WE HAVE TO UNDERSTAND:CHAPTER FIVE: STRAWBERRY KIWI THE PREQUEL
SUNDAY FEBRUARY 10TH, 2019
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAKEVIA KANAIJAH
WE HAVE TO UNDERSTAND. WE HAVE TO UNDERSTAND, THEIR POINT OF VIEW. WE COME, FROM WHEREVER, WE COME FROM NIGGA WE DONT REALLY FUCKING KNOW. WE DON’T REALLY KNOW, THE NAME OF, OUR-OUR SPECIFIC TRIBE. OR COUNTRY. WE CAN PAY THE WHITE MAN TO TELL US. I’M SURE HE’LL TELL US THE TRUTH. HE WON’T LIE TO US. HELL, HE DON’T KNOW. FUCK HE CARE FOR? FOH? (ACCENT) NOW WHY IN THE HELL, WOULD HE EVEN CARE ABOUT THAT? THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO, WITH HIM. HE WOULDN’T GIVE A DAM. SO,
(TEN SECOND LAUGH) (COUGHS) SOMETIME, I TRY TO JUST, SO, TO JUST SKIP OVER SOMETIMES I CAN, AND UH, AND I JUST LAUGH AT MY OWN FOOLISHNESS. I THINK ALL OF THIS SHIT IS HILARIOUS, BECAUSE, GIVING OUT THE PLAN, OF COURSE IT’S FUCKING HILARIOUS TO ME, YOU KNOW? I THANK GOD FOR THE STUPIDITY, IT’S WONDERFUL, IT’S WONDERFUL TO SEE, IT’S HORRIBLE TO LOOK AT, BUT IT’S WONDERFUL TO SEE. YOU STOP TO REALLY SEE IT. YOU GO TO A RESTAURANT, YOU SIT DOWN. THE WAITRESS COMES, AND SHE FLIRTS WITH YOU.
YOU TELL HER WHAT, YOU WOULD LIKE TO EAT, (SNIFFLES) SHE BRINGS IT TO YOU, AFTER TAKING YOUR ORDER, TO THE CHEFS. YOU EAT THE FOOD, YOU PAY THE BILL AND TIP, OR YOU WASH THE DISHES. BY WASHING THE DISHES, I MEAN, WASHING THE DISHES IN JAIL. SO, YOU PAY, THE BILL BECAUSE THE MEAL’S NOT FREE. SO, HOW ARE WE FREE? WHEN WE HAVE BILLS? IF YOU, HAVE BILLS, ECONOMICALLY, YOU’RE NOT FREE. YOU’RE BILLED. SO YOU CAN’T GO, TO ANOTHER STATE, FOR THIRTY DAYS STRAIGHT, WE HAVE BILLS, I COULDN’T DO THAT EITHER, NOT YET. WE ALL GOT FUCKING BILLS. NONE OF US ARE FREE. LIKE, MCDONALDS, IS SPELLED IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS, BECAUSE IT IS A CORPORATION.
SO IS APPLE, WHEN IT COMES TO STOCKS, ALL OF THE STOCKS ARE SPELLED IN CAPITAL LETTERS, THEY REPRESENT COMPANIES. COMPANIES, CORPORATIONS, ARTIFICIAL CORPORATIONS, (SNIFFLES) THEY, CAPITALIZE OUR LETTERS, ON OUR NAMES, ON OUR IDENTIFICATION AND DRIVER’S LICENSES. ALRIGHT, WHITE PEOPLE LANGUAGE IS CALLED STRAWMAN. IT’S CALLED UNIFORM COMMERCIAL CODE. U.C.C. ULTIMATE CRICHTON COLLECTION. U.C.C. 2019. FOR DUMMIES, WHITE PEOPLE SPEAK IN UNIFORM COMMERCIAL CODE. (INHALES THRU NOSTRIL) I’VE NEVER READ THE BOOK. I’M GOING TO OF COURSE, TO SPEAK STRAWMAN, WHAT’S A STRAWMAN? A FAKE MAN, MADE OF HEY-HAY-HAYE, ON ANY GIVEN DAY.
A FRIKKING SCARECROW. SO, DRIVING, LET’S GO TO GOOGLE. A, THIS SHIT GIVES ME THE HEEBY JEEBIES. DRIVING, DEFINE DRIVING. DEFINE DRIVING. DRIVING, THE, THANK YOU GOOGLE, FOR BEING HONEST WITH ME. DRIVING, ADJECTIVE, WE ARE GOING SKIP THAT ONE. NOUN, THE CONTROL AND OPERATION OF A MOTOR VEHICLE. OK, HMM, STRAWMAN, THAT’S THE DEFINITION OF DRIVING. REMEMBER THAT, WE ARE GOING TO NEED THAT LATER. DEFINE, MOTOR VEHICLE. WHAT’S A MOTOR VEHICLE?
MOTOR VEHICLE, NOUN, A ROAD VEHICLE POWERED BY AN INTERNAL COMBUSTION ENGINE. OH MY GOSH, AND THEN, IN SEMI-COLON, THEY PUT, AN AUTOMOBILE. OH MY GOODNESS. HOLD ON, NOW WE GOTTA GO SOMEWHERE ELSE? GOOGLE YOU ARE ON THAT BULLSHIT GOOGLE. GOOGLE, (LAUGHS) OK, HAHAHA, WAIT A MINUTE. 85.173 DEFINITION OF A MOTOR VEHICLE, FOR THE PURPOSE OF DETERMINING THE APPLICABILITY OF SECTION 216 (TO A VEHICLE THAT IS SELF PROPELLED THAT IS CAPABLE OF TRANSPORTING A PERSON OR PERSONS OR ANY MATERIAL, OR ANY PERMANENTLY OR TEMPORARILY AFFIXED APPARATUS SHALL BE DEEMED A MOTOR VEHICLE, UNLESS ANY ONE OR MORE OF THE CRITERIA, SET FORTH BELOW ARE MET AND WHICH THIS VEHICLE SHOULD NOT DEEMED A MOTOR VEHICLE.)
THE VEHICLE CAN NOT EXCEED A MAXIMUM SPEED OF 25MPHS OVER LEVELED SURFACES, WHAT? THE VEHICLE CAN NOT EXCEED A MAXIMUM SPEED OF 25MPHS OVER LEVEL PAID SURFACES? HOLD UP. HOLD UP. I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING. YOUR CAR, YOUR AUTOMOBILE, TRAVELS, AT SPEEDS OVER, NIGGA, WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY IS WHEN’S THE LAST TIME YOU DID 25MPS IN YOUR CAR AND IT WASN’T IN A SCHOOL ZONE ON A SCHOOL DAY NIGGA??
NIGGA WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU STOPPED AT A STOP SIGN? COMPLETELY NIGGA? NIGGA, WHAT YOU KNOW, ABOUT A ROLLING STOP? NIGGA THAT’S ALL YOU KNOW. (LAUGHS) YA’LL NIGGAS DON’T STOP AT STOP SIGNS MAN. EVERYTIME I SEE YOU NIGGAS STOP AT A STOP SIGN, FOR REAL, I BE LIKE AYE, THIS NIGGA STOPPED, ALL THE WAY, I BE LIKE HEY, I JUST WANNA GIVE THEM LIKE, A SIGN LIKE, HEY, I SAW THAT, AYE! AS A PEDESTRIAN, THAT FELT GOOD TO SEE. THIS NIGGA ACTUALLY STOPPED, LIKE, I WASN’T EVEN TRYING TO CROSS THE MOTHERFUCKER, I WAS NOT EVEN NEAR THERE, JUST, I SAW IT HAPPENED.
HE PULLED UP AT THE STOP SIGN, AND HE ACTUALLY, STOPPED. EVEN IF CARS WERE BEHIND HIM. SO, NOW THE OTHER CAR BEHIND HIM, OR HER, WOULD LOOK LIKE A JACKASS, BY NOT STOPPING. THE FUNNY THING IS, THEY DON’T CARE, THEY’RE COOL. AND THEY’RE IN A RUSH. A RUSH, TO GET A TICKET. (L) THEY’RE IN AN EXTREME RUSH, TO LOSE THEIR LICENSE. FIVE POINTS DEDUCTED, SEE NEXT COUNTER, FOR BEGGING. HOW MANY MINUTES HAVE I BEEN RECORDING THIS FOR? AW SH, OK TEN MINUTES, SO YEAH, THIS IS THE PREQUEL, TO KIND OF GIVE YOU, THE OVERLAY. UM, SO LET’S LOOK AT THE DEFINITION OF, ALRIGHT, LET’S FINISH THIS ONE.
NUMBER TWO, THE VEHICLE LACKS FEATURES CUSTOMARILY ASSOCIATED WITH SAFE OR PRACTICAL, STREET AND HIGHWAY USE. SUCH FEATURES INCLUDE, BUT NOT BEING LIMITED TO, A REVERSE GEAR, EXCEPT IN THE CASE OF MOTORCYCLES. A DIFFERENTIAL OR SAFETY FEATURES REQUIRED BY STATE AND OR FEDERAL LAW, OR, THE VEHICLE OF ITS FEATURES WHICH RENDERS ITS USE ON A STREET AND HIGHWAY IN AN UNSAFE OR UNPRACTICAL MANNER
SUCH FEATURES INCLUDING, WE’RE GOING TO READ THIS LIKE SHAKESPEARE. HOLD ON, THAT JUST STARTED TO SOUND LIKE SHAKESPEARE TO ME. THIS NEXT PARAGRAPH IS SHAKESPEARE FOR MY EARS. NOW, HOLD ON, WAIT, I DIDN’T SAY THAT RIGHT. THERE’S NO WAY TO REWIND. SO I JUST,
(SHAKESPEAREAN) THIS NEXT PARAGRAPH IS SHAKESPEARE TO MY EARS. SHAKESPEARE TO MY EARS, THIS NEXT PARAGRAPH IS.
THE VEHICLE EXHIBITS FEATURES WHICH RENDER IT’S USE ON THE STREET OR HIGHWAY UNSAFE AND HIGHLY UNPRACTICAL, SUCH FEATURES INCLUDING, BUT NOT BEING LIMITING TO, TRACK ROAD CONTACT, MEANING, INORDINATE SIZE AND FEATURES ORDINARILY ASSOCIATED WITH MILITARY COMBAT AND TACTICAL VEHICLES SUCH AS ARMORY AND OR WEAPONRY. I KNOW WHAT YOUR THINKING.
YOU’VE BEEN HAD. YOU DON’T DRIVE A MOTOR VEHICLE NIGGA? A MOTOR VEHICLE IS A MOTHERFUCKING ICE CREAM TRUCK NIGGA. WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU HAVE SEEN A MUG RIDING AN ICE CREAM TRUCK NIGGA? CAN’T GET NO YO’S IN THE ICE CREAM TRUCK. NOW, YOU CAN. YOU CAN. MASTER P CAN. NOW WE MOVE ON TO DEFINE AUTOMOBILE. GOOGLE, HELP ME, EXPOSE, ALL OF YOU ALL’S BULLSHIT. GOOGLE IS ON THAT BULLSHIT. THEY COVERING UP THIS SHIT DAWG. THEY JUST NEEDED NIGGAS LIKE ME TO COME AND (CLICKING NOISE AND POP) PUT THE PIECES TOGETHER, REAL QUICK. HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, I’M GOING TO HAVE TO DIE FOR THIS. HEY, HEY, HEY, NIGGAS BEEN DYING FOR YEARS. WHO AM I TO THINK I WAS SPECIAL? HEY, HEY, HEY, COULD YOU SPARE A DOGE COIN? (SNIFFLES)
OK, AUTOMOBILE, NOUN, ROAD VEHICLES, FOUR WHEELS, ABLE TO CARRY SMALL NUMBER OF PEOPLE, INTERNAL COMBUSTION ENGINE. WHAT’S THE NEXT DEFINITION CHAD? WHAT’S THE NEXT DEFINITION? EVERY PIECE OPENS ANOTHER PUZZLE. THE LAST PIECE OF ONE PUZZLE IS THE FIRST PIECE OF THE NEXT PUZZLE. DEFINE TRAVELLING. YA-YA-YA-YA-YA-YA. TRAVEL, VERB, MAKE A JOURNEY, TYPICALLY ABROAD.
IRELAND DEM, NUMBER TWO, MOVING IN A CONSTANT OR PREDICTABLE WAY. LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND. LAST THING, THE RIGHT TO TRAVEL. LOOK UP, THE RIGHT TO TRAVEL. OK. I JUST DID IT. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
CASE NUMBER TWO, DID YOU HERE WHAT HE SAID HALFWAY THRU? COME ON, WE NEED TO LEARN HOW TO SPEAK WHITE PEOPLE. AND I’M JUST THE NIGGA TO DO IT. THE RIGHT OF THE CITIZEN TO TRAVEL UPON THE PUBLIC HIGHWAYS AND TO TRANSPORT HIS PROPERTY THERE ON EITHER BY CARRIAGE OR BY AUTOMOBILE. IT IS NOT A PRIVILEGE THEY MAY PROHIBIT AT WILL BUT A COMMON LAW RIGHT, WHICH HE HAS IN THE RIGHT TO LIFE, LIBERTY, AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS.
HOLD UP, HOLD, UP. WITH THAT SAID, NIGGA YOU’VE BEEN HAD. WE’VE ALL BEEN HAD BEN. I BEEN HAD, YOU BEEN HAD, EVERYBODY YOU KNOW’S BEEN HAD. NIGGA, MANY TIMES, MANY TIMES, MANY TIMES, HOLD UP. THEY ALWAYS WANT TO TELL US THE RULES. HOLD UP. SO, I HAVE ONE QUESTION FOR YOU WHITE MAN?
AM I WRONG? (SHUFFLING AND MUFFLING) (FADE TO BLACK)
STRAWBERRY KIWI THE INTRODUCTORY PREQUEL
No comments:
Post a Comment