT IN THE ROOM AND THINK. THINK-THINK ON WHAT I’M ABOUT TO DO. TO SHOW YOU, I NEVER STOPPED CARING. TO SHOW MYSELF THAT I NEVER STOPPED CARING. SO I SHALL NEVER STOP SHARING, THE BEST OF MEMORIES OF YOU I AM CARRYING. SPARINGLY. KNEW YOU FOR A SHORT TIME AND YOU WERE GLARING TO SEE. SPARINGLY. YOU WERE THE SPECIAL GUEST STAR WITH YOUR OWN SPIN OFF. NOW THE PAIN SPINS OUT OF CONTROL. SO I HOLD CLOSE, THE DOSE OF MEMORIES OF YOU I CAN FOLD. INTO ART, ORIGAMI SHAPED HEART. IF THE PAIN IS INK THEN THE MEMORIES ARE LANDSCAPE. WHEN WILL MAN ESCAPE? ESCAPE THE BONDAGE OF HIS OWN MADNESS? HE PROBABLY CAN’T. SORRY. SO I CLICK FACEBOOK AND THEN JUST RANT. THEY TICK ME OFF I TOCK THEM IN, NOW WE’RE ALL MAD. THATS HOW THEY FELT US TO BE ANYWAY SO I TELL EM ALL BE GLAD. I THINK OF YOU HONEY, IMMEDIATELY SAD. SAD YOU DIDN’T HAVE ALL YOU MAY HAVE WANTED. YOUR CHANCE WAS TAKEN BY OTHERS AND I’M STILL HERE HAUNTED. THE PAIN YOU FELT IS HORRIBLE TO IMAGINE. SO I GROW PASSIONATELY COMPASSIONATE, HEATED AT THE MERE THOUGHT OF IT, IT IS STINKING YET I KEEP THINKING IT, IT’S HOW I WAS TAUGHT. OR BROUGHT UP. TO FEEL ANOTHER’S PAIN SAWED OFF. DON’T JUST KEEP SINKING IT. NOW I’M THROWN ALL OFF, DEAR HONEY, IF I HAD A MACHINE, THAT REPLAYED MY MEMORIES, I’D REPLAY THE MEMORY OF THE DAY WE SAT ON THE SWINGS. DOLO, AND WE JUST TALKED AND LAUGHED AND ALSO TALKED ABOUT LIFE’S SAD PAST. THAT WOULD BE THE FIRST ONE YEAH HONESTLY. ALL I CAN DO, IS REPRESENT FOR YOU. REPRESENT WITH THE INCLUSION TO WHAT I’ AM HERE TO BE DOING. THE ONES I’M HERE WITH, LEAVE ME FEELING LIKE HOCKED SPIT. MAKES ME WANNA TOSS IT. TOSS THIS CHANCE I HAVE TO TOTALLY CONSCRUE SOME BOSS SHHHHHH. SO UNTIL THEN I INCORPORATE THE PAIN UNTIL THE COMPANY IS INCORPORATED, OPERATING ON A GLOBAL SCALE, THANK GOD WE MADE IT. THE DEVIL SENDS THE WEAKEST PEOPLE TO TEAR DOWN THE COURAGE OF GOD’S BRAVEST. I KEEP THIS IN MIND WHEN PEOPLE STOP BEHAVING. IT’S CAUSE THEY HAVE NO POWER. THEY’RE WEAK TO TOO MUCH STUFF. I WISH THAT WAS A BLUFF. SO I JUST TAKE A SHOWER JUST IN CASE, THEN A FLOWER TO THE FACE. I WISH THAT WAS ENOUGH. ENOUGH TO MAKE THEM STOP. AND IF THEY CAN’T STOP, I PRAY TO LEAVE THE TOWN. HE ALSO LEFT HIS FROWN. BUT HE TOOK THE CROWN. THE CROWN OF MY DREAMS I’LL SAY IT AGAIN. I WOULD TRADE EVERY BOOK I WROTE TO GO THEN AND TO BRING YOU BACK NOW. I COULD ANSWER WHY YET I CAN NEVER ANSWER HOW. NOTHING WOULD PLEASE ME MORE MY FRIEND -  WOW.

CHAPTER ONE:

SATURDAY 4.28.2018    ,

5:25PM EST - 5:56PM EST

DEAR HONEY, AS I THINK ABOUT ALL OF THE TECHNOLOGY, RAPIDLY ADVANCING. AS THE TECHNOLOGY ADVANCES, I THINK OF THE CHANCES, LIKE WHAT ARE THE CHANCES, THE CHANCES I COULD SEE YOU AGAIN? I OFTEN IMAGINE OR ENVISION A VISION WHERE I PUT SOME GOGGLES ON, THEN I SEE YOU. THEN I TURN THE TOGGLE ON. THEN I CAN RELIVE THE MOMENTS WHERE WE GIVE, WHERE WE GAVE, OUR FRIENDSHIP TO ONE ANOTHER, TO EACH OTHER, NEVER BREACHED THE OTHER. NOW THE PAIN ISN’T UNDERCOVER IT NEVER BEHAVES. I BETTER BE GRAVE. I BETTER BE BRAVE. I LOST A DEAR FRIEND TO VIOLENCE, NOW I WALK AROUND SILENT, PONDERING ON AN ISLAND. AN ISLAND OF INTENT, I’M HELLBENT ON REALIZING THE HEAVEN SENT NATURE OF THE MISSION. I THINK OF YOU HONEY AND CAN’T HELP BUT WISH IT, WERE A WAY LOT DIFFERENT IN A WORLD SO CARNIVEROUS. THERE’S SO MANY UNRELEASED GADGETS THEY HIDE FROM US. THEY NEED TO DELIVER IT TO US. THEY WON’T LET US BUY THEM EITHER. CAUSE ONCE WE BUY THEM THEN TRY THEM WE ARE KEEPERS. KEEPERS OF THE FACT THESE THINGS ARE OUT HERE. BELIEVERS WE WILL BE THEN. SO AS THE WINDS SPIN, IN AN ENDLESS AND PRETENTIOUS MANNER, I PACK IDEAS INSIDE OF A PLANNER. I HAVE A PLAN TO ORGANIZE CERTAIN TECHNOLOGIES THAT PROPERLY HEAL WOUNDS OF THE LOSS OF LOVED ONES. HONEY YOU WERE LOVED HUN. SO MANY SEEK CLOSURE AND YOUR DEATH BROUGHT MUCH EXPOSURE TO THE FALLACIES IN MAN THAT CONDONED YOUR...VICTIMIZATION. I VISUALIZE A NATION WHERE YOU BUY A HEADSET, WITH AN EYE-PIECE, SCREAMING TRY ME. THEN I DO, NOW I’M STREAMING MY FEED. IT’S NOT A LIVE FEED. JUST  A TRIAL FEED. THEN IT’S YOU I SEE, IN EVERY MEMORY I HAVE EVER HAD WITH YOU. WOULD PAY A BILLION DOLLARS, JUST TO SEE YOU AGAIN. BUT I CAN’T SEE YOU MY FRIEND, HOPELESS AMBITION. STILL AM WISHING THAT THE HOMICIDE DETECTIVES CATCH THE ONES THEY ARE DAM FISHING. FOR-FOR THERE IS AN INTELLIGENCE TO GOD’S DIVINE, DIVINE PLAN CONSTRUCTED AROUND THE DESTINY OF MAN. IN THIS PLAN THERE ARE MANY THINGS WE CAN’T STAND, LIKE LOSING MANY FRIENDS CAUSE EVEN THREE IS ENOUGH. TO EXPERIENCE THREE IN ITSELF IS TOUGH YET PAC ATTENDED MORE FUNERALS THAN I BUT I STILL CRY. FELT LIKE THERE WAS A GLITCH IN THE MATRIX WHEN HONEY DIED. I WAS THE WHITE RABBIT AND STILL COULDN’T TAKE IT. IF SENSE OF IT WERE THE BASKET, I COULDN’T MAKE IT. NO SWISH, JUST SWISHER. I DIDN’T GET MY WISH, YET STILL A WISHER. WHY WOULD THE COSMOS WATCH WHILE THEY VIOLENTLY DISSED HER, THEN DISMISSED HER? MORE RIDICULOUS THAN CALLING MY DAD MR. MR. DEAR HONEY, I’M GOING TO KEEP YOUR MEMORIES CLOSE TO ME, THEN WRITE THEM DOWN, TYPE THEM UP LIKE HERE IS MORE FROM ME. CORDIALLY, TREAT YOU JUST LIKE ROYALTY, ROYALLY, FOR SPOILING ME, WITH YOUR GENUINE NATURE. WHEN SOMEONE’S GENUINE, THEY CAN’T HATE YA. ALL I CAN DO IS REMEMBER YOU, ENTER YOU, AS AN INTEGRAL PART, OF THE MISSION YOU, GOT INTRODUCED THRU INTERVALS. WITH THE PASSAGE OF TIME, WE WILL SEE MORE. I WILL FLEE MORE, TO THE LAND OF THE CLEVER. WHERE MY HAND HOLDS THE LEVER, JUST AHEAD OF THE CURB, S/O HEATH LEDGER. REST IN PEACE HEATH LEDGER. REST IN PEACE TO HONEY. REST IN PEACE TO NAIJAH. REST IN PEACE TO JOSH. WHY COULDN’T THE BEEF GET SQUASHED?

CHAPTER TWO: FIND- FINDING A DANCER

SUNDAY 4.29.2018

10:55AM EST - 11:27AM EST - 11:37AM EST

DEAR HONEY, I THINK ABOUT YOU WHEN IT’S SUNNY, AND WHEN IT’S RAINING. AS I’M GAINING, OR IN PAIN SEEN PAINING, NOT FEIGNING. THE MEMORY OF YOU HONEY IS ALWAYS REIGNING, IN MY MIND, ALWAYS RAINING. IT WAS A BIG DEAL TO ME, WHEN I WROTE MY FIRST BOOK. SO BIG OF DEAL I HAD TO TRY A FIRST LOOK, INTO HOW I FELT ABOUT YOUR LIFE AND DEATH, ON THE NEXT. THE SECOND BOOK IT WAS THE BEST I EVER DID. THE SECOND BOOK WAS MY FAVORITE KID AND STILL IS. THE SECOND BOOK WAS SO DANGEROUS AND IT STILL IS. THE INCLUSION OF MY FEELINGS TOWARDS YOUR MEMORY IN THE MAGNUS OPUS ISN’T ENOUGH I’M HOPING. I’M SURE I MENTIONED YOU IN MY DIARIES, SOMEWHERE INSIDE ONE HUNDRED HOURS. I’M SCOPING. BUT I FELT THE NEED TO TRY AGAIN. I KNEW THERE WOULD COME A TIME WHEN I WOULD RHYME AGAIN FOR YOU. I RHYME FOR YOU HONEY LIKE LITERALLY. LITERALLY IT WAS QUITS TOO EARLY, VIOLENTLY HIT TOO EARLY. WE WERE TOO SURLY. HONEY DIED, IM GROUCHY. STANDING TALL YET FEELING SLOUCHY. HONEY DIED, I CRIED AND GOT USED TO POUTING. SO AS I WIELD THE WELDED METAL ON SCHEDULE, TO COLLIDE WITH HISTORY AND DESTINY LIKE HEAVY METAL I LET THE WORLD KNOW I MET YOU AND IT CRUSHED ME YOU DIED. THE SADDEST SOUND I COULD EVER HEAR WOULD BE YOUR LAST TEAR. YOUR LAST CRY AND AS I ASK WHY, I HEAR NOTHING ANSWERING BACK. AS A FACT IT HITS ME HARD YES, REGARDLESS OF THE FARFETCHED TECH ADVANCES I MANIFEST IN ALL THIS I’M ALL PISSED. THE BEST I CAN DO, IS TALK ABOUT HOW YOU, MADE ME FEEL AS YOUR FRIEND. I FELT THIS PAIN TO THE END. THERE’S A REASON YOU WERE SO HAPPY TO SEE ME. I WAS SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU TOO. BROKE MY HEART WHEN THEY HAD TO PUT YOU BENEATH, TWO PLUS FOUR. NOW IT HAS BEEN TWO PLUS FOUR, YEARS, SINCE YOU’VE BEEN GONE MY DEAR. IT WAS MY HONOR TO KNOW YOU AS A PERSON FOR  CERTAIN. THE REOCCURENCE OR THE RE-EMERGENCE OF YOUR COMPANY TO THIS DAY ACCOMPANIES ME ON PURPOSE. I NEVER WANTED TO FORGET YOU HONEY SO I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU HONEY FOR I NEVER FORGOT YOU HONEY. I VOW TO HOLD YOU DOWN. ONE DAY I’LL SLEEP IN SHIRTS WITH YOUR FACE ON THEM. OR HAVE AN ARTIST SEE YOUR PICS AND HAVE A TRACE OF THEM. THE DEEPEST PAINS ON HOW I FEEL ABOUT THE FIRST FRIEND I HAD THAT WAS KILLED, BY ANOTHER PERSON. SHE WAS ONLY 18 AND THAT’S WHAT WORSENED, ANYTHING ALREADY FELT, ALREADY HELD IN MIND. WE LOST A FINE FRIEND IN OUR TIME SO I RHYME JUST TO INTERTWINE MY PATH AND HERS. HER PATH AND MINE. I HAD SOME NERVES. I HAD SOME TIME. I HAD MAD NERVES. I HAD MAD RHYMES. CHAD NERVES. CHAD LINES. COULDN’T BE SADDER. THE PAIN SEEPS OUT ROUTINELY AS IF IT HAD A BLADDER. I’LL WRITE TO YOU SO OFTEN NO ONE ELSE WILL EVEN HAVE TO DO IT. I’LL BE THAT FLUENT. WHERE EVER THE BOOKS GO YOUR NAME WILL TRAVEL, AND IF THEY TOUCH FAMILIAR FACES THEY’LL REMEMBER THE HASSLE, YOUR DEATH CAUSED. ALL BREATH PAUSED. AS THE PAIN STAYS, I PLANE GAZE, PONDERING ON, WHICH MYSTICAL PLANE YOU WANDER ON, OR WANDER ALONG. DO YOU WANDER ALONE? THERE ARE MANY WAYS I COULD PEN MY THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU, START OFF WITH THESE LETTERS. REMEMBERING HOW NICE AND SWEET YOU ARE, NO CRUELLA. YOU WERE SWEET BUT YOU ARE SWEET CAUSE YOU’RE STILL SWEET WHERE EVER YOU ARE, NEAT, NEAR OR FAR, SEEKING WHATEVER YOU WANT. I FEEL GUILTY BEING ALIVE AND YOU’RE NOT. I FEEL STUCK HERE SCREAMING OUT LOUD THEN GOD PLUCKS YOU FROM OUT OF THE CROWD, WHAT TO DO NOW? WENT IN THE MIND THEN SNOOPED AROUND, ATTEMPTING TO FIND AN ANSWER. MORE L,UCK FIND-FINDING A DANCER. REPEAT TWICE TO FIND THE ANSWER, IS THE PLAN SIR.

CHAPTER THREE: I ONLY PRAY

MONDAY 5.28.2018

9:28PM EST - 10:12PM EST - 10:21PM EST

DEAR HONEY, AFTER YEARS OF BEING AROUND YOU, I THINK ABOUT YOU ALL DAY WHILE ALONE. FROM THE VERY SECOND I HEARD THE VERY WORST I COULD HEAR. I HAVE BEEN FIGHTING THE FEAR HONEY AND THE FEAR HAS ALWAYS BEEN NEAR HONEY. WHY WOULD I HAVE MET SOMEONE WHO PASSED AWAY IF I WAS NOT MEANT TO TAKE LIFE SERIOUSLY? HOW CAN I NOT TAKE MY LIFE SERIOUSLY WHEN YOURS WAS VICIOUSLY TAKEN FROM YOU HONEY? THEY CAN NEVER CONVINCE ME OF OTHERWISE HONEY. YOU ARE THE FIRST FRIEND I HAD THAT WAS MURDERED HONEY. NAIJAH DIED IN 2008 AT 17. NAIJAH DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT HONEY. HONEY, YOU DIED FROM A GUN, YOU WERE THE FIRST ONE I KNEW TO MEET THAT END. FOUR YEARS AFTER YOU WERE GONE HONEY, I MET ROCK SIX MONTHS BEFORE HE WAS GONE HONEY.
    THESE THREE INSTANCES INSTANTLY HAD AN EFFECT ON ME HONEY, DIFFERENTLY, CONSISTENTLY, WITH A PERSISTENTLY PERSISTENT CLING TO THE WHOLE THING. BUT THE WHOLE THING ISN’T AWESOME HONEY, IT IS THE OPPOSITE OF THAT. HONEY IF I DID NOT PURSUE MY GOALS I WOULD FEEL LIKE SH BECAUSE YOU THREE CAN’T NOW AND WE STILL CAN...WOW. WE MUST NOT BE CAUGHT TAKING THIS PRIVILEGE FOR GRANTED HONEY. WE WILL BE CAUGHT UNLESS WE NEVER DO IT. HONEY YOUR DEATH FORCED ME TO HEAR AN OH SO CLEVER MUSIC HONEY. THIS MUSIC I STILL HEAR HONEY RIGHT HERE HONEY, ALL UP IN MY EAR HONEY. IT WAS NEVER FAIR HONEY, I FEEL IT ALL IN THE AIR HONEY. WISH I COULD SEE YOUR HAIR FRIEND. WISH I COULD SEE YOUR FAIR SKIN. I WISH I COULD SEE YOU HERE FRIEND. IF ONLY YOU WERE NEAR FRIEND. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE REMEMBERED AS A DEAR FRIEND. DOESN’T TAKE TOO LONG FOR ME TO DROP TOO MANY TEARS FRIEND. BUT NEVER ENOUGH TEARS FRIEND. NEVER ENOUGH TEARS SHED. SO I GRAB THE PAD AND DROP FEARS FRIEND. I CAN NOT SPEAK FOR YOUR OTHER FRIENDS HONEY BUT I LEARNED THE LESSON I NEEDED TO LEARN FROM YOUR DEATH HONEY. THE LESSONS LEARNED FROM DEALING WITH DEATH AROUND US DID NOT FALL ON A FAINT EAR WHEN THEY TURNED MY LIFE UPSIDE DOWN THREE DIFFERENT TIMES AS AN ADULT HONEY.
HONEY I CAN ONLY CONTROL MYSELF. I ONLY HAVE A SPECIFIED AMOUNT OF TIME TO CONTROL MYSELF BEFORE MY CONTROLLER TO THE GAME OF LIFE RUNS OUT OF BATTERY. THAT ONE LINE MATTERED TO ME CAUSE IT JUST INSPIRED A STORY. AND HONEY YOU INSPIRE THE STORIES, THE STORIES I WRITE FROM THIS DAY. THIS IS MAY TWENTY EIGHTH AND I STILL HAVE THINGS TO SAY. THINGS TO WRITE, THE THINGS I SIGHT, WHEN YOUR MEMORIES IN MY HEAD IGNITE IDEAS FOR THE WORLD’S GAIN INSTEAD OF EMBEDDING THE PAIN IN THE BRAIN IN THE HEAD AND SPREADING THE RAIN. THE “AS THE RAIN REIGNS” IDEA IS FOR YOU AS WELL HONEY. IT CAME TO ME TODAY HONEY. YOU WANTED TO BE AN ACTRESS NOW THE NEWEST SCI FI STAR IS YOU HONEY. I SAID THE NEWEST SCI FI FANTASY AND SCI FI THRILLER AND PYSCHE THRILLERS CALLED CHILLER, WILL REVEAL THE, REAL REASON I MADE THEM. TRANSMOGRIFICATION. I TRANSMOGRIFY FOR I CAN NOT SMOG THE CRIES. THE CRIES SMOG UP IN THE INSIDE AS CLOUDS OF SMOG WOULD. WORSE THAN FOG WHEN IT JUST BOGS YOU DOWN. SHOUT OUT LOUD I GOTTA SOME TIMES. CAUSE HONEY DIED SIX YEARS AGO AS I STILL WONDER WHY...IT WASN’T I. BUT IT WASN’T I AND I AM LEFT HERE TO DEAL WITH THAT ALONE. AS I DEAL WITH THAT ALONE, I QUOTED HER SOME POEMS TO SHOW THEM SHE REALLY KNOWS HIM. THIS ALONE PROPELS ME. I WAS COMPELLED TO SEE. MY ENERGY REALISTICALLY BEING APPLIED IN REALITY, WITH EFFORTS REALLY WELL PLACED. AND AS THE EFFORT LAY WELL PLACED, OUR SPRAY WAS LACED. THEN ENDED UP STRAIGHT IN OUR ADVERSARIES FACE WHEN THEY TRIED TO PLAY. BUT HONEY WHAT I TRIED TO SAY IS I NEVER FORGOT YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO ACT AND YOU WOULD ACT IN MY FILMS. IT HAUNTED ME THOSE MOMENTS NEVER MANIFESTED IN OUR LIFETIME. SO ON A  WHIM. SO HONEY OUT OF RESPECT FOR YOU I MANIFESTED THIS IN MY LIFETIME. THE LIFETIME I MET YOU IN DARLING. I PROMISE TO MAKE THESE SCIENCE FICTION NOVELS ON IDEAS INSPIRED BY THE PAIN OF YOUR DEATH, HISTORICAL AND IF NEED BE, RHETORICAL. ONE YEAR AGO I RECORDED ONE HUNDRED HOURS OF AUDIOBOOKS. I AM GETTING THAT ITCH AGAIN HONEY. THIS TIME AROUND IT’S YOU I HAVE STUCK ON MY BRAIN AND WITH GOOD REASON I MAY ADD.
I AM GOING TO MAKE THESE NOVELS AND FILMS SO CHILLER. THAT WILL BE OUR WORD FOR IT HONEY, THESE FILMS WERE CHILLER. CHILLER IN MANY WAYS HONEY. CHILLER AS IN SOME WILL BE A THRILLER HONEY AND WE WILLHAVE OUR OWN THRILLER HONEY VANESSA STALLONE GOT IT GOING ON MAN HOLLYWOOD WASN’T READY FOR VANESSA STALLONE. THE LITTLE GIRLS NEED kkkkA HERO WHO CAN NEVER BETRAY THEM HONEY AND YOUR MEMORY WAS PURE HONEY FOR THAT I AM SO SURE HONEY. I AM OBSESSED BY MY CRAFT AND MY MEMORIES OF MY PASSED ON HOMIES HONEY. THE HOMIES WHOM HAVE ALREADY PASSED ON TO THE STARS AND BEYOND. WITH THOUGHTS OF YOU HONEY MY MIND WILL GO BEYOND AND ABOVE AND RETURN WITH IDEAS OF GRANDEUR. THERE ARE SO MANY FILMS AND NOVELS YOUR MEMORIES HAVE INSPIRED INSIDE OF ME AND WILL CONTINUE TO INSPIRE UNTIL I EXPIRE HONEY. I WANT YOU TO HUG ME AGAIN WHEN YOU SEE ME AGAIN MY FRIEND. WE WERE JUST YOUNG ADULTS LEARNING HOW THE WORLD REALLY WORKED. WE TOOK THE TIME TO SIT BACK AND OBSERVE. TO OBSERVE THE WORLD. THEN THEY TOOK OUR FAVORITE GIRL. SO NOW I FIND MYSELF FORCING MYSELF TO CREATE GREAT THINGS WITH YOUR MEMORY HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ACHIEVEMENTS HONEY. IT WAS A GREAT THING. MY WAY OF GRIEVING HONEY PLEASE BELIEVE ME HONEY. IF I LIVE TO SEE MONEY FROM THESE BOOKS THEN IT WE CAN START A FOUNDATION FOR YOU HONEY AND I WILL REACH OUT TO YOUR MOM MISS FLORA.LOSING YOU HONEY HURT ME BAD. I ONLY PRAY I SEE TOMORROW.

3:30PM EST - 3:58PM EST
3.23.2019
SATURDAY AFTER WORK
SYRACUSE, NEW YORK
CHAPTER FOUR: WHEN THE WAVE BURSTS

DEAR HONEY, SO HONEY, IT'S BEEN TEN YEARS SINCE I FIRST SAW YOUR FACE. TEN YEARS SINCE I NEVER SAW YOUR PLACE. YOUR MOM'S PLACE. MS. FLORA. BIRTHED A BABY GIRL JUSTICE FOR HONEY THE WHOLE WORLD NOW ADORES HER. WE DEPLORE THE DEPLORABLE ONES WHO TOOK HER AWAY FROM US. KARMA WILL PAY FOR US. HONEY PRAY FOR US, YOU KNOW WE PRAYED FOR YOU. WE STILL PRAY FOR YOU. WHILE WE'RE STAYING TO CONTINUE TO PAY OUR DUES HONEY KNOW WE ARE PLAYING FOR YOU. WE ARE PAYING FOR YOU. WHEN THE WHITE LIGHT SHINES I MAY SEE YOUR FACE. WILL I FOLLOW? I CAN'T WAIT. YOU WERE FIFTHTEEN AGED FIFTHTEEN YEARS YEAR FIFTHTEEN. TRUTH IS YOU WERE CORNED ASF YEA I SAID IT YUP YEAH I SAID IT ONCE YES I SAID IT BUCK YEAH I SAID ENOUGH I ONLY SAID ENOUGH ABOUT CORN. NEVER KNEW WE ONLY HAD EIGHTEEN WITH YOU. YOU AND THE UNIVERSE SHARED ONLY WITH ME THREE BUT THREE'S BETTER THAN NOTHING OH NO BLUFFING IT WAS A ROUGH THING. IT WILL ALWAYS BE A ROUGH THING, A TOUGH THING, WHEN DISCUSSING. IN CONVERSATION WITH PEOPLE WHO KNEW OR WHO DIDN'T
YOUR NAME AND THE STORY SOMETHING I ALWAYS MENTION, IN MY VERY LONG SENTENCE, IN MY SENTENCES NO PARANTHESIS. BEFORE I CAN READ IT, SPEAK IT, PERFORM IT, RECORD IT, FILM IT, AND STORE, OR UPLOAD IT TO THE FREE STORE IT'S APPARENT I WRITE IT FIRST. IMPERITAVELY INDEED RECORD THE THOUGHTS AS THEY BURST. WE PRAY TO GOD SHE'S IN HEAVEN CAUSE HONEY WENT IN THE HEARSE. THE HEARSE WE ALL MUST FACE. THESE THOUGHTS MAKE ME CRY  I GET TEARY EYED I PRAY I'M AS FLY AS YOU WHEN I DIE OR BEFORE. BEFORE I DIE I'LL CONTINUE TO LET THEM KNOW, YOU'RE A PART OF I'VE BEEN THRU. SO BLESSED TO MEET YA. HAD A CHANCE TO MEET YA THEN HAD THE CHANCE TO GREET YA, FOR THREE YEARS SUCH A, SUCH A BEAUTIFUL SENORITA,MAMACITA, WE LISTENED TO ALL OF THE SILLY, GIGGILY STUFF I MENTION BUT YOU SAW THE SWAG INTRODUCE NEW DIMENSIONS. LIKE FOUR OF THEM, JUST TO PUT IT IN THE SENTENCE. HONEY RIPPLE'S ABOUT TO BLOW UP THE I SHOW THEM MY MORALS. I SWIM WITH ADULTS THEY CAN CALL ME OREL. DON'T EMULATE SQUIRRELS. I DON'T CHASE NUTS I DON'T CHASE BUCKS. I DUPLICATE BUCKS, UNTIL THERE IS A TRADE TRUST FROM THE TRADE FUND YEAH I TRADE FOR FUN YET I DON'T TRADE FOR FUN AND I CAN NEVER TRADE ENOUGH. IF I'M STILL ALIVE WHEN THE WAVE BURST...THE RENEWED FRONTIER DEDICATED TO HONEY FOR US.

7:15PM EST - 8:00PM EST

4.2.2019

CHAPTER FIVE: AND NOW FOR THE TIERS
DEAR HONEY,
DEAR HONEY, SINCE YOU LEFT US GOD LEFT ME WITH MORE THOUGHTS ON THE BRAIN. THE FACT I KEPT ON PLAYING THE GAME, PLAYING AS MY NAME, RINGS BELLS, I PRAY TO GOD I DON'T BRING HELL ON MYSELF. OR ALREADY HAD BROUGHT IT AND I WAS TAUGHT TO LEAVE BEHIND WHAT YOU WERE TAUGHT. DOCUMENT THE FRIENDS YOU HAVE AND THE FRIENDS YOU HAVE LOST. AS A MAN I MUST TOSS, MY PRIDE ASIDE THEN GO FURTHER INSIDE, OF THIS MIND AS IT GLIDES, STRIDES, CHIDES, I MUST ABIDE, TO THE INNER WHISPERINGS, INTENTLY LISTENING INTENTIONALLY, TOOK IT LIKE IT WAS PRESCRIPTED TO ME. IF GOD GAVE ME THE GIFT THEN HONEY FOR YOU I USE IT. I AM ONLY CHOOSING TO KEEP YOUR NAME IN MY ART, IS ALL I AM DOING IN ALL I AM DOING. IN ALL I AM DOING, REGARDS TO THE FACT THAT, REGARDLESS OF THE ACT OR THE TIME I'M IN, RHYMING FOR MY FRIEND, BEFORE MY END, SO BEFORE I BEGIN, TO STEER MY SOUL WITHOUT THIS VESSEL, GETTING RID OF MUCUS MAY BE THE CURE TO STREP THROAT. FOR HONEY KNOW I LEPT MORE, LET MY ACTION'S REP MORE, RECORDED FOR YOU SO HONEY I CAN ONLY REP MORE. FOR MY OWN SATISFACTION, THERE IS THIS ACTION, THAT MANDATES COMPLETION, COURTESY OF THE FACTION. HONEY - HONEY WAS A DEAR FRIEND OF MINE, SHE REGULARLY VISITED THE HOUSE OF ZOOT, ISN'T TRYE? HONEY DARLING, FROM ME TO YOU, I KNEW YOU TOO, OH WHAT IT DO? OH HOW ARE YOU? OH WHERE'D YOU GO? OH NO DIDN'T YOU KNOW? WE WOULD JUST MISS YOU FOR SURE? WE WOULD JUST MISS YOU FOR SURE. I DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH TIME I HAVE HERE WITHOUT YOU OR ANYONE ELSE I'VE. EVERYONE ELSE THAT I EVER LOST, IT BOTHERS ME, CONSTANTLY ON IT WHILE IT'S BOTHERING, I JUMP INTO CLEVERLAND, THE FANTASY LAND INSIDE OUR HEAD WHERE I BAKE BREAD, WHERE I MAKE INSTEAD, OF HATE, I JUST CREATE. TRANSMUTE THE HATE INTO CREATE. UNTIL I CREMATE, ONLY CAUSE I SAW HARE WELL NOW I DON'T SEE HATE. I ONLY SEE WHAT WE MAKE,I ONLY SEE WHAT WE TAKE. CAN'T’ TAKE THIS LIFE FOR GRANTED HONEY SO MANY SOLDIERS HAVE PASSED ALREADY. LEAVING US TO KEEP IT ALL STEADY CAN'T SAY I DON'T THINK ABOUT YOU. I THINK ABOUT MORE THAN TWO MEMORIES, INDIGO AND CRYSTAL INNER ENERGY. I KNEW YOU, I AM PROUD TO SAY THAT, NO RECORDINGS OF YOUR VOICE NO PLAY BACK. SO NOT PROUD TO SAY THAT. AND SO I PLAYBACK, THE FATALIST AND THE SONGS, I MADE FOR YOU AS I RIDE, ON AFTER YOU LEFT OUR SIDE. WHEN SHE ACCEPTED ME ON FACEBOOK, I SMILED WIDE. TALKING ABOUT YOUR MOM, HONEY WAS TOO CALM. SHE WAS SO DEAR TO ME TRUST ME, HER DEATH SENT ME TO GUSHING, TEARS OF SOUR PAIN, TURNED TO YEARS OF SOUR PAIN. BUT OH WHAT AN HOUR GAINS, I CAN SPEND HOURS IN PAIN, PRAY THE PAIN NEVER COMES AGAIN. I'LL BE BILLIONAIRE BEFORE ALL OF THE PAIN STOPS. IF I STOP MOVING MY BODY I FEEL THE PAIN DROPS, ALL UP THROUGHT OUT OF MY MIND, OH LORD WHAT WILL I FIND? IF I SEE THE DAY, WHERE TO THE PAIN I'M BLIND. I USED TO PRAY FOR DEATH, YEARS AFTER HONEY DIED, YEARS FOLLOWED THEN AND I PRAYED THE SAME. I STOPPED PLAYING THAT GAME, I DON'T PRAY FOR MYSELF DEATH. I PRAY I COMPLETE, THE EPITAPH, THAT IS MYSELF BESTING ME, THAT'S MY DESTINY. AND DEVIN DAVIS HAS A SISTER NAMED DESTINY, ANOTHER SISTER NAMED CANDICE. OLDER BROTHER JOVI DEAR HONEY I MISS YOU DAMMIT. BACK THEN I KNEW I WOULD WRITE BOOKS BUT DIDN'T KNOW I WOULD WRITE BOOKS FOR YOU BECAUSE WE LOST YOU. BUT GOD HAS YOU NOW. THEY DIDN'T TAKE YOU FROM US, GOD TOOK YOU. WE ACCEPT THAT. WE STILL MISS YOU HONEY. WHEN I DIE FIND ME I WON'T KNOW WHERE I'M AT. AND NOW THE TEARS.
7:15PM EST - 8:00PM EST 

4.2.2019

CHAPTER FIVE: AND NOW FOR THE TEARS

DEAR HONEY,
DEAR HONEY, SINCE YOU LEFT US GOD LEFT ME WITH MORE THOUGHTS ON THE BRAIN. THE FACT I KEPT ON PLAYING THE GAME, PLAYING AS MY NAME, RINGS BELLS, I PRAY TO GOD I DON'T BRING HELL ON MYSELF. OR ALREADY HAD BROUGHT IT AND I WAS TAUGHT TO LEAVE BEHIND WHAT YOU WERE TAUGHT. DOCUMENT THE FRIENDS YOU HAVE AND THE FRIENDS YOU HAVE LOST. AS A MAN I MUST TOSS, MY PRIDE ASIDE THEN GO FURTHER INSIDE, OF THIS MIND AS IT GLIDES, STRIDES, CHIDES, I MUST ABIDE, TO THE INNER WHISPERINGS, INTENTLY LISTENING INTENTIONALLY, TOOK IT LIKE IT WAS PRESCRIPTED TO ME. IF GOD GAVE ME THE GIFT THEN HONEY FOR YOU I USE IT. I AM ONLY CHOOSING TO KEEP YOUR NAME IN MY ART, IS ALL I AM DOING IN ALL I AM DOING. IN ALL I AM DOING, REGARDS TO THE FACT THAT, REGARDLESS OF THE ACT OR THE TIME I'M IN, RHYMING FOR MY FRIEND, BEFORE MY END, SO BEFORE I BEGIN, TO STEER MY SOUL WITHOUT THIS VESSEL, GETTING RID OF MUCUS MAY BE THE CURE TO STREP THROAT. FOR HONEY KNOW I LEPT MORE, LET MY ACTION'S REP MORE, RECORDED FOR YOU SO HONEY I CAN ONLY REP MORE. FOR MY OWN SATISFACTION, THERE IS THIS ACTION, THAT MANDATES COMPLETION, COURTESY OF THE FACTION. HONEY - HONEY WAS A DEAR FRIEND OF MINE, SHE REGULARLY VISITED THE HOUSE OF ZOOT, ISN'T TRYE? HONEY DARLING, FROM ME TO YOU, I KNEW YOU TOO, OH WHAT IT DO? OH HOW ARE YOU? OH WHERE'D YOU GO? OH NO DIDN'T YOU KNOW? WE WOULD JUST MISS YOU FOR SURE? WE WOULD JUST MISS YOU FOR SURE. I DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH TIME I HAVE HERE WITHOUT YOU OR ANYONE ELSE I'VE. EVERYONE ELSE THAT I EVER LOST, IT BOTHERS ME, CONSTANTLY ON IT WHILE IT'S BOTHERING, I JUMP INTO CLEVERLAND, THE FANTASY LAND INSIDE OUR HEAD WHERE I BAKE BREAD, WHERE I MAKE INSTEAD, OF HATE, I JUST CREATE. TRANSMUTE THE HATE INTO CREATE. UNTIL I CREMATE, ONLY CAUSE I SAW HARE WELL NOW I DON'T SEE HATE. I ONLY SEE WHAT WE MAKE,I ONLY SEE WHAT WE TAKE. CAN'T’ TAKE THIS LIFE FOR GRANTED HONEY SO MANY SOLDIERS HAVE PASSED ALREADY. LEAVING US TO KEEP IT ALL STEADY CAN'T SAY I DON'T THINK ABOUT YOU. I THINK ABOUT MORE THAN TWO MEMORIES, INDIGO AND CRYSTAL INNER ENERGY. I KNEW YOU, I AM PROUD TO SAY THAT, NO RECORDINGS OF YOUR VOICE NO PLAY BACK. SO NOT PROUD TO SAY THAT. AND SO I PLAYBACK, THE FATALIST AND THE SONGS, I MADE FOR YOU AS I RIDE, ON AFTER YOU LEFT OUR SIDE. WHEN SHE ACCEPTED ME ON FACEBOOK, I SMILED WIDE. TALKING ABOUT YOUR MOM, HONEY WAS TOO CALM. SHE WAS SO DEAR TO ME TRUST ME, HER DEATH SENT ME TO GUSHING, TEARS OF SOUR PAIN, TURNED TO YEARS OF SOUR PAIN. BUT OH WHAT AN HOUR GAINS, I CAN SPEND HOURS IN PAIN, PRAY THE PAIN NEVER COMES AGAIN. I'LL BE BILLIONAIRE BEFORE ALL OF THE PAIN STOPS. IF I STOP MOVING MY BODY I FEEL THE PAIN DROPS, ALL UP THROUGHT OUT OF MY MIND, OH LORD WHAT WILL I FIND? IF I SEE THE DAY, WHERE TO THE PAIN I'M BLIND. I USED TO PRAY FOR DEATH, YEARS AFTER HONEY DIED, YEARS FOLLOWED THEN AND I PRAYED THE SAME. I STOPPED PLAYING THAT GAME, I DON'T PRAY FOR MYSELF DEATH. I PRAY I COMPLETE, THE EPITAPH, THAT IS MYSELF BESTING ME, THAT'S MY DESTINY. AND DEVIN DAVIS HAS A SISTER NAMED DESTINY, ANOTHER SISTER NAMED CANDICE. OLDER BROTHER JOVI DEAR HONEY I MISS YOU DAMMIT. BACK THEN I KNEW I WOULD WRITE BOOKS BUT DIDN'T KNOW I WOULD WRITE BOOKS FOR YOU BECAUSE WE LOST YOU. BUT GOD HAS YOU NOW. THEY DIDN'T TAKE YOU FROM US, GOD TOOK YOU. WE ACCEPT THAT. WE STILL MISS YOU HONEY. WHEN I DIE FIND ME I WON'T KNOW WHERE I'M AT. AND NOW THE TEARS.  


3:48PM EST - 4:18PM EST - 3:09PM EST - 3:40PM EST
4.3.2019 - 4.4.2019

CHAPTER SIX: NOT DONE AND FOR YOU. 

DEAR HONEY, I AM FALLING ASLEEP AT THE TABLE. YET LIFE IS NOT A FABLE. SO I EXCRETE DISCRETE INSIGHTS, IN LIFE WHILE I AM STILL IN LIFE. MY FRIEND'S LIFE, MEANT SOMETHING TO ME. MEANT MUCH TO ME HONEY MEANT MUCH TO ME. HER FRIENDSHIP TOUCHES ME, INDEED SEE? HER END RIPPED ME DEEPLY. MENTALLY I FELL STEEPLY. THEY DIDN'T PEEP ME. I WAS CRYING, IN THE CLOSET, LAST WEEK OF OCTOBER 2012. HONEY WE KNEW YOU FAIRLY WELL. OH YOU COULDN'T TELL, OH COULDN'T YOU TELL. YOU WERE ALWAYS THERE, NOW I'M JUST SITTING ALONE UP IN MY NEW YORK APARTMENT.I LOOK AT WHAT WAS STARTED,HONEY PARDON ME, I HAVE TO GO TO SLEEP, GET THE BRAIN TOGETHER, GET THE TRAIN TOGETHER, THE TRAIN OF THOUGHT IS WHAT I BROUGHT TO THE WAR COUGH. THE TRAIN OF THOUGHT IS WHAT I BROUGHT TO THE WAR FOUGHT. LITERALLY FALLING ASLEEP, HYPNAGOGIA, SORRY TO BOTHER YOU, STILL HAVE NO KIDS, I'M NOT A FATHER DUDE. HONEY YOU IN MY MIND ARE A STAPLE. PART OF THE ORIGINAL STABLE. I JUST FELL ASLEEP FOR THE THIRD TIME, STILL FIGHTING IT. DEAR VANESSA MALONE, STILL WRITING IT.
IT BEING A (4.4.2019) COWORKER NAMED COUNTRY FROM LOUISANA, WIFE'S NAME IS MICHELLE. HE ASKED ME WHAT DOES CHAD DO FOR FUN? THEN I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, WHAT DOES CHAD DO FOR FUN? I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, WHAT DO I DO FOR FUN? HUH? HONEY HUN, I HAD TO GET IT DONE. I COUDN'T EVEN ANSWER HIM, I COULDN'T EVEN ANSWER IT, THE QUESTION, YET I WAS NOT GUESSING, JUST THINKING ABOUT THE STRESSINGS, AND WHAT I DO TO LEARN MY LESSONS YOU, HAVE LITTLE IDEA HOW MANY IDEAS, I HAVE OF YOU JUST TO MAKE IT CLEAR. I THOUGHT OF YOU THEN WHEN HE BEGAN TO BEGIN TO ASK THE QUESTION FRIEND. I THOUGHT ABOUT THE PAIN THAT I FEEL ALL DURING THE DAY, WHILE I'M DOING MY THANG, HONEY I WISH WE COULD HANG HONEY, SO FEELING THE PAIN HONEY. I FELT BAD BEFORE YOU DIED THEN WORSE WHEN IT HAPPENED, THE IMPROPER ACTIONS, THEY DID UNTO YOU, WHERE'S THE SATISFACTION IN THAT? I THOUGHT ABOUT HOW I COULD WRITE, AN ENTIRE BOOK ABOUT THE ANSWER. ABOUT WHAT DOES CHAD DO FOR FUN? PASSIONATE DESTINY YES WE GOT IT DONE. NOW I'M ON THE RUN FROM MY LOWER SELF, ASK ME ANY QUESTION BUT THEY HAVE TO KNOW THEMSELVES FIRST. MY EMOTIONS HURT, THE EMOTIONS BURST, ON THE INSIDE OF MY OWN SHIRT, WHY DO I FLIRT, WITH MY OWN HURT? MY OWN PURP-OSE IS TOO IMPORTANT TO ME TO NOT GET IT NOW OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH. MY OWN PURP-OSE IS TO BE IMPORTANT TO THE COSMIC WORLD. BENEFICIAL TO YOUNG KIDS, CHILDREN, AND BOYS AND GIRLS. TELL THEM TEENS INVEST THEIR MONEY. IN THE NEAR FUTURE CAUSE THE FUTURE IS NEAR, THE FUTURE HAS BEEN NEAR, SINCE THE DAY YOU WERE BORN. ANYWAYS NOW LET'S IT ON, HONEY WE WERE TEENS, WE WERE ALL TEENS, WE WERE ALL YOUNG, ALL YOUNG AND DUMB, DUMB ENOUGH TO GET IT DONE. ALL OF THE BOOKS THAT WE RESEARCHED, YOU WERE ON THE WERE ON THE WAY, THEN YOU WERE THERE, I LOVED YOUR HAIR, YOUR PRESENCE CHARACTER IN THE AIR,. THIS FIFTHTEEN YEAR OLD WAS WITH US SO HER SOUL WASN'T YOUNG. HONEY YES THIS IS SO COLD, HONEY MIGHT'VE USED THE SCROLL, IF SHE DIDN'T THEN SHE HEARD THE WORD SCROLL. I KNOW SHE SAID BE.A TREE OR FIN AGAIN A BOWL OF WE, AIDS GOT SHE. SALEM GLEN, FIN AGAIN. I THINK BACK TO THOSE DAYS, IT'S WILD NOW. TWENTY NINE I'M NOT A CHILD I. CAN'T BELIEVE I FILMED MYSELF. FILMED MY OWN LIFE, PIMPED MYSELF. FILMED MY LIFE I TRICKED MYSELF OUT, I TRICKED MYSELF SHOUT NOW CAUSE YOU WERE SO BELIEVING. HONEY WAS LIKE RIGHT THERE, THRU OUT THESE FIRST SEASONS. HONEY-HONEY WE NEVER TALKED CRYPTO, I DIDN'T BUY THEM UNTIL THE YEAR AFTER YOU PASSED. ALL OF MY MEMORIES OF YOU ARE GOING TO LAST. I WROTE ABOUT MY FUTURE IN THE PAST. NOW I'M WRITING ABOUT THOSE DAYS. THE DAYS BEFORE I FELT THE JADE, THE DAY BEFORE I FELT BEFORE THE JANE. THE DAYS BEFORE ALL OF THE PAIN, THE DAYS ALL BEFORE THE GAINS. I WALK AROUND MY PLACE THEN I THINK, ABOUT WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO ME. PLEASE CHAD USE YOUR LIFE, DISCOVERING HOW TO GET IT RIGHT. WE WERE SO CLOSE, TO OUR DREAMS, TOO YOUNG TO EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN. TO EVEN KNOW WHAT JUST WE ARE SEEING. I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW, THAT I THINK OF YOU, RIGHT BEFORE ANYTHING I DO. I ANYTHING I CREATE, I'M THINKING OF YOU. ALWAYS ON MY MIND. I WISH FOR SOME GOGGLES, THAT ALLOWS ME TO GO BACK, TO WHEN YOU WERE HEAR, IF I CAN'T TALK TO YOU, I'D LIKE TO WATCH THE TIMES I HAD WITH YOU. AS YOUR FRIEND SAID YOUR NAME AGAIN, EVERYTIME I WAKE UP I THANK GOD FOR ALLOWING THAT TO MANIFEST. I AM GRATEFUL TO BE ALIVE. I'M NOT DONE WRITING FOR AND OR ABOUT YOU, AMEN!


4:20PM EST - 4:40PM EST
4.4.2019
CHAPTER SEVEN: I HAVE SEVEN

DEAR HONEY, I FEEL MY OWN DEEPEST PAINS, DAY INA ND DAY AND I PRAY ANY DOUBT WITHIN IS RELIEVEDD BY THE THINGS I SEE IN THIS LIFE I HAVE TOy LIVE NO LIE. NO LIE CAN EVER REVEAL MY TRUTHS SO I SPILL UNTIL I AM KILLED. I THRILL ONLY TO HEAL AND WITH THIS I SQUEAL THEY SQUEAK WHEN I GEEK OVER WHAT CREAKS THRU THE REEK THAT SEEPS. I SEEK TO SPEAK OF A DAY WHEN I HAD MY WAY AND THAT SELFISH AYE BUT WHAT IF MY WAY BENIFITS US ALL. HONEY EVEN THOUGH THEY WANT US ALL TO FALL WE BALL UNTIL WE FALL. WE EMAIL OUR THOUGHTS TO OURSELVES. WE EMAIL OUR THOUGHTS TO EACH OTHER. WE EMAIL OUR THOUGHTS IN ORDER TO REACH EACH OTHER. IN ORDER TO REACH OTHERS. WE FILM EACH OTHER WITHOUT BREACHING THE OTHER. WE KEEP OUR IDEAS IN BOOKS SELF PUBLISHED AND JUST PROMOTE OUR THOUGHTS. THE SAME THOUGHTS SPURRING US TO ACTION. HONEY WAS IN THE ORIGINAL FACTION. HONEY WAS INTO ACTING. IF THE DAY COMES I ENTER ACTING, OF HER I HAVE TO THINK. IT BREAKS MY HEART, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU ON YOUR LAST DAY. I COULD LET THE VOLUME TWO PLAY, OR I CAN ADMIT I SAW A NEW DAY AND SAT IT DOWN AND THOUGHT OF YOU AS THE THINKING PLAYS ITSELF OUT I STILL SHOUT SOMETIMES I FIDGET, GET LOW BRIDGETT THE MIDGET.  I BURN NO BRIDGES. THE HURT SPURTS WHILE THE BURN IS RELENTESS. IF I WOKE UP A BILLIONAIRE, IT WOULD BE AWESOME.ALL OF THE THINGS I COULD DO FOR OTHERS. NOT JUST MY MOTHER AND BROTHERS AND THE FIRST PERSON TO BREAK MY HEART. HEARTS BEEN BROKEN SINCE SEVEN IT'S OBVIOUS I'M PROBABLY JUST IN FEELING AND PROBABLY JUST, DEALING WITH THE FUSS WHILE WE DISCUSS I WITH US. THEY DIDN'T HAVE A CLUE. I WAKE UP TO, THE MOST SILENT I'VE EVER LIVED. I'VE NEVER LIVED ALL ALONE, FEELING LIKE I'VE NEVER LIVED ALL ALONG. I USED TO FEEL ALONE, NOW I AM ALONE, I SEE FEW OTHERS. I HAVEN'T SEEN MY BROTHERS AND MY MOTHER IN ALMOST A YEAR. THE TIME IS PASSING SO FAST IT'S NOT PASSING ME BY. THE PASSING TIME MEANS I HAVE ALIGNED, THEY TOLD IT'S SECRETS, I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT. I THANK GOD HE IS KEEPING ME SAFE. I PRAY TO LIVE. I PRAY FOR LIFE. I ONLY WANT TO DO JUST WHAT IN FACT GOD ACTUALLY WANTS ME TO. AS I ACT LIKE CHAD WITH TEN TRADING ACCOUNTS. SO MANY TRADING ACCOUNTS AND HOLDINGS WE ARE NOW HOLDING AMOUNTS OF HUGE CASH. THE RIPPLE OF HOPE SPONSORED BY THE XRPDASH WAS A HUGE RASH. A HUGE DASH I MADE TO MY DREAM. HONEY DIED AROUND THE TIME I STARTED RECITING6. I RECITED TWICE ON THE LAST NIGHT I PERFORMED LIVE FOR SEVEN YEARS.IF FEAR IS BASIC THEN I HAVE SEVEN FEARS.  

DEAR HONEY: 
4:40PM EST - 5:02PM EST
4,9,2019
TUESDAY APRIL 9TH, 2019

CHAPTER EIGHT: BC YOU CANNOT TWICE

DEAR HONEY,
I NEVER STOPPED WRITING FOR YOU HONEY I NEVER COULD, NOT TO MENTION THAT I NEVER SHOULD,I NEVER, WILL FOREVER KEEP YOUR NAME ON MY REAL MIND, ON MY REAL LIPS, WRITING FOR HONEY WITH THE REAL QUIPS. I WILL EQUIP, MYSELF, WITH THE NECESSARY ROPE, TO PLAY MY NECESSARY ROLE, JUMPED IN THIS NECESSARY HOLE, DOWN HERE IT'S ALL FULL OF RABBITS AND EVERYONE'S WHITE MINUS ONE. THE BLACK RABBIT IS THE WHITE RABBIT SIR. WRITING FOR HONEY IS WHAT I PREFER TO DO WITH MY TIME, WRITE MY LINES, SIGNS GET RHYMED, WRITE ON TIME, I RIGHT ON TIME LIKE RIGHT ON TIME. IT'S RIGHT ON TIME THEN WRITE ON TIME I WRITE ON TIME'S TIMELINE TO KEEP MY MIND FINE AND IT'S A FINE LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE, WELL LOVE IS THE BAIT, WITH MY MIND WE'LL DO WHAT IT TAKES TO SHAKE THE FAKES AFTER THE WAKE AND BAKE WHILE CONTINUING TO ESCALATE, TO TEST THE FATES, IT'S BEST WE WAIT FOR WE JUST MIGHT SEE THEIR BEST TODAY, WE PERPETUATE, IN ORDER TO REST THE CASE, NO MATTER HOW MANY REPS IT TAKES, BREATHS IT TAKES, IT'S BEST WE MAKE, THE BEST OUT OF IT YOUR HONOR AND I REST MY CASE, I EXTRICATE, MY BEST IN CASE, I'M PLACED IN HER FACE SAFE, MY MIND IS TOO CHILL, IT WASN'T ALWAYS CHILL ENOUGH, I'M CHILLING TOUGH, SPIRITUALLY FEELING TOUGH, I AM, I SENT TO SCRIPT TO YM'S JAIL CELL, I COULD TELL THAT TALE, TELL IT IN ANOTHER BOOK,FROM MANIFESTOS TO HOOKS,THE CROOKED HOOKS BEEN SHOOK, WE BEEN LOOKED AT, AS IT WAS THEN, IT SHALL BE AGAIN WHEN. NOW FIN AGAIN MY FRIEND HONEY I LOVE YOU, STILL THE STARVING ARTIST, STILL WRITING FOR YOU. THERE ARE TWO CANS OF TUNA LEFT, TWO CANS OF SARDINES LET, US NOT FORGET THE LACK OF TOMATO DRIPPED LETTUCE, ITS JUST TEN SCOOPS OF MAYO LEFT PLUS THE FIVE SLICES OF BREAD, THE STARVING ARTIST I FEAST INSIDE OF MY HEAD, I EAT BARBIE INSTEAD, THEY CALL ME THE CHED. HONEY THEY HEARD WHAT WE SAID. HONEY I'M REPPING FOR YOU, STEPPING FOR YOU, TEACH THE FUTURE A GREAT LESSON FOR YOU, JUST KNOW I'VE BEEN STRESSING FOR YOU, ALL OF THEM SAD YEARS, CRYING THRU SEVEN FOR YOU. I PROMISE TO SHARE MY BLESSINGS FOR YOU, SKATING THRU ALL OF THIS TESTING FOR YOU, WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR MIND, I CAN NO LONGER EXPLORE, THE AMOUNT IN WHICH I ADORED YOU, I FELT COMPELLED TO TELL ME THE TALE BY FILMING  MY LIFE, YOU DIED, I CRIED BEFORE I REALIZED YOU HAVE TO FILM YOUR LIFE BC YOU CAN NOT FILM IT TWICE.