THE FATALIST MOMENT SNIPPET

THE FATALIST MEMORY

SATURDAY 4.28.2018

7:07AM EST - 8:09AM EST

THE INTRODUCTION:

DEAR HONEY, IT HEALS A PAIN TALKING TO YOU. OR SENDING TO YOU, KIND WORDS OF AFFECTION. OF HOW I TRULY FEEL, TRULY FEEL NOW AND TRULY FELT THEN, FELT WHEN, SAY AGAIN? IT IS ALMOST TEN YEARS, SINCE I FIRST MET YOU. IT’S BEEN MORE THAN TEN TEARS SHED SINCE I HEARD THE WORDS “OH SHE’S DEAD”.  NEVER FORGET YOU. WHAT AN INCRED-OUSLY PREDICAMENT WE FOUND OURSELVES IN INSTEAD. WHEN IN OURSELVES IN ITSELF WE PREVAILED, WHEN EVIL FINALLY FELL, OR FAILED. HONEY CAN YOU TELL, THE IMPACT THAT YOU’VE HAD? THE FACT THEY TOOK YOU DID NOT SIT WELL WITH OTHERS; THEY TOOK IT BAD. YOU WENT VIRAL, YEA THAT WAS PYRO. SAD YOU WERE GONE, THE IMPACT YOU MADE HOWEVER, MADE US GLAD. FYE YO. IT MADE ME GLAD PERSONALLY, THE SAME PAIN HURTING ME, DIDN’T GO UNFELT BY OTHERS. MANY-MANY THOUSANDS OF OTHERS. THOUSANDS OF MOTHERS, THOUSANDS OF BROTHERS. MILLIONS OF TEARS HONEY. MILLIONS OF BETTER THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS PUT IN GEAR HONEY. SO CLEAR, NOT HERE YET TILL FEARED. FEARED BY YOUR ADVERSARIES, HONEY WOULD BECHEERED. IF WE COULD SEE HER NOW, HONEY WOULD BE SMEARED. WITH A LOVE SO ENDEARED AND NEAR. LOSING HONEY KICKED MY REAR. THE MOMENT YOU PASSED, IT LEFT A PAIN THAT LASTS. AS IT LASTS, WE CAN ONLY CONTEMPLATE ON AS TO WHY IT RAINED SO FAST. I FEEL GUILTY THAT YOU’RE GONE AND I’M STILL HERE. STILL NOT YET CLEAR WHY WE DIDN’T TRADE? AS IF I HAD A SAY. I DON’T HAVE A SAY. HAD I HAD A SAY, YOU’D BE HERE TODAY AND I NEVER SAW OCTOBER TWENTY-EIGHT. I SIT IN THE ROOM AND THINK. THINK-THINK ON WHAT I’M ABOUT TO DO. TO SHOW YOU, I NEVER STOPPED CARING. TO SHOW MYSELF THAT I NEVER STOPPED CARING. SO I SHALL NEVER STOP SHARING, THE BEST OF MEMORIES OF YOU I AM CARRYING. SPARINGLY. KNEW YOU FOR A SHORT TIME AND YOU WERE GLARING TO SEE. SPARINGLY. YOU WERE THE SPECIAL GUEST STAR WITH YOUR OWN SPIN OFF. NOW THE PAIN SPINS OUT OF CONTROL. SO I HOLD CLOSE, THE DOSE OF MEMORIES OF YOU I CAN FOLD. INTO ART, ORIGAMI SHAPED HEART. IF THE PAIN IS INK THEN THE MEMORIES ARE LANDSCAPE. WHEN WILL MAN ESCAPE? ESCAPE THE BONDAGE OF HIS OWN MADNESS? HE PROBABLY CAN’T. SORRY. SO I CLICK FACEBOOK AND THEN JUST RANT. THEY TICK ME OFF I TOCK THEM IN, NOW WE’RE ALL MAD. THATS HOW THEY FELT US TO BE ANYWAY SO I TELL EM ALL BE GLAD. I THINK OF YOU HONEY, IMMEDIATELY SAD. SAD YOU DIDN’T HAVE ALL YOU MAY HAVE WANTED. YOUR CHANCE WAS TAKEN BY OTHERS AND I’M STILL HERE HAUNTED. THE PAIN YOU FELT IS HORRIBLE TO IMAGINE. SO I GROW PASSIONATELY COMPASSIONATE, HEATED AT THE MERE THOUGHT OF IT, IT IS STINKING YET I KEEP THINKING IT, IT’S HOW I WAS TAUGHT. OR BROUGHT UP. TO FEEL ANOTHER’S PAIN SAWED OFF. DON’T JUST KEEP SINKING IT. NOW I’M THROWN ALL OFF, DEAR HONEY, IF I HAD A MACHINE, THAT REPLAYED MY MEMORIES, I’D REPLAY THE MEMORY OF THE DAY WE SAT ON THE SWINGS. DOLO, AND WE JUST TALKED AND LAUGHED AND ALSO TALKED ABOUT LIFE’S SAD PAST. THAT WOULD BE THE FIRST ONE YEAH HONESTLY. ALL I CAN DO, IS REPRESENT FOR YOU. REPRESENT WITH THE INCLUSION TO WHAT I’ AM HERE TO BE DOING. THE ONES I’M HERE WITH, LEAVE ME FEELING LIKE HOCKED SPIT. MAKES ME WANNA TOSS IT. TOSS THIS CHANCE I HAVE TO TOTALLY CONSCRUE SOME BOSS SHHHHHH. SO UNTIL THEN I INCORPORATE THE PAIN UNTIL THE COMPANY IS INCORPORATED, OPERATING ON A GLOBAL SCALE, THANK GOD WE MADE IT. THE DEVIL SENDS THE WEAKEST PEOPLE TO TEAR DOWN THE COURAGE OF GOD’S BRAVEST. I KEEP THIS IN MIND WHEN PEOPLE STOP BEHAVING. IT’S CAUSE THEY HAVE NO POWER. THEY’RE WEAK TO TOO MUCH STUFF. I WISH THAT WAS A BLUFF. SO I JUST TAKE A SHOWER JUST IN CASE, THEN A FLOWER TO THE FACE. I WISH THAT WAS ENOUGH. ENOUGH TO MAKE THEM STOP. AND IF THEY CAN’T STOP, I PRAY TO LEAVE THE TOWN. HE ALSO LEFT HIS FROWN. BUT HE TOOK THE CROWN. THE CROWN OF MY DREAMS I’LL SAY IT AGAIN. I WOULD TRADE EVERY BOOK I WROTE TO GO THEN AND TO BRING YOU BACK NOW. I COULD ANSWER WHY YET I CAN NEVER ANSWER HOW. NOTHING WOULD PLEASE ME MORE MY FRIEND -  WOW.

CHAPTER ONE:

SATURDAY 4.28.2018    ,

5:25PM EST - 5:56PM EST

DEAR HONEY, AS I THINK ABOUT ALL OF THE TECHNOLOGY, RAPIDLY ADVANCING. AS THE TECHNOLOGY ADVANCES, I THINK OF THE CHANCES, LIKE WHAT ARE THE CHANCES, THE CHANCES I COULD SEE YOU AGAIN? I OFTEN IMAGINE OR ENVISION A VISION WHERE I PUT SOME GOGGLES ON, THEN I SEE YOU. THEN I TURN THE TOGGLE ON. THEN I CAN RELIVE THE MOMENTS WHERE WE GIVE, WHERE WE GAVE, OUR FRIENDSHIP TO ONE ANOTHER, TO EACH OTHER, NEVER BREACHED THE OTHER. NOW THE PAIN ISN’T UNDERCOVER IT NEVER BEHAVES. I BETTER BE GRAVE. I BETTER BE BRAVE. I LOST A DEAR FRIEND TO VIOLENCE, NOW I WALK AROUND SILENT, PONDERING ON AN ISLAND. AN ISLAND OF INTENT, I’M HELLBENT ON REALIZING THE HEAVEN SENT NATURE OF THE MISSION. I THINK OF YOU HONEY AND CAN’T HELP BUT WISH IT, WERE A WAY LOT DIFFERENT IN A WORLD SO CARNIVEROUS. THERE’S SO MANY UNRELEASED GADGETS THEY HIDE FROM US. THEY NEED TO DELIVER IT TO US. THEY WON’T LET US BUY THEM EITHER. CAUSE ONCE WE BUY THEM THEN TRY THEM WE ARE KEEPERS. KEEPERS OF THE FACT THESE THINGS ARE OUT HERE. BELIEVERS WE WILL BE THEN. SO AS THE WINDS SPIN, IN AN ENDLESS AND PRETENTIOUS MANNER, I PACK IDEAS INSIDE OF A PLANNER. I HAVE A PLAN TO ORGANIZE CERTAIN TECHNOLOGIES THAT PROPERLY HEAL WOUNDS OF THE LOSS OF LOVED ONES. HONEY YOU WERE LOVED HUN. SO MANY SEEK CLOSURE AND YOUR DEATH BROUGHT MUCH EXPOSURE TO THE FALLACIES IN MAN THAT CONDONED YOUR...VICTIMIZATION. I VISUALIZE A NATION WHERE YOU BUY A HEADSET, WITH AN EYE-PIECE, SCREAMING TRY ME. THEN I DO, NOW I’M STREAMING MY FEED. IT’S NOT A LIVE FEED. JUST  A TRIAL FEED. THEN IT’S YOU I SEE, IN EVERY MEMORY I HAVE EVER HAD WITH YOU. WOULD PAY A BILLION DOLLARS, JUST TO SEE YOU AGAIN. BUT I CAN’T SEE YOU MY FRIEND, HOPELESS AMBITION. STILL AM WISHING THAT THE HOMICIDE DETECTIVES CATCH THE ONES THEY ARE DAM FISHING. FOR-FOR THERE IS AN INTELLIGENCE TO GOD’S DIVINE, DIVINE PLAN CONSTRUCTED AROUND THE DESTINY OF MAN. IN THIS PLAN THERE ARE MANY THINGS WE CAN’T STAND, LIKE LOSING MANY FRIENDS CAUSE EVEN THREE IS ENOUGH. TO EXPERIENCE THREE IN ITSELF IS TOUGH YET PAC ATTENDED MORE FUNERALS THAN I BUT I STILL CRY. FELT LIKE THERE WAS A GLITCH IN THE MATRIX WHEN HONEY DIED. I WAS THE WHITE RABBIT AND STILL COULDN’T TAKE IT. IF SENSE OF IT WERE THE BASKET, I COULDN’T MAKE IT. NO SWISH, JUST SWISHER. I DIDN’T GET MY WISH, YET STILL A WISHER. WHY WOULD THE COSMOS WATCH WHILE THEY VIOLENTLY DISSED HER, THEN DISMISSED HER? MORE RIDICULOUS THAN CALLING MY DAD MR. MR. DEAR HONEY, I’M GOING TO KEEP YOUR MEMORIES CLOSE TO ME, THEN WRITE THEM DOWN, TYPE THEM UP LIKE HERE IS MORE FROM ME. CORDIALLY, TREAT YOU JUST LIKE ROYALTY, ROYALLY, FOR SPOILING ME, WITH YOUR GENUINE NATURE. WHEN SOMEONE’S GENUINE, THEY CAN’T HATE YA. ALL I CAN DO IS REMEMBER YOU, ENTER YOU, AS AN INTEGRAL PART, OF THE MISSION YOU, GOT INTRODUCED THRU INTERVALS. WITH THE PASSAGE OF TIME, WE WILL SEE MORE. I WILL FLEE MORE, TO THE LAND OF THE CLEVER. WHERE MY HAND HOLDS THE LEVER, JUST AHEAD OF THE CURB, S/O HEATH LEDGER. REST IN PEACE HEATH LEDGER. REST IN PEACE TO HONEY. REST IN PEACE TO NAIJAH. REST IN PEACE TO JOSH. WHY COULDN’T THE BEEF GET SQUASHED?

CHAPTER TWO: FIND- FINDING A DANCER

SUNDAY 4.29.2018

10:55AM EST - 11:27AM EST - 11:37AM EST

DEAR HONEY, I THINK ABOUT YOU WHEN IT’S SUNNY, AND WHEN IT’S RAINING. AS I’M GAINING, OR IN PAIN SEEN PAINING, NOT FEIGNING. THE MEMORY OF YOU HONEY IS ALWAYS REIGNING, IN MY MIND, ALWAYS RAINING. IT WAS A BIG DEAL TO ME, WHEN I WROTE MY FIRST BOOK. SO BIG OF DEAL I HAD TO TRY A FIRST LOOK, INTO HOW I FELT ABOUT YOUR LIFE AND DEATH, ON THE NEXT. THE SECOND BOOK IT WAS THE BEST I EVER DID. THE SECOND BOOK WAS MY FAVORITE KID AND STILL IS. THE SECOND BOOK WAS SO DANGEROUS AND IT STILL IS. THE INCLUSION OF MY FEELINGS TOWARDS YOUR MEMORY IN THE MAGNUS OPUS ISN’T ENOUGH I’M HOPING. I’M SURE I MENTIONED YOU IN MY DIARIES, SOMEWHERE INSIDE ONE HUNDRED HOURS. I’M SCOPING. BUT I FELT THE NEED TO TRY AGAIN. I KNEW THERE WOULD COME A TIME WHEN I WOULD RHYME AGAIN FOR YOU. I RHYME FOR YOU HONEY LIKE LITERALLY. LITERALLY IT WAS QUITS TOO EARLY, VIOLENTLY HIT TOO EARLY. WE WERE TOO SURLY. HONEY DIED, IM GROUCHY. STANDING TALL YET FEELING SLOUCHY. HONEY DIED, I CRIED AND GOT USED TO POUTING. SO AS I WIELD THE WELDED METAL ON SCHEDULE, TO COLLIDE WITH HISTORY AND DESTINY LIKE HEAVY METAL I LET THE WORLD KNOW I MET YOU AND IT CRUSHED ME YOU DIED. THE SADDEST SOUND I COULD EVER HEAR WOULD BE YOUR LAST TEAR. YOUR LAST CRY AND AS I ASK WHY, I HEAR NOTHING ANSWERING BACK. AS A FACT IT HITS ME HARD YES, REGARDLESS OF THE FARFETCHED TECH ADVANCES I MANIFEST IN ALL THIS I’M ALL PISSED. THE BEST I CAN DO, IS TALK ABOUT HOW YOU, MADE ME FEEL AS YOUR FRIEND. I FELT THIS PAIN TO THE END. THERE’S A REASON YOU WERE SO HAPPY TO SEE ME. I WAS SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU TOO. BROKE MY HEART WHEN THEY HAD TO PUT YOU BENEATH, TWO PLUS FOUR. NOW IT HAS BEEN TWO PLUS FOUR, YEARS, SINCE YOU’VE BEEN GONE MY DEAR. IT WAS MY HONOR TO KNOW YOU AS A PERSON FOR  CERTAIN. THE REOCCURENCE OR THE RE-EMERGENCE OF YOUR COMPANY TO THIS DAY ACCOMPANIES ME ON PURPOSE. I NEVER WANTED TO FORGET YOU HONEY SO I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU HONEY FOR I NEVER FORGOT YOU HONEY. I VOW TO HOLD YOU DOWN. ONE DAY I’LL SLEEP IN SHIRTS WITH YOUR FACE ON THEM. OR HAVE AN ARTIST SEE YOUR PICS AND HAVE A TRACE OF THEM. THE DEEPEST PAINS ON HOW I FEEL ABOUT THE FIRST FRIEND I HAD THAT WAS KILLED, BY ANOTHER PERSON. SHE WAS ONLY 18 AND THAT’S WHAT WORSENED, ANYTHING ALREADY FELT, ALREADY HELD IN MIND. WE LOST A FINE FRIEND IN OUR TIME SO I RHYME JUST TO INTERTWINE MY PATH AND HERS. HER PATH AND MINE. I HAD SOME NERVES. I HAD SOME TIME. I HAD MAD NERVES. I HAD MAD HYMES. CHAD NERVES. CHAD LINES. COULDN’T BE SADDER. THE PAIN SEEPS OUT ROUTINELY AS IF IT HAD A BLADDER. I’LL WRITE TO YOU SO OFTEN NO ONE ELSE WILL EVEN HAVE TO DO IT. I’LL BE THAT FLUENT. WHERE EVER THE BOOKS GO YOUR NAME WILL TRAVEL, AND IF THEY TOUCH FAMILIAR FACES THEY’LL REMEMBER THE HASSLE, YOUR DEATH CAUSED. ALL BREATH PAUSED. AS THE PAIN STAYS, I PLANE GAZE, PONDERING ON, WHICH MYSTICAL PLANE YOU WANDER ON, OR WANDER ALONG. DO YOU WANDER ALONE? THERE ARE MANY WAYS I COULD PEN MY THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU, START OFF WITH THESE LETTERS. REMEMBERING HOW NICE AND SWEET YOU ARE, NO CRUELLA. YOU WERE SWEET BUT YOU ARE SWEET CAUSE YOU’RE STILL SWEET WHERE EVER YOU ARE, NEAT, NEAR OR FAR, SEEKING WHATEVER YOU WANT. I FEEL GUILTY BEING ALIVE AND YOU’RE NOT. I FEEL STUCK HERE SCREAMING OUT LOUD THEN GOD PLUCKS YOU FROM OUT OF THE CROWD, WHAT TO DO NOW? WENT IN THE MIND THEN SNOOPED AROUND, ATTEMPTING TO FIND AN ANSWER. MORE LUCK FIND-FINDING A DANCER. REPEAT TWICE TO FIND THE ANSWER, IS THE PLAN SIR.

CHAPTER THREE:

SATURDAY 5.5.2018

12:09PM EST -

DEAR HONEY, TODAY IS CINCO DE MAYO