STRAWBERRY KIWI THE PREQUEL

STRAWBERRY KIWI

10AM EASTERN TIME 

SUNDAY FEBRUARY 10TH, 2019

THE CREDIT LINE: CHAPTER ONE: STRAWBERRY KIWI

STRAWBERRY KIWI

    BASICALLY, SO,  THIS IS FOR EVERYBODY BUT I’M GOING TO, HMM, NO I’M GOING TO TALK TO EVERYBODY, BASICALLY IN THE EQUATION SO CHAPTER ONE, STRAWBERRY KIWI. I’LL JUST TALK FROM MY PERSPECTIVE. OK  FROM MY PERSPECTIVE, IT IS TIME FOR US TO STOP WORKING FOR THE WHITE MAN AND HERE IS WHY. 

    WHY NOT? SOME PEOPLE ASK WHY, OTHERS DREAM OF THINGS THAT NEVER WERE AND ASK WHY NOT. HISTORICALLY, IT IS NOT IN OUR BEST INTEREST TO CONTINUE WORKING FOR THE WHITE MAN.. IT’S JUST, IT’S JUST NOT IN OUR BEST INTEREST. UM, IT’S NOT GOOD FOR OUR CHILDREN, IT’S NOT GOOD TO UM, TO TEACH THEM THAT THAT’S OK. I BELIEVE IN ECONOMIC FREEDOM AND ECONOMIC GROWTH. I BELIEVE IN ECONOMIC PROSPERITY FOR ALL AND I BELIEVE ALL SHOULD HELP ALL SO I HELP ALL. 

    NOW, I BELIEVE IN AN AMERICA, WHERE WE WORK FOR OURSELVES. I BELIEVE IN AN AMERICA WHERE THE WHITE MAN WORKS FOR THE WHITE MAN. I BELIEVE IN SEGREGATION, ONLY WHEN IT COMES TO WORKING FOR THE WHITE MAN. I BELIEVE IN ECONOMIC SEGREGATION. I BELIEVE WE SHOULD RETIRE, AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. I BELIEVE IN AN AMERICA WHERE WE DO NOT WAIT FOR SIXTY YEARS OF HARD LABOR UNTIL WE RETIRE RATHER UNGRACIOUSLY. I BELIEVE IN AN AMERICA WHERE WE GO TO WORK WHEN WE FEEL LIKE IT. I BELIEVE IN AN AMERICA WHERE WE’RE NOT HANGING ON THE STRINGS OF OUR BONES (THE FLESH) BY OUR EMPLOYERS DUE TO THE NEED FOR US TO PAY OUR FEES AS TENANTS SOMEWHERE ALL OVER AMERICA. I BELIEVE IN AN AMERICA WHERE NIGGAS IN CHICAGO STOP TRIPPING. MESH.

    HOW DO YOU MAKE A SHOW IN CHICAGO ABOUT THAT BULLSHIT? YOU’RE ON THAT BULLSHIT, ALRIGHT? SO, B’FORE WE GO AROUND MAKING FILMS IN CHICAGO, WE NEED TO MAKE FILMS OF US, HELPING THE HANDS OF THE CHICAGO YOUTH BUT THAT’S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE, THAT’S IN CHAPTER THREE AND I HAVEN’T WRITTEN ANYTHING. RIGHT? SO, I BELIEVE IN AN AMERICA, WHERE WHITE PEOPLE WORK FOR WHITE PEOPLE ONLY.BECAUSE IT’LL BE FUNNY BECAUSE THEY USED TO LIKE TO SEND US TO THE BACK OF THE BUS; AND NOW WE CAN RIDE THE BACK OF THE BUS. RIGHT PAST THEIR ESTABLISHMENT WHERE THEY WORK FOR THEMSELVES. HERE’S THE POINT THEY MIGHT NOT HAVE SEEN AND THIS IS WHY.

    THEY DON’T WANT TO DO THE DIRTY WORK. THAT’S WHY WE ARE HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE. OH NO, NOW WHEN IT COMES TO SLAVERY, LET’S JUST SAY, LET’S JUST BE REAL ABOUT THIS FOR ONE SECOND. OK, WHEN IT COMES TO SLAVERY, LET’S JUST UH, SLAVERY IS WRONG. NOW, WHEN IT COMES TO UM, AMERICAN SLAVERY, IF YOU ARE AS I AM, A DESCENDANT OF A SLAVE, THEN WE WOULDN;T BE ALIVE WITHOUT IT. (TEN SECOND PAUSE.) THAT WAS TEN SECONDS FOR YOU TO LAUGH. SO UNTIL WE CAN LAUGH ABOUT THESE THINGS TOGETHER, WE WILL NEVER BE TOGETHER. SO, LET;S JUST ALL LAUGH BECAUSE IT’S A VERY SERIOUS TOPIC AND SO IT MUST BE MET WITH GLEE. FOR WE MUST SOLVE THESE ISSUES AND THUS, THE LINE IN THE SAND. SO, HERE’S THE LINE IN THE SAND. I KNOW A LOT OF YOUR TRICKS WHITE PEOPLE. AND I’M GOING TO EXPOSE THEM ALL RIGHT NOW. IN THE PRIVACY OF MY OWN HOME IN SYRACUSE, NEW YORK SO LET’S GET IT.

 RULE NUMBER ONE: WE’RE TALKING ECONOMICS HERE SO IT’S DEFINITELY FOR ANYBODY. IT’S FOR ANYBODY, IF YOU’RE A HIGH SCHOOLER, THIS IS DEFINITELY FOR YOU. IF YOU’RE A MIDDLE SCHOOLER, THEN THIS IS DEFINITELY FOR YOU. YOU’RE GOING TO BE IN HIGH SCHOOL 

SOON AND THEN BY THE TIME YOU ARE IN HIGH SCHOOL YOU’LL RULE THE WORLD. NOT REALLY BUT KEEP GOING AND ONE DAY, YOU WILL HA BUT IN A GOOD WAY!  YOU’LL RULE IT, YOU’LL RULE YOUR WORLD, YOU’LL RULE YOUR OWN WORLD. I’M GOING TO RULE MY OWN WORLD, LIKE THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN THINKING FOR THE LAST TEN YEARS. “WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE CHAD?” “I’M GOING TO RULE MY OWN WORLD.” THEY’RE ALL LIKE, “NO ONE RULES THEIR OWN WORLD.” 

    EVERYBODY WORKS FOR THE WHITE MAN, NOT EVERYBODY, BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE DO. IF YOU DON’T WORK FOR THE WHITE MAN, RAISE YOUR HAND. 

(5 SECONDS LATER) IS ANYONE ELSE IN THE ROOM WITH YOU LOOKING AT YOU LIKE WHY’D YOU RAISE YOUR HAND? SO, BUT HERE’S THE THING. YOU DON'T WANT TO WORK FOR THE WHITE MAN, YOU DON’T WANT TO WORK FOR THE BLACK MAN, YOU DON’T WANT TO WORK FOR THE CHINA MAN, YOU DON’T WANT TO WORK FOR THE ICE CREAM MAN.  (LAUGHS) HOLD UP, HOLD ON, (IN/EXHALING) I KNOW I SAY YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO LAUGH AT THIS BUT RULE NUMBER ONE: ECONOMICALLY SPEAKING, WHEN YOU TURN EIGHTEEN, YOU’RE GOING TO GET THE CREDIT CARD.

    I GOT TWO THEN, SO HERES WHAT YOU DO WITH THE CREDIT CARD. YOU GET A JOB AND WHATEVER THE BALANCE IS ON THE CREDIT CARD, WHATEVER THE MAX IS ON THE CREDIT CARD, YOU BUILD THAT UP FIRST IN CASH RESERVE. IF IT IS $1000 TOTAL BECAUSE YOU HAVE TWO AND THEY ARE EACH WITH $500 LIMITS, YOU RAISE UP $1000 FIRST AND PUT IT AWAY, YOU COULD EVEN PUT IT IN CRYPTO THEN YOU WOULD NEED ANOTHER CASH RESERVE, JUST TO BE SAFE. IT’S GOING TO SIT THERE BUT YOU GET THE CASH RESERVE THEN YOU SWIPE THAT CREDIT CARD FOR EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING? EVERYTHING! SWIPE THAT CREDIT CARD FOR EVERYTHING. NOW UH, FOR THE WHITE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO KNOW WHAT I;M ABOUT TO SAY, SOME OF THEM ARE SHIVERING RIGHT NOW. SOME OF THEM ARE HAPPY ASF, SOME OF THEM WANT TO CALL ME NAPPY ASF. I AM NAPPY ASF BECAUSE I’M TIRED AND I NEED A NAP, THEREFORE I’M NAPPY. BUT I’M ALSO HAPPY TO NOT BE NAPPING RIGHT NOW. I’VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS BOOK ALL NIGHT. YOU KNOW WHERE I’VE BEEN ALL NIGHT? WORKING FOR THE WHITE MAN. AND LET ME TELL YOU A LITTLE STORY ABOUT WORKING FOR THE WHITE MAN. CHAPTER TWO.

UNDERWATER CAGES: CHAPTER TWO: STRAWBERRY KIWI 

10:11AM EASTERN TIME FIBONACCI SEQUENCE

*A-LIST CRYING VOICE WHERE EVERY COMMA IS A SNIFFLE*

    NOW, WORKING FOR THE WHITE MAN, IS A TERRIBLE EXPERIENCE, IF YOU FIND YOURSELF, DOING THAT, FOR FIFTY YEARS, YOU’RE GONNA BE SO BITTER. SOME OF THEM WIL TREAT YOU REALLY WELL, BUT MOST OF THEM, THEIR EMPLOYEES ARE GOING TO WALK RIGHT BY YOU. THEY’LL NEVER SAY HI, THEY’LL MOVE OUT OF THE WAY AS YOU’RE WALKING BY THEM. THEY’LL STOP TALKING OR KEEP TALKING, WHILE YOU WORK AND THEY WATCH YOU. AND IF YOU STOP WORKING, THEY’RE GONNA WALK UP TO YOU, INSTANTLY, AND THREATEN YOUR JOB. YOU JUST DON’T SPEAK WHITE PEOPLE. BUT THEY’RE GONNA THREATEN YOUR JOB. “HEY, DO YOU NEED SOMETHING TO DO? YOU CAN, FINISH MOVING THIS CART YOU LEFT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HALLWAY”. 

THEY’RE ALWAYS GOING TO TELL YOU THE RULES AND THEY’RE NEVER GOING TO FOLLOW THEM BECAUSE THEY’RE PRIVILEGED, IN AMERICA, BECAUSE OF THE COLOR OF THEIR SKIN, OR LACK THEREOF. THEY DON’T HAVE ANY MELANIN IN THEM. THEY DON’T HAVE ANY. SO THEY PUT YOU IN THE SUN, BUT IT’S OKAY, YOU’LL JUST HAVE TO UNDERSTAND WHY. THEY NEVER DISCOVERED THEIR THIRD EYE. THEY CAN’T AFFORD SUNBURN. THEY DON’T HAVE ANY OTHER CHOICE. SOMEONE HAS TO DO IT. IT CAN’T BE THEM, THEY’LL FRY. SKIN CANCER’S NOT FUN, THY’LL DIE, NOBODY WANTS IT. 

THEY LOVE TO TELL YOU THE RULES. ALL THEY EVER DO IS TELL YOU THE RULES. THEY GO TO COLLEGE JUST TO SUPERVISE YOU. YOU DON;T WANT TO DO THAT TO YOURSELF. YOU DON’T WANT TO SUPERVISE YOUR OWN KIND. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? WHY ARE THERE AFRICAN AMERCIAN POLICE OFFICERS? YOU’RE JUST HELPING THEM INFILTRATE US MORE. WHY? COULD YOU SELL OUT ANYMORE? YOU’LL BE BETTER OFF GOING IN THEIR ARMY AND STAYING IN THERE FOREVER.

I DIDN’T SHED A TEAR, OK? WE’RE GOING TO TALK IN NUMBERS IN HISTORY AND PHILOSOPHY. IN THE 1940’S WORLD WAR II WAS GOING ON. WHAT EVENT ENDED WORLD WAR NUMBER TWO? U.S. PRESIDENT HARRY S. TRUMAN, PRESSED THE RED BUTTON. AIMED TOWARDS HIROSHIMA AND NAGASAKI. THAT’S A HISTORICAL FACT OK? WITHOUT EVEN GOING DOWN THAT LONG LIST, WE’RE JUST GOING TO SAY LONG A WHOLE BUNCH OF TIMES. YOU’RE LONG. YOU’RE LONG. YOU’RE LONG. IT’S A LONG LIST. IF I TOOK A WHOLE BUNCH OF ANY INTELLIGENT CREATURES AND UM, YOU KNOW, JUST THREW THEM ALL IN A CAGE TOGETHER, LOCKED THEM UP, STARVED THEM, ALL, BEAT THEM ALL, AND LOCKED THEM ALL UP TOGETHER, EVENTUALLY THEY ARE GOING TO TURN, UM, HOSTILE TOWARDS EACH OTHER.  

YOU KNOW BECAUSE IF YOU’RE IN CAPTIVITY AND THERE’S ONLY ONE STEAK IN CAPTIVITY AND THERE ARE TWO IN CAPTIVITY, UM, YOU KNOW, THERE’S A LOT AT STAKE. SO, UM, THAT’S CRAZY. NOW, THE BEST WAY TO, EXPLAIN THIS IN AN EXPOSITORY MANNER, UM, IF YOU HAVE NETFLIX, UM THEN I WANT YOU TO GO AND WATCH “BLACKFISH” BECAUSE I WAS INTRODUCED TO “BLACKFISH” BY A FELLOW DESCENDANT OF AMERICAN SLAVERY, SO AT A DIFFERENT TIME, I STARTED WATCHING IT WITH A DIFFERENT FELLOW DESCENDANT OF SLAVERY, WE CALL THEM A ‘D.O.S.” EXCUSE ME, UM, A DOS, WE JUST CALL THEM THE DOS FOR SHORT. 

THEY COULDN’T EVEN STOMACH IT FOR TOO LONG AND IT DIDN’T EVEN GET VERY INTERESTING YET BUT UM IT HAD JUST STARTED. WE WATCHED A FEW MINUTES OF THAT AND THAT IS IT RIGHT THERE. 

YOU KNOW, WHEN THEY PUT THE WHALES INSIDE OF THE AQUARIUMS, THEY STARTING BITING EACH OTHER, THEY STARTED FIGHTING EACH OTHER. UM, THEY CALLED IT “WHALE ON WHALE HOSTILITY” AND I WAS LIKE “AWWW, THAT SOUNDS SO FAMILIAR. YOU KNOW?” SO UM, I WAS LIKE OK, WHALE ON WHALE HOSTILITY, UM SO THEY UM, YOU KNOW THEY START OFF, VENTURING OFF ON EXPLORATION YOU KNOW UM AND THEY CONQUERED NATURE’S CREATURES FOR PROFIT. TOOK THE BABIES AWAY FROM THE ADULTS, THEY USED AIR PATROL; HELICOPTERS, AIRPLANES, USED AIR SUPPORT. THEY USED AIR SUPPORT ON WHALES. THE WHALES WOULD HAVE OUTSMARTED THEM WITHOUT AIR SUPPORT. 

THE BABIES, NOT ALL OF THEM SURVIVED. THEY THREW THE BABIES THAT DIDN’T SURVIVE, BACK INTO THE WATER, AFTER SINKING THEM. FILLED THEM, UP WITH ROCKS, TOTALLY GUTTED THEM OUT, AND FILLED THE STOMACHS WITH ROCKS. SUNK THEM. TAMPERING WITH EVIDENCE YOU KNOW UM, THEN THEY THROW THE REMAINING ONES YOU KNOW FROM DIFFERENT EXPLORATIONS AND THEY WILL GROUP THEM UP TOGETHER. FROM DIFFERENT CULTURES, ONE OF THE FIRST YOU KNOW CAPTIVE, YOU KNOW “MAN EATING” WHALES AND WHAT NOT THEY UH, THEY BOUGHT THEM CHEAP, YOU KNOW, SEAQUARIUM, THE ACTUAL TOP SEAQUARIUM BOUGHT THEM CHEAP AND UM USED THEM AS A BREEDER. UNTIL OR EVEN AFTER 50% OF THEIR POPULATION INSIDE OF THAT SEAQUARIUM IS ALL MAN EATER AND THEN YOU KNOW SO...THEN THEY CHARGE PEOPLE TO WATCH THEM.

THEY GET THEM TO DO THE TRICKS BY STARVING THEM, WHEN THEY DO THE TRICKS, ARE THE ONLY TIMES THEY EAT. BAFANGUL ME EH? SO IF THEY DON’T DO THE TRICKS, THEY THEN DON’T EAT, SO, MAYBE THAT’S WHY THEY’RE BITING EACH OTHER INSIDE OF THE CAGES ALL NIGHT. UNDERWATER CAGES. DON’T HAVE TO HAVE BARS, TO BE IN A CAGE. SO, THEY HIRE PEOPLE TO TRAIN THE WHALES AND THEN THEY GET IN THE WATER WITH THE WHALES AND EXPECT RESPECT. BAFANGUL INDEED. CHAPTER THREE.

HOLD UP 10:27AM EASTERN TIME

SUNDAY FEBRUARY 10TH, 2019

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEVI, SO, WHAT AN 18TH BIRTHDAY PRESENT FOR YOU. HAHA-HAHA-HAHA SO, YEA, YA, YA, YA, CHAPTER THREE. WHAT DID I SAY CHAPTER THREE WAS GOING TO BE ABOUT?  I KNOW I SAID SOME SLICK SH LIKE AND IT’S NOT EVEN WRITTEN YET. NOW WHAT WAS IT? GIVE ME A SECOND. (30SECOND PAUSE) WHATEVER (MULTIPLIED 4TIMES). LAUGHS. WHATEVER I SAID CHAPTER THREE WAS GOING TO BE ABOUT IT’S PROBABLY NOT GOING TO BE ABOUT THAT BC I CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT I SAID. I ONLY REMEMBER I SAID SOME SLICK ** AND I DON’T KNOW ANYMORE BUT, SO WITH THAT DONE, THAT WAS DEEP, JUST TELLING THAT STORY. JUST UH, JUST UH JUST THREW ME IN A DITCH, IT WAS LIKE OH IT WAS JUST A DITCH FOR 15MINUTES MAN.

    I WAS LIKE DAM I WAS SITTING DOWN AND EVERYTHING, I HAD TO SIT DOWN, NOW I JUST NEED LIKE A DRINK JUST LIKE OH MAN YOU KNOW LIKE LOGICALLY, DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE? YOU KNOW LIKE, YOU’RE GOING TO HOP IN THE WATER WITH THEM NOW? OH, LIKE WOULD THE CEO HOP IN THE WATER WITH THEM? THAT’S THE QUESTION THE TRAINERS NEVER ASKED. YOU KNOW? ARE YOU GOING TO GET IN THERE WITH US? 

YOU KNOW? SO UM, YOU GET THAT CREDIT CARD, AND YOU SWIPE IT FOR EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING? EVERYTHING! I JUST HAD TO GO INTO A RABBIT HOLE REAL QUICK. I JUST HAD TO GO INTO TWO RABBIT HOLES BEFORE I FINISH THIS ONE UP. UM, EVERY CHAPTER WAS A RABBIT HOLE. YOU WANT TO TAKE THAT CREDIT CARD AND SWIPE IT FOR EVERYTHING. YOU’VE GOT YOUR CASH RESERVE, YOU’LL HAVE IT  IT’S THERE YOU’LL HAVE IT ON YOU SOMEWHERE.      

NOW YOUR CASH RESERVE FOR THAT SO BOOM. YOU UM, AFTER THAT YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO UH MAYBE UH, YOU’RE GONNA WANNA PAY THAT CREDIT CARD BILL OFF. YOU’RE GOING TO WANT TO PAY THE MINIMUM BALANCE BC THE UH MAIN THING ABOUT CREDIT, THEY WANT TO, THEY BEING THE COMPANIES ISSUING THE CREDIT LINE ITSELF, THE CREDIT LINE COMPANY, THEY WANT TO UM, KNOW THAT YOU CAN MAINTAIN THE MINIMUM BALANCE. RIGHT? THAT’S THE OBJECTIVE OK? CAN YOU MAINTAIN THE MINIMUM BALANCE RIGHT? NOW, THE ANSWER SHOULD BE YES, THREE TIMES AND HERE’S WHY. UM, I WAS ON A CONFERENCE CALL WITH UH ONE CREDIT COACH BACK WHEN I WAS 19 AND I WAS WORKING WITH THE CREDIT COACH I WAS LIKE ACTUALLY WORKING FOR HER. SHE WAS GIVING ME HER ASSIGNMENTS, IT WAS WEIRD, THAT WAS A LOT FOR LIKE A 19YR (MAY HAVE BEEN 18) OLD OMGOODNESS BUT WHEN I STOP AND THINK ABOUT IT LIKE DAM THAT WAS LIKE THE ENTRY WAY RIGHT THERE INTO LIKE THE PERFECT JOB. YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING? LIKE DAM, SH, I DIDN’T FULLY KNOW WHAT I HAD RIGHT THERE OH, FK, FK, ANYWAY, UH. I WAS LIKE HER VIRTUAL ASSISTANT, WHAT? ANYWAY. MAKES ME SHIVER. UM, OK.

YOU PAY THE CREDIT CARD MINIMUM BALANCE, THREE TIMES, IN A MONTH. YOU PAY IT ONCE PER WEEK, FOR THREE WEEKS, OUT OF THE FOUR WEEKS, OF THE MONTH . AFTER THAT, IN THEORY, THEY, THEM BEING THE CREDIT CARD COMPANIES, ARE GOING TO HAVE TO, RAISE UP YOUR SCORE. SO, DO THAT FOR 365 DAYS, 12 MONTHS, 4 SEASONS, AND UM, SEE THE INCREASE IN IT AND THEN YOU;LL KNOW THE PERCENTAGE RATE IT INCREASES PER YEAR OF DOING THAT SO AND YOU CAN BREAK IT DOWN TO MONTHS OR SEASONS AND STUFF SO, UM BOOM. THAT’S NUMBER ONE, BC WHY? WHY? I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING. 

YOU’RE THINKING WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? CHAD? WHY CHAD? WHY? OH, THEY LOVE TO ASK ME THAT QUESTION. WHY CHAD? WHY? NOT BECAUSE THEY REALLY WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER, THEY JUST WANT TO BATTLE. OH, YOU WANT TO BATTLE NX? NXZ LOVE TO TALK ABOUT MONEY TO ME. I SAID, NXZ LOVE TO TALK ABOUT MONEY TO ME. YET AND STILL, THESE NXZ OUT HERE THEY WERE NEVER TALKING TO ME ABOUT HOW MONEY WORKS. THEREFORE, THESE NXZ WERE NEVER TALKING TO ME ABOUT HOW TO GET MONEY. YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO HAVE MONEY TO KNOW HOW TO GET MONEY OR HOW MONEY WORKS. CONVERSELY, IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MONEY WORKS, THEN THERE ARE ONLY TWO WAYS YOU KNOW HOW TO GET MONEY.  

WHAT ARE THE TWO WAYS OF HOW TO GET MONEY CHAD? WHAT ARE THE TWO WAYS? SO, THE TWO WAYS ON HOW TO GET MONEY, IF YOU DON’T KNOW HOW MONEY WORKS THEN, HMM, MPH-MPH-MPH  UM MPH-MPH-MPH-MPH-MPH, UM, EITHER CRIME, OR WORKING FOR THE WHITE MAN. NOW, CRIME IS A GOOD UM SEGUE FOR THIS, CRIME, CRIME, CRIME. CRIME IS THE MIDDLE WORD OF THE EMANCIPATION PROCLAMATION. 

    DID YOU KNOW? HEY. HEY. HEY. HEY. HAYE.  DID YOU KNOW, DID YOU KNOW, THE EMANCIPATION, PROCLAMATION, HAS A MIDDLE NAME? BY A MIDDLE NAME I MEAN CLAUSE. THE MIDDLE NAME IS NOT “CLAUSE” THE MIDDLE NAME, IS THE “CLAUSE”. IT’S A WORD PROCLAMATION IMPLIES. OK, WE’RE GOING TO DO THIS WITH GOOGLE, ’CAUSE WHITE PEOPLE MADE GOOGLE. SO, (SNIFFLE) HMM, DEFINE EMANCIPATION.

    EMANCIPATION, IT’S A NOUN. SYNONYMS, FREEING, LIBERATION, LIBERATING, SETTING FREE, RELEASE, RELEASING, LETTING LOOSE, OR OUT, SETTING LOOSE OR FREE, DISCHARGE, UNCHAINING, UNFETTERING, UNYOKING, UNTYING, UNSHACKLING, UNCAGING, UNBRIDLING, FREEDOM, LIBERTY. RARE, DISENTHRALLMENT, THE EMANCIPATION OF THE SERFS. SURF YOUR ASS TO SOME FUCKING MORALS. THE FREEING OF SOMEONE FROM SLAVERY, 

    NOW THAT’S WHAT IT SAID THAT IS RIGHT? EMANCIPATED, THAT WAS A PRETTY HONEST TRANSLATION, THAT’S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE RIGHT? SEEMS LIKE, NONE OF US OUT THERE, WOULD HAVE TOO MUCH, YOU KNOW UM, CONFUSION OVER THAT ONE. SEEMS LIKE THAT ONE FITS SO, LET’S TYPE IN THAT OTHER WORD, PROCLAMATION.

    HMM. HMM. OH MY GOODNESS, OK. PROCLAMATION, IT’S A NOUN, A PUBLIC OR OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT, ESPECIALLY ONE DEALING WITH A MATTER OF GREAT IMPORTANCE. EISENHOWER SIGNED A PROCLAMATION ADMITTING ALASKA TO THE UNION. SYNONYMS, DECREE, ORDER, EDICT, RULE, ANNOUNCEMENT, STATEMENT, PRONOUNCEMENT, DECLARATION, ADVERTISEMENT, BLAZONING.

    THAT LAST ONE, THE CLEAR DECLARATION OF SOMETHING. I RECORDED READING THE FULL TEXT BUT I’M NOT RETYPING IT. IT’S NOT WANTED IN THE PAGE COUNT EITHER. THE SEVEN MINUTE AUDIO EXISTS. GOOGLE THE FULL TEXT. 

“LET’S GET THIS BREAD BOYS”; CHAPTER FOUR: STRAWBERRY KIWI THE PREQUEL

SUNDAY FEBRUARY 10TH, 2019

MAY I SAY, THIS IS THE JUST THE PREQUEL, I JUST HAD TO GET ALL THAT OVER WITH. NOW THAT’S OVER WITH, WE’RE GOING TO GET REAL ECONOMICAL. BUT NOT YET, BECAUSE DAMMIT UGH, THAT FIRST PART WAS LIKE UGH, THE PREQUEL IS JUST LIKE WHOOSH, UGH, WE CAN GET TO THE MONEY. AS WHITE BOY DILLON FROM UPS (CHRISTMAS SEASON 2018) USED TO SAY, (SNIFFLES)  “LET'S GET THIS BREAD BOYS.” THAT’S HOW HE SAID IT. “LET’S GET THIS BREAD BOYS” SO, WITH THAT SAID, LET’S GET THIS BREAD BOYS. 

IT’S TIME, ALL I WANT YOU TO HAVE REALLY HAVE GOTTEN FROM THESE MINUTES OF THIS IS THAT IT’S TIME, FOR US, TO COME TOGETHER, AND STOP WORKING FOR THE WHITE MAN. IT’S NOT IN OUR BEST INTEREST, AND IT IS THE ONLY WAY TO GET HIM BACK, FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE TO US. YOU MUST NOW WORK FOR YOURSELVES. LET MY PEOPLE KNOW. SO, LIVE OFF, OF CREDIT, PAY CREDIT CARD BILL WITH CREDIT CARD CASH RESERVE OR ANOTHER CREDIT CARD, THEN PAY  MINIMUM BALANCE ONCE, IN A WEEK, THEN ONCE THE NEXT WEEK, THEN ONCE MORE THE NEXT WEEK. 

THEN, YOU TAKE A RIGHT DOWN RUDEY POO LANE, 

(WALKS AROUND ROOM) AND THAT’S HOW YOU’RE GONNA FEEL, WHEN YOU’RE WORKING FOR YOURSELF.  YOU’RE GONNA FEEL LIKE THE ROCK. YOU KNOW WHY? YOUR NAME’S DWAYNE JOHNSON. THAT’S HOW YOU’RE GONNA FEEL. MY NAME’S DWAYNE JOHNSON, YOU’RE GONNA FEEL THAT WAY ALL DAY. YOU’RE JUST GONNA, WANNA DO, EVERYTHING THE ROCK DID. LIKE, YOU’RE GONNA WANNA SAY ALL OF HIS, LIKE YOU’RE GONNA FEEL IT, THAT’S HOW YOU’RE GONNA FEEL LIKE.

GO TO YOUTUBE AND WATCH, TYPE IN THE ROCK COMPILATION, AND I’VE NEVER EVEN TYPED IN THAT MYSELF, BUT I’M SURE THERE’S ONE AND THEN YOU’LL SEE WHAT IT MEANS TO DO ALL OF THAT FOR THAT LONG AND HOW MUCH GREATNESS IT MIGHT FEEL LIKE AND THEN WHEN YOU LIVE THIS LIFE THAT I NOW, YOU KNOW, I COMMEND YOU TO LIVE. I COMMEND YOU TO WORK FOR YOURSELF. 

YOU KNOW WHAT? I, DARE YOU TO WORK FOR YOURSELF. YOU KNOW WHAT NIGGA? I DOUBLE DARE YOU TO WORK FOR YOURSELF NIGGA. OKAY, FIRST OFF, IT’S GONNA COST YOU $275 FOR LEGAL ZOOM NIGGA IT’S CALLED THE DBA. A DBA STANDS FOR DOING BUSINESS AS NIGGA. NOW NIGGA, LISTEN NIGGA, WE’RE TALKING ABOUT A DBA NIGGA, SO I COULD SAY NIGGA, CAUSE I’M TALKING TO NIGGAS ABOUT STUFF THAT, NOBODY TALKS TO NIGGAS ABOUT NIGGAS. THERE IS A JOKE IN AMERICA, THAT NIGGAS DON’T KNOW FINANCES, BUT NIGGA DID YOU KNOW THAT IF I GOOGLE AND TYPE IN A QUESTION NIGGA, IT’S GON GIVE ME AN ANSWER NIGGA?

(WALKS AROUND) SO, HERE’S THE QUESTION. I WANT TO ASK, GOOGLE. WE’RE GONNA MAKE GOOGLE GIVE US THE ANSWER FOR THIS STUFF. THEY CAN’T GET MAD AT US, WE WENT TO GOOGLE. GOOGLE WAS MADE BY YOU PEOPLE. SO, GOOGLE WHY YOU SO STUPID? (SMH), CHECK THIS OUT, HMM, WHAT, WHAT IS MY FAVORITE COLOR? MY FAVORITE COLOR, IS RED. HA, YA, SORRY, OK, WAIT, HOLD UP, LISTEN, LISTEN, HEY, HEY, OK. 

WHAT IS THE BUYING POWER OF THE, UH, NO, WAIT, OOH, HMM, WAIT, IS, MAYBE THAT’S NOT THE RIGHT TERM, BUYING POWER. WE’RE GONNA SEE, OH, WAIT, I SPELLED BUYING WITH A “M”, MAYBE THAT’S WHY,HOLD UP, TRY TWO, WAIT, (VOICE TREMBLING LIKE BARTHOLMEU SIMPSON) IT’S LESS THAN I THOUGHT. OH NO, NO, IT’S LESS THAN I THOUGHT, OK, THE QUESTION I TYPED, THE ANSWER,THE FIRST ANSWER, CAME FROM FORTUNE. THE SECOND ONE CAME FROM NIELSON. THE THIRD ONE CAME FROM BLACK ENTERPRISE, WHICH IS PROBABLY NOT EVEN OWNED SO ALL THE WAY. IT’S PROBABLY JUST A GAME, I DON'T’ KNOW. JUST BECAUSE THEY TALK ABOUT BLACK ENTERPRISES, DOESN’T MEAN IT IS ONE. OK, 

NIELSON FIELD REPORTS PUT BLACK BUYING POWER AS ONE POINT TWO TRILLION DOLLARS. UGH (HITS WALL) UH SHIT, I JUST HIT MY WALL AND EVERYTHING BUT I WON’T DO IT AGAIN, SO THEY DON’T COMPLAIN. I APOLOGIZE I SHOULD’VE HIT THE KITCHEN SINK LIGHTLY INSTEAD, OK, SO YEA, ONE POINT TWO TRILLION DOLLARS. OH SHIT, YA FEEL ME? DAMN, WHAT? NIGGA WHAT? HOLD ON, WHOA THERE, HOLD UP, DID YOU JUST SAY, ONE POINT TWO TRILLION? 

I HEARD IT WAS THREE BUT IT DOESN’T MATTER. A TRILLION DOLLARS IS LIKE TEN TIMES, ONE HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS. LIKE, IF YOU HAD NINE HUNDRED MILLION, AND I GAVE YOU ONE HUNDRE MILLION, YOU WOULD HAVE ONE BILLION DOLLARS. IF YOU HAD NINE HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS, AND I GAVE YOU ONE HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS, YOU’D BE A TRILLIONAIRE, SO, IF. YEA, SO, UM, THAT’S A LOT. SO THAT RIGHT THERE YOU KNOW SHOWS, YOU KNOW, JUST LIKE HOW UH, YOU KNOW, ECONOMICALLY POWERFUL, WE COULD BE. 

YOU KNOW, IF WE, HAD A MAP, ON WHERE TO GO, WHEN, WHERE, HOW OR WHY? THEN TURN DOWN FOR WHAT? OH, LEGALZOOM,, DBA, DOING BUSINESS AS, THEN YOU, PICK WHAT BUSINESS YOU WANT TO DO BUSINESS AS, THEN YOU PICK A NAME, YOU WANT TO DO BUSINESS AS. THAT’S WHAT IT MEANS, YOU’RE DOING BUSINESS AS. LIKE, IT’S LIKE YOUR NAME, GOES IN FRONT OF THE DBA. THEN THE WORD DBA, THEN AFTER THE WORDS DBA, UM, WHATEVER NAME YOU WANT TO DO BUSINESS AS. LIKE, OH, CLARK KENT, IS DOING BUSINESS AS SUPERMAN RIGHT NOW. 

YEA, SO, JUST LIKE THAT PART. CLARK KENT, SUPERMAN, YA-YA,      YA- YA, PETER PARKER, DOING BUSINESS AS YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD AYE! TOBEY MAGUIRE IS THE FIRST SPIDERMAN THEREFORE HE’S THE BEST, YA-YA-YA, DON'T FORGET WHO THE FIRST SPIDERMAN WAS. YA-YA-YA. DON’T FORGET WHO THE FIRST SPIDERMAN WAS, YA-YA-YA. WHO WAS, YEA UM, I REALLY LIKE THE MTV SPIDERMAN TOO LIKE, THE ANIMATED ONE.

DO YOU REMEMBER THE MTV ANIMATED SPIDERMAN DAWG? THAT WAS LIKE A VIDEO GAME. I WAS LIKE AYE. REAL TALK, IT WAS FIRE. IT WAS AS COOL AS BATMAN BEYOND. IT WAS COOLER THAN BATMAN BEYOND BUT, BATMAN BEYOND, WAS THAT SHIT. AYE, WHY DID THEY NEVER MAKE A BATMAN BEYOND MOVIE FUCKING BITCHES? ALL THEM MOTHER FREAKING BATMANS, WHY COULDN’T YOU GIVE CHRIS NOLAN, A BATMAN BEYOND. CHRIS NOLAN, COME BACK, WITH BATMAN BEYOND, PLEASE. PLEASE, PLEASE, CHRIS NOLAN, I KNOW YOU DON’T KNOW ME BUT PLEASE, PLEASE, WHEN I DIE TAKE THIS TO CHRIS NOLAN. CHRIS NOLAN, PLEASE, I’M SORRY I SPILLED ALL THE SECRETS ABOUT WHITE PEOPLE, CHRIS NOLAN I’M SORRY, PLEASE MAKE BATMAN BEYOND, CHRIS NOLAN PLEASE. 

HOLD ON, GOD PLEASE, MAKE CHRIS NOLAN, MAKE BATMAN BEYOND. PLEASE GOD, PLEASE CHRIS NOLAN, YOU GOT CLOUT, YOU WALK UP IN THERE, IT DOESN’T MATTER IF ITS, IT DOESN’T MATTER. WALK UP IN THERE AND YOU TELL THEM, YOU WANT TO DO BATMAN BEYOND. ALRIGHT? THEN, THEY’RE NOT GONNA UM, SAY ANYTHING BUT YES, BECAUSE YOU’RE THE FUCKING MAN, SO WHAT DO YOU NEED? IT’S LIKE JAMES CAMERON WALKED UP IN THERE, YOU JUST WALK IN THERE, WITH YOUR, BOTH OF YOUR HANDS, YOU KNOW, LIKE, YOUR FINGERS TOUCHING. ALL OF THE FINGERS TOUCHING  EACH OTHER AND PUT THAT LIKE, IN BETWEEN, YOUR CHIN AND YOUR NOSE AND YOU’RE JUST PACING AROUND THE ROOM FOR A FEW SECONDS. THEN YOU UM, YOU JUST LOOK AT THEM. THEN YOU TELL THEM, CUE THE REVEAL. THE CLOSE UP APPEARS THAT’S WHEN, YOU ZOOM IN, “I’VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT MAKING BATMAN BEYOND. (POV CUT) I WANNA DO IT.” AND THEN, IT’S JUST THAT SIMPLE. 

YOU KNOW? YOUR TRACK RECORD, JUST, DO IT. JUST STFU AND JUST DO IT. PLEASE, OK? AND THANK YOU. YOU KNOW, SO, (SNIFFLE) GONNA COME BACK AND DO, A LOT MORE, OF THESE. THIS IS GOING TO BE THE PROJECT, RIGHT NOW. I’M GOING TO DO THIS, PRETTY MUCH GOT ALL OF THAT STUFF, OUT OF THE WAY.  YOU KNOW, TRIED TO DO THAT AS LIGHTLY AS I COULD AND UM, I DIDN’T EVEN UM, EXPRESS ANY ANGER ABOUT THE THING. WHEN I STOP AND THINK ABOUT IT, I WAS, THAT WAS THE MAIN THING. YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING? I THINK THAT SHIT’S FUNNY. EVERY TIME, EVERYTIME A WHITE PERSON TELLS ME THE RULES.

HISTORICALLY, IT’S JUST THE FUNNIEST SHIT EVER. LIKE, YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? ARE YOU, (SMH) ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? YOU GONE COME UP TO ME, AND TELL ME, WHAT THE RULES ARE? OH? THAT’S MIGHTILY MIGHTY OF YOU. THAT’S MIGHTY-MIGHTY. (INHALES) YEA, MOTHERFUCKER JUST TOLD ME WHAT THE RULES WERE. THIS NIGGA, JUST TOLD ME, WHAT I CAN’T DO. HE JUST TOLD ME WHAT I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO DO. DID HE JUST TELL ME I COULD GET IN TROUBLE FOR THAT? HOLD UP, DID HE JUST BRING UP GOD TO ME? LIKE, HOLD UP, HOLD UP, YOU KNOW? NOW, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, YOU JUST READ, THE EMANCIPATION PROCLAMATION. AND IT SAID IN THERE FAITHFULLY SEEK MINIMUM WAGES. 

SO, YOU’RE GONNA USE THAT, AS A WAY OF SAYING, SLAVERY NO LONGER EXISTS. WELL IT DOES AFTER YOU COMMIT A CRIME AND THEN YOU’RE A REAL SLAVE AGAIN, RIGHT? It'S LIKE,THAT’S WHAT I WANTED TO PUT IN THERE. THAT’S THE MIDDLE NAME OF THE EMANCIPATION PROCLAMATION. IT WASN’T EVEN REALLY STATED IN THERE, BASICALLY IT JUST SAYS HEY, NOW YOU’RE AN AMERICAN CITIZEN. NOW YOU CAN VOTE, IN A HUNDRED YEARS, IF YOU DO CRIME, YOU’RE GONE, YOU’RE GONE, YOU'RE GOING BACK, RIGHT WHERE YOU CAME FROM. 

WELL, NOT WHERE YOU CAME FROM, BUT WHERE YOU CAME FROM. YOU AIN’T GOING BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM, YOU’RE GOING BACK, TO HOW IT USED TO BE. KINDA, WORST, IT’S GONNA BE WORST THIS TIME, NOW YOU’RE A FILTHY CRIMINAL. (LAUGHS) NOW YOU’RE “THE CRIMINAL,” IN THE LAND THAT’S NOT EVEN YOURS. NIGGA, HOW’D YOU GET THERE> DAM NIGGA, HOW’D WE GET HERE? IT’S COLD AS FUCK OVER HERE, IN EVERY WHICH WAY. NOW, WE HAVE TO UNDERSTAND. 

WE HAVE TO UNDERSTAND:CHAPTER FIVE: STRAWBERRY KIWI THE PREQUEL

SUNDAY FEBRUARY 10TH, 2019

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAKEVIA KANAIJAH

WE HAVE TO UNDERSTAND. WE HAVE TO UNDERSTAND, THEIR POINT OF VIEW. WE COME, FROM WHEREVER, WE COME FROM NIGGA WE DONT REALLY FUCKING KNOW.     WE DON’T REALLY KNOW, THE NAME OF, OUR-OUR SPECIFIC TRIBE. OR COUNTRY. WE CAN PAY THE WHITE MAN TO TELL US. I’M SURE HE’LL TELL US THE TRUTH. HE WON’T LIE TO US. HELL, HE DON’T KNOW. FUCK HE CARE FOR? FOH? (ACCENT) NOW WHY IN THE HELL, WOULD HE EVEN CARE ABOUT THAT? THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO, WITH HIM. HE WOULDN’T GIVE A DAM. SO, 

 (TEN SECOND LAUGH) (COUGHS) SOMETIME, I TRY TO JUST, SO, TO JUST SKIP OVER SOMETIMES I CAN, AND UH, AND I JUST LAUGH AT MY OWN FOOLISHNESS. I THINK ALL OF THIS SHIT IS HILARIOUS, BECAUSE, GIVING OUT THE PLAN, OF COURSE IT’S FUCKING HILARIOUS TO ME, YOU KNOW? I THANK GOD FOR THE STUPIDITY, IT’S WONDERFUL, IT’S WONDERFUL TO SEE, IT’S HORRIBLE TO LOOK AT, BUT IT’S WONDERFUL TO SEE. YOU STOP TO REALLY SEE IT. YOU GO TO A RESTAURANT, YOU SIT DOWN. THE WAITRESS COMES, AND SHE FLIRTS WITH YOU. 

YOU TELL HER WHAT, YOU WOULD LIKE TO EAT, (SNIFFLES) SHE BRINGS IT TO YOU, AFTER TAKING YOUR ORDER, TO THE CHEFS. YOU EAT THE FOOD, YOU PAY THE BILL AND TIP, OR YOU WASH THE DISHES. BY WASHING THE DISHES, I MEAN, WASHING THE DISHES IN JAIL. SO, YOU PAY, THE BILL BECAUSE THE MEAL’S NOT FREE. SO, HOW ARE WE FREE? WHEN WE HAVE BILLS? IF YOU, HAVE BILLS, ECONOMICALLY, YOU’RE NOT FREE. YOU’RE BILLED. SO YOU CAN’T GO, TO ANOTHER STATE, FOR THIRTY DAYS STRAIGHT,  WE HAVE BILLS, I COULDN’T DO THAT EITHER, NOT YET. WE ALL GOT FUCKING BILLS. NONE OF US ARE FREE. LIKE, MCDONALDS, IS SPELLED IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS, BECAUSE IT IS A CORPORATION. 

SO IS APPLE, WHEN IT COMES TO STOCKS, ALL OF THE STOCKS ARE SPELLED IN CAPITAL LETTERS, THEY REPRESENT COMPANIES. COMPANIES, CORPORATIONS, ARTIFICIAL CORPORATIONS, (SNIFFLES) THEY, CAPITALIZE OUR LETTERS, ON OUR NAMES, ON OUR IDENTIFICATION AND DRIVER’S LICENSES. ALRIGHT, WHITE PEOPLE LANGUAGE IS CALLED STRAWMAN. IT’S CALLED UNIFORM COMMERCIAL CODE. U.C.C. ULTIMATE CRICHTON COLLECTION. U.C.C. 2019. FOR DUMMIES, WHITE PEOPLE SPEAK IN UNIFORM COMMERCIAL CODE. (INHALES THRU NOSTRIL) I’VE NEVER READ THE BOOK. I’M GOING TO OF COURSE, TO SPEAK STRAWMAN, WHAT’S A STRAWMAN? A FAKE MAN, MADE OF HEY-HAY-HAYE, ON ANY GIVEN DAY. 

A FRIKKING SCARECROW. SO, DRIVING, LET’S GO TO GOOGLE. A, THIS SHIT GIVES ME THE HEEBY JEEBIES. DRIVING, DEFINE DRIVING. DEFINE DRIVING. DRIVING, THE, THANK YOU GOOGLE, FOR BEING HONEST WITH ME. DRIVING, ADJECTIVE, WE ARE GOING  SKIP THAT ONE. NOUN, THE CONTROL AND OPERATION OF A MOTOR VEHICLE. OK, HMM, STRAWMAN, THAT’S THE DEFINITION OF DRIVING. REMEMBER THAT, WE ARE GOING TO NEED THAT LATER. DEFINE, MOTOR VEHICLE. WHAT’S A MOTOR VEHICLE?

MOTOR VEHICLE, NOUN, A ROAD VEHICLE POWERED BY AN INTERNAL COMBUSTION ENGINE. OH MY GOSH, AND THEN, IN SEMI-COLON, THEY PUT, AN AUTOMOBILE. OH MY GOODNESS. HOLD ON, NOW WE GOTTA GO SOMEWHERE ELSE? GOOGLE YOU ARE ON THAT BULLSHIT GOOGLE. GOOGLE, (LAUGHS) OK, HAHAHA, WAIT A MINUTE. 85.173  DEFINITION OF A MOTOR VEHICLE, FOR THE PURPOSE OF DETERMINING THE APPLICABILITY OF SECTION 216 (TO A VEHICLE THAT IS SELF PROPELLED THAT IS CAPABLE OF TRANSPORTING A PERSON OR PERSONS OR ANY MATERIAL, OR ANY PERMANENTLY OR TEMPORARILY AFFIXED APPARATUS SHALL BE DEEMED A MOTOR VEHICLE, UNLESS ANY ONE OR MORE OF THE CRITERIA, SET FORTH BELOW ARE MET AND WHICH THIS VEHICLE SHOULD NOT DEEMED A MOTOR VEHICLE.)

THE VEHICLE CAN NOT EXCEED A MAXIMUM SPEED OF 25MPHS OVER LEVELED SURFACES, WHAT? THE VEHICLE CAN NOT EXCEED A MAXIMUM SPEED OF 25MPHS OVER LEVEL PAID SURFACES? HOLD UP. HOLD UP. I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING. YOUR CAR, YOUR AUTOMOBILE, TRAVELS, AT SPEEDS OVER, NIGGA, WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY IS WHEN’S THE LAST TIME YOU DID 25MPS IN YOUR CAR AND IT WASN’T IN A SCHOOL ZONE ON A SCHOOL DAY NIGGA?? 

NIGGA WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU STOPPED AT A STOP SIGN? COMPLETELY NIGGA? NIGGA, WHAT YOU KNOW, ABOUT A ROLLING STOP? NIGGA THAT’S ALL YOU KNOW. (LAUGHS) YA’LL NIGGAS DON’T STOP AT STOP SIGNS MAN. EVERYTIME I SEE YOU NIGGAS STOP AT A STOP SIGN, FOR REAL, I BE LIKE AYE, THIS NIGGA STOPPED, ALL THE WAY, I BE LIKE HEY, I JUST WANNA GIVE THEM LIKE, A SIGN LIKE, HEY, I SAW THAT, AYE! AS A PEDESTRIAN, THAT FELT GOOD TO SEE. THIS NIGGA ACTUALLY STOPPED, LIKE, I WASN’T EVEN TRYING TO CROSS THE MOTHERFUCKER, I WAS NOT EVEN  NEAR THERE, JUST, I SAW IT HAPPENED. 

HE PULLED UP AT THE STOP SIGN, AND HE ACTUALLY, STOPPED. EVEN IF CARS WERE BEHIND HIM. SO, NOW THE OTHER CAR BEHIND HIM, OR HER, WOULD LOOK LIKE A JACKASS, BY NOT STOPPING. THE FUNNY THING IS, THEY DON’T CARE, THEY’RE COOL. AND THEY’RE IN A RUSH. A RUSH, TO GET A TICKET. (L) THEY’RE IN AN EXTREME RUSH, TO LOSE THEIR LICENSE. FIVE POINTS DEDUCTED, SEE NEXT COUNTER, FOR BEGGING. HOW MANY MINUTES HAVE I BEEN RECORDING THIS FOR? AW SH, OK TEN MINUTES, SO YEAH, THIS IS THE PREQUEL, TO KIND OF GIVE YOU, THE OVERLAY. UM, SO LET’S LOOK AT THE DEFINITION OF, ALRIGHT, LET’S FINISH THIS ONE.

NUMBER TWO, THE VEHICLE LACKS FEATURES CUSTOMARILY ASSOCIATED WITH SAFE OR PRACTICAL, STREET AND HIGHWAY USE. SUCH FEATURES INCLUDE, BUT NOT BEING LIMITED TO, A REVERSE GEAR, EXCEPT IN THE CASE OF MOTORCYCLES. A DIFFERENTIAL OR SAFETY FEATURES REQUIRED BY STATE AND OR FEDERAL LAW, OR, THE VEHICLE OF ITS FEATURES WHICH RENDERS ITS USE ON A STREET AND HIGHWAY IN AN UNSAFE  OR UNPRACTICAL MANNER 

SUCH FEATURES INCLUDING, WE’RE GOING TO READ THIS LIKE SHAKESPEARE. HOLD ON, THAT JUST STARTED TO SOUND LIKE SHAKESPEARE TO ME. THIS NEXT PARAGRAPH IS SHAKESPEARE FOR MY EARS. NOW, HOLD ON, WAIT, I DIDN’T SAY THAT RIGHT. THERE’S NO WAY TO REWIND. SO I JUST, 

(SHAKESPEAREAN) THIS NEXT PARAGRAPH IS SHAKESPEARE TO MY EARS. SHAKESPEARE TO MY EARS, THIS NEXT PARAGRAPH IS. 

THE VEHICLE EXHIBITS FEATURES WHICH RENDER IT’S USE ON THE STREET OR HIGHWAY UNSAFE AND HIGHLY UNPRACTICAL, SUCH FEATURES INCLUDING, BUT NOT BEING LIMITING TO, TRACK ROAD CONTACT, MEANING, INORDINATE SIZE AND FEATURES ORDINARILY ASSOCIATED WITH MILITARY COMBAT AND TACTICAL VEHICLES SUCH AS ARMORY AND OR WEAPONRY. I KNOW WHAT YOUR THINKING. 

YOU’VE BEEN HAD. YOU DON’T DRIVE A MOTOR VEHICLE NIGGA? A MOTOR VEHICLE IS A MOTHERFUCKING ICE CREAM TRUCK NIGGA. WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU HAVE SEEN A MUG RIDING AN ICE CREAM TRUCK NIGGA? CAN’T GET NO YO’S IN THE ICE CREAM TRUCK. NOW, YOU CAN. YOU CAN. MASTER P CAN. NOW WE MOVE ON TO DEFINE AUTOMOBILE. GOOGLE, HELP ME, EXPOSE, ALL OF YOU ALL’S BULLSHIT. GOOGLE IS ON THAT BULLSHIT. THEY COVERING UP THIS SHIT DAWG. THEY JUST NEEDED NIGGAS LIKE ME TO COME AND (CLICKING NOISE AND POP) PUT THE PIECES TOGETHER, REAL QUICK. HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, I’M GOING TO HAVE TO DIE FOR THIS. HEY, HEY, HEY, NIGGAS BEEN DYING FOR YEARS. WHO AM I TO THINK I WAS SPECIAL? HEY, HEY, HEY, COULD YOU SPARE A DOGE COIN? (SNIFFLES)

OK, AUTOMOBILE, NOUN, ROAD VEHICLES, FOUR WHEELS, ABLE TO CARRY SMALL NUMBER OF PEOPLE, INTERNAL COMBUSTION ENGINE. WHAT’S THE NEXT DEFINITION CHAD? WHAT’S THE NEXT DEFINITION? EVERY PIECE OPENS ANOTHER PUZZLE. THE LAST PIECE OF ONE PUZZLE IS THE FIRST PIECE OF THE NEXT PUZZLE. DEFINE TRAVELLING. YA-YA-YA-YA-YA-YA. TRAVEL, VERB, MAKE A JOURNEY, TYPICALLY ABROAD. 

IRELAND DEM, NUMBER TWO, MOVING IN A CONSTANT OR PREDICTABLE WAY. LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND. LAST THING, THE RIGHT TO TRAVEL. LOOK UP, THE RIGHT TO TRAVEL. OK. I JUST DID IT. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. 

CASE NUMBER TWO, DID YOU HERE WHAT HE SAID HALFWAY THRU? COME ON, WE NEED TO LEARN HOW TO SPEAK WHITE PEOPLE. AND I’M JUST THE NIGGA TO DO IT. THE RIGHT OF THE CITIZEN TO TRAVEL UPON THE PUBLIC HIGHWAYS AND TO TRANSPORT HIS PROPERTY THERE ON EITHER BY CARRIAGE OR BY AUTOMOBILE. IT IS NOT A PRIVILEGE THEY MAY PROHIBIT AT WILL BUT A COMMON LAW RIGHT, WHICH HE HAS IN THE RIGHT TO LIFE, LIBERTY, AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS. 

HOLD UP, HOLD, UP. WITH THAT SAID, NIGGA YOU’VE BEEN HAD. WE’VE ALL BEEN HAD BEN. I BEEN HAD, YOU BEEN HAD, EVERYBODY YOU KNOW’S BEEN HAD. NIGGA, MANY TIMES, MANY TIMES, MANY TIMES, HOLD UP. THEY ALWAYS WANT TO TELL US THE RULES. HOLD UP. SO, I HAVE ONE QUESTION FOR YOU WHITE MAN? 

AM I WRONG? (SHUFFLING AND MUFFLING) (FADE TO BLACK) 

STRAWBERRY KIWI THE INTRODUCTORY PREQUEL (THANK YOU)