THE VANESSA HONEY MALONE LP...THE FATALIST DREAM LP...2018 LYRICS...

 THE FATALIST DREAM

MONDAY 4.9.2018

3:40AM EST - 4:26AM EST

THE INTRODUCTION: SHRIMP SCAMPI

    IT IS SUCH A TOUGH SUBJECT TO DISCUSS NOW, HOW AND WHY WOULD I EVER WANT TO DO IT? BACK WHEN THERE WAS NOTHING EVER TO IT I ALWAYS REALLY KNEW I WOULD REALLY DO IT. I SAW IT IN THE HEAD FLUENT. IT WAS FLOATING LIKE A NUISANCE. THE GOLDEN SNITCH INTRUDING, IT IS SUCH AN INTRUSION. IT WAS SUCH AN INFUSION, CLARITY THEN CONFUSION.

    CONFUSION, FOR I REALIZED WHAT I’M DOING WILL SEE EMOTIONAL CONTUSIONS. I STAYED DOWN TO THIS, PRAYED TO GOD THEN READ CONFUCIUS. THE VISION I WAS GIVEN TO BUILD SENDS CHILLS WHEN SPILLED THEN THEY SPILL ALL THEY FEEL THE URGE TO JUST REVEAL WHEN I ONLY REVEALED MY PLANS THEN THEY PULL A STAN AND SAY I AM IN A LAND, ALL OF MY OWN. I JUST CHUCKLE FOR IT NEVER MAKES THE KNEES BUCKLE. SO I KEEP THE PLANS AND PLOTS THIS MAN WILL JOT, GROWN AND GROWING A LOT. I SCAN A LOT CAUSE “I CAN” ALOT. ANOTHER POET’S POEM I READ ON STAGE AT SEVEN. THEY WERE AMAZED AND I WAS IN A DAZE. JUSTIN WATCHED ME PRACTICE IN A CRAZE. GOD’S GIFT IS A BLESSING. I KNOW IT AS I SHOW IT.

    THAT WAS JUST THE FIRST PHASE. THE PHASE WHERE YOU SEE WHAT YOU WERE GIVEN. TO SEE THE TALENT INTO SKILL JUST FOLLOW THE VISION. THEN RELINQUISH INTERMISSIONS. TOLD MY DAD WHEN I DO INTERVIEWS, THEY ASK ME WHY I FILM FILMS THEN THEY ENTER THIS DUDE. I ANSWERED THE QUESTION TO HIM AND THEN I HEARD HIM WHIM. I HEARD TEARS REAL SLIM. I STEPPED INTO A SLIM JIM CAUSE THE PAIN EATS ME. THE ANSWER IS MY FATHER AND I WATCHED FILMS. THE LOVE FOR CINEMA WAS INSPIRED BY HIM. THEN ONE DAY HE LEFT AND THE DAYS TURNED REAL COLD. REAL COLD, A STILL COLD, SO COLD, MOM GAVE ME HER CAMCORDER IF I WOULD BE SO BOLD.

I CHOSE TO BE SO BOLD. WHAT I AM TODAY STARTED AS THE GIFTED KID WHO MISSED HIS DAD AROUND TO WATCH MOVIES WITH. SO HE USED THE GIFT, TO ATTEMPT TO HEAL THE RIFT. THE RIFT BETWEEN THE KID WITH THE GIFT AND THE KID WITH THE SPLIFF. I LOOK BACK AND SEE THE GIFT WAS ALWAYS THERE, WAITING FOR ME TO EXPLORE IT. I HAVE BEEN EXPLORING IT, SINCE SEVEN I HAVE BEEN ADORING IT. THE GIFT WAS ALWAYS NEAR. MY MOTHER ALWAYS FURTHERED IT. MY MOTHER JUST ENCOURAGED IT. FOR YEARS. SHE GAVE ME MY FIRST 2 CAMERAS. ONE AT TWELVE THEN ONE AT TWENTY ONE. FILMED MY LAST DAY OF FIFTH GRADE. FOOTAGE MAY HAVE BEEN ERASED OH THEY NEVER BEHAVED. THEY WILL DELETE YOUR CREATIONS, THE SAME CREATIONS THEY ARE NEVER SEEN CREATING THEMSELVES IT IS SO AMAZING..

    IT HAS BEEN A TOUGH ROAD LET ME TELL YOU THAT. FOR TEN YEARS YOU GET SCREAMED AT. WHILE THEY POINT OUT WHAT YOU DO NOT HAVE. IF ONLY THEY KNEW YOUR PATH. BUT THEY DO NOT AND NOW IT IS YOUR LAUGH. FOR SURE LAUGH, LAUGH FOR IN TEN MORE YEARS AS THE TIME PASSES, THESE TIMES LASTED, NOT SO LONG IN RETROSPECT. IN RETROSPECT, THE HETERO PERSPECTIVE OF THE MOST ELIGIBLE BACHELOR, DIDNT TAKE TOO LONG TO COME, TO FRUITION JUST TO GIVE YOU SOME.

THE LIFE I WANT TO LIVE IS COMING TRUE AFTER TEN YEARS AND THEY STILL DON’T SEE IT. THEM NOT SEEING IT IS NOT MY PROBLEM FOR IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN OBVIOUS TO ME. IF IT WASN’T OBVIOUS THEN I WOULDN’T HAVE AN INTUITION. BUT MY INTUITION SCREAMED AT ME LOUDER TO FOLLOW THE PATH. I WAS THE WHITE RABBIT JUST FOLLOWING MY PATH. IS THE WHITE RABBIT A PART OF THE MATRIX? CAN HE EVER LEAVE? OR IS HE ONLY MEANT TO FREE? WILL HE EVER BE FREE? OR IS HE ONLY FREE TO LEAD? THE PROPER TRAIL SO THE PROPER PREVAIL? ANYWAY IT GOES I MAY NEVER FIND THE ANSWER. I SHALL FIND ALOT OF TREASURE FOR I AM GOD’S MAN SIR. GOD IS MY MASTER I AM HIS SERVANT. I TALK TO HIM EVERYDAY I ASK HIM TO SPARE ME. THEN I TELL HIM I KNOW HE CARES FOR ME AND IS THERE FOR ME. I PROMISE TO DO WHATEVER HE SENDS TO ME. I PRAY THIS PAIN DEEP IN THIS BRAIN, HE MENDS FOR ME THEN SENDS TO ME. I VOW TO LAY MY LIFE FOR THE CAUSE HE GAVE THIS CHAMPION TO CHAMPION. IF THEY WILL KNOW WHERE I HAVE BEEN FROM THE LAMPS LIT THEN THIS LAMP IS DONE; SHRIMP SCAMPI YUM.

CHAPTER ONE: JUST NEEDED TIME

SUNDAY 4.15.2018

2:37AM EST - 3:24AM EST

I TAKE THE LOSS, JUST LIKE THE BOSS. THE BOSS WHOM KNOWS THE COST WHEN THE JOURNEY IS NEVER LOST. AS LONG AS THIS BODY IS WITH AIR, THEN I HAVE TO CARE. HAVE TO CARE SO MUCH IT FLARES. RED SIGNALS IN THE AIR. RED SIGNALS IN THE BLOOD IN THIS SYSTEM. RABBIT HOLES AND PARADIGM SHIFTS NEED I MENTION. THE MONATOMIC UNIVERSE REQUIRES MUCH DISCRETION. NOT TO MENTION, INTERESTING IT IS, AT BEST. I RECOLLECT THE TIMES I JUST GOT BY, BY FOLLOWING MY VIBE. JUST FOLLOWING MY JOURNEY, I AM HERE UNTIL THE GURNEY. I STARTED OFF BUTTER CHURNING. I WAS PEAKING OFF THE BUTTER WHEN THE TIME WAS SET. SET FOR TO ME RHYME MY FRETS. SO MANY TIMES I WET, THE PAPERS WITH MY REGRETS. SO MANY TIMES INDEED, I SWEAT, JUST TO RECOLLECT, THE PAIN I GAVE AND GET. AS GRAVE AS IT GETS, UNTIL THE GRAVE I WILL BEHAVE.

OR I SHALL REMAIN FOREVER IN MY DAYS, A SLAVE TO MY WORST EVER WAYS. TO SWAY, IS TO BE DISARRAYED THEN DISMAYED. BUT AS THE JOURNEY DISPLAYED, I KEPT CHURNING AT THE PLAY. THE PLAY ALL ABOUT THE SLAYING. THE SLAYING OF WHATEVER THE DEMONS ARE SAYING. THE DEVIL WAITS, JUST WAITING, FOR ME TO SLIP. FOR ME TO SLIP SO HE CAN GRIP MY SOUL THEN DIP. BUT EVERY THOUGHT HE ATTEMPTS TO SEND, I STRIP IT. THEN I TURN TO GOD AND ASK HIM IF HE SEES THIS? THE DEVIL WANTS TO CLAIM ME CAN’T BELIEVE THIS.

HE JUST SENDS MY WORST FEARS IN FULL GEAR BACK TO BACK TO BACK HE NEVER SLACKS. SO I TAKE MY NAPS, THEN DO MY THING. THE SPRING THING. WHAT WOULD I DO WITH CHING - CHING? THE ANSWER TO SUCH A QUESTION IS THE SAME ANSWER TO WHY THE DEVIL TRIES SO HARD. HE TRIES SO HARD FOR HE KNOWS IF I REACH A CERTAIN POINT IN LIFE, I WOULD ONLY SACRAFICE I. I WOULD KNOWINGLY GIVE MYSELF FOR THE CAUSE I GIVE MYSELF TO.

EVEN THOUGH IT ANNOYS ME I STILL AIM TO KEEP GOING. KEEP ENJOYING, I STILL AM GOING TO KEEP GOING. EVEN THOUGH IT IS CLAWING AND KNAWING. IT IS NEVER GNARLY. BUT IF I AM CLEVER HARDLY THEN I WON’T BE FOREVER SORRY. I CAN TAKE PAIN FOR I MUST TAKE THE GAIN. MUST TAKE THE GAIN AS IN MAKE THE GAIN. I MAKE MY BRAIN, THINK WHAT I WANT. THEN I TAKE WHAT MAKES WHAT I THINK, WHAT I BLINK, I WRAPPED THAT UP THEN SHRINK I THINK. IF THAT SENTENCE DIDN’T STINK, THEN I WAS ALONE ON THE BRINK.

THE BRINK BETWEEN THINK AND BLINK. WHAT I THINK IS WHAT I BLINK. OR DO I NEED TO SEE A SHRINK? NO I NEED TO SEE THE NEW TECHNOLOGY THEY HIDE FROM US. TALKING ABOUT THAT GLIDER BUS. I WAKE UP TO A FIGHTER’S FUSS. FUSS-FUSS-FUSS, ANGRY BITTER ANGER, SOUNDS LIKE MUCH DANGER. WHAT I LIKE TO DISCUSS, WHEN IT IS ONLY I IN THE ROOM, MAKES MY MIND ZOOM. I ZOOM INTO CLEVERLAND  TO STAY CLEVER AND AND IF THIS LEVER’S EVER JAMMED, INVENT CRAAM AND THEN CRAM. CRAM IT TO THE MAN BECAUSE THE MAN WOULD BODY SLAM, YOU IF HE EVER GOT THE CHANCE. HE WOULD LIKE THE CHANCE TOO, THE CHANCE TO, APPROPRIATE SUCH PLANS DUDE, OR PLANS BOO. ONE OF THE TWO, WHICHEVER APPLIED  TO YOU. EVERY SENTENCE I WRITE, IMMEDIATELY BECOMES THE PAST. THEN I LAUGH, LITERALLY WRITING HISTORY. WHAT IF TRUE MISERY DIDN’T EVEN WANT THE COMPANY? WITH THAT THOUGHT ACCOMPANYING, THE MISSION STATEMENT OF MY OWN COMPANY BEING, I PREFER MY OWN COMPANY. ONLY THEN CAN I ACCESS WHAT I HAVE. WHEN THEY DON’T GRAB, PROVOKE, OR POKE AND JAB, THE PLANS I GET ARE FROM A LAND THAT’S WET. THEY NEEDED TIME TO DRY. IF I WAS BORN TO BE A LEGEND THEN I JUST NEEDED TIME TO DIE.

CHAPTER TWO: UNFINISHED BUSINESS

TUESDAY 4.17.2018

2:25AM EST - 3:24AM EST

BACK AND FORTH I ROCK, OR SIDE TO SIDE I ROCK, JUST TO TRY TO STOP. THE STOP THE STOCK OF THOUGHTS THAT BOUGHT THEIR WAY INSIDE THE HEADI WOULD RATHER SELL THEIR SHARE INSTEAD. NOW I JUST STARE AT RED. I STARE OFF IN A MAD FURRY, TEARS ADD IN A VISION MAD BLURRY. BAD MEMORIES STALK, I TAKE OFF IN A MAD SCURRY OR I SHALL BE ENCAPSULATED IN A SAD FLURRY. BALLS OF TEARS HIT THE GROUND JUST AS SNOW. I KNOW ENOUGH TO JUST LET THEM FLOW, SQUEEZE THEM OUT IN TRUE FORM LIKE DOUGH. I LET HIM HIT THE FLOOR SOME MORE AS I PONDER WHAT’S IN STORE? WHAT’S IN STORE GALORE FOR FOUR MORE YEARS? HOW LONG DO I HAVE LEFT? HOW LONG WILL I STAY HERE? EVEN THOUGH I PLAY FAIR, IT’S NOT ALWAYS RECIPROCATED WHEN I STAY HERE. THIS FACT LEAVES ME AGGRAVATED SLASH AGITATED AND IT’S THE SAME DAM STATEMENT. I KEEP PACING, WHETHER ON THE PAVEMENT OR THE WATCH WHERE YOU ARE PACING. MY ANTICIPATION IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT NO MATTER HOW I SAY IT OR STATE IT. I PLAY IT WITH ALL THAT I HAVE. WITH ALL THAT I GRAB I LAUGH FOR I REMEMBER THE PAST. THE PAST THAT CRASHED THEN DASHED INTO THE BRAIN AS A MEMORY. THE PAIN IS HEMORRAGING. THE IMAGERY IS DISMAL TO ME. SO BLEAK AND SO I SPEAK OR SNEAK TO GET GEEKED. SNEAKING AND GEEKING OR SEEKING AND GREEKING. CAUSE THIS IS SPARTA AND WHEN IT COMES TO GLOBAL CHANGE PLANS I HAVE A LOT OF. I HAVE A LOT OF THEM PARTNER. SMARTER THAN THE AVERAGE MARTYR. I PLANNED IT THIS WAY, CAMERA PANNED IT THIS WAY. I MANNED IT THIS WAY, THE PLANS ARE IN THE FILMS AND I CANNED IT THIS WAY.  FOR THE DAY I AM REPRIMANDED THIS WAY. MAKE THEM SAY DAMMIT ONE DAY. I SET UP A PLAN BEFORE THEY KNEW I CAN, BE ELIGIBLE FOR THEM TO DO SOMETHING UNINTELLIGIBLE AND NEGLIGIBLE. AS IN TRIFLING. ONLY CAUSE I WAS STIFLING, TO THE ESTABLISHED ESTABLISHMENT. RAVAGING YOU SAVAGE MEN. AND I’VE BEEN REAL SILENT, BY NOT PUBLISHING WHAT I’VE WRITTEN. THAT’S WHY I’M SMITTEN. CAUSE THE PLAN IS AUTO PILOTING. LOOK AT THE EYES  THEY ARE RIVETING. THEY ARE PIVOTING VIVIDLY NOT TO MENTION THAT THE SYMMETRY I FEEL IS FROM HIM TO ME. GOD PLACED ME HERE TO SHOW NO FEAR. SHOW NO FEAR JUST SHOW FOUR MORE TEARS. FOR IN FOUR MORE YEARS, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHERE YOU TRULY WILL BE. GOOD THING YOU TRULY WILL SEE IF THAT IS WHAT GOD’S WILL SPEAKS. WITH THE GROUND UNDER MY FEET, I STILL HAVE TIME TO REEK. REEK-REEK OF SUCCESS. SUCCESS CAME AT THE END OF THE TEST, SHE HAD A NOTE TO TAKE ME HOME.I STARTED EARLY SO I COULD HAVE IT BY I’M GROWN. I SURRENDERED MY TWENTIES NON DEBATABLE TO RENDER MY THIRTIES INESCAPABLE. INESCAPABLE OF MY OWN SUCCESS. DON’T HURT ME I WAS JUST FLIRTING. I WAS JUST TEASING. I WAS JUST GIVING HER A REASON TO COMMIT TREASON FOR ONCE PER SEASON. BAKED CHICKEN AND RANCH SEASONING. FUNNY THOUGHTS ARE PLEASING TO ME CAUSE I HAVE A SEASONING TO ME. I WAS SEASONED TO EXCRETE THIS PAIN THAT’S DEEP IN, SO DEEP IN I CAN HARDLY REASON WITH IT AS IT SEEPS IN OR CREEPS IN OR PEEPS IN, OH MAN I’M DEEP IN. DEEP IN THE DEEP END ITS DEEPENING. IN DEPTH CAUSE IN DEATH I CAN’T STRESS SO WITH EVERY BREATHE LEFT I’M RESTLESS. RESTLESSLY GETTING THE BEST IN ME TO GET THE BEST OUT OF ME SO WE CAN BE THE BEST AT…..SHOWING THE FUTURE WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE WHEN A MAN CARES AND THE MAN MANS PLANS WITH A VISION STUPENDOUSLY CLEAR SO GRNAD AND A HEART ENDEARED SO HIS ACTIONS DON’T SMEAR WHERE THEY LAND MY DEAR. HE SETS UP FACTIONS TO TAKE ACTION FOR OUR OWN SATISFACTION SO MATTER OF FACT AND IN ENACTING THESE PRINCIPLES, HE SET THE PRECEDENT FOR THE COUNTRY’S PRINCIPAL. PRINCIPALITIES USE CAUSALITY CAUSING CASUALTIES TO THEIR FACULTIES. THE PRESIDENTAIL RHETORIC IS EVIDENT...FINISH THE UNFINISHED BUSINESS OF THE UNITED STATES  STATEDCIMPERATIVE. REST IN PEACE TO HUBERT HORATIO. LAST NAME HUMPHREY. NOW WATCH HER FACE GO “ “ PROMPTLY

CHAPTER THREE: FOR MORE I AM WISHING

TUESDAY 4.17.2018

5:15PM EST - 6:15PM EST

IT IRKS THE NERVES WHEN THE HURT UNNERVES LIKE MINERVO, MINERVA. SHOUT OUT JOSE CUERVO. SUCH A NERD OF THIS CALIBER IS WIELDING EXCALIBUR. IN TRUTH IT’S TRAGIC YOU’RE TREADING DOWN THE PATH SLIPPERY WHEN WET YET WHEN AT YOUR BEST THERE WAS NO CONTEST. WHY STRESS THEN FRET? JUST CONTINUE TO SWEAT. CONTINUE TO GIVE YOUR BEST WITH NOTHING BUT THOUGHTS OF YOUR REGRETS. THEN LEAVE THE REST, HOLDING ARROW LADEN SHIELDS PINNED TO THE GROUND. THEN WE SHALL FIGHT IN THE SHADE DING-DING-DING WINNING THE ROUND. NO NEED TO SAY IT IS GOING DOWN, BUT IT IS GOING DOWN. THAT’S WHAT WENT DOWN. WHEN I SLEEP IS INDEED JUST THE BEST TIME FOR ME. BUT IT’S NOT ALWAYS SOUND. THAT’S WHEN I SAY GOODBYE, TO ALL THAT INDUCE THE CRIES. TRUE SPIES NEVER USE LIES BUT I USE A TRY. I WILL TRY UNTIL I DIE AND SO I AM DYING JUST TO TRY. SIGHING JUST TO CRY, SHYNESS UNDERLIES. DOES THUNDER MAKE YOU CRY? DOES LIGHTNING MAKE YOU SIT, IN THE HALLWAY? CLOSE YOUR EYES AND JUST FORGET, FORGET THE PAIN YOU BEAR OR FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR CLINGING TO IT. GIVE YOURSELF PROPS MAN FOR YOUR PERSPECTIVE’S WHAT YOU ARE BRINGING TO IT. IF THE PAIN SINGS OUT THEN IT RINGS OUT THAT’S WHY IT STINGS NOW AND STINGS OUCH. TOO MANY STINGS CAN BRING OUT THE MEAN GROUCH AND SO I HIT THE MEAN COUCH. TO SLEEP AWAY THE NON SLEEPING DAYS. TALKING ABOUT RESTLESS NIGHTS. RESTLESS NIGHTS FORM THE TALES OF AN ALL NIGHTER FROM THE RESTLESS WRITER SO WHY BE A FIGHTER? I WOULD RATHER BE A TRIER. IF I WAS MADE TO DROP NUGGETS THEN I WOULD HAVE BEEN A FRYER. WHEN I LAY DOWN, ONLY ONE OF TWO THINGS HAPPEN. I GET TO SLEEP PEACEFULLY OR I ROLL FORTH AND BACK AND GET NO SLEEP ON THE BACK END. I AM IN FACT IN NEED OF MORE TRACTION. IN MY HEAD I ALWAYS FEEL I AM SLACKING. I COULD DIE TONIGHT AND THEN WHAT HAPPENS? TO ALL OF THE DREAMS AND POSITIVITY THEMES AND THINGS I AIM TO BRING TO THE SCREEN OR TO THE STREETS NO SWEEPER. IS THE LEGACY A KEEPER? IS THE LEGACY SECURED BEFORE I MEET THE GRIM REAPER? IS THE LEGACY SECURED BEFORE I MEET THE GRIEF LEAVER? TO ME HE IS THE WEEP RELIEVER AND I AM THE BELIEVER IN GOD, I PRAY TO GOD MY SOUL TO KEEP. EVERYDAY I WRESTLE WITH THE FACT I WAS CREATED WITH TACT. I WAS WIRED A CERTAIN WAY, TO RESPOND TO CERTAIN DISCONCERTING THINGS IN A CERTAIN PHASE ON CERTAIN DAYS IN A CURTAIN WAY. I WOULD CLOSE THE SHADE AND THEN I’LL JUST BEHAVE UNTIL I FADE AWAY. I WENT THRU THINGS I REALLY WISH I NEVER SAW. WISH IT SO OFTEN I WISH I WASN’T EVEN HERE AT ALL AND IT EVEN WASNT CLEAR; MY WORST FEARS PUT ME IN FIRST GEAR. THEN I SHED THE FIRST TEAR, THEY BURST NEAR AND FAR THEN I AM IN AWE. I PRAY TO GOD TO JUST TAKE ME. WHY WOULD HE MAKE ME, GO THRU 60PLUS MORE YEARS WITH THESE MEMORIES THEY’RE BREAKING ME? I HAVE TWO OPTIONS, EITHER SIT IN THE CORNER AND CRY AND JUST WISH I DIED OR I COULD GET THE TABLET OR PAD THEN GRAB IT AND JUST TRY, TO MAKE SENSE OF THE CRIES. TRY TO MAKE SENSE OF THE TIMES YOU DIDN’T KNOW ENOUGH TO KNOW YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN THERE. IT COULDN’T HAVE BEEN FAIR, AS SMART AS I WAS HOW DID I NOT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE? IF I COULD NOW SPEAK TO ME THEN I WOULD’VE JUST KICKED HIM. HEY MAN YOU’RE ABOUT TO BE A PART OF SOMETHING TEARING YOUR HEART UP FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. THEN YOU’LL HAVE TO MAKE IT UP FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. WHILE YOUR OTHER FRIENDS PLAY OR HAVE FUN DURNG THE DAY, YOU WILL BE FORCED TO GO ANOTHER WAY. YOU’LL STAY TO YOURSELF, YOU WILL BARELY EVER SEE THEM. YOU LOCK YOURSELF IN THE ROOM AS THE MIND ZOOMS VROOM-VROOM. FASTER THAN A BROOM-BROOM UNDER A WITCH. UNTIL 30 YOU WILL NEVER BE A HITCH. YOU WONT DATE YOU WILL ONLY WAIT. YOU WILL ONLY PACE ABOUT THE HOUSE OR OUTSIDE ALL DAY OR ALL NIGHT; WONDERING WHILE IT’S THUNDERING OR WANDERING WHILE YOU’RE PONDERING ON HONEST THINGS. YOU WON’T FEEL THE BRUNT OF IT UNTIL YOU ARE TWENTY EIGHT. BY THEN YOU SHALL HAVE PLENTY GREAT THINGS IN STORE FOR THE WORLD IN THE FORM OF PLANS. IN THE FORM OF A MAN YOU TRANSLATED GODS PLAN. YOU WILL WRESTLE WITH THE FACT GOD GAVE YOU A VISION. IN DOING SO GOD GAVE YOU A MISSION. A MISSION REQUIRING COMPLETION BEFORE YOUR SUBSEQUENT DELETION. YOUR DELIQUENT DEMEANOR FROM THE PAST WILL YOUR BRING YOUR EMPATH OUT MUCH CLEANER AND AS YOUR EMPATH SHOUTS, CLEAN BOUT, BEFORE HE KNOCKS YOU OUT. THE PAIN YOU’RE GONNA FEEL FROM THIS DEAL WILL KNOCK YOU TO THE GROUND. THE PAIN WILL GET SO WILD, YOU’LL WISH YOU WERE NEVER EVER A CHILD. IF IT DOES GET WILDER, THEN IT HASN’T DONE SO YET AND IF IT DOES MILDER, THEN IT HASN;T DONE SO YET. NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW UNTIL THE PAIN GLOWS, THEN THE PAIN WILL SHOW UNLESS YOU STAY HIDDEN. STAY HIDDEN AND PRAY WITHIN, BEGGING GOD TO REDUCE YOUR SENTENCE. BUT HE CAN’T CAUSE HE WON’T, I MUST LIVE OUT MY QUOTE. I SAY I GOTTA MEET A QUOTA BEFORE MY AORTA, SPRAYS OUT INTO THE AIR THERE, UNTIL THAT DAY I CARE. I SHARE WHATS BEHIND THE GLARE. WHAT’S BEHIND THE STARE OF A MAN SO RARE? A FLIGHT OF STAIRS...AS IN FOR MORE AMBITION I AM WISHING.

CHAPTER FOUR: UNCLAIMED KITTY

WEDNESDAY 4.18,2018

5:01AM EST - 6:09AM EST

JUST WOKE UP THE MIND IS COMING AROUND. THOUGHTS INTO SOUND. FIRING OFF LIKE ROUNDS, YO IT’S GOING DOWN BRITISH POUND. I AM A HUGE FAN OF PRINCESS DIANA AND HYANNIS PORT. FOR AS THE SOUNDS WIND OUT WILL THE SOUNDS EVER WIND DOWN? MY OTHER DREAM, IS TO JUST TO CALM MY MIND DOWN. MIND’S RESTLESS THEN THE BODY IT WILL TEST THIS TO IT’S “BESTEST” CAPABILITIES, I ALWAYS HAVE TO DO SOMETHING OR I GET REALLY SAD CAUSE I KNOW THAT I GOT MARTIN WITH THESE PLOTS NEEDING STARTING. I ENTERED THE MISSION WITH CONTROLLED INTERMISSIONS BUT EVERYDAY OF THE SENTENCE BRINGS A BRAND NEW ENDLESS TENDENCY IN WHICH RENDERS ME INCAPABLE OF NOT MEETING THE STANDARD. IT IS INESCAPABLE AND NOT UNTRACE-ABLE. MORE LIKE EVIDENTLY PALPABLE. IT IS FELT IN THE AIR. UNSTOPPABLE. IT IS UNDER THE FEW CHEST HAIRS I HAVE. THE CHEST HAIRS I GRAB OR PLUCK DON’T GIVE IT UP SO EASILY AND MENTALLY I GO AROUND TEASING ME, I GET QUEASY SEE THEN I’M LAUGHING AT MYSELF STUCK FIGHTING ALL THIS PAIN. FIGHTING ALL THIS BRAIN. FIGHTING ALL THIS TRAIN. FIGHTING ALL THIS RAIN. WRITING THRU ALL THIS CHANGE, ALL THIS GAIN. NEVER STOP BOY CLEVER JOT WITH YOUR TOY. LOOKS LIKE I AM WRITING AGAIN OI. YOU CAN TRACK THE PAIN, THRU THE SCRIPTS. I SAID YOU COULD TRACK THE PAIN FROM THE PENMANSHIP. SAID THAT WORD REAL SLOW IN MY HEAD I WILL GO DILDO, AS IN INTRUDING THE ILLUSIONS MY MIND IS PROTRUDING OR IS IT STILL ILL YO? IS IT A DREAM OF GLAMOUR OR DELUSIONS OF GRANDUER? I JUST SMASHED THAT QUESTION WITH A HAMMER. I MEAN I JUST SMASHED THAT QUESTION WITH THE TICKING ANSWER. I JUST SMASHED THAT BED WITH A LICKING DANCER. WHERE’S MARTIN SPRINGS? IN NEW YORK THAT’S THE ANSWER. IF I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS PAINED BRAIN WITH ALL THIS REARRANGED GAIN THEN I HOPPED THE BUS JUST TO HOP ON THE TRAIN. I AM JUST TRAVELLING MANE. LOGGED INTO THE TRAVELLING GAME. TRAVELLING MAIN CITIES. MAIN BIDDY, MAIN KITTY. UNTAMED BIDDY, INSANE KITTY. UNTRAINED KITTY, UNNAMED BIDDY. UNFAMED BIDDY, MAJINBU STICKY. IT’S TIME TO DATE, ACCESS TO MY DREAMS NOW SO WHY WAIT? LIFE IS AS SCARY AS WEARING HEELS RIGHT NOW. MY LIFE IS AS SCARY AS ENDURING HELL RIGHT NOW. I SEE THE DREAM ON THE HORIZON, EVERY DAY ONLY THING I’M EYE-ING IS THE FACT I’M TRYING. IS THE FACT I’M DYING THE REASON IN EVERY SEASON I’M BLEEDING ON PAGES COMMITTING TREASON FOR EATING MYSELF ALIVE AND TELLING ON MY SELF? I HAVE TO DIE AND SO I HAVE TO TRY. THE LESS I TRIED THE MORE I DIED ANYWAY. THE LESS I TRY THE MORE I DIE INSIDE ON ANYDAY. SO ANYWAY IT IS SWAYED, WHAT’S THE PROPER PLAY? ITS LIKE I’M STUCK IN A LAND OF DEVOTION. THE LAND OF DEDICATION. IF I PERISH NOW, TO WHAT WAS THIS LIFE DEDICATED? HOW EDUCATED DID I TURN OUT TO BE? SHOUT OUT EVERYBODY CHURNING DOUBT DOWN ON ME. ABOUT TO GO MISSING. ABOUT TO GO FISHING. ALL ACROSS THE NATION OF THE STATES AND THEN GET STATEMENTS FROM THE MOST BLATANTLY FRAGANT ESSENCE OF A SELENA WITH THE GRACEFUL DEMEANOR. EITHER A MISSES OR A MISTRESS OR A DAMSEL. IT TOOK A HUNDRED YEARS JUST TO FIGURE ME OUT. UNTIL IT ALL WENT DOWN I WAS LOOKED AT LIKE I WAS TRIPPING...ICK, WELL I DONT’ GIVE A FICK. I DON’T GIVE A STICK TO A NON TREE. TO A NON ME. I ENVISION ME INCISIONING WITH THE ENERGY THE SYNERGY’S INNER CHI OR INNER ME.I’VE BEEN THINKING INNER THINGS LIKE WINNER THINGS EVERY TIME YOUR DINNER BRINGS THE DINNER BELL RING I WAS FACING THE DINNER BELL STING. OH WELL MY WINNER BELL JUST RANG CHING-CHING BLING-BLING PINKY RING. TOOK ME TEN YEARS BUT I DID THE THANG. I DIDN’T CHANGE UP NOW THE CHANGE COMES, WE GOT OUR CHANGE UP. LIFE’S A PLAYGROUND WATCH THE MATERIALS SWING. RESPECT THE SITUATION THAT THE PRESENT MOMENT BRINGS, NEVER GET TOO CAUGHT UP IN MATERIAL THINGS. LIFE’S A PLAYGROUND WATCH THE MATERIALS SWING BUT IF YOU HAVE THE CASH BLING-BLING PINKY RING. BUT IMMATERIALLY SPEAKING, AS MUCH AS I HATE A SLEEPLESS NIGHT, I LOVE STAYING UP AT NIGHT. I WORK OVERNIGHT. I HAVE NO PROBLEMS WITH OVERNIGHT. I ENJOY SITTING OUTSIDE AND THINKING. BUT IT GETS HEAVY, REAL HEAVY, HOLD UP, REAL STEADY. I’M SINKING INTO A BUNKER AND OUTSIDE’S THUMPER IN THE THUNDER. REFERENCE TO THE CHILDHOOD, SUCH A BLUNDER, SUCH A BUMMER, SUCH A DUMBER ONE I TRULY WAS. NOW HE TRULY DOES. NOW HE BARELY BUDGES AT THE UNSCRUPULOUS. THEY THOUGHT I THINK I’M PERFECT UNTIL I TELL THEM MY LIFE I FEEL I DON’T DESERVE IT UNLESS I SERVE MY PURPOSE AND IT UNEARTHS IT, THIS DEARTH OF PAIN ATTACHED TO THE GAIN I MUST ATTAIN OR ASCERTAIN FOR A CERTAIN REASON MAINE. AND IF I FAIL HIM I COMMITTED CERTAIN TREASON. OKAY? BE A GREAT PERSON OR YOUR SOUL GETS EATEN.

CHAPTER SIX: WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE JEW?

FRIDAY 4.20.2018

4:42PM EST - 5:46PM EST

OK NOW, SETTLE DOWN AND LET’S JUST TALK ABOUT IT. THEIR DOUBTS I DOUBTED SO WE ALL POUTED, SO WE ALL SHOUTED. I WONDER WHY MY HEAD IS CLOUDED? WONDER WHY MY HEAD’S SURROUNDED AND POUNDED. GIVING REASONS TO BE LEAVING, LEAVING ME ASTOUNDED. MORE LIKE HOUNDED UNTIL I GO AROUND IT. THEN I GO AROUND IT, THE SOUND IT’S MAKING GOES DOWN AND FLOWS ROUND. I GO THE WHOLE ROUND. I REMEMBER SYRACUSE, THE WHOLE TOWN. NERVOUS TO GO AT FIRST BUT I HAD THE CHANCE TO GO AT LAST. FOR NEW SIGHTS THERE IS A THIRST, IT BURSTS. THE MIND ADVANCED CAUSE IT HAD A GLANCE OF THE CITY LIFE FAST. I REMEMBER TALL BUILDINGS, EVERY WHERE I GO. LIVING WHERE IT SNOWED. LIVING WHERE THE SNOW GLOWS. MADE ME FEEL I WAS WELCOMED THERE. THE RECEPTION DISPLAYED WAS SELDOM, RARE. LIFE NEVER FELT MORE FAIR. LIFE NEVER FELT MORE RARE, NEVER MOVED MORE HARE, AS IN MOVE FAST?  COME ON, MOVE FAST, WELL THERE’S THE ATTITUDE. ENGULFING THE ATMOSPHERIC CITY. STRATOSPHERIC KITTY. NOW I CAN NEVER SAY NEW YORK DOESN’T GET JIGGY. NEW YORK’S MORE JIGGY THAN MS. PIGGY. SHOUTS OUT HIS AUNT MIGGY. AUNT LULA, AUNT DEAN. N.Y. HAD A CERTAIN VIBE TO IT, A CERTAIN FLY TO IT. IT WAS NEW YORK, COME ON MAN DO WORK. I WATCHED HER BOOTS FLIRT, THEY WERE POINTED TOWARDS ME. I GOT ON THE GROUP’S NERVE, CAUSE OF MYSELF I’M SURE IT WAS DEMURE FOR SURE, I WAS SINGLE SO THE LADIES MINGLED. I SINGLED THEM OUT NO PRINGLES, THEN RECITED JINGLES. THEY HEARD WHAT I DID TO INGLES. 469 TIMES. THE WOMEN OF THE BIG APPLE, DESERVE 469 RHYMES AT ONE TIME, AND A SNAPPLE.  IT’S A SIGN THAT WE ENTERED THE SPACE THE SAME IN THE INTERFACE MAINFRAME. IT’S A SHAME I DIDN’T GET A CHANCE TO TALK TO ALL OF THE GLARING DAMES,  ONES WHO WERE STARING AT ME OR STARING AT THEE...THE SPARKLES ON THE JACKET, SUCH A REMARKABLE HABIT, LOWERS YOUR DEFENSE SYSTEM CAUSE I’M NOT A SAVAGE; WITH NO PLANS OF RAVAGING IT’S RAVISHING. RELISHING ANYTHING THE CABBAGE BRINGS. IF YOU CAN’T PAINT WITH ALL OF THE COLORS OF THE WIND, THEN YOU’VE NEVER HEARD A CABBAGE SING. BEFORE  NEW YORK I THOUGHT MY LIFE WOULD END UP TRAGIC, UNTIL I BREACHED THE FABRIC, OF MY LAVISH, MASSIVE CONSTRUCTION. NEW YORK TO ME WAS AN EMOTIONAL ABDUCTION INTO A PALACE. JUST BEING THERE ALONE LET ME KNOW THERE WAS A GOD. HE ALWAYS SENT PEOPLE STRAIGHT TO ME IN TIMES OF NEED OR TIME’S OF GREAT JOY. IN NEW YORK PLEASE I WOULD LIKE TO RAISE A GREAT BOY OR GREAT GAL. MADE GREAT PALS, MADE AND ALLOWED TO GROW WITH CONVERSATION AND SPACE TRAVELLING. NEW YORK MADE EVERYTHING I HAD BEEN THRU THE IN LAST DECADE, FEEL PERFECT. IT WAS WORTH IT. I FELT ESTABLISHED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO N.Y. TO KEEP ON ESTABLISHING. I SURVIVED 4MONTHS IN NEW YORK STATE AND I DESERVED IT. INITIALLY NERVOUS BUT IT WAS THERE I SHINED AT CUSTOMER SERVICE. I GOT THE CHANCE TO KICK IT WITH OTHER PEOPLE’S GRANDMOTHERS AND SINCE THE AGE OF EIGHT HAVEN’T KICKED IT WITH MY GRANDMOTHERS. I HAVE NEVER SHINED BRIGHTER THAN WITH MY TIME IN NEW YORK. AND SO I JUST GOTTA GO BACK. GO BACK AS THE NEW DORK. I BET SYRACUSE GETS HAPPY DUDE AS I’M TOUCHING DOWN CAUSE I’M BUCKING DUDE. I KNOW THEY MISS ME. I KNOW THEY WONDER. JUST WHERE DID I GO AND AM I COMING BACK? ON THAT THEY PONDER. I CAN’T WAIT TO SAUNTER. NEW YORK I’VE MISSED YOU TOO, THINK ABOUT IT WAY TOO OFTEN. SO OFTEN, BEFORE THE SNOW SOFTENS AND DISAPPEARS. I’M BACK, HOORAY, CHEERS! NEVER ASK ME “YOU GAY?” CAUSE THAT’S HOW PEOPLE GET SMACKED. WE CLEAR? PARDON THAT. GOING BACK TO N.Y. WITH THEM RABBIT HACKS . SHOUT OUT, WHERE MY RABBITS AT? I GET TO RETIRE, THEN MOVE TO NEW YORK. MOVING ONCE AGAIN. I HAVE NEVER SEEN THE CITY. I HAVE TO SEE THE CITY. I HAVE TO SEE THE NEW TRADE CENTER TOWER. HEARD IT HAS MYSTICAL POWERS. HEARD IT MAKES WEIRD SHRIEKING SOUNDS OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. HEARD IT’S A STARGATEWAY OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO A BEING WE DON’T NEED HERE NOR WANT HERE. BUT NOW WE NEED A BEER, CAUSE WE DON’T HAVE A CLEAR, COMPREHENSION DEAR, OF WHAT’S NEAR. FIRST OFF, LIKE WHAT’S FEAR? SOMETHING THAT SHEARS YOUR SENSE OF SAFETY. LAST NAME MORGAN, FIRST NAME TRACY. TRACY HAS A NEW SHOW NOT STARRING GWEN STACY. TRACY MORGAN STARS AS A FREE MAN GOING THRU GINGERFICATION OF BROOKLYN...LOOKS LIKE I MIGHT BE THERE WHEN IT ALL GOES DOWN. WHERE I AM MOVING TO MAY UNDERGO ZERO GROUND NUMBER TWO. MY DESTINY FORCED ME TO WALK THE PLANK YOU. HAVE NO IDEA. I MAY HAVE MY CHANCE TO BE THE BROWN SKINNED MAN ANNE FRANK. THOUGHTS FURNISHED IN THE MIND TANK...IKEA

CHAPTER SEVEN: FOREVER TWIST

TUESDAY 4.24.2018

1:55 AM EST - 2:39AM EST

DEAR HONEY, IT WAS A SUNDAY, STARTED OFF A FUN DAY, IN ONE WAY. I WAS AT WORK, WAS JUST GETTING OFF, GETTING HOME I WASN’T PUTTING OFF. I WAS WAITING ON KYELLZ TO GET OFF TOO, CATCH A RIDE WITH HER THEN SEE WHAT DOES IT DO? SHE SHOWED ME HER PHONE, ASKED ME IF I THOUGHT SHE WAS CUTE. I SAW A PICTURE OF A PERSON THAT I KNEW. THE PICTURE REMINDED ME OF YOU. I REPLIED IN KIND THAT MY MIND KNEW YOU. IN MY TIME I KNEW YOU. KYELLZ SAID OH, SHE’S DEAD. SHE WAS SHOT. I WAS SHOCKED. RUINED THE DAY ALOT, MORE LIKE ALL THE WAY. WENT IN MY CLOSET AND PRAYED. WENT IN MY CLOSET THEN SPRAYED. BLUNT SPRAY. I DID THAT ALL DAY. I STAYED THERE ALL DAY. I STAYED THERE ALL NIGHT. I WAS CRYING ON A KITE. I DIDN’T COMPREHEND HOW ONE AS NICE AS YOU, COULD JUST GET SHOT DOWN AS IF YOU DESERVED IT TWICE, SHE DIDN’T DESERVE THAT PAIN AT ALL YET SHE WAS SO NICE IT STILL TURNED OUT GOD’S WILL. ON OCTOBER TWENTY-THIRD, TWO THOUSAND AND TWELVE; YOUR KILLERS SHOULD HAVE WENT DIRECTLY TO HELL. YET THEY PREVAILED, COVERED UP DETAILS, HEARD THEY TOOK YOUR CELL PHONE. HEARD THEY SET YOU UP. HEARD YOU GOT JUMPED. HEARD YOU GOT CUT. THEN THEY SHOT YOU DOWN AS YOU TRIED TO RUN OR WERE BEATING A JUMP. HEARD THEY ALL WERE CHUMPS. HEARD THEY ALL WERE TRUMPS. HEARD THEIR LIFE IS A DUMP. I MET YOU HONEY WHEN YOU WERE FIFTH-TEEN. I ALWAYS RESPECTED YOU. ALWAYS PROTECTED YOU. WHEN WE WALKED TO THE STORE, YOU WERE ON MY ARM. YOU WERE MY FRIEND THAT WAY. NOTHING BAD EVER HAPPENED TO YOU AROUND CHAD OR MARTY. NO HARM. EVERYTIME YOU SAW ME WE HAD A REEFER PARTY.THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU, YOU SCREAMED MY NAME THEN RAN TO ME. I ONLY SAW YOUR HOME LIKE TWICE. IF IT WAS TWICE, THAT THEN WAS THE LAST TIME. I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOUR HUGS. I GOT ONE ON CAMERA. THAT MAKES ME BUG. I HAVE BEEN WRITING ABOUT YOU HONEY SINCE I WROTE MY SECOND BOOK. MY SECOND BOOK WAS CFK ONE THRU SIX. AND YOU WERE VOLUME FIVE OR SIX. I SWITCHED THEM AROUND. THAT WAS THREE YEARS AGO THOUGH, THREE YEARS AFTER YOUR LAST BREATH. I TURNED YOUR NAME INTO A FILM THEORY TOO, I HOPE IT GETS PLAY. FILM YOUR LIFE’S DAYS. IF I WOULD HAVE KNOWN I HAD THREE YEARS AS YOUR FRIEND I WOULD HAVE FILMED EVERY DAY I SAW YOU. WOULD HAVE SAT RIGHT BESIDE YOU AND PULLED OUT MY NOTEBOOK. AND WE WOULD SCRIBBLE BACK AND FORTH. YOU READ MY NOTEBOOK BEFORE. YOU LAUGHED WHEN YOU SCANNED THE WORDS I CONSUME MARIJUANA. CONSUME MADE YOU LAUGH. IT WILL ALWAYS MAKE ME LAUGH. IT WILL ALWAYS MAKE ME GRAB. THE ONE DOCUMENTED MEMORY I HAVE OF YOU TAKING A STAB. RIGHT AT THE HEART, THE CORE, THE PART I FIGHT FOR. YOU DIED HONEY NOW I FIGHT MORE. I FIGHT FOR WHAT I WANT. THEY TOOK AWAY YOUR CHANCE TO PURSUE HAPPINESS. THEY TOOK LIFE AND THEN CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS. EVIL’S NEVER RIGHT. SO TIL THIS DAY I WRITE. TIL THIS DAY I SAY HI. JUST TO MAKE YOU LAUGH I’LL SAY IT. TIL THIS DAY I’VE STAY HIGH. I DRESS LIKE MJ NOW IN CASE YOU HAVEN’T SEEN. BUT YOU IF YOU HAD SEEN, WE ARE ABOUT TO STEP IT UP YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? YOU DIED A LEGEND HONEY. GOING TO DIE A LEGEND HONEY KNOW YOUR NAME IS FOREVER ON MY TONGUE. FOREVER IN MY HEART, FOREVER IN MY MIND FOR AS TIME UNWINDS TO SETTLE DOWN FOR ME I PONDER ON WHATS OVER THERE YONDER. THE DAY YOU DIED WAS THE ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF MY SHORT FILM, INTUITION. YET ON THE DAYS OF FILMING, MY INTUITION NEVER MENTIONED IT. I REMEMBER ZAY, TELLING ME SOMETHING BIG WAS COMING OUR WAY. ONE YEAR LATER, DEVASTATION, I COULDN’T TAKE IT. WHAT BECAME OF OUR NATION/ TWO WEEKS LATER, KYELLZ TOLD ME, SHE WISHED SHE NEVER TOLD ME. AS IF I WOULD NOT HAVE FOUND OUT BOUT THE DEATH OF MY FEMALE HOMIE. MY SADNESS OVER THE LOSS WAS WORTH THE SCOLDING. IT TOOK ME FIVE DAYS TO LEARN THEY WERE PREPARING YOU FOR BURIAL. I WASN’T THERE TO SEE THE BURIAL. PLEASE FORGIVE ME. BY THE TIME I FOUND OUT I COULDN’T MAKE THE BURIAL. BUT ON THAT DAY MY LIFE TURNED SCARY THOUGH LIKE A PRESA CANARIO; A HUGE DOG I’VE SAT ON BEFORE. I HAD A VISION SENT FROM MY INTUITION OR SOMETHING DEEPER. ONE DAY I WILL MEET THE GRIM REAPER SAVING A KIDS LIFE. CONVINCED. I’VE BEEN WAITING ON THAT DAY EVER FREAKING SINCE. I LOVE YOU HONEY. FOREVER FREAKING MISSED. FOR YOU, I WILL FOREVER FREAKING TWIST STICKY ICKY STICK.

CHAPTER EIGHT: AS AN OLD TIMER

TUESDAY 4.24.2018

3:45PM EST - 4:33PM EST

ONCE AGAIN, DEAR MY DEAR FRIEND, DEAR HONEY. I THINK ABOUT TALKING TO YOU REALIZING I REALLY CAN’T. THERE IS NO WAY TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOU, FROM THIS SIDE, SO I JUST SLIP AND SLIDE. SLIP AND SLIDE INTO THE TIME WHEN WE WOULD RIDE OR SIT. SITTING IN NATE’S MOTOR VEHICLE, LISTENING TO WILDNESS. AUDIO THAT WAS TIMELESS. THE POWER OF NOW, THE SECRET, THINK AND GROW, JERRY AND ESTER HICKS FOR SHOW. TOO MANY TO NAME, TOO MANY TO CLAIM, STAKE IN, YOU WERE AS A PERSON AMAZING. FIFTH-TEEN LEARNING PROPER MANIFESTATION. PROPERLY YOU OFFERED ME A KIND FRIEND, SO WHAT’S STOPPING ME FROM  FINDING A KIND PEN? AND SO I FIND A KIND PEN. AND YOU WON’T BE FORGOTTEN. IF THEY KNOW OF MY ART THEY KNOW OF YOU. I CREATED MORE ART FOR YOU THAN ANY FRIEND YOU HAD. NEVER HAD A FRIEND LIKE CHAD. THE FACT YOU’RE GONE PLAYS A HUGE ROLE IN THE SCHEDULING OF THE INTELLIGENCE DEVELOPMENT. IN THE POLITICAL RHETORIC, THE MINDSET OF A NON CONFEDERATE. FOR HONEY I’LL YELL IT AGAIN. THE REGIMINE OF THE NEW REGIME. TO SHED LIGHT ON THE MOMENTS THAT BRED FRIGHT, DEAD RIGHT. HONEY’S DEATH INSTANTLY, SAW ME SEEK NO CLAIM TO FAME WHILE ALIVE. I BEGAN TO CHANGE AS THE BRAIN TRIED, NOT TO TAKE A DIVE A FALL I’M JUST SAYING. HONEY YOU DIED I CRIED, I LIED TO MY FRIENDS WHEN I SAID I COULDN’T COME OUT. I LIED TO MY FRIENDS CAUSE REALLY I WOULDN’T COME OUT. WOULD RATHER DO WHAT I WAS DOING THEN. TO SCREAM, TO SHOUT, TO THINK OF YOU, MY DEAR FRIEND. TO BEAM THEN POUT. POUT WHY? CAUSE IT HURTS. EVERYTIME I THINK OF YOU I FLIRT, WITH TEARS. THE PAIN KICKS  THE END OF MY REAR. IT WAS TOO CLEAR, YOU SHOULDN’T HAVEN’T BEEN AROUND THEM AT ALL, HONEY YOU WERE TOO DEAR, TOO SINCERE AND GENUINE. WE MET IN TWO THOUSAND AND NINE.THE YEAR THE KING OF POP DISAPPEARED. IT ALWAYS IMPRESSED ME, IT WAS CLEAR. THAT YOU LISTENED TO THE CRAZY MESS WITH US. PHILOSOPHICALLY YOU CHOSE TO THINK BEFORE THE AGE OF EIGHT-TEEN. YOU DIED WITH LESS TIME TO DO GREAT THINGS. THEN YOU DIED AND TURNED OUT YOU STILL DID THOSE GREAT THINGS. JUSTICEFORHONEY WENT VIRAL AND THAT’S WHEN IT HIT ME.MIDWAY THRU A DOWNWARD SPIRAL OTW TO CAIRO. HONEY DO YOU GET ME? I AIM TO DIE IN GOOD STANDING AS YOU DID. AS IT HITS ME. THAT DAY I PRAY I SEE YOU KID. ONLY CAUSE YOU DID, SOMETHING RARE. YOU WERE A GREAT FRIEND IN A WORLD WHERE NO ONE’S THERE. YOU WERE CALM AND INTELLIGENT. WE ALWAYS CARED. IT WAS EVIDENT. WE CARED ABOUT YOU, YOU WERE A PART OF THE GROUP. CALLED IT THE HOUSE OF ZOOT. YOU VISITED ON THE WEEKENDS. ITS HARD TO THINK BACK TO SEE JUST WHEN YOU WERE THERE. OVER THE COURSE OF TWO YEARS. WE MET YOU THEN WE GOT IN GEAR. YOU SAT AND TALKED ABOUT THE UNIVERSE WITH US EVERYTIME. YOU WERE THE SPECIAL GUEST STAR OF THE GROUP. WE WERE BLESSED TO KNOW YOU. WE WERE BLESSED TO SHOW YOU, A GOOD-GRANDLY TIME IN THIS UNCANNY RHYME SCHEME OF TIME THEMED MEMORIES EMBEDDED IN THE BASE OF THE CEREBELLUM.TRUTH IS I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF THE CEREBELLUM HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE MEMORY, I ONLY USED IT FOR I AM A RHYMER WITH BLOOD OF THE GOLDEN SHIMMERING. AND HONEY I WOULD TRADE MY LIFE FOR YOU TO SEE YOU AS AN OLD TIMER.

                               CHAPTER NINE: TWO QUESTIONS


WEDNESDAY 4.25.2018


3:03AM EST - 4:05AM EST


    DEAR MS. HONEY, WHAT’S UP AGAIN MY FRIEND? DO YOU KNOW I SHALL MISS YOU TIL I DIE TOO? THE END. WHEN I DIE OOH ITS YOU I CAN NOT WAIT TO BE AROUND. TO SEE AROUND, THEN FLEE AROUND. BUT YOU’RE INDEED AROUND. IN ORIGINAL FORM. THE ESSENTIAL NORM. THE EXISTENTIAL CAN NOT CONFORM. HONEY, THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS YOU NEVER HAD THE CHANCE TO DO. HOW AT THINGS I GLANCE IS FOR YOU. I KNOW THERE ARE TWO, REASONS FOR THIS GLANCE OR TWO REASONS FOR THIS CHANCE. EVERY MEMORY I HAVE EVER HAD WITH YOU HONEY WAS SWEET AND NEAT OR FUN GALORE. WE BEACHED THE SHORES, OF UNIVERSALITY SO CASUALLY, WHETHER HAPHAZARDLY OR NOT, WE FOUGHT WITH OUR THOUGHTS. FIGHTING TO REDEEM WHAT WE THOUGHT WE HAD LOST. REPEAT TWICE. THEN WE REPEAT THE SIGHTS. WE SAW ON OUR OWN ALONE. THEN BROUGHT BACK CONCLUSIONS TO THE TEAMS DOME. WHAT WE DID AS A TEAM, WAS SMACK BACK ILLUSIONS. THE ILLUSIONS ALLUDING TO THE ALLUSIONS  CONSCRUED WHEN THOSE EVIL DOERS PLOT THEIR MOVEMENTS. HONEY WHAT WE DOING? BUMPING FLUENT, ARCHAIC MOVEMENTS, THE DHAMMAPADA, BUDDHA AND CONFUCIUS. I USED TO WONDER WHY I GOT A RUNNING HUG THE LAST TIME THAT I SAW YOU. TIL I KEPT PUTTING YOUR NAME IN MY ART CAUSE YOUR NAME’S IN MY HEART. I AM IN AWE, YOU HAVE NO IDEA. IT’S ON THE HEART, IT’S ON THE MIND, IT’S WEIGHS ON MINE. THESE STORIES GOTTA GET TOLD. SO I TELL THEM FORGIVE ME FOR TELLING, FORGIVE ME FOR YELLING. I LOVE YOU HONEY AND ACTING WAS YOUR CHOSEN PROFESSION. I WOULD HAVE WROTE A MOVIE FOR YOU. SO I WROTE YOU SOME MOVIES FOR YOU. I WROTE YOU SOME BOOKS TOO. MADE A CHARACTER FOR YOU. VANESSA STALLONE. I GUESS I’LL CALL HER BUNNY. YEAH I MISS YOU HONEY. AND THAT CAN NEVER CHANGE. SO I REARRANGE, THESE WORDS IN THE BRAIN, TRAINED IN THE PLAINES TO PIN THEM DOWN WITH THE PEN, SO PLANE LIKE PLAINLY. CLEARING, CLEARLY, I’M NOT REFRAINING, FROM TRANSLATING THE PAIN SEEN. HONEY YEAH THIS PAIN IS MEAN. IF I COULD PUSH A BUTTON TO TRADE PLACES, I’D BE GONE. LIKE POOF. LIKE WHERE’D HE GO? IDK, CHECK THE ROOF. I JUST HEARD A SWOOP, THEN I HEARD A WOLF. I’VE BEEN THINKING ‘BOUT YOU RECENTLY. THESE RECENT THINGS BRING RECENT STINGS. INDECENT THINGS TOOK YOUR LIFE AND I’M STILL HERE WHY? ON THE SADDEST DAYS, I THINK ALOUD WHY COULDN’T WE TRADE? SEEMS WE DO NOT HAVE A SAY CAUSE THEY SAY DEATH IS OF THE TONGUE, WELL I GUESS MY WORDS ARE FAKE. OR MAYBE LONGER IT TAKES TO TAKE PLACE. ANYWAY IT GOES, I PRAY TO PLAY IT SAFE. I PRAY TO STAY SAFE. UNTIL THE TIME HAS COME. IS IT OF THE TONGUE OR ON THE TONGUE CAUSE EITHER WHICH WAY IT IS SAID, I’M NOT DEAD YET. GOD WILLING. GOD WILLINGLY REMOVED HONEY FROM OUR BUILDING THEN. BEFORE SHE EVEN HAD CHILDREN AND. NAIJAH AND JOSH D. HUTCH HAD CHILDREN MANN.. CLUCTH MY HEART, WILL I HAVE THEM TOO BEFPRE I  PART? HONEY, THE THINGS I WANT TO SAY TO YOU HAVEN’T BEEN SAID YET. IT’S HARD TO SEE HOW THEY COULD BE SO MEAN, TO JUST TAKE YOU FROM US. IF YOU COULD SEE YOUR PEOPLE’S FACES THEN YOU KNOW THAT THEY MISS YOU. YOUR NAME IS FOREVER IN MY SIGHT. UNTIL I AM GONE I SHALL WRITE. ABOUT THE TIMES WE HAD AND HOW IT FELT GLAD TO HAVE YOU AS A FRIEND AMEN. THEN IT FELT BAD GOT REAL SAD WHEN YOU-YOU KNOW. MY FIRST COMPLETED BOOK WAS CALLED THE PHONE GIRL. A SHOW, ABOUT MEGAN, SHE WAS PAGAN. YEAH I’M JUST SAYING, THEN I WROTE ABOUT RUNNING THE NATION. I WROTE FIRESTARTERS THAT GOT THE LIAR’S FIRE’S ABLAZING. ABOUT A WORLD CHANGING FRAGRANCE. FRAGANCE IN THE AIR, THE CONCEPT OF THE SECOND BOOK IS STILL SUCH A SCARE AND WAS JUST AMAZING. JOHN FITZGERALD’S REINCARNATION OR MODERN DAY INCARNATION. THAT IS MY MAGNUS OPUS CAUSE THEY’LL BURN ME ALIVE FOR IT. ANYWAY I STRIVED FOR IT. I ADORED IT. I WROTE BOOKS WITH SPOKEN QUOTES QUOTING SOMETHING PROVOKING A FIRE’S SCORCHING, TORCHING, HORSE SPIT. YOUR NAME’S GOT IT’S OWN VOLUME IN IT, ALONG WITH NAIJAH. THE MEMORIES I HAVE OF MY PASSED ON HOMIES PASSES ON INTO A SCRIPT OR PLAY FOR US, BECAUSE IT WEIGHS A LOT ON ME. I’M REALLY GLAD I MET YOU HONEY, CHERISHED EVERY TIME I SAW YOU. AS A PERSON YOU WERE AMAZING AND A DARLING. I DON’T GET HOW YOU MADE THEM THAT MAD, WHAT COULD YOU DO SO WRONG TO DO SOMETHING SO WRONG LIKE THAT TO YOU? IT JUST WILL CONFUSE. ME TO, THINK ABOUT IT TOO SO DO YOU, HAVE ANYWAY TO SEND ME A SIGN, IF YOU COULD STILL READ LETTERS AND YOU READ MINE? HONEY IT’S BREAD TIME. CAUSE HONEY ON BREAD IS LIKE BUTTER, CRISPY. IF I HAD A CHANCE TO ASK YOU TWO QUESTIONS. THE FIRST ONE WOULD BE DID YOU EVER HAVE A CHANCE TO GET TIPSY? THEN I WOULD ASK YOU WHO DID IT? IF LIFE IS A HUSTLE THEN THEY TOOK YOUR NIPSEY. THE SADDEST THING ABOUT IT, WHO EVER KNOWS THE TRUTH THEY AIN’T SNITCHING. THEY DESERVE A BITCH RING WORTH 50,000$.

CHAPTER TEN: THE CONCLUSION

WEDNESDAY 4.25.2018

12:58PM EST - 1:39PM EST

DEAR HONEY, I PLAN TO PLAN THE GREATEST PLANS IN YOUR NAME, IN YOUR MEMORY JUST SAYING. THEN ACT THEM OUT ENGAGING, THEE-THEE ENTIRE NATION, BY BEING SO BLATANT, IN SAYING. WHAT IF THE EVIL DOERS EVER MET THEIR MATCHED FACES? WATCH THE MAT PLACEMENT, SPITTING IT ANCIENT,  HONEY WHAT ELSE COULD I DO BUT KEEP TELLING YOU? THE STATEMENTS THAT I’M SAYING HAVE A TRUTHFUL SHAPING? IN TRUE FORM, THE NEW NORM, IS TO FILM YOUR LIFE CAUSE YOU CAN’T FILM IT TWICE. DOCUMENT THE FRIENDS YOU HAVE AND THE FRIENDS YOU’VE LOST. THE FRIENDS WHO PAID THE COST TO LIVE THE LIFE THEY LIVED, THE LIFE THEY GAVE THEIR ALL INTO, UNTO, REGARDLESS OF THE CIRCUMSTANCES, THE EVENTS IN THEMSELVES WERE JUST TRAGIC DUDE. FOR THE REST OF OUR DAYS, WE GET TO ASK OURSELVES, JUST WHAT HAPPENED DUDE? IT’S SO MATTER OF FACT. SO AS IF MY BLADDER WAS MASSIVELY FULL AND STILL INTACT, I GOTTA TAKE ACTION. AND TAKE ACTION’S WHAT I DO, FAIL IF I’M PASSIVE. DEAR HONEY, I HAVE TO GO TO SLEEP FOR WORK, STILL HAD TO GIVE YOUR MEMORY AN HOUR, FOR YOUR MEMORIES EMPOWER ME, THEY SHOWER ME, HOURLY. PICTURE YOU RUNNING AROUND IN A FIELD SO FLOWERY. WHEREVER YOU’RE AT, I BET AN HOUR MEANS, NOTHING TO YOU AND YOU’RE LAUGHING AT THAT. WE COVERED THAT IN OUR AUDIO BOOK CLUB. YOUNG GIRL HAD A REDPILL MESHED BRAIN. IF YOU WERE RIGHT HERE HONEY RIGHT NOW, I BET MY MONEY YOU WOULD BE PHILOSOPHICAL. YOU WERE YOUNG AND YOU GAVE IT A CHANCE. THEN YOU DIED IN VIOLENCE. I COULDN’T UNDERSTAND, COMPREHENSIVE, I WASN’T, I WAS JUST PENSIVE. I WAS JUST APPREHENSIVE. HOW HAVEN’T THEY BEEN APPREHENDED? NOT TO MENTION HEARD YOUR FINGERTIPS WERE MISSING AT THE FUNERAL SO ITS USUAL TO FEEL IT FLOWED SOMETHING LIKE AS SHOWN OR FOLLOWS, EASY TO CONCLUDE YET HARD TO SWALLOW. IF THEY DID THAT REALLY IT MEANS YOU FOUGHT BACK AND YOU CAUGHT THAT KILLERS DNA IN BLOOD FORM UNDER YOUR FINGERNAILS THEN OH NO THAT’S B.S. IF THEY DID THIS IT’S SICKENING, SICKENS ME. DEAR HONEY, THE IMAGERY OF WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU HAS STRICKEN ME, SINCE THE DAY I HEARD ABOUT IT-IT’S BEEN GETTING TO ME VIVIDLY AND INTENTIONALLY, PROVISIONING THESE PLANS THEN POSITIONING THE PLANNED FACTORS AND THE MANNED FACTORS. WITH MANNED FACTORS IN POSITIONS, WE JUST ENTER THE MISSION, WHERE WE ENTER THE VISION, THE VISION OF THE GOOFY ONE, WELL WE COMPLETED THE GOAL, WITH HONEY’S MEMORY RIGHT BESIDE OF US. WE TRUST IN THE INNER FUSS TO JUST FADE AWAY, WE MUST CONTINUE IN THESE DAYS, TO BRING BETTER WAYS OF ACTING ONTO THE STAGE. THE STAGE OF LIFE. THE SAME LIFE HONEY DIED LIVING, HER SOUL PAID THE PRICE, OF BEING HERE HERE ON EARTH FOR A GRAND TIME IN THIS NATION OF OURS. UNTIL HONEY WENT BACK, TO THIS SENSATION OF OURS. HONEY WENT BACK TO WHERE SHE CAME FROM. THE SOLAR SYSTEM OR THE COSMOS, SHE’S A STAR NOW HONEY’S-HONEY’S GANGED UP. FLAMED UP LIKE SIRIUS. I WAS DELIRIOUS, WHEN I HEARD YOU COULD PUT SOMEONE’S NAME ON A STAR. FIRST CHANCE I GET, BUYING TWO STARS FOR YOU HONEY. FOR THE LIFE YOU LIVED AND THE LIFE YOU COULDN’T, CAUSE THEY TOOK IT FROM YOU AND I KNEW THAT I WOULDN’T, BE ABLE TO JUST LET YOUR MEMORY GO, I WOULDN’T. SO I WRITE TO YOU FLUENT, I WRITE TO YOU DOING, WHAT I’M RIGHTFULLY DOING. RIGHTFULLY PURSUING, A HAPPINESS YOU WOULD LOVE TO SEE, SO I HAD TO THUG TO SEE, YOU WOULD SEE AND YOU’LL SEE BECAUSE IT IS OUR DESTINY. HONEY, YOU BRING THE BEST THINGS OUT OF THE PEOPLE YOU MET. YOU WERE DEARLY ENDEARING I’LL FOREVER REVERE YOUR NATURE. I REGRET NOT BEING ABLE TO TRADE PLACES WITH YOU OR TO HAVE BEEN THERE WITH YOU. IF I WAS WITH YOU I WOULDN’T HAVE LET THEM GET YOU. I WOULD HAVE TO HAVE GOTTEN TOO. REST IN PEACE, VANESSA MALONE.