WRISTS BATHED IN RED SESSION CHAD XZAVIER DIARIES SESSION

 12:50PM EST - 1:13PM EST

SATURDAY MARCH 2ND, 2024

3.2.2024

WRISTS BATHED IN RED:

SESSION

 CHAD XZAVIER DIARIES:

SESSION ONE:

   I AM UNDERGOING A PSYCHIC CHANGE OF MENTAL FACULTY OPERATIONS. I AM LEARNING TO CONTROL MY MIND MORE. I AM LEARNING TO BETTER CONTROL MY EMOTIONS. I AM LEARNING TO SUBDUE MY ADDICTIVE NATURE. MY ADDICTIVE NATURE WILL NOT GO AWAY. I MOST LIKELY POSSESS AN ADDICTIVE PERSONALITY. IF I LOVE SOMETHING I FULLY COMMIT MYSELF AND MY TIME, ENERGY AND FOCUS INTO IT. 

  I JUST HAVE TO SWITCH THE ADDICTION. I WAS ADDICTED TO SMOKING MARIJUANA. I DON'T SMOKE MARIJUANA ANYMORE. I AM LIVING IN A GROUP SOBRIETY HOME HELPING ME RECOVER FROM THE DRUG ADDICTION. A DRUG ADDICTION IS A FATAL MENTAL DISEASE. I AM LEARNING TO USE THE MENTAL DISEASE TO MY BENEFIT. 

  I DON'T WANT TO EXPRESS MY ADDICTIVE PERSONALITY OR ADDICTIVE NATURE IN THE FORM OF DRUG CONSUMPTION ANY LONGER. I WANT TO BE ADDICTED TO MY PURSUING MY PERSONAL GOALS. I AM USING MY PERSONAL GOALS LIST TO EXPRESS MY ADDICTIVE NATURE NOW INSTEAD. 

  WRITING WAS MY INITIAL THERAPY TO EXPRESS MYSELF AND MY EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL PAINS. I WAS WRITING THRU OUT MY ADDICTIVE ADDICTION PHASE. NOW I AM STILL WRITING THRU MY RECOVERY PROCESS. I AM TRAINING MY BRAIN TO VIEW THE GOALS I HAVE NOW OT HAD BACK DURING MY ACTIVE ADDICTION AS MY NEW DRUG. 

  HOW MANY HOURS DID I SPEND SMOKING MARIJUANA? HOW MANY HOURS DID I SPEND SEARCHING FOR SOME ONE TO BUY THE DRUG FROM? HOW MANY HOURS DID I SPEND BREAKING DOWN THE WEED WITH MY FINGERS OR MY GRINDER AND THEN ROLLING IT UP INTO BLUNTS OR PACKING IT INTO BONGS AND BOWLS? HOW MANY HOURS DID I SPEND BAKING COOKIES AND BROWNIES AND PREPARING THE BUTTER I WOULD PUT THE MARIJUANA IN? 

  I WAS TOTALLY TIME CONSUMED BY THE DRUG OF CHOICE CONSUMPTION PROCESS. I NEED A NEW DRUG. I NEED A NEW DRUG THAT ISN'T EVEN A DRUG AT ALL. I NEED A PRODUCTIVE LIST OF GOALS IN WHICH CONSUMING THOSE WOULD FEEL LIKE A DRUG TO ME. I USED TO SMOKE AND WRITE. NOW I JUST NEED TO WRITE AND WRITE. I NEED TO DOUBLE MY WRITING TIME. MY WRITING HOURS IN SOBRIETY NEED TO MATCH THE WRITING HOURS IN ACTIVE ADDICTION. 

  MY TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE YEARS LASTED BETWEEN 1997-2003. FROM 2ND GRADE UNTIL 8TH GRADE I WAS BEING SEXUALLY TRAUMATIZED. I MOVED FROM MIAMI, FLORIDA TO ATLANTA, GEORGIA AFTER MY HIGH SCHOOL FRESHMAN YEAR IN 2004. JULY 2004 I BELIEVE IN WHEN I MOVED TO ATLANTA, GEORGIA. 

  THE TRAUMATIC BACKLASH DIDN'T OCCUR UNTIL 2018 VALENTINE'S DAY. I WAS LIVING IN SYRACUSE, NEW YORK FOR THE FIRST TIME FOR FOUR MONTHS. I HAD TO MOVE BACK TO ATLANTA BC I WASN'T EARNING ENOUGH MONEY ON COMMISSIONS AS AN OBAMA PHONE SALESMAN. 

  MY MOTHER ASKED ME TO RETURN TO GA TO LEARN TO TRADE CURRENCY. I WAS STUDYING INVESTING IN THE STOCK MARKET SINCE JUNE 2017. I WAS LIVING IN A MOTEL IN UNION CITY, GEORGIA WHILE WORKING AT MCDONALDS. I HAD $20 TO MY NAME EVERY WEEK AFTER PAYING THE MOTEL BILL. I SPENT THAT $20 ON MARIJUANA. 

  I WAS ON A FACEBOOK GROUP CHAT WITH A FEW FRIENDS. I WAS CHATTING WITH JARRED QUARLES, JESTIN BROWNING AND JEFF VITO. BITO HAD MENTIONED BITCOIN, A CRYPTO CURRENCY AND THE FIRST EVER CRYPTO CURRENCY WAS AT ONE MILLION DOLLARS. I LOOKED IT UP. IT WASN'T AT THE PRICE LEVEL HE SAID. 

  I PURCHASED THREE FULL BITCOINS IN 2023 AT AGE 23 FOR $88 PER COIN. ISAIAH LEE NOBLE CALLED ME ONE DAY. ISAIAH ASKED ME WHAT A BITCOIN WAS. I TOLD ISAIAH I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT A BITCOIN WAS. I ASKED ISAIAH WHERE HE HAD HEARD OF THE BITCOIN FROM. ISAIAH SAID HIS MOTHER'S BOYFRIEND HAD JUST WALKED INTO HIS ROOM AND ASKED HIM WHAT A BITCOIN WAS. ISAIAH TOLD HIM HE DID NOT KNOW. 

  I CHOSE TO BUY THREE BITCOINS. I KEPT TWO AND GAVE THE OTHER TO ISAIAH AS A FINDER'S FEE FOR INFORMING ME OF THE INNOVATION. THIS WAS MY FIRST EVER INVESTMENT. I TOLD MY MOTHER I HAD BOUGHT THE BITCOIN AND SHE HAD ADMONISHED ME FOR IT. SHE TOTALLY FREAKED OUT. SHE WASN'T HAPPY WHEN I PURCHASED MARIJUANA. INSTEAD OF BEING HAPPY I FOUND SOMETHING ELSE TO BUY OTHER THAN A DRUG NO SHE STILL HAD A PROBLEM WITH WHAT I DID WITH MY MONEY. SHE SAW NO GOOD AT ALL IN MY DECISION. NOWADAYS SHE HATES FOR ME TO BRING IT UP BC SHE WAS HORRIBLY WRONG. 

  MY PARENTS DIDN'T INVEST IN THE COMPUTER REVOLUTION. MY PARENTS DIDN'T INVEST IN THE INTERNET REVOLUTION. MY PARENTS CONSUMED COMPUTERS. MY PARENTS CONSUMED THE INTERNET TECHNOLOGY SERVICE. THEY DIDN'T TAKE THE RISK OF AIDING IN THE PRODUCTION OF THE PRODUCTS. THEY DID HOWEVER SPEND THEIR MONEY ON THE PRODUCTS AFTER THE BANDWAGON TOOK OFF. 

  THIS IS HOW MOST PEOPLE THINK AND ACT. THIS INCLUDES YOU AND YOUR PARENTS. YOU WILL REPEAT MANY OF YOUR PARENTS ERRORS. IF YOU DON'T REPEAT YOUR PARENT'S ERRORS THEN THIS WILL DRIVE A WEDGE BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR PARENTS. YOUR PARENTS WONT ALWAYS BE HONEST ABOUT THEIR ERRORS AND TO MAKE THEM FEEL BETTER THEY WILL URGE YOU TO TAKE THE SAME ACTIONS IN YOUR LIFE THAT NEVER CAUSED THEM COMPLETE HAPPINESS. 

  MOST PEOPLE WILL CONSUME A COMPANY'S PRODUCTS THEIR ENTIRE LIVES AND NEVER INVEST IN THE COMPANY THEMSELVES. THE COMPANY REPRESENTS AN INDUSTRY AND THE INDUSTRY REPRESENTS A SECTOR. EVERY STOCK MARKET SECTOR IS COMPRISED OF MANY DIFFERENT INDUSTRIES.