STRAWBERRY KIWI CHAPTER FOUR

“LET’S GET THIS BREAD BOYS”; CHAPTER FOUR: STRAWBERRY KIWI THE PREQUEL

SUNDAY FEBRUARY 10TH, 2019

MAY I SAY, THIS IS THE JUST THE PREQUEL, I JUST HAD TO GET ALL THAT OVER WITH. NOW THAT’S OVER WITH, WE’RE GOING TO GET REAL ECONOMICAL. BUT NOT YET, BECAUSE DAMMIT UGH, THAT FIRST PART WAS LIKE UGH, THE PREQUEL IS JUST LIKE WHOOSH, UGH, WE CAN GET TO THE MONEY. AS WHITE BOY DILLON FROM UPS (CHRISTMAS SEASON 2018) USED TO SAY, (SNIFFLES)  “LET'S GET THIS BREAD BOYS.” THAT’S HOW HE SAID IT. “LET’S GET THIS BREAD BOYS” SO, WITH THAT SAID, LET’S GET THIS BREAD BOYS. 

IT’S TIME, ALL I WANT YOU TO HAVE REALLY HAVE GOTTEN FROM THESE MINUTES OF THIS IS THAT IT’S TIME, FOR US, TO COME TOGETHER, AND STOP WORKING FOR THE WHITE MAN. IT’S NOT IN OUR BEST INTEREST, AND IT IS THE ONLY WAY TO GET HIM BACK, FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE TO US. YOU MUST NOW WORK FOR YOURSELVES. LET MY PEOPLE KNOW. SO, LIVE OFF, OF CREDIT, PAY CREDIT CARD BILL WITH CREDIT CARD CASH RESERVE OR ANOTHER CREDIT CARD, THEN PAY  MINIMUM BALANCE ONCE, IN A WEEK, THEN ONCE THE NEXT WEEK, THEN ONCE MORE THE NEXT WEEK. 

THEN, YOU TAKE A RIGHT DOWN RUDEY POO LANE, 

(WALKS AROUND ROOM) AND THAT’S HOW YOU’RE GONNA FEEL, WHEN YOU’RE WORKING FOR YOURSELF.  YOU’RE GONNA FEEL LIKE THE ROCK. YOU KNOW WHY? YOUR NAME’S DWAYNE JOHNSON. THAT’S HOW YOU’RE GONNA FEEL. MY NAME’S DWAYNE JOHNSON, YOU’RE GONNA FEEL THAT WAY ALL DAY. YOU’RE JUST GONNA, WANNA DO, EVERYTHING THE ROCK DID. LIKE, YOU’RE GONNA WANNA SAY ALL OF HIS, LIKE YOU’RE GONNA FEEL IT, THAT’S HOW YOU’RE GONNA FEEL LIKE.

GO TO YOUTUBE AND WATCH, TYPE IN THE ROCK COMPILATION, AND I’VE NEVER EVEN TYPED IN THAT MYSELF, BUT I’M SURE THERE’S ONE AND THEN YOU’LL SEE WHAT IT MEANS TO DO ALL OF THAT FOR THAT LONG AND HOW MUCH GREATNESS IT MIGHT FEEL LIKE AND THEN WHEN YOU LIVE THIS LIFE THAT I NOW, YOU KNOW, I COMMEND YOU TO LIVE. I COMMEND YOU TO WORK FOR YOURSELF. 

YOU KNOW WHAT? I, DARE YOU TO WORK FOR YOURSELF. YOU KNOW WHAT NIGGA? I DOUBLE DARE YOU TO WORK FOR YOURSELF NIGGA. OKAY, FIRST OFF, IT’S GONNA COST YOU $275 FOR LEGAL ZOOM NIGGA IT’S CALLED THE DBA. A DBA STANDS FOR DOING BUSINESS AS NIGGA. NOW NIGGA, LISTEN NIGGA, WE’RE TALKING ABOUT A DBA NIGGA, SO I COULD SAY NIGGA, CAUSE I’M TALKING TO NIGGAS ABOUT STUFF THAT, NOBODY TALKS TO NIGGAS ABOUT NIGGAS. THERE IS A JOKE IN AMERICA, THAT NIGGAS DON’T KNOW FINANCES, BUT NIGGA DID YOU KNOW THAT IF I GOOGLE AND TYPE IN A QUESTION NIGGA, IT’S GON GIVE ME AN ANSWER NIGGA?

(WALKS AROUND) SO, HERE’S THE QUESTION. I WANT TO ASK, GOOGLE. WE’RE GONNA MAKE GOOGLE GIVE US THE ANSWER FOR THIS STUFF. THEY CAN’T GET MAD AT US, WE WENT TO GOOGLE. GOOGLE WAS MADE BY YOU PEOPLE. SO, GOOGLE WHY YOU SO STUPID? (SMH), CHECK THIS OUT, HMM, WHAT, WHAT IS MY FAVORITE COLOR? MY FAVORITE COLOR, IS RED. HA, YA, SORRY, OK, WAIT, HOLD UP, LISTEN, LISTEN, HEY, HEY, OK. 

WHAT IS THE BUYING POWER OF THE, UH, NO, WAIT, OOH, HMM, WAIT, IS, MAYBE THAT’S NOT THE RIGHT TERM, BUYING POWER. WE’RE GONNA SEE, OH, WAIT, I SPELLED BUYING WITH A “M”, MAYBE THAT’S WHY,HOLD UP, TRY TWO, WAIT, (VOICE TREMBLING LIKE BARTHOLMEU SIMPSON) IT’S LESS THAN I THOUGHT. OH NO, NO, IT’S LESS THAN I THOUGHT, OK, THE QUESTION I TYPED, THE ANSWER,THE FIRST ANSWER, CAME FROM FORTUNE. THE SECOND ONE CAME FROM NIELSON. THE THIRD ONE CAME FROM BLACK ENTERPRISE, WHICH IS PROBABLY NOT EVEN OWNED SO ALL THE WAY. IT’S PROBABLY JUST A GAME, I DON'T’ KNOW. JUST BECAUSE THEY TALK ABOUT BLACK ENTERPRISES, DOESN’T MEAN IT IS ONE. OK, 

NIELSON FIELD REPORTS PUT BLACK BUYING POWER AS ONE POINT TWO TRILLION DOLLARS. UGH (HITS WALL) UH SHIT, I JUST HIT MY WALL AND EVERYTHING BUT I WON’T DO IT AGAIN, SO THEY DON’T COMPLAIN. I APOLOGIZE I SHOULD’VE HIT THE KITCHEN SINK LIGHTLY INSTEAD, OK, SO YEA, ONE POINT TWO TRILLION DOLLARS. OH SHIT, YA FEEL ME? DAMN, WHAT? NIGGA WHAT? HOLD ON, WHOA THERE, HOLD UP, DID YOU JUST SAY, ONE POINT TWO TRILLION? 

I HEARD IT WAS THREE BUT IT DOESN’T MATTER. A TRILLION DOLLARS IS LIKE TEN TIMES, ONE HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS. LIKE, IF YOU HAD NINE HUNDRED MILLION, AND I GAVE YOU ONE HUNDRE MILLION, YOU WOULD HAVE ONE BILLION DOLLARS. IF YOU HAD NINE HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS, AND I GAVE YOU ONE HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS, YOU’D BE A TRILLIONAIRE, SO, IF. YEA, SO, UM, THAT’S A LOT. SO THAT RIGHT THERE YOU KNOW SHOWS, YOU KNOW, JUST LIKE HOW UH, YOU KNOW, ECONOMICALLY POWERFUL, WE COULD BE. 

YOU KNOW, IF WE, HAD A MAP, ON WHERE TO GO, WHEN, WHERE, HOW OR WHY? THEN TURN DOWN FOR WHAT? OH, LEGALZOOM,, DBA, DOING BUSINESS AS, THEN YOU, PICK WHAT BUSINESS YOU WANT TO DO BUSINESS AS, THEN YOU PICK A NAME, YOU WANT TO DO BUSINESS AS. THAT’S WHAT IT MEANS, YOU’RE DOING BUSINESS AS. LIKE, IT’S LIKE YOUR NAME, GOES IN FRONT OF THE DBA. THEN THE WORD DBA, THEN AFTER THE WORDS DBA, UM, WHATEVER NAME YOU WANT TO DO BUSINESS AS. LIKE, OH, CLARK KENT, IS DOING BUSINESS AS SUPERMAN RIGHT NOW. 

YEA, SO, JUST LIKE THAT PART. CLARK KENT, SUPERMAN, YA-YA,      YA- YA, PETER PARKER, DOING BUSINESS AS YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD AYE! TOBEY MAGUIRE IS THE FIRST SPIDERMAN THEREFORE HE’S THE BEST, YA-YA-YA, DON'T FORGET WHO THE FIRST SPIDERMAN WAS. YA-YA-YA. DON’T FORGET WHO THE FIRST SPIDERMAN WAS, YA-YA-YA. WHO WAS, YEA UM, I REALLY LIKE THE MTV SPIDERMAN TOO LIKE, THE ANIMATED ONE.

DO YOU REMEMBER THE MTV ANIMATED SPIDERMAN DAWG? THAT WAS LIKE A VIDEO GAME. I WAS LIKE AYE. REAL TALK, IT WAS FIRE. IT WAS AS COOL AS BATMAN BEYOND. IT WAS COOLER THAN BATMAN BEYOND BUT, BATMAN BEYOND, WAS THAT SHIT. AYE, WHY DID THEY NEVER MAKE A BATMAN BEYOND MOVIE FUCKING BITCHES? ALL THEM MOTHER FREAKING BATMANS, WHY COULDN’T YOU GIVE CHRIS NOLAN, A BATMAN BEYOND. CHRIS NOLAN, COME BACK, WITH BATMAN BEYOND, PLEASE. PLEASE, PLEASE, CHRIS NOLAN, I KNOW YOU DON’T KNOW ME BUT PLEASE, PLEASE, WHEN I DIE TAKE THIS TO CHRIS NOLAN. CHRIS NOLAN, PLEASE, I’M SORRY I SPILLED ALL THE SECRETS ABOUT WHITE PEOPLE, CHRIS NOLAN I’M SORRY, PLEASE MAKE BATMAN BEYOND, CHRIS NOLAN PLEASE. 

HOLD ON, GOD PLEASE, MAKE CHRIS NOLAN, MAKE BATMAN BEYOND. PLEASE GOD, PLEASE CHRIS NOLAN, YOU GOT CLOUT, YOU WALK UP IN THERE, IT DOESN’T MATTER IF ITS, IT DOESN’T MATTER. WALK UP IN THERE AND YOU TELL THEM, YOU WANT TO DO BATMAN BEYOND. ALRIGHT? THEN, THEY’RE NOT GONNA UM, SAY ANYTHING BUT YES, BECAUSE YOU’RE THE FUCKING MAN, SO WHAT DO YOU NEED? IT’S LIKE JAMES CAMERON WALKED UP IN THERE, YOU JUST WALK IN THERE, WITH YOUR, BOTH OF YOUR HANDS, YOU KNOW, LIKE, YOUR FINGERS TOUCHING. ALL OF THE FINGERS TOUCHING  EACH OTHER AND PUT THAT LIKE, IN BETWEEN, YOUR CHIN AND YOUR NOSE AND YOU’RE JUST PACING AROUND THE ROOM FOR A FEW SECONDS. THEN YOU UM, YOU JUST LOOK AT THEM. THEN YOU TELL THEM, CUE THE REVEAL. THE CLOSE UP APPEARS THAT’S WHEN, YOU ZOOM IN, “I’VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT MAKING BATMAN BEYOND. (POV CUT) I WANNA DO IT.” AND THEN, IT’S JUST THAT SIMPLE. 

YOU KNOW? YOUR TRACK RECORD, JUST, DO IT. JUST STFU AND JUST DO IT. PLEASE, OK? AND THANK YOU. YOU KNOW, SO, (SNIFFLE) GONNA COME BACK AND DO, A LOT MORE, OF THESE. THIS IS GOING TO BE THE PROJECT, RIGHT NOW. I’M GOING TO DO THIS, PRETTY MUCH GOT ALL OF THAT STUFF, OUT OF THE WAY.  YOU KNOW, TRIED TO DO THAT AS LIGHTLY AS I COULD AND UM, I DIDN’T EVEN UM, EXPRESS ANY ANGER ABOUT THE THING. WHEN I STOP AND THINK ABOUT IT, I WAS, THAT WAS THE MAIN THING. YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING? I THINK THAT SHIT’S FUNNY. EVERY TIME, EVERYTIME A WHITE PERSON TELLS ME THE RULES.

HISTORICALLY, IT’S JUST THE FUNNIEST SHIT EVER. LIKE, YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? ARE YOU, (SMH) ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? YOU GONE COME UP TO ME, AND TELL ME, WHAT THE RULES ARE? OH? THAT’S MIGHTILY MIGHTY OF YOU. THAT’S MIGHTY-MIGHTY. (INHALES) YEA, MOTHERFUCKER JUST TOLD ME WHAT THE RULES WERE. THIS NIGGA, JUST TOLD ME, WHAT I CAN’T DO. HE JUST TOLD ME WHAT I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO DO. DID HE JUST TELL ME I COULD GET IN TROUBLE FOR THAT? HOLD UP, DID HE JUST BRING UP GOD TO ME? LIKE, HOLD UP, HOLD UP, YOU KNOW? NOW, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, YOU JUST READ, THE EMANCIPATION PROCLAMATION. AND IT SAID IN THERE FAITHFULLY SEEK MINIMUM WAGES. 

SO, YOU’RE GONNA USE THAT, AS A WAY OF SAYING, SLAVERY NO LONGER EXISTS. WELL IT DOES AFTER YOU COMMIT A CRIME AND THEN YOU’RE A REAL SLAVE AGAIN, RIGHT? It'S LIKE,THAT’S WHAT I WANTED TO PUT IN THERE. THAT’S THE MIDDLE NAME OF THE EMANCIPATION PROCLAMATION. IT WASN’T EVEN REALLY STATED IN THERE, BASICALLY IT JUST SAYS HEY, NOW YOU’RE AN AMERICAN CITIZEN. NOW YOU CAN VOTE, IN A HUNDRED YEARS, IF YOU DO CRIME, YOU’RE GONE, YOU’RE GONE, YOU'RE GOING BACK, RIGHT WHERE YOU CAME FROM. 

WELL, NOT WHERE YOU CAME FROM, BUT WHERE YOU CAME FROM. YOU AIN’T GOING BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM, YOU’RE GOING BACK, TO HOW IT USED TO BE. KINDA, WORST, IT’S GONNA BE WORST THIS TIME, NOW YOU’RE A FILTHY CRIMINAL. (LAUGHS) NOW YOU’RE “THE CRIMINAL,” IN THE LAND THAT’S NOT EVEN YOURS. NIGGA, HOW’D YOU GET THERE> DAM NIGGA, HOW’D WE GET HERE? IT’S COLD AS FUCK OVER HERE, IN EVERY WHICH WAY. NOW, WE HAVE TO UNDERSTAND,