WRISTS BATHED IN RED: SESSION CYNICAL ANALYSIS MICROWAVED HEARTS SESSION

 12:58 AM EST - 1:26AM EST 

FRIDAY MARCH 1ST, 2024

3.1.2024

WRISTS BATHED IN RED:

SESSION

CYNICAL ANALYSIS

MICROWAVED HEARTS

SESSION

HEARTBREAKING

  I AM EXTREMELY HEARTBROKEN INSIDE. I AM ATTEMPTING TO EMBRACE THE HEARTBREAK. I'VE BEEN HEARTBROKEN SINCE AGE SEVEN. THE HEARTBREAKS JUST KEPT PILING ON. MAYBE LIFE IS JUST AN OVERALL HEARTBREAKING EXPERIENCE. MAYBE LIFE IS A MIXTURE OF JOYOUS HEART WARMING EXPERIENCES AND SADDENING HEARTBREAKING EXPERIENCES. 

  THE PARENTAL DIVORCE STARTED THE HEARTBREAK. THE FIRST ILLUSION SHATTERED. HAPPILY EVER AFTER DOESN'T EXIST. MAYBE HAPPILY EVER AFTER DOES EXIST. MAYBE HAPPILY EVER AFTER EXISTS FOR SOME. HAPPILY EVER AFTER DIDN'T EXIST FOR MY PARENT'S MARRIAGE. I WASN'T BORN INTO A HAPPILY EVER AFTER MARRIAGE. 

  THE SENTIMENT WAS FOREVER ETCHED IN MY MEMORY BANK. IT WAS MY EXPERIENCE. EVERYONE DOESN'T HAVE THE SAME EXPERIENCE. IT WAS HOWEVER MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. I'VE FELT THE PAIN EVER SINCE. IT'S HARD TO GET OUT OF MY MIND. THE PAIN OF FEELING UNAPPRECIATED BY THE PARENT WHO LEFT. 

  IN MY CASE IT WAS THE PATERNAL ABANDONMENT. THE FEELING OF FEELING UNLOVED BY YOUR FATHER. THE FEELING OF IT WAS YOUR FAULT THE MARRIAGE GREW UNHAPPY FOR THEM BC YOU WERE THE LAST BORN. THE FEELING OF EVERYTHING WAS FINE UNTIL I CAME ALONG. THE FEELING OF YOU WERE THE LAST STRAW BREAKING THE CAMEL'S BACK. 

  MY FATHER COMMITTED ADULTERY. I DIDN'T REALLY UNDERSTAND THIS CONCEPT AT SEVEN. YEARS LATER I REMEMBER MY MOTHER CRYING TO ME. WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO SHE ASKED ME. WAS I SUPPOSED TO STAY IN THE MARRIAGE WHEN HE WAS CHEATING ON ME? 

  SO BOTH OF MY PARENTS MADE DECISIONS BASED ON HOW THEY FELT PERSONALLY WHILE DISREGARDING THE HOSTAGES TO THEIR SITUATION. MY FATHER CHOSE TO GIVE IN TO HIS SEXUAL URGES WITH ANOTHER WOMAN. HE DIDN'T THINK ABOUT HOW THIS WOULD AFFECT HIS THREE CHILDREN. HE THOUGHT ABOUT HIMSELF. 

  MY MOTHER MADE HER DECISION TO DIVORCE MY FATHER BASED ON HER PERSONAL FEELINGS ABOUT BEING CHEATED ON. SHE DID NOT THINK ABOUT HOW THIS WOULD AFFECT HER THREE CHILDREN AS WELL. SHE THOUGHT ABOUT HERSELF. FOR TWO PEOPLE MAKING DECISIONS BASED ON THEIR PERSONAL EMOTIONS I WONDER WHY THEY EVEN HAD CHILDREN AT ALL, LET ALONE THREE. 

  SO NOW MOM HAS TO WORK HARDER TO PROVIDE FOR HER THREE CHILDREN AS A SINGLE MOTHER. NOW MY DAD IS FREE TO HAVE SEX WITH WHOMEVER HE SO DESIRES. MY DAD DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT CHEATING ANYMORE. MY MOTHER DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT BEING CHEATED ON ANYMORE. 

  NOW MY MOM IS GONE FROM HOME MORE. I END UP GETTING INTRODUCED TO SEX AROUND THIS TIME. FROM AGES SEVEN TO FOURTEEN I HAD MANY HORRIBLE SEXUAL EXPERIENCES. I HAD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH ADULT WOMEN AND MEN. I WAS INTRODUCED TO HOMOSEXUALITY DURING THESE YEARS. I WAS SEXUALLY VIOLATED OR SEXUALLY PENETRATED. I WAS LOCKED IN A ROOM AT AGE THIRTEEN. 

  THE TECHNICAL TERM FOR THESE CIRCUMSTANCES IS MOLESTATION OR SEXUAL TRAUMA. SO NOW MY BRAIN'S IN SEVERE PAIN. I FIRST SMOKE MARIJUANA AT AGE 14. I BEGIN SMOKING NOT REALIZING IT'S AFTER THE SEXUAL TRAUMA ENDED. I WAS TOO YOUNG TO COMPREHEND THE PROCESS I WAS GOING THRU.

  FIRST THE TRAUMA AND THEN THE ADDICTION. WHICH CAME FIRST? THE ADDICTION OR THE TRAUMA? TRAUMA PRECEDES THE ADDICTION. I MOVE FROM MIAMI, FLORIDA AFTER I BEGIN SMOKING MARIJUANA AT AGE FOURTEEN . I MOVED TO ATLANTA, GEORGIA. I BEGIN SMOKING MARIJUANA AGAIN AT AGE SEVENTEEN. 

  FROM THIS MOMENT I BECOME HEAVILY ADDICTED UNTIL AGE THIRTY THREE. A SEVENTEEN YEAR TIME WINDOW ELAPSES WHERE I DEPENDED ON MARIJUANA TO SOOTHE THE PAIN IN MY BRAIN. I WASN'T TO BLAME FOR THE TRAUMA INL UNDERWENT AS A MINOR. I WAS HOWEVER TO BLAME FOR RUNNING FROM THE PAIN AA AN ADULT. 

  

WRISTS BATHED IN RED: SESSION CYNICAL ANALYSIS MICROWAVED HEARTS SESSION

 11:42AM EST - 11:57AM EST 

THURSDAY FEBRUARY 29TH, 2024

2.29.2024

WRISTS BATHED IN RED:

 SESSION 

CYNICAL ANALYSIS

MICROWAVED HEARTS

SESSION

  THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP TO ME TO BUILD IS THE ONE BETWEEN MYSELF AND GOD MY CREATOR. THE SECOND MOST RELATIONSHIP TO ME TO BUILD IS THE ONE BETWEEN ME, MYSELF AND I. THE THIRD MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP TO BUILD IS THE ONE I HAVE WITH BOTH OF MY PARENTS. AFTER THIS I CUT THE DECK. THE TWO PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT ME INTO THIS WORLD. THE CREATOR WHO ALLOWED THEM TO BRING ME INTO THIS WORLD AND THE PERSON THEY BROUGHT INTO THIS WORLD. 

  I CAN'T CONTROL ANY OF THE OTHER RELATIONSHIPS IN MY LIFE. I WASN'T SENT HERE TO DEVELOP RELATIONSHIPS. RELATIONSHIPS FADE IN TIME. RELATIONSHIP AS A WORD HAS THE WORD RELATE INSIDE OF IT. HOW PEOPLE RELATE TO EACH OTHER SHIFTS THRU TIME. YOU WILL NOT VIEW THEM THE SAME ONE DAY AS YOU NOW VIEW THEM. THEY WILL NOT VIEW YOU THE SAME AS THEY NOW DO ONE DAY. I WANT TO BE CORDIAL TO OTHER PEOPLE. I WANT TO BE RESPECTFUL TO OTHER PEOPLE. I WANT TO TREAT PEOPLE GRACEFULLY. I WANT TO BE KIND TO OTHER PEOPLE. I DON'T WANT TO BE CLOSE TO OTHER PEOPLE. I WANT THEM TO BE CLOSE WITH THEMSELVES. I WANT TO BE CLOSE TO MYSELF. I WANT TO BE CLOSE TO GOD. I AM HERE ON A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY INSIDE OF THIS SPIRITUAL REALM. AS LONG AS I KEEP GOD AND GOD'S WORD FIRST IN MY LIFE THEN GOD WILL PROVIDE WHAT I NEED TO MAKE IT THRU UNTIL THE END. I DO NOT WANT TO BE OF THIS WORLD. I DON'T HAVE ALL OF THE SAME VALUES AS THOSE I ENCOUNTER. I WANT TO EMBRACE THE LONELINESS OF SOLITUDE AND USE THIS TIME ON EARTH TO DEVELOP THE GOD GIVEN TALENTS INTO EXCEPTIONAL SKILL. 

  I HAVE A POLITICAL CALLING WITHIN MY SOUL. I HAVE A HUMANITARIAN CALLING. I WANT TO AMASS AN ECONOMIC FORTUNE TO LEAVE BEHIND TO MY FAMILY AND TO HELP OTHER PEOPLE WITH IT. EVERYONE DOESN'T HAVE THIS SAME OBJECTIVE AND SO I MUST FOR THE SAKE OF THE MISSION AT HAND KEEP THEM AT ARM'S LENGTH AND AT BAY. 

  I DON'T INDULGE IN ROMANCE. ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS WILL SEVERELY DAMAGE MY PSYCHE MORE SO THAN IT MAY ALREADY BE DAMAGED. I DON'T WANT TO SEEK OUT HUMAN LOVE FROM ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. GOD'S LOVE FOR ME IS A GREAT AS IT CAN EVER GET. I DON'T WANT TO WORSHIP ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. 

  I WANT TO WORSHIP GOD. I WANT TO HONOR GOD. I WANT TO HONOR THE GOD GIVEN GIFTS HE BLESSED ME WITH. HONORING THE GOD GIVEN GIFTS WILL SUFFICE MY LONELINESS IN SOLITUDE. IT'S NOT LONELY WHEN YOU PRACTICE WITH THE TIME. I JUST WANT TO INCREASE MY SPIRITUAL STRENGTH. I WANT TO DETACH FROM THE PHYSICAL REALM MENTALLY. I WANT TO DETACH FROM MY PHYSICAL URGES. I WANT TO DETACH FROM MY SEXUAL DESIRES. I WANT TO ACCUMULATE MY SEXUAL ENERGY AND USE IT TO MANIFEST MY VISIONS FOR MY LIFE. MY SEXUAL ENERGY IS VERY IMPORTANT FOR ME AND TO USE IT ALL BY HAVING SEX IS A COMPLETE WASTE OF SUCH A VITAL ENERGY FORCE FOR ME. THANK YOU. BUT NO THANKS. SHARE YOUR BODY AND YOUR SOUL WITH SOMEONE ELSE. SHARE YOUR SOUL AND YOUR BODY WITH EVERYONE ELSE. 

WRISTS BATHED IN RED SESSION CYNICAL ANALYSIS MICROWAVED HEARTS SESSION

 10:05PM EST - 10:26PM EST 

WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 28TH, 2024

2.28.2024

WRISTS BATHED IN RED:

 SESSION 

CYNICAL ANALYSIS

 MICROWAVED HEARTS 

SESSION 

  I'VE BEEN SOBER FROM MARIJUANA FOR TWO MONTHS FOR THE SECOND CONSECUTIVE TIME. I HAVE BEEN GOING THRU A PSYCHIC CHANGE MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY, AND SPIRITUALLY. HERE'S HOW I THINK AND FEEL NOW. 

  I AM NOT MY MIND. I AM NOT MY THOUGHTS. I AM NOT MY EMOTIONS. I DON'T IDENTIFY WITH EVERY EMOTION I FEEL. I OBSERVE EVERY EMOTION I FEEL. I ENJOY THE OBSERVATION PROCESS OF EVERY FELT EMOTION. I WATCH MY EMOTION. I EMBRACE MY EMOTION. THEN AFTER THESE STEPS I TAKE CONTROL OF MY EMOTIONS. 

  AFTER TAKING CONTROL OF MY EMOTIONS I CHOOSE WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH THE EMOTION. I WILL EITHER RETAIN THE EMOTION IN IT'S CURRENT STATE OR I WILL REPLACE THE EMOTION WITH A DIFFERENT EMOTION OF MY CHOOSING. 

  I CHOOSE WHAT EMOTION I WANT TO FEEL. I MAY NOT DECIDE THE INITIAL EMOTIONAL ERUPTION YET I DO CONTROL HOW I RELATE TO THE EMOTION. I AM NOT MY EMOTION. MY EMOTION TO ME NOW IS NOTHING MORE THAN A PAGE IN A BOOK I AM READING OR A SCENE IN A FILM I AM WATCHING. 

  THE EMOTION DOES NOT CONTROL ME. I CONTROL MY EMOTION. THE EMOTION HAS IT'S PURPOSE. MY PURPOSE EMOTIONALLY IS TO SUBDUE THE EMOTION. THE EMOTION IS NOT REAL. THE EMOTION IS A MERE ILLUSION. EMOTION TO ME NOW IS JUST A MIRAGE IN THE DESERT SIMULATION FALSELY APPEARING AS AN OASIS OR A DUNGEON. 

  I MUST EMBRACE EVERY EMOTION AND SHOW IT IT'S DESIRED RESPECT. EVERY EMOTION HAS ITS ROLE IT PLAYS IN LIFE IN GENERAL AND IN MY LIFE SPECIFICALLY. I MUST NOT RESIST THE EMOTION ONLY FOR WHAT YOU RESIST PERSISTS. I MUST FACE THE EMOTION AND EMBRACE THE EMOTION IN ORDER TO REPLACE THE EMOTION. 

  EMOTION IS IMAGINARY. EMOTION IS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER IN MY LIFE. I WILL NOT RUN FROM MY EMOTIONS. I WILL NOT RUN FROM AN ATTACKING DOG. I WILL FACE THE DOG. I WILL STAND MY GROUND IN FRONT OF THE ATTACKING DOG. I WILL SILENTLY STARE AT THE DOG BARKING AT ME WHILE I AM REMAINING STILL AND CALM. 

  IF I WOULD NOT RUN FROM THE DOG THEN I WOULD NOT RUN FROM THE EMOTION I FEEL. I AM STRONGER THAN THE EMOTION. I AM NOT WEAKER THAN MY OWN EMOTION. KY EMOTION IS NOT STRONGER THAN I AM. I AM THE MASTER OF MY EMOTION. THIS PROCESS IS BRINGING ABOUT A PSYCHIC CHANGE WITHIN MY MIND AND MENTALITY. 

  I WILL FEEL AT PEACE NO MATTER WHAT EMOTIONAL STATE I FIND MYSELF IN MENTALLY AT THE MOMENT. I WILL PEACEFULLY DEAL WITH AND TRANSMUTE ANY EMOTION BROUGHT BEFORE ME. MY PRESENT LIFE CIRCUMSTANCES WILL NOT DETERMINE MY EMOTIONAL STATE. I AM BLESSED TO HAVE UNDERGONE THIS PSYCHIC CHANGE AND I AM SPREADING IT IN MY ART. 

  MY PREVIOUS ARTWORK AND WRITING WAS CREATED BY A PERSON WHO WAS EMOTIONALLY DISTRAUGHT AND EMOTIONALLY DISHEVELED. I AM NO LONGER EMOTIONALLY DISTRAUGHT AND EMOTIONALLY DISHEVELED. THE PERSON CREATING THIS NEW ARTWORK AND WRITING IS IN CONTROL OF THE EMOTIONAL OBSERVATION PROCESS. 

  I WANT YOU TO FEEL THIS SAME WAY. YOU WANT TO FEEL THIS SAME WAY AS WELL I WOULD THINK. DO YOU FEEL AS IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO FEEL THIS SAME WAY? I HOPE YOU DO. IF YOU DO THEN HOPEFULLY I EXPRESS THE SENTIMENT AND PROCESS PROPERLY AND EFFICIENTLY. I WANT TO SPREAD THIS MESSAGE. THIS IS THE MESSAGE I WANT TO SPREAD TO THE WORLD THRU MY WORDS. 

  DO NOT RUN FROM YOUR EMOTIONS. TWO NIGHTS AGO I FOUND MYSELF FACING MY WORST EMOTIONS. MY WORST MEMORIES AND MOST HORRIBLE DEEDS WERE BEING CONFRONTED MENTALLY BY ME. THEY CONFRONTED ME AND THEN I HAD TO CONFRONT THEM BACK. I DID NOT BACK DOWN FROM THE HEAVIEST FELT EMOTIONS. 

  I EMBRACED THE EMOTIONS. I FELT THE PAIN. I DID NOT GET HIGH TO COVER THEM UP. I AM IK A DRUG ADDICTION RECOVERY PROGRAM. HAD I CHOSE TO GET HIGH THEN I WOULD HAVE FAILED THE NEXT DRUG TEST. HAD I FAILED THE NEXT DRUG TEST I WOULD BE KICKED OUT OF THE RECOVERY PROGRAM. HAD I GOTTEN KICKED OUT OF THE RECOVERY PROGRAM AFTER FAILING THE NEXT DRUG TEST BECAUSE I CHOSE TO GET HIGH THEN I WOULD HAVE NOWHERE TO GO. 

  MAKING A DECISION TO GET HIGH NOW WOULD HAVE TERRIBLE REPURCUSSIONS FOR ME NOW. IT'S EASY TO NOT GET HIGH NOW OUT OF FEAR OF THE CONSEQUENCES WHILE IN THIS PROGRAM. WHAT ABOUT ONCE I EXIT THIS PROGRAM AND AM BACK IN THE NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCE OF LIVING ON MY OWN OR WITH SOMEONE ELSE? 

  I AM TAKING THIS TIME PERIOD WHILE IN THE RECOVERY PROGRAM TO BUILD A STRONGER MINS FOR MYSELF. I AM BUILDING A MINDSET STRONG ENOUGH TO REMAIN SOBER WHILE BACK IN THE FREE CHOICE ENVIRONMENT. DO I STILL OBSESS IN THE MIND OVER SMOKING MARIJUANA? I'LL ALWAYS MISS SMOKING MARIJUANA. I JUST WON'T MISS THE POWER IT HELD OVER ME. 

 

  

WRISTS BATHED IN RED SESSION CYNICAL ANALYSIS MICROWAVED HEARTS ALBUM SESSION

 11:31PM EST - 11:55PM EST

SUNDAY FEBRUARY 25TH, 2024

2.25.2024

WRISTS BATHED IN RED:

SESSION 

CYNICAL ANALYSIS

 MICROWAVED HEARTS ALBUM 

SESSION

TRACK 

MAPLE TYPE BEAT LOFI BOOMBAP CHILL 90S LOFI 

I KNOW WHAT THE PAIN FEELS LIKE

  I KNOW WHAT THE PAIN FEELS LIKE

AND I KNOW IT DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT

AND WHEN YOU FEEL IT YOU DON'T FEEL BRIGHT

JUST KNOW IT'S BE ALRIGHT

YOU WON'T ALWAYS FEEL ALL RIGHT

YOU WON'T ALWAYS FEEL ALL THE LIGHT

YOU CAN HOWEVER ALWAYS CHOOSE TO

USE THE PAIN NOT LETTING IT USE YOU

THE PAIN CAN BE CONTROLLED

BUT FIRST IT MUST BE UNROLLED

THE PAIN HAS TO BE UNPACKED

BEFORE YOU CAN EVER SACK THAT

JUST KNOW YOU CAN BE THE TIGHT END

ONLY THEN WILL THE PAIN MIGHT END

ONLY THEN WILL THE PAIN MIGHT BEND

YOU CAN TELL THE PAIN GOODNIGHT THEN

YOU MAY JUST HAVE A GOODNIGHT FRIEND

YOU MIGHT WAKE UP TO THE PAIN AGAIN

AND NOW YOU'RE IN A NEW GAME AGAIN

EVERY DAY WILL BE BATTLE FACTS

HOPE YOU'RE SHARPENING UP YOUR BATTLE AXE

THE WOLVES ARE ASKING WHERE ARE YOU CATTLE AT?

THE HORSE OF YOUR PAIN YOU BETTER SADDLE THAT

WHOEVER TOLD YOU WHAT YOU FEEL IS REAL

THEY DESERVE A HUG FROM AN ELECTRIC EEL 

YO I SWEAR THAT PERSON LIED TO YOU

AND IN SUCH A LIE YOU'RE STUCK LIKE YOU LIED IN GLUE

NOW YOU FEEL THE PAIN LIKE YOU FEEL THE RAIN

NEITHER OF THEM EXISTS AND SO THEY ARE ONE IN THE SAME

NEITHER THE PAIN OR THE RAIN EXISTS YOU'RE JUST INSANE

NEITHER THE RAIN OR PAIN IS REAL THEY EXIST ONLY IN YOUR BRAIN

THEY HAVE US DOWNLOADED INTO A SICK GAME

TOLD US IT'S REAL GIVING US A SICK BRAIN

HERE'S A CHILDREN'S STORY SLICK RICK TRAINED

IF I'M IT TO PAIN THEN I SHALL LICK THE PAIN

I LICK THE PAIN

AND I PICK THE BRAIN

JUST TELL ME WHICH WAY

WHEN I FEEL SAD

THEN I JUST EMBRACE JT

YOU SEE THAT'S HOW YOU FACE IT 

YOU SEE THAT'S HOW YOU TRACE IT

AND THAT'S HOW YOU ERASE IT

THIS WORLD'S A PLAYSTATION

THIS WORLD'S A GAMEBOY

SO KEEP YOUR GAME COY

AND LET'S ALL PLAY THE NATION

HISTORY IS WAITING

TO SEE JUST WHAT WE DO

YOU MAY NOT BELIEVE IN ME

I STILL BELIEVE IN YOU

IF THE PAIN SEEMS SERIOUS

THEN YOU'RE JUST DELIRIOUS

ONCE THE PAIN IS HILARIOUS 

NO LONGER SCARY IT'S JUST

A FIGMENT OF AN ACTIVE IMAGINATION

I IMAGINE A NATION OF PAIN FACING AND EMBRACEMENT

UNSHACKLING THE CHAINS OF MENTAL ENSLAVEMENT

THE MASONIC CODE IS JUST RIPPING PAGES FROM THE BIBLE

THERE I SAID IT NEITHER SLANDER NOR LIBEL

IF I SAID SOMETHING YOU DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW THEN I'M LIABLE

TO BE ACCOUNTABLE FOR MAKING YOUR EMOTIONS MORE PLIABLE

YOU CAN CHOOSE TO FEEL HOWEVER YOU CHOOSE TO

JUST SPEND A LITTLE MORE TIME ALONE SO YOU DON'T LOSE YOU

THEN YOU CAN ALWAYS FIND THE LOOSE YOU

I GAVE YOU A RED PILL AND A BLUES CLUE

WRISTS BATHED IN RED SESSION CYNICAL ANALYSIS MICROWAVED HEARTS SESSION

 11:50PM EST - 12:17AM EST 

SATURDAY FEBRUARY 24TH, 2024

2.24.2024 

-

SUNDAY FEBRUARY 25TH, 2024

2.25.2024

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO QQ 🎉🎂 (MY NEPHEW)

WRISTS BATHED IN RED:

 SESSION 

CYNICAL ANALYSIS 

MICROWAVED HEARTS

 SESSION 

  I AM IN A SOBER LIVING ENVIRONMENT RECOVERY PROGRAM. I AM SURROUNDED BY FELLOW ADDICTS ATTEMPTING TO RECOVER FROM SUBSTANCE ABUSE AND ADDICTION. ONE OF THE MEMBERS COMMITTED SUICIDE LAST NIGHT. HIS NAME WAS ISAAC. 

  I FOUND OUT RIGHT BEFORE THE EVENING RECOVERY MEETING AT 6PM EST. THIS BOOK IS INTENDED TO HELP THOSE SUFFERING FROM MENTAL PAIN PERIOD. WHETHER OR NOT SUBSTANCE ABUSE AND ADDICTION IS A PART OF YOUR TROUBLES IT DOESN'T MATTER. 

  THE MOST IMPORTANT POINT IS THIS BOOK IS AIMED AT PROVIDING A CERTAIN PERSPECTIVE AIMED TO HELP YOU THRU YOUR MENTAL SUFFERING. THE ULTIMATE POINT THE BOOK IS MAKING HERE IS THIS DIMENSION DOESN'T REALLY EXIST. 

  NOTHING IN THIS PHYSICAL REALM IS ACTUALLY REAL. YOUR MIND ISN'T REAL. YOU AREN'T REAL. I'M NOT REAL. OUR THOUGHTS AREN'T REAL. OUR EMOTIONS ARE NOT REAL. THIS ENTIRE REALM IS ILLUSORY. THIS DIMENSION IS A DREAMVERSE. THIS UNIVERSE IS A DREAMIVERSE. 

  THIS REALM IS AN ILLUSION. EVERYTHING WITHIN THIS REALM IS AN ILLUSION. DOUBT EVERYTHING'S TRUE TANGIBILITY. IF YOU CAN BELIEVE NOTHING IS AS REAL AS IT SEEMS THEN YOU WILL CEASE TO TAKE EVERYTHING SO SERIOUSLY. 

  EVERYTHING IN THIS DREAM VERSE ACTUALLY HAPPENED YET IT ONLY HAPPENED WITHIN A DREAM VERSE. IT'S JUST A VERY LONG DREAM FOR SOME PEOPLE. FOR SOME PEOPLE IT'S A REALLY SHORT DREAM. THE LENGTH OF THE DREAM DEPENDS ON YOUR DREAM DESTINY. 

  DON'T TAKE YOUR EMOTIONS SERIOUSLY. YOUR EMOTIONS ARE INTANGIBLE. YOU CAN NOT OBSERVE YOUR EMOTIONS WITH YOUR FIVE PHYSICAL SENSES. YOUR EMOTIONS LIVE ONLY WITHIN YOUR MIND. 

  YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS. YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR MIND. YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS. THIS BOOK IS INTENDED TO SHOW MY PROCESS IN THIS EXPERIMENT FOR YOU TO JOIN IN WITH ME THIS EXPERIENCE. YOU CAN LEARN TO LOVE THIS DREAM. 

  THIS IS JUST A DREAM. THIS IS NOT REALLY HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. THIS PHYSICAL REALM IS JUST A SOCIAL EXPERIMENT WITHIN A SPIRITUAL REALM. WE ARE SPIRITS. WE ARE NOT PHYSICAL BODIES. THIS IS A PHYSICAL EXPERIMENT WITHIN THE SPIRITUAL WORLD. 

  JUST ENJOY THE DREAM. SOME DAYS YOU WILL CRY. MOST DAYS YOU WILL LAUGH. LEARN TO ENJOY YOUR SAD DAYS AS MUCH AS YOU ENJOY YOUR HAPPY DAYS. THIS IS JUST A DREAM. STOP TAKING YOUR EMOTIONS SO SERIOUSLY. YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS. 

  YOUR EMOTIONS ARE UNDER YOUR CONTROL. YOUR EMOTIONS ARE ONLY UNDER YOUR CONTROL. YOUR EMOTIONS WILL BE FULLY UNDER YOUR CONTROL ONE DAY SOON. YOU GOT THIS. YOU WILL BE OK. 

  I CAN'T PROMISE YOU UNLESS YOU PROMISE YOURSELF FIRST. PROMISE YOURSELF YOU WILL CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS AND I CAN THEN PROMISE YOU IT WILL HAPPEN. 

  ITS GOING TO GET BETTER. I'M GOING THRU A HUGE PSYCHIC CHANGE RIGHT NOW AND I'M DOCUMENTING IT ALL ON PAPER WITHIN THIS PUBLISHED PUBLICATION FOR YOU TO CATCH ON TO IT. YOU'RE GIVING THE PHYSICAL REALM TOO MUCH CONTROL OVER YOUR OWN MIND. 

  JUST BELIEVE YOUR EYES ARE LYING TO YOU AND WHAT YOU SEE ISN'T REALLY THERE AND IT'LL BE EASIER TO GET THRU IT ALL. IT'S ALL JUST A JEDI MIND TRICK. LEARN TO CONTROL YOUR FORCE. I SPEND ALL DAY TELLING MYSELF AT EVERYTHING I'M SEEING WITH MY HABITUALLY LYING EYES IT IS ALL A DREAM AND NOTHING I CAN SEE IS ACTUALLY HERE AND REAL. 

  EVERYTHING I SEE IS FAKE. THIS IS A LL A DREAM. NO POINT IN HAVING AN EMOTIONAL BREAK DOWN WITHIN A DREAM. A DREAM IS MEANT TO BE ENJOYED. JUST ENJOY THE DREAM. 

  YOU'RE GOING TO GET THRU THIS. YOU WILL HAVE THE PSYCHIC CHANGE. YOU WILL LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF MORE. YOU WILL LEARN TO ENJOY THE DREAM. YOU WILL ATTAIN MORE POWERFUL CONTROL OVER YOUR DREAM AND DREAMALITY. 

WRISTS BATHED IN RED SESSION CYNICAL ANALYSIS MICROWAVED HEARTS SESSION

10:09AM EST - 10:16 EST

SATURDAY FEBRUARY 24TH, 2024

2.24.2024

 WRISTS BATHED IN RED SESSION

CYNICAL ANALYSIS

MICROWAVED HEARTS

SESSION

MY NOTES FOR THREE CURRENCY PAIRS I AM TRADING ARE AS FOLLOWS. 

I AM TRADING THE FIAT CURRENCY PAIRS NZDUSD NEW ZEALAND DOLLAR VERSUS THE UNITED STATES DOLLAR. 

I AM USING THE META TRADER BULLS POWER AND BEARS POWER 5

 THE BULLS POWER 5 IS APPLIED TO THE LOW AND THE BEARS POWER 5 IS APPLIED TO THE HIGH. 

I AM USING THE DAILY TIME FRAME CHART. 

I AM USING THE DAILY BULLS POWER BEARS POWER 5 FOR NZDUSD. 

I AM ALSO USING INVESTING.COM TECNHIXAL ANALYSIS FIVE HOUR TIME FRAME CHART MOVING AVERAGES BOXES. ONCE THE 12 MOVING AVERAGES BOXES ARE RED I GO ONTO META TRADER AND WAIT FOR THE FOUR HOUR OR DAILY BULLS POWER 5 TO GO POSITIVE BEFORE I BUY. 

ONCE THE INVESTING.COM MOVING AVERAGES BOXES FOR THE FIVE HOUR CHART TIME FRAME ARE 12 GREEN I AWAIT DOR THE FOUR HOUR OR DAILY BEARS POWER TO GO NEGATIVE BEFORE I SELL. 

I AM TRADING BITCOIN BTCUSD AS WELL WHICH IS A CRYPTO CURRENCY. I AM USING THE INVESTING.COM MACD INDICATOR ON THE 15 MINUTE TIME FRAME CHART. WHEN IT IS RED AND NEGATIVE I AM SELLING IT UNTIL 12 RED MOVING AVERAGES BOXES AND THEN WHEN IT IS GREEN AND POSITIVE THEN I AM BUYING IT UNTIL 12 GREEN MOVING AVERAGES BOXES. 

ON META TRADER I AM FOLLOWING THE DAILY TIME FRAME BULLS POWER 5 AND BEARS POWER 5. 

THE LAST PAIR I AM TRADING IS ALSO A CRYPTO CURRENCY. IT IS TRXUSD OR TRON. I AM USING THE INVESTING.COM WEBSITE TECHNICAL ANALYSIS MONTHLY AND DAILY MOVING AVERAGES BOXES. I WAIT FOR THE MONTHLY MOVING AVERAGES BOXES TO BE 12 RED OR GREEN AND THEN FOR THE DAILY TIME FRAME MOVING AVERAGES BOXES TO SHOW ONE OF THE OPPOSITE COLOR. 

WRISTS BATHED IN RED SESSION CYNICAL ANALYSIS MICROWAVED HEARTS SESSION

 12:21PM EST - 12:50PM EST

SATURDAY FEBRUARY 24TH, 2024

2.24.2024

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO QQ HARRIS (NEPHEW)

WRISTS BATHED IN RED:

 SESSION 

CYNICAL ANALYSIS

 MICROWAVED HEARTS 

SESSION 

  I WENT TO BED EMO. I WOKE BACK UP. I WOKE BACK UP A LITTLE LESS EMO. WHEN I'M SLEEP DEPRIVED AFTER 16 HOURS THE EMO WILL ATTACK ME. IF I DON'T GET A NAP IN BEFORE 16 HOURS OF STRAIGHT WAKING LIFE I'LL MOST LIKELY GO EMO OUT OF NOWHERE. I'LL GET CRANKY. 

  I HAVEN'T BEEN DRINKING COFFEE ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT RECENTLY SO THAT PROBABLY HELPED ME NOT GET EMO. THIS BOOK IS ABOUT DEALING WITH YOUR INNER EMO MOOD AND OR EMO MODE. SO IT'S ONLY RIGHT I WRITE INSIDE IF THOSE MOODS AS WELL. LIFE ISN'T ALL SUNSHINE AND STRAWBERRY CUPCAKES. NEITHER CAN MY WRITINGS BE. 

  SOME EMOTIONS ARE GOING TO FEEL JUST GREAT. SOME EMOTIONS ARE GOING TO FEEL JUST TERRIBLE. I HAVE TO REMAIN WITH A NEUTRAL PERSPECTIVE THRU OUT ALL OF THEM. WHY SHOULD I SHUN THE PROCESS OF DEALING WITH UNDESIRED EMOTIONS? DO I SHUN THE PROCESS OF DEALING WITH DESIRED EMOTIONS? 

  I HAVE TO EMBRACE THE UNDESIRED EMOTIONS AS MUCH AS I WOULD EMBRACE THE DESIRED EMOTIONS. EMOTIONS ARE IMPARTIAL. EMOTIONS ARE JUST DOING THEIR JOBS. EVERY EMOTION HAS IT'S PURPOSE. EVERY EMOTION IS JUST A TEACHER IN IT'S OWN CLASS RUNNING THRU IT'S OWN COURSE OF LESSONS. 

  I CAN'T BE MEAN TO THE UNDESIRED EMOTIONS. I'M NOT MEAN TO THE DESIRED EMOTIONS. I LOVE FEELING GOOD. I HATE FEELING BAD. I AIM TO LOVE THE PROCESS OF EXPLORING EACH EMOTION. EACH EMOTION WILL HAVE IT'S TIME WITH ME AND I SHOULD JUST ENJOY THE LESSON EACH ONE BRINGS. 

  I'M NOT ALWAYS GOING TO FEEL SPLENDID INSIDE. I'M NOT ALWAYS GOING TO FEEL TERRIBLE INSIDE EITHER. I AM GOING TO FEEL BOTH THRU OUT THE WEEK. MY EMOTIONAL WEEKLY CANDLE WILL FLUCTUATE. MY MONTHLY EMOTIONAL CANDLE WILL FLUCTUATE. MY DAILY EMOTIONAL CANDLE WILL FLUCTUATE. MY FOUR HOUR EMOTIONAL CANDLE WILL FLUCTUATE. MY HOURLY EMO BARS WILL FOLLOW THE DIRECTION OF THE FOUR HOUR EMO CANDLE.

  MY FOUR HOUR EMO CANDLES WILL FOLLOW THE TREND DIRECTION OF MY DAILY EMO CANDLE. MY DAILY EMO CANDLE WILL FLOW ALONG IN THE DIRECTION OF THE WEEKLY EMO CANDLE. MY WEEKLY EMO CANDLE WILL GRAVITATE TOWARDS THE DIRECTION OF THE MONTHLY EMOTIONAL CANDLE. 

  MY EMOTIONAL CHART IS VOLATILE. MY EMOTIONAL CHART IS UNPREDICTABLE. YOU WOULD LOSE ALL OF YOUR INVESTMENT CAPITAL BETTING IN ADVANCE ON MY EMOTIONAL DIRECTION. DON'T BET ON MY MOOD. YOU'LL CRASH OUT EVERYTIME. 

  IF I COULD GET PAID IN A GAME OF SOMEONE BETTING ON MY EMO CANDLES THRU OUT THE DAY THAT WOULD BE SO FUN. I WOULD LOSE MONEY SOMETIMES IF THEY GUESSED RIGHT IN ADVANCE AND I BET WRONG. I WOULD EARN CASH IF WE BET DIFFERENT IN ADVANCE AND I WAS RIGHT. 

  WOULD I FEEL GOOD IN AN HOUR? I WOULDN'T PLACE THE BET. BUT WHAT IF I DID? WHAT IF I BET MYSELF 100 PUSHUPS I WOULD FEEL BETTER IN AN HOUR? I WOULD DO EVERYTHING I COULD TO INDUCE PEACE WITHIN MY SOUL IN AN HOUR'S TIME TO NOT LOSE THE BET. 

  THE CHIPS MUST BE PLACED ON THE TABLE BEFOREHAND THOUGH RIGHT? IF I LOST THE BET I OWE MYSELF 100 PUSHUPS. DO I DO 100 PUSHUPS JUST TO PLACE THE CHIPS ON THE TABLE? DO I PUT UP 100 TABLES ON THE TABLE AND THEN OFFER UP ANOTHER 100 PUSHUPS IF I LOSE? 

  DO I SPEND THE ENTIRE HOUR DOING 100 PUSHUPS WHILE WATCHING VIDEOS INTENDED TO UPLIFT MY OWN MOOD? WILL THE PUSHUPS THEMSELVES HELP ME FEEL BETTER THEMSELVES? I'M GOING TO HAVE TO START WORKING OUT MY BODY IN ORDER FOR MY MIND TO RELEASE THE DESIRED CHEMICAL BOOST THE DRUGS USED TO GIVE ME. 

  SOUNDS LIKE SUCH A MORE LOGICAL METHOD OF INDUCING DOPAMINE RELEASE WITHIN THE BRAIN RIGHT? I'LL JUST HAVE TO SHOWER IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING THE WORK OUT. I ENJOY BENCH PRESSING. THERE ARE JUST NO BENCHES TO PRESS OR PRESS WITH OR ON. 

  I'LL PROBABLY HAVE TO USE THE EMO MOOD YO WORK OUT WITH. MAYBE MY UNDESIRED EMOTIONS JUST WANT SOME DOPAMINE. I DONT HAVE THE DRUGS IN MY LIFE ANYMORE TO CREATE THE DOPAMINE. DOPAMINE BY ANY HEALTHY AND LOGICAL MEANS NECESSARY. 

  WHEN I GET EMO THEN HOW MANY REPS OF DIFFERENT WORKOUTS WILL IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF THE TOOTSIE POP? I HAVE TO EMBRACE MY EMO CANDLES AND JUST CREATE SOME EMO ART. THIS BOOK IS ALL ABOUT DEALING WITH EVERY SINGLE PRESENTED EMOTIONS. EVERY PAGE WON'T MAKE YOU SMILE. EVERY PAGE WON'T MAKE YOU CRY. IN LIFE EVERYDAY WON'T MAKE YOU SMILE. EVERYDAY WON'T MAKE YOU SMILE. THIS BOOK IS DESIGNED TO SHOW HOW I LEARNED TO CHOOSE TO MAKE MYSELF SMILE IN BOTH SCENARIOS. 

  I WON'T ALWAYS FEEL LIKE SMILING. I WILL HOWEVER EVENTUALLY CHOOSE TO SMILE AFTER GOING THRU THE EMOTIONAL EMBRACEMENT PROCESS. HOW WILL YOU MAKE YOURSELF FEEL BETTER WHEN YOU DON'T? IT'S AN INTERNAL PROCESS. NO MATERIALS AND NO DRUGS WILL DO THE JOB PERMANENTLY. YOU'LL HAVE TO BE PERMANENTLY DEDICATED TO THE PROCESS. THE EMOTIONAL EMBRACEMENT PROCESS. 

WRISTS BATHED IN RED SESSION CYNICAL ANALYSIS MICROWAVED HEARTS SESSION

 6:52PM EST - 6:59 PM EST

FRIDAY FEBRUARY 23RD, 2024

2.23.2024

WRISTS BATHED IN RED:

SESSION

 CYNICAL ANALYSIS 

MICROWAVED HEARTS

 SESSION 

  I JUST WANT TO GIVE MY LIFE TO MY CRAFT. I WANT TO GIVE MY LIFE TO THE PRACTICING OF MY GOD GIVEN GIFTS AND TALENTS. I YEARN TO GROW SKILLED IN THE INTERESTS I HAVE. I WAS GIVEN A FORTUNATE GIFT. I WAS GIVEN A FORTUNATE GIFT BY GOD. I WAS BLESSED WITH A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF A CERTAIN TYPE OF TALENT. 

  I AIM TO HONOR THE GIFT. I AIM TO HONOR GOD WITH THE GIFT HE GAVE ME. I AIM TO USE THE GOD GIVEN GIFT IN A WAY I PRAY PLEASES GOD. I WANT TO DO GREAT THINGS FOR THE OBSERVER OF MY ART PIECES. I WANT MY ART TO INSPIRE OTHER PEOPLE. I WANT MY ART TO INSPIRE OTHER ARTISTS. 

  I WANT MY ART TO HELP PEOPLE DEAL WITH THEIR PAIN. I WANT MY ART TO HAVE A POSITIVE MESSAGE. I WANT MY ART TO MAKE YOU SMILE. I WANT MY ART TO MAKE YOU CRY. I WANT MY ART TO SHED LIGHT ON HOW TO DEAL WITH MENTAL PAIN. 

  MY ART WAS MY BREAKAWAY FROM MY MENTAL PAIN. MY ART SAVED ME FROM SUICIDE AND OR SUICIDE ATTEMPTS. I KNEW IF I HAD KILLED MYSELF I WOULD HAVE TAKEN A GREAT ARTIST OFF OF THE PLANET. I COULDN'T DEPRIVE THE WORLD OF A PASSIONATE ARTIST. 

WRISTS BATHED IN RED SESSION CYNICAL ANALYSIS MICROWAVED HEARTS SESSION

 6:40PM EST - 6:56PM EST

THURSDAY FEBRUARY 22ND, 2024

2.22.2024

WRISTS BATHED IN RED 

SESSION

 CYNICAL ANALYSIS 

MICROWAVED HEARTS 

SESSION 

I SAW LEXY TODAY. I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW SEXY LEXY WAS. NOW I CALL HER SEXY LEXY. MY SEXUAL DESIRE GOT THE BEST OF ME FOR A FEW MINUTES AND I JUST FELT SO ASHAMED. WHY WOULD I CRAVE THE FLESH OF ANOTHER HUMAN BEING? WOULDN'T THAT BE A MONSTER'S THINKING PROCESS? 

  I SEE ANOTHER PERSON AND I CRAVED THEIR FLESH? DOESN'T THAT SOUND LIKE A CANNIBAL? WHAT DO I WANT TO DO HUH? DO I WANT TO EAT HER? WHAT I WANT TO PRESS MY BODY AGAINST HER BODY? THAT SOUNDS DISGUSTING. WHAT AM I WILLING TO SAY TO HER IN ORDER FOR HER TO ALLOW OUR BODIES TO HUMP AND PUMP AGAINST ONE ANOTHER'S?

  IT SOUNDS SO HORRIBLE TO ME. AM I WILLING TO LIE TO HER IN ORDER TO PUMP AND HUMP MY BODY AGAINST HER BODY? WHAT ABOUT HER BODY MAKES ME FEEL SO WEAK? I HAVE A BODY TOO. LOOKING AT MY OWN BODY IN THE MIRROR DOESN'T MAKE ME FEEL LIKE THAT?

  MAYBE HER BODY IS WAY MORE FLESHY THAN MINE. MAYBE HER BODY IS WAY MORE CURVY THAN MINE. MAYBE HER BODY IS JUST WAY MORE APPETIZER LOOKING TO ME THAN MINE IS TO ME. I DON'T EVEN KNOW HER. I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HER. I ONLY KNOW HER FIRST NAME. 

  WHY DO I CRAVE THE FLESH OF A COMPLETE STRANGER? I MUST BE A MONSTER. DO YOU EVER SEE A COMPLETE STRANGER AND THINK TO YOURSELF ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU CRAVE THEIR FLESH? WOULDN'T THIS MAKE YOU A MONSTER AS WELL?

  MAYBE WE ARE ALL MONSTERS THEN. MAYBE WE ALL ARE FLESH CRAVERS. I CALL IT FLESH CRAVING. WE ALL CRAVE THE FLESH OF ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. WOULD THIS NOT MAKE US AN ADDICT TO THE FLESH? WHY DO WE HAVE TO BE SO FLESHY? 

  WHY CAN'T I JUST SIT DOWN AND TALK TO HER INSTEAD? WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO PHYSICAL? WHY MUST SEXUAL DESIRE BE A FACTOR? IS SHE JUST A PIECE OF MEAT TO ME? IS SEXY LEXY NOTHING MORE THAN A PIECE OF FLESH? IS SEXY LEXY JUST A FLESH PIECE TO ME? 

  WHY CANT CONVERSATION JUST BE ENOUGH HUH? HEY HOW YOU DOING? HOW WAS YOUR DAY? WHAT DID YOU EAT TODAY? DID YOU GET ENOUGH REST? ARE YOU TIRED? YOU LOOK SLEEPY? HOW'S WORK GOING? HOWS YOUR FAMILY? ARE YOUR NEIGHBORS ANNOYING? 

  WHAT AM I WILLING TO DO IN ORDER TO GET SEXY LEXY INTO MY BED HUH? WHY DID SHE HAVE TO DRESS LIKE THAT? SHE KNEW IT WAS STICKING OUT WHEN SHE WORE THOSE TIGHT LEGGINGS? WHAT'S HER PROBLEM? IT'S NOT HER FAULT SHE'S BURSTING OUT OF THOSE PANTS. IT'S MY FAULT I'M LOOKING. 

  THAT PHAT BUTT OF HERS IS A HUGE DISTRACTION. NO PUN INTENDED. I DON'T WANT HER LEGS IN MY HEAD. I WANT HER LEGS IN MY BED. I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO THINK ABOUT THAN HER LEGS. WHAT'S BETTER THAN HER LEGS? SEE I DON'T KNOW LEFT FROM RIGHT ANYMORE. I HAVE A MEETING TO GO TO NOW. HEROIN ANONYMOUS. I NEVER EVEN DID HEROIN BEFORE. I SHOULD GO TO SEXUAL DESIRE ANONYMOUS. 

WRISTS BATHED IN RED: SESSION CYNICAL ANALYSIS MICROWAVED HEARTS SESSION ADDICTION ROBS YOU OF EVERYTHING

 11:30AM EST - 11:52AM EST

FEBRUARY 20TH, 2024

2.20.2024

WRISTS BATHED IN RED:

 SESSION

CYNICAL ANALYSIS

MICROWAVED HEARTS

SESSION

ADDICTION ROBS YOU OF EVERYTHING

  MY ADDICTION IS A JEWEL THIEF. MY ADDICTION AIMS TO ROB ME OF EVERYTHING I HOLD DEAR. MY ADDICTION WANTS ALL OF MY TIME. MY ADDICTION WANTS ALL OF MY MONEY. MY ADDICTION WANTS ALL OF MY FOCUS. MY ADDICTION WANTS ALL OF MY EFFORTS. MY ADDICTION WANTS TO CONSUME EVERYTHING I HAVE TO OFFER THE WORLD. 

  MY ADDICTION IS NOT MY FRIEND. MY ADDICTION IS THE ENEMY. MY ADDICTION IS MY OPPONENT. MY ADDICTION WORKS FOR THE OTHER SIDE. MY ADDICTION IS A DOUBLE AGENT. MY ADDICTION IS A COVERT OPERATIGE AGENT ASSIGNED TO DESTROY ME FROM WITHIN THRU INFILTRATION AND DECEPTION. 

  MY ADDICTION PLAYS FOR THE OTHER TEAM. MY ADDICTION IS A MONSTER. MY ADDICTION IS A MONSTER HELL BENT ON MY OWN DESTRUCTION. MY ADDICTION WANTS MY BLOOD. MY ADDICTION WANTS MY SOUL. MY ADDICITON WANTS MY HEART. MY ADDICTION WANTS MY MIND. MY ADDICTION CRAVES TO BE THE ONLY RELATIONSHIP IN LIFE I HAVE. MY ADDICTION AIMS TO REPLACE MY FRIENDS. MY ADDICTION AIMS TO REPLACE MY FAMILY. MY ADDICTION AIMS TO REPLACE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. MY ADDICTION WANTS TO BE THE MOST IMPORTANT CONCEPT IN MY LIFE. 

  I CAN NOT BLAME THE SUBSTANCE. MY ALLERGIC REACTION TO THE SUBSTANCE CREATED THE MONSTER. NOW THE MONSTER ONLY WANTS TO BE FED. I MUST STARVE THE MONSTER. I MUST WATCH THE MONSTER STARVE TO DEATH. I AM NOT ALLOWED TO FEED THE MONSTER. THE MONSTER CAN NOT FEED ITSELF. ONLY I CAN FEED THE MONSTER. IF I STOP FEEDING THE MONSTER THEN THE MONSTER WILL CEASE TO EXIST. THE MONSTER DESERVES TO STARVE TO DEATH. THE MONSTER IS A MONSTER AND MONSTERS FEED OFF OF CHAOS AND DESTRUCTION. 

  I CREATED THE MONSTER. THE MONSTER IS INSIDE OF ME. I CREATED A HORRIBLE AND GREEDY WEED SMOKING MONSTER. ALL THE MONSTER WANTS TO DO IS TO SMOKE MORE WEED. ONE BLUNT IS TOO MANY BLUNTS AND ONE THOUSAND BLUNTS IS NEVER ENOUGH. THE WEED SMOKING MONSTER WANTS TO SMOKE WEED ALL DAY. THE WEED SMOKING MONSTER WANTS TO SMOKE WEED ALL NIGHT. 

  I WOULD GO TO WORK EACH AND EVERY DAY JUST TO FEED THE MONSTER. ALL OF MY MONEY WENT INTO FEEDING THE MONSTER. THE MONSTER WAS NEVER FULL. 

  ALL I WOULD HEAR IS HEY MAN I'M STILL HUNGRY. YOU'RE NOT PROVIDING ME WITH ENOUGH FOOD. I ONLY EAT MARIJUANA. I'LL DRINK SOME LIQUOR IF YOU'RE ALL OUT OF WEED BUT I REALLY PREFER WEED MORE. YOU DON'T HAVE ANY WEED? HEY MAN WHERE'S THE WEED AT? I KNOW YOU GOT SOME. I KNOW YOU GOT IT. HEY MAN WHY ARE YOU HOLDING OUT ON ME? DON'T HOLD OUT ON ME MAN. WHY ARE YOU BEING SO STINGY? HEY MAN DON'T BE STINGY NOW. I JUST WANT TO SMOKE MAN. I CAN'T SMOKE WITHOUT YOU. YOU HAVE TO GET THS WEED MAN. I CAN'T GET IT MYSELF. IF I COULD GET THE WEED MYSELF THEN I WOULD BUT I CAN'T BRO AND SO YOU HAVE TO GET IT FOR ME. JUST GO GET ME SOME WEED

WRISTS BATHED IN RED: SESSION CYNICAL ANALYSIS MICROWAVED HEARTS SESSION MY FIRST STEP IN ADDICTION RECOVERY

 3:15PM EST - 3:30PM EST 

FEBRUARY 18TH, 2024

2.18.2024

WRISTS BATHED IN RED:

SESSION 

CYNICAL ANALYSIS

MICROWAVED HEARTS

SESSION 

MY FIRST STEP IN ADDICTION RECOVERY

HI MY NAME IS CHAD AND I'M AN ADDICT. MARIJUANA WAS MY D.O.C. OR MY DRUG OF CHOICE. I AM 34 YEARS OLD. I FIRST SMOKED MARIJUANA AT AGE 14. I STOPPED SMOKING MARIJUANA UNTIL AGE 17 ANS HAVE BEEN SMOKING IT AVIDLY UNTIL 33 YEARS OLD. IT WAS OCTOBER 5TH, 2023 WHEN I DECIDED I WANTED TO ATTEMPT SOBRIETY. 

  I WAS ABLE TO ADMIT I HAD PROBLEMS I WAS RUNNING FROM WITH MARIJUANA AND DECIDED I WANTED TO FACE MY MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL ISSUES. CHILDHOOD SEXUAL TRAUMA PLAYED A HUGE ROLE IN ANY PERSONAL ISSUES I FACE TODAY. I CHOSE TO AS AN ADULT SUBSTITUTE SEX FOR MARIJUANA. SINCE I AS STOPPED USING MARIJUANA I HAVEN'T RESORTED BACK TO SEX EITHER. I WOULD RATHER SMOKE MARIJUANA THAN TO HAVE SEX. NOW THE MARIJUANA IS GONE FROM KY ROUTINE AND SEX HASN'T REISSUED ITSELF INTO MY ROUTINE OR DAILY REGIMENT. 

  BEING HIGH HELPED ME IGNORE THE OPPOSITE SEX A LOT EASIER. NOW I HAVE TO IGNORE THE OPPOSITE SEX WHILE COMPLETELY SOBER. 

  IT'S HARDER TO IGNORE THEM BUT I STILL MANAGE TO MAKE IT WORK. I LOOK MORE BUT I TALK AS LESS TO THEM AS I DID WHEN I WAS INTOXICATED ON MARIJUANA. 

  IT WAS AN 18 YEAR SMOKING SPREE LEADING ME TO REALIZING I HAD AN ISSUE. THIS IS A VERY LONG TIME TO NOTICE AN ISSUE. TOOK ME ALMOST TWO DECADES TO SEE I WAS RUNNING FROM A DEEP PAIN CAUSED A LONG TIME AGO. I EVENTUALLY GOT TIRED OF RUNNING FROM THE PAIN. 

  THERE CAME A TIME WHEN I WAS READY TO FACE THE PAIN. I WANTED TO DEAL WITH THE EMOTIONAL HURTING WITHIN ME. I DIDN'T WANT A SUBSTANCE TO CONTROL MY MIND. I WAS SO HOPELESSLY OBSESSED WITH THE EFFECTS OF CONSUMING MARIJUANA. 

  I DIDN'T WANT TO BE HOPELESSLY OBSESSED WITH A SUBSTANCE ANYMORE. I DIDN'T WANT AN ADDICTION TO SMOKING A PLANT TO HAVE POWER OVER ME. I HAD TO ADMIT I WAS POWERLESS. I WAS POWERLESS AROUND MARIJUANA AND I NO LONGER DESIRED TO BE. 

  I WANTED TO KNOW HOW TO REGAIN POWER OVER MY MIND. I NO LONGER WANTED TO BE WEAK UNDER MARIJUANA. AT THE TIME I MADE THE FIRST STEP I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT WAS THE FIRST STEP OFFICIALLY YOU MUST MAKE. I JUST KNEW I WANTED HELP AND I SOUGHT IT OUT. MY FAMILY HASN'T SEEN ME SINCE. 

WRISTS BATHED IN RED SESSION PEACE TIME AGENDA SESSION ONE

 3:08PM EST - 3:58PM EST

WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 21ST, 2024

2.21.2024

WRISTS BATHED IN RED:

 SESSION

 PEACE TIME AGENDA:

 SESSION ONE: MOST PEOPLE DESERVE PEACE

  MOST PEOPLE DESERVE PEACE. WE DESERVE WHATEVER WE WANT AND ARE WILLING TO EARN WITH OUR FOCUS SPENT ON IT. IF YOU DESIRE PEACE THEN FOCUS ON PEACE UNTIL YOU EARN IT BC YOU NOW DESERVE IT. SOME PEOPLE DON'T WANT PEACE. I WOULDN'T WISH PEACE FOR ANYONE NOT ASKING FOR IT. 

  IF YOU WANT CHAOS THEN I THINK THAT'S BEAUTIFUL BUT PLEASE STAY AS FAR AWAY FROM ME AS POSSIBLE. I THINK DESIRING CHAOS IS TERRIBLE USAGE OF A GENIE IN A BOTTLE BUT I THINK IT'S BEAUTIFUL YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT. 

  AT LEAST ANY CHAOS EXPERIENCED WILL BE DESIRED AND CHANTED FOR. IF YOU WANT CHAOS THEN DO THE CHAOS RAIN DANCE. IF YOU WANT PEACE THEN DO THE PEACE RAIN DANCE. DANCE FOR WHAT YOU WANT. JUST DO YOUR DANCE. 

  IF YOU WANT CHAOS I THINK YOU BELONG IN HANDCUFFS. IF YOU WANT PEACE THEN I AM HERE TO HELP YOU. THE WORLD WON'T BE PEACEFUL UNTIL PEACE IS EARNED INDIVIDUALLY BY AS MANY SOULS AS POSSIBLE. 

  WHEN WE ONLY CHOOSE PEACE AFTER LEARNING HOW TO ASCERTAIN SAID PEACE THEN THE WORLD WILL BE MORE PEACEFUL. WE ARE NOT AT PEACE WITH OURSELVES AND THUS THE WORLD'S DISHARMONY REPRESENTS THIS. WE ARE THE WORLD. WE ARE THE CHILDREN. 

  WORLD PEACE IS WITHIN OUR CONTROL. WORLD PEACE LIES DORMANT WITHIN OUR CLOSED HANDS. WE MAKE THE CHOICE. IF WE GROW PEACEFUL WITHIN OURSELVES THEN THE WORLD WILL NATURALLY BE PEACEFUL. IF WE ALL CHOOSE TO STOP ENGAGING IN DISHARMONY THEN THERE WILL BE NO DISHARMONY LEFT. 

  3:15PM EST 

  3:31PM EST

  EVERYONE IS FAKE. EVERYTHING IS FAKE. FAKE AS IN SIMULATED. EVERYONE IS AN ARTIFICIAL CREATION. THE ONLY TRUTH IN THIS WORLD IS OUR ONE LIVING SOUL. THE ONE LIVING SOUL OF GOD IN AN ARTIFICIAL BODY IN AN ARTIFICIAL SIMULATION WHERE THE DEVIL TEMPTS US WITH THE CONCEPT OF SEPARATION. 

  IF YOU ARE A SEPARATIST THEN THE DEVIL HAS DECEIVED YOU FOR NOW YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE NOT ONE WITH THE UNIVERSE. EVIL COMES FROM SEEING ANOTHER AS SEPARATE FROM THE SAME ENERGY YOU YOURSELF ARE DERIVED FROM. 

  JESUS SAW THE GOOD SAMARITAN AS HIMSELF. I AM YOU AND YOU ARE ME. IF I HURT YOU THEN I HURT MYSELF. IF YOU DID SOMETHING STUPID TO ME THEN I DID SOMETHING STUPID TO ME AND I NEED TO FORGIVE MYSELF. LORD GOD FATHER PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR WHAT I HAVE JUST DONE TO MYSELF. 

  FORGIVE HIM AS MUCH AS YOU WANT TO FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR THE WRONG YOU HAVE DONE. FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR THE WRONG YOU HAVE DONE TO OTHERS WHILE NOT KNOWING THEY WERE ACTUALLY YOU JUST IN DISGUISE. 

  LOVE YOURSELF EVEN WHEN YOU HATE YOURSELF. WHEN ANOTHER SHOWS YOU HATE TRY YOUR BEST TO SHOW THEM LOVE AFTER FORGIVING YOURSELF FOR BEING MEAN TO YOURSELF. IF I AM YOU AND YOU ARE ME AND YOU SLAP ME THEN THERE IS NO YOU THERE IS ONLY ME AND I JUST SLAPPED MYSELF. 

  JUST BECAUSE YOU SLAPPED ME DOESN'T MEAN YOU ARE NOT ME. IT JUST MEANS YOU FORGOT YOU WERE ME. YOU JUST SLAPPED YOURSELF IN ALL ACTUALITY. CONGRATULATIONS YOU SLAPPED YOURSELF. 

  THIS IS NOT EASY. YOUR HANDS DON'T LOOK LIKE MY HANDS NOR DO THEY FEEL LIKE MY HANDS SO WHEN YOU SLAPPED ME IT WAS EASY TO THINK I DIDN'T JUST SIT HERE AND SLAP MYSELF. I WOULDN'T SLAP MYSELF THAT HARD NOW WOULD I? I PROBABLY WOULD IF I WERE INSANE. 

 THIS WORLD IS JUST A REPRESENTATION OF EVERYTHING WITHIN OUR MIND. UNTIL OUR MINDS CONTAIN NOTHING BUT PEACE THEN WE WILL NEVER SEE NOTHING BUT PEACE. ONCE WE SEE NOTHING BUT PEACE WITHIN OUR MINDS WE WILL ALWAYS EXPERIENCE DISHARMONY ON THE OUTSIDE. 

 THE WORLD ISN'T PEACEFUL BC WE ARE NOT PEACEFUL. THIS WORLD IS A PHYSICAL REFLECTION OF OUR INTERNAL SETTINGS. SWT YOUR INTERNAL COMPOSURE SETTING TO UNADULTERATED PEACE AND LOVE. ONCE WE REACHED THIS COMPOSURE SETTING THEN WE WILL NOT ACCEPT NOTHING BUT PEACEFUL RESPONSES. 

  IF EVERYONE IS SIMULATED BUT BELIEVES THEY ARE REAL THEN THIS IS WHY WE MUST SHOW EACH OTHER MORE COMPASSION. IT'S A DAM SHAME YOU THINK YOU'RE REALLY REAL RIGHT NOW. LIFE IS VERY HARD FOR SOMEONE WHO BELIEVES THEY ARE NOT IN CONTROL OF THEIR EMOTIONS AND MIND BC THEY BELIEVE THEIR EMOTIONS AND MIND ARE ACTUALLY ACTUAL AND FACTUAL. 

  I WISH EVERYONE KNEW THEY WERE JUST COMPUTER PROGRAMS BUT THEY DON'T AND BC OF THIS I FEEL SO ASHAMED FOR THE STATE OF THE WORLD AND SO I MUST SHOW US ALL COMPASSION. YOU THINK YOU'RE REALLY HERE RIGHT NOW BUT YOU'RE NOT. YOU'RE COMPLETELY INSANE. YOU'RE JUST ABSOLUTELY NUTS AND SUCH IS WHY YOU DESERVE MY COMPASSION. 

  YOU BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU EYES SEE. YOU TRUST YOUR EYES. I DON'T TRUST MY EYES. MY EYES LIE TO ME EVERY SINGLE DAY NON STOP. MY EYES JOB IS TO LIE TO ME. MY MIND'S EYE'S JOB IS TO SEE THRU THE ILLUSION. THERE'S TOO MUCH FLUORIDE COVERING UP MY THIRD EYE OR MIND'S EYE FOR IT TO SEE THRU THIS ILLUSION. 

  NO MORE TOOTHPASTE AND SWIMMING POOL WATER FOR YOU. NO MORE CHLORINE FOR YOU. THOSE SWIMMING POOLS DID YOU DIRTY BRA. ONCE WE REALIZE WE ARE JUST AN ILLUSION INSIDE OF AN ILLUSION NEXT TO AN ILLUSION WITH ILLUSIONS ALL AROUND US THEN WE CAN ELEVATE OUR MINDS. 

  YOU ARE NOT YOUR MIND. YOU ARE NOT YOUR PAIN. YOU ARE NOT YOUR EMOTIONS. YOU ARE NOT REALLY HERE RIGHT NOW. YOU ARE ENSLAVED WITHIN THE SIMULATED MATRIX. THE MATRIX SIMULATOR HAS SIMULATED YOUR REALITY AND YOU'RE ENCASED AND ENCAGED IN IT. YOU ARE ENGAGED WITHIN THE MATRIXED REALM. 

  THIS IS THE SECRET TO WHAT WE CALL REALITY. REALITY WAS NEVER REAL AT ALL. IF EVERYTHING IS REALLY NOTHING THEN EVERYTHING ISN'T A BIG DEAL AT ALL ANYMORE. IF NOTHING IS WHAT IT APPEARS TO BE THEN NEGATIVE EMOTION ISN'T AS BIG OF A DEAL AS IT APPEARS TO BE AND CAN NOW BE THOROUGHLY TRANSCENDED. 

  YOU ARE EVERYTHING AND EVERYTHING IS NOTHING. YOU ARE NOTHING AND I BELIEVE IN NOTHING. NOTHING IS SOMETHING BC SOMETHING COMES FROM NOTHING AND EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING AND ALSO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AT ALL. THE UNIVERSAL CODE SECRETS SECRETLY SOUND LIKE GIBBERISH. 

  YOU NEED MORE GIBBERISH IN YOUR LIFE. UNIVERSAL GIBBERISH. NOT WORLDLY GIBBERISH. THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE BC YOU'RE STILL ENSLAVED. ONCE THIS MAKES SENSE THEN YOUR MIND IS FREE. ONCE MY GIBBERISH MAKES SENSE THEN YOU WILL FIND YOUR PEACE AT ALL TIMES. YOU WILL NEVER LOSE YOUR PEACE EVER AGAIN. IF YOU DO THEN THE SOLUTION TO FIND IT AGAIN IS VERY SIMPLE. JUST SLAP YOURSELF. THEN GO HUG A TREE AND TELL HER YOU LOVE Y'ALL. 

WRISTS BATHED IN RED: SESSION FIFTY FIVE: CYNICAL ANALYSIS LP:

 WRISTS BATHED IN RED:

SESSION FIFTY FIVE:

CYNICAL ANALYSIS LP: 

WRISTS BATHED IN RED:

SESSION: 

CYNICAL ANALYSIS LP

MICROWAVED HEARTS

SESSION THREE:

ALL THE STARS CADENCE 2:

TRACK THREE:

KENNEDY WIT:

6:58PM EST - 7:09PM EST

THURSDAY FEBRUARY 15TH, 2024

2.15.2024

THURSDAY FEBRUARY 15TH, 2024

2.15.2024

HOOK

STUFF

ALL YOU TALK ABOUT IS STUFF

IT'S THE ONLY YOUR THOUGHTS CONSIST OF

LET ME THROW ME THESE FEELINGS ON YOU

OF OF OF OF 

WELL TODAY I'LL BRIGHTEN THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF THE UNIVERSAL MOTIONS

THE UNIVERSAL MOTIONS

THE UNIVERSAL MOTIONS

WELL TODAY I'LL BRIGHTEN THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF THE UNIVERSAL MOTIONS

THE UNIVERSAL MOTIONS

THE UNIVERSAL MOTIONS

VERSE 1:

YOU KILLED THE 35TH PRESIDENT

AND YOU THOUGHT YOU GOT AWAY WITH IT

WELL FOR AN EXAMPLE I SET THE PRECEDENT

I'M A ADD A CADENCE TO AND THEN SWAY WITH IT

THEY SHOT THE PRESIDENT IN DALLAS THAT'S WHY ERROL SPENCE LOSS

WHY THE COWBOYS HAVEN'T SEEN THE SUPERBOWL SINCE AIKMAN 

GOT YOU ACHING EVERY COIN TOSS

THAT'S WHY THE SNIPER TOOK THE COPS OUT IN 2015

I HOPE THAT HIT YOU IN THE SPLEEN

THAT'S WHY HURRICANE HARVEY IN 2017 WIPED WIPED YOUR WINDSHIELD CLEAN DUH

YES KARMA IS A MONSTER TO THE MONSTERS WITH THE KARMA

BUT MY DHARMA'S REAL BUDDHA LIKE

HOW DO YOU WIN IN A BUDDHA FIGHT?

WITH THE BUDDHA MIGHT?

YOU WON'T JUST QUITE YET AND STILL MAYBE THE BUDDHA MIGHT

YOU PEELED HIS MUFFIN CAP BACK HUH?

IN HIS DROP TOP WHIP

IN BROAD DAYLIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS WIFE

ON CAMERA WITH TEN SHOOTERS ON STANDBY

WELL I WON'T JUST STAND BY

WITH THE HANDS IN THE POCKET LIKE HW OUTSIDE THE DEPOSITORY NO MY HANDS ARE HIGH

LIKE OSWALD

I DON'T LIKE ALL Y'ALL

BUTS ITS COOL FOOL

I LEARNED MANY SECRETS

I LEARNED PLENTY SECRETS

I LEARNED THE ENTRY SECRETS

I LEARNED THE EXIT SECRETS

TELL BREXIT KEEP IT

I HAVE MY OWN PLAN

I AM MY OWN MAN

I CHOSE THE SIDE OF GOD

AND THIS IS THE WINNING TEAM

LEAVE A COWBOY IN AWE

HOOK

STUFF

ALL YOU TALK ABOUT IS STUFF

IT'S THE ONLY YOUR THOUGHTS CONSIST OF

LET ME THROW ME THESE FEELINGS ON YOU

OF OF OF OF 

WELL TODAY I'LL BRIGHTEN THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF THE UNIVERSAL MOTIONS

THE UNIVERSAL MOTIONS

THE UNIVERSAL MOTIONS

WELL TODAY I'LL BRIGHTEN THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF THE UNIVERSAL MOTIONS

THE UNIVERSAL MOTIONS

THE UNIVERSAL MOTIONS

WRISTS BATHED IN RED: SESSION FIFTY FOUR: CYNICAL ANALYSIS LP:

 3:03PM EST - 3:30PM 

THURSDAY FEBRUARY 15TH, 2024

2.15.2024

WRISTS BATHED IN RED:

SESSION FIFTY THREE:

CYNICAL ANALYSIS LP: 

CYNICAL ANALYSIS MICROWAVED HEARTS LP

SESSION TWO:

TRACK TWO: ALL THE STARS CADENCE

HOOK

STUFF

ALL YOU TALK ABOUT IS STUFF

IT'S THE ONLY YOUR THOUGHTS CONSIST OF

LET ME THROW ME THESE FEELINGS ON YOU

OF OF OF OF 

WELL TODAY I'LL BRIGHTEN THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF THE UNIVERSAL MOTIONS

THE UNIVERSAL MOTIONS

THE UNIVERSAL MOTIONS

WELL TODAY I'LL BRIGHTEN THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF THE UNIVERSAL MOTIONS

THE UNIVERSAL MOTIONS

THE UNIVERSAL MOTIONS

VERSE ONE:

ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE SIX

THAT'S THE CADENCE AND I HOPE YOU LIKE IT

ANYTHING OF SUBSTANCE YOU TRY TO FIGHT IT

YOU'RE TOO SUPERFICIAL TO BE BENEFICIAL

HOPE YOU KNOW DESPITE THIS

I DON'T EVEN DESPISE IT

YOU'RE NOTHING LIKE MY LIKENESS

YOU'RE THE ANTITHESIS TO THE SALIVA I SPIT

JUST KNOW I REALLY LIKE THIS

CAUSE I'M REALLY LIKE THIS

IN PERSON MY PRESENCE CONSISTS OF NICENESS

TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT TRY THIS

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LIKE THIS

YOU GOT DR. JEKYLL FIRST

MR. HYDE RUNS A TIGHT SHIP

GET SUNK LIKE PT. 109

SHOULD'VE KEPT THE TIGHT LIPS

I ONLY USED TO CARE WHAT YOU THOUGHT

UNTIL I REALIZED WHAT I HAVE CAN'T BE BOUGHT

THEREFORE IT'S HARD TO BE BROUGHT

TO THE TABLE OF THE FABLE I TRADE ON LIKE THE CABLE

THAT'S THE GREAT BRITISH POUND

AS MY GREAT BRITISH HOUNDS

SOUND OFF FROM THE ROOF

AS THE RED ROCKET GLARE BURSTS IN THE AIR POOF

I CAN WRITE A SPOOF

I CAN WRITE WHATEVER

I CAN WRITE ANYTHING UNDER THE SPECTRUM EXCEPT A LOVE LETTER

ONLY CAUSE I KNOW BETTER

THEREFORE I'LL SHOW BETTER

I'M HERE TO SHOW FOREVER

I WAS A LITTLE MORE CLEVER

THAN YOU BOOTY CHASING PIRATES

I'M IRATE PULL THE LEVER

OF DISCUSSION PICK THE TOPIC

I'LL EITHER TALK OR I'LL LISTEN

AS MY EYES GLISTEN

I WAS BORN IN THE TROPICS

OF THE CRIB THEY SPILL LOVE ON MY BIB

I POOPED ANGER IN MY DIAPER

DIDN'T GROW TO BE A SKYPER

SPENDING TIME PILLOW TALKING

WHISPERING SWEET NOTHINGS

TO A SOUR WILLOW WALKING

THAT'S A TREE PLENTY TO SEE 

JUST SCENERY TO ME

HOW I TREAT A DAME 

JUST ANOTHER JUST THE SAME

DOES SHE EVEN A BRAIN?

OF COURSE SHE DOES BUT IS IT TAMED?

IS HER PERSPECTIVE FOR THE COLLECTIVE FRAMED?

I GRAB YODA SPEECH YOU GRAB SODA BLEACH

I'M TOO OLD TO TEACH

JUST NOT TOO OLD TO REACH

TO EACH HIS OWN

JUST REMEMBERED WHAT HE PREACHED WAS HIS OWN

THE DOGMA DOESN'T SOLVE PROBLEMS

THEY CREATE THEM 

GOING AROUND AND AROUND HOT REVOLVER

I OUGHT TO SOLVE THEM

AND SO I SOUGHT TO SOLVE THEM

AS THEY KEPT REVOLVING

SO I KEPT THEM SOLVING

I KEPT ON SOLVING

I KEPT ON EVOLVING

I KEPT CREATING AND I KEPT DEBATING

ON WHAT'S THE BEST APPLICATION OF ALL OF MY PATIENCE?

SO I KEPT ON PAINTING

PATIENTLY WAITING

PAINTING VISIONS NOT CHASING VAIN VIXENS

CHECK MY DICTION

I'M C H A D D CORRECT PRESCRIPTION

A LITTLE TELEVISION

NEVER HURT NOBODY

THEY TOLD A LYING VISION

PRACTICE NO INTERMISSION

ONCE YOU ENTER THE MISSION

DON'T DESERT YOUR HOBBIES

IF YOU DO DIRT YOU DON'T DESERVE YOUR HOBBIES

I OUGHT TO BE ODDLY MISINTERPRETED PROBABLY

I'LL SKIP DESSERT SO PARDON ME

YOU'LL HAVE TO KEEP ON PARDONING ME

I'M NOT GONNA KEEP ON ARGUING

WE DON'T EVEN EXIST

IF WE BLOW UP NOW THEN WE'RE JUST PINK MIST

THAT'S SEASON TWO GREYS ANATOMY

I PLAYED THE ACADEMY

I EARNED FIVE AWARDS

I EARNED A WALK OF FAME STAR 

WHAT I'M CHASING NOW

ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME SIR

KEEP ON PLAYING WITH YOUR DAME SIR

BET THAT DAME CHANGES

LIKE I CHANGE MY SHIRT

MULTIPLE MEANINGS IN THERE

BUT LET ME CHANGE WORDS

YES OF COURSE I CHANGED SIR

DARWINISM AT ITS HIGHEST SCIENCE

DARWIN'S FINEST CLIENT

LET YOU LIE AND TELL IT

I HAVE NO CLIENTELE

THE FUTURE KIDS UNBIRTHED WHAT I TRY TO YELL

IS WHO I TRY TO HELP 

YOU'RE TOO OLD TO TEACH

YOU'RE TOO OLD TO SPELL

IF I'M LYING THEN HOW DO YOU SPELL OH WELL? 

TO KILL A KILLER WHALE?

DESTROY HIS HABITAT

YES BOY THIS IS A FACT

I'LL RHYME THE WHOLE SENTENCE

IF I GOT IT LIKE THAT 

I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME

MY MUSIC PHONE'S DYING

I DON'T RUN OUT OF RHYMES

YOU GOT TWO GIRLS FOR EVERY MONTH

YOU DON'T RUN OUT OF SIGNS

YOU RUNNING OUT OF TIME 

MY OTHER PHONE JUST DIED

SO NOW I'LL END THE RHYME

HOOK

STUFF

ALL YOU TALK ABOUT IS STUFF

IT'S THE ONLY YOUR THOUGHTS CONSIST OF

LET ME THROW ME THESE FEELINGS ON YOU

OF OF OF OF 

WELL TODAY I'LL BRIGHTEN THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF THE UNIVERSAL MOTIONS

THE UNIVERSAL MOTIONS

THE UNIVERSAL MOTIONS

WELL TODAY I'LL BRIGHTEN THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF THE UNIVERSAL MOTIONS

THE UNIVERSAL MOTIONS

THE UNIVERSAL MOTIONS

 

WRISTS BATHED IN RED SESSION SIXTY THREE WASNT ME SESSION ONE

 

4:40PM EST - 5:18PM EST

WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 14TH, 2024

2.14.2024

WRISTS BATHED IN RED:

 SESSION SIXTY THREE:

WASNT ME SESSION ONE:

 TOO TIRED TO FIGURE OUT THE MYSTERY

"WASN'T ME" 

"THE WHY WOULD I DO THAT TO YOU SAGA"

I MET THE MOST GORGEOUS WOMAN EVER YESTERDAY. I WAS WALKING THRU THE PARK. I SAT DOWN BY THE SOCCER FIELD. I WAS SITTING THERE BY MYSELF. I WAS JUST STARING AT THE SKY. IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL. NEXT THING YOU KNOW SHE POPPED UP RIGHT NEXT TO ME. I TURNED TO MY LEFT AND SHE WAS JUST THERE. I DIDN'T EVEN SEE HER WALK UP. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE SHE CAME FROM. I DIDN'T THINK TOO MUCH OF IT THOUGH BECAUSE SHE WAS SO GORGEOUS. HER EYES WERE BRIGHT GOLD. I HAD NEVER SEEN ANYONE WITH EYES SO BRIGHT BEFORE. 

  SHE STUCK HER RIGHT HAND OUT TO MINE AND INTRODUCED HERSELF TO ME. HER NAME IS KAREN SHE SAYS. SHE LIKES STARING AT THE SKY AS WELL SHE SAYS. ISN'T THE SKY JUST SO TANTALIZING SHE ASKS ME? YES IT IS I RESPOND TO HER WITH. 

  SHE POINTED UP AT THE MOON AND SAID OOH LOOK OVER THERE. I LOOKED UP BUT I COULDN'T SEE THE MOON. I FELT A PRICK ON MY NECK. I PUT MY LEFT HAND ON MY NECK AND SAID OH WHAT WAS THAT. KAREN LOOKED AT ME AND SAID SHE DOESN'T KNOW AND SHE DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING. I THOUGHT HEY MAYBE IT'S JUST A BUG BITE LIKE MAYBE A MOSQUITO OR SOMETHING. 

  SO WE START TALKING. SHE'S ASKING ME QUESTIONS ABOUT MYSELF. I'M ASKING HER QUESTIONS ABOUT HER. THEN SHE ASKS ME WHAT MY BLOOD TYPE WAS. I WAS A LITTLE CONFUSED. NO. THAT'S A LIE. I WAS VERY CONFUSED. LIKE WHAT SUCH OF AN ODD QUESTION TO ASK SOMEONE. I ASKED HER WHY SHE WANTED TO KNOW AFTER TELLING HER I WASN'T REALLY SURE AT THE MOMENT. 

  SHE JUST LIKES ASKING RANDOM QUESTIONS AND IT JUST HAPPENED TO POP INTO HER HEAD SHE SAYS. SHE ASKS ME TO WALK WITH HER THRU THE TRAIL IN THE WOODS. I DIDN'T THINK TWICE ABOUT IT. I SAID OK. IT SOUNDED LIKE A GOOD WALK WITH GOOD COMPANY TO ME. SO WE WALK THRU THE NATURE TRAIL. SHE'S POINTING AT ALL OF THE TREES AND NATURAL SPECTACLES. 

  AREN'T THE TREES JUST BEAUTIFUL SHE ASKS? I LOVE TALL TREES SHE SAYS. I'M THINKING TO MYSELF THIS GIRL'S KIND OF NATURE CRAZY. BUT I LIKE TREES TO. SHE ASKS ME IF I DON'T JUST LOVE TREES SO MUCH I WANT TO HUG THEM? I SAID WELL I'VE NEVER REALLY HUGGED A TREE BEFORE. SO THEN YOU'VE NEVER BEEN HUGGED BACK BY A TREE BEFORE HUH SHE ASKS ME. THEN SHE SAYS FINE HURRY UP AND GO HUG THAT TREE BEFORE IT LEAVES. I LOOK BACK AT HER. SHE'S JUST SMILING BACK AT ME. WHAT A CORNY JOKE I'M THINKING. BUT SHE WAS JUST SO LOVELY. I SAY FINE OK WHATEVER. I GO AND HUG THE TREE. I FEEL ANOTHER PRICK ON MY NECK AS SOON AS I DO. I GRAB MY NECK AGAIN AND SAY OUCH. I TURN AROUND TO KAREN. SHE'S NOT EVEN LOOKING AT ME. SHE'S LOOKING AT THE MOON AGAIN. THIS TIME I SEE IT. 

  DID YOU SEE SOMETHING BITE ME ON THE NECK THIS TIME? SOMETHING BIT ME ON THE NECK I SAID TO HER. WHILE STILL LOOKING AT THE MOON SHE RESPONDS WITH IT WAS PROBABLY JUST A BUG ERIC. SHE SAID IT KIND OF DRY. 

  MAYBE I WAS JUST TRIPPING. BUT I COULD FEEL THE BUMPS. I'M NOT TRIPPING. SOMETHING REALLY BIT ME. BUT WE ARE IN NATURE AND OUTSIDE I THINK TO MYSELF. GUESS I CAN'T REALLY COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING BITTEN BY INSECTS IF I'M OUTSIDE RIGHT? 

  SHE ASKS ME IF SHE CAN SEE WHAT MY HOME LOOKS LIKE. SO I INVITE HER OVER. SHE'S SITTING ON THE COUCH. I GO TO THE KITCHEN TO OFFER HER A DRINK. WOULD YOU LIKE SOMETHING TO DRINK I ASK HER. YES, ANYTHING RED SHE SAYS. ANYTHING RED SEEMED REALLY ODD OF AN ANSWER TO WOULD YOU LIKE SOMETHING TO DRINK. LUCKY FOR HER I HAD KOOL AID AND I HAD TOMATO JUICE. 

 KOOL AID OR TOMATO JUICE I ASK HER. BOTH SHE SAYS. JUST MIX THEM UP TOGETHER SHE SAYS. I THOUGHT TO MYSELF THIS GIRL'S VERY STRANGE. BUT I'M STRANGE TOO. I SIT ON THE COUCH NEXT TO HER. I PASS HER THE DRINK. SHE TAKES A SIP. SHE PUTS THE GLASS DOWN ON THE GLASS TABLE. WE CONTINUE TALKING ABOUT OURSELVES AND NATURE. 

  YEAH THE SUN DOESN'T ALWAYS LIKE SHINING BUT IT HAS A JOB TO DO AND JOBS MUST BE OBLIGATED SHE SAYS. SHE LEANS INTO THE COUCH WHILE LAUGHING. WHAT A COMPLETE ODD BALL KAREN IS I'M THINKING. BUT SHE'S SO FUNNY. 

  I START TO YAWN. OH I MUST BE BORING YOU HUH ERIC SHE ASKS ME. I SAY NO OF COURSE NOT KAREN. YOU'RE VERY ENTERTAINING IT'S JUST IVE BEEN UP FOR TWENTY FOUR HOURS AND I'M GETTING A LITTLE GROGGY I RESPOND. 

  SHE THEN LEANS IN CLOSELY AND ASKS OH LET ME TAKE A NAP WITH YOU. I'M THINKING WHOA SHE'S JOKING. I ASK HER IF SHE'S JOKING. SHE SAYS NO I'M DEAD SERIOUS. WHERE'S YOUR BEDROOM SHE ASKS. SHE STANDS UP. SHE GRABS BOTH OF MY ARMS AND PULLS ME UP FROM THE COUCH. WHICH WAY IS YOUR ROOM SHE ASKS. I SAY IT'S A ONE BEDROOM AND ITS THE DOOR TO THE RIGHT THAT'S CLOSED. SHE PULLS ME BY THE ARMS WHILE WALKING BACKWARDS TO THE BEDROOM. SHES SAYS MAYBE YOU SHOULD USE THE BATHROOM FIRST SO I DON'T WET THE BED. 

  SHE'S VERY FUNNY. SHE'S TOO FUNNY. SO I OPEN MY BEDROOM DOOR AND INVITE HER IN. SHE ASKS ME HOW DO I SLEEP? I SAY I SLEEP VERY PEACEFULLY. SHE PLAYFULLY SLAPS ME ON MY RIGHT CHEEK. NO I MEAN WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED SHE ASKS? SHE GIGGLES. I SAY I NORMALLY JUST WEAR BASKETBALL SHORTS. SHE THEN THROWS BOTH OF HER HANDS UP AND HALF YELLS WELL THEN YOU BETTER CHANGE. SHE SITS ON MY BED.  I'M THINKING TO MYSELF THIS GIRL'S A CLOWN. I GO IN MY CLOSET AND CHANGE. 

  FROM INSIDE OF MY CLOSET I HEAR HER SAY YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO GO IN THERE. I EXIT MY CLOSET. SHE'S UNDER MY COVERS. I LAY ON THE BED. I TELL HER SHE CAN WATCH THE TELEVISION IF SHE WANTS TO. I LOOK FOR THE REMOTE. I FIND THE REMOTE. I PASS HER THE REMOTE. SHE SAYS NO I WOULD RATHER JUST WATCH YOU SLEEP. SHE'S ODD I THINK. SO YOU'RE NOT TIRED RIGHT NOW I ASK HER. I SLEEP OVERNIGHT SHE SAYS. SO WE PILLOW TALK FOR ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES BEFORE I FALL ASLEEP. FOUR HOURS LATER I AWAKE VIOLENTLY AFTER BEING BITTEN BY SOMETHING IN MY SLEEP. 

  I SHOOT INTO THE UPRIGHT POSITION. I TOUCH MY NECK ON THE RIGHT SIDE WITH RIGHT HAND'S INDEX AND MIDDLE FINGERS. I PULL MY TWO FINGERS BACK INTO MY EYE LINE. A FEW DROPS OF BLOOD. I LOOK OVER AT KAREN. SHE'S PEACEFULLY SLEEPING. SHE MUST BE HAVING A SWEET DREAM BC SHE APPEARS TO BE SMILING. I GET UP OUT OF THE BED. I GO INTO THE BATHROOM. I CLEAN OFF MY NECK. I GO BACK INTO MY BEDROOM. AND SHE'S GONE. THE WINDOW IN MY ROOM IS OPEN. THE FRONT DOOR IS STILL LOCKED. TO TOP IT ALL OFF? I LIVE ON THE FOURTH FLOOR. I GO BACK INTO MY BED. I GO BACK TO SLEEP. I'M TOO TIRED TO FIGURE OUT THIS MYSTERY. 

WRISTS BATHED IN RED SESSION FIFTY THREE CYNICAL ANALYSIS LP

 1:00PM EST - 1:56PM EST

TUESDAY FEBRUARY 13TH, 2024

WRISTS BATHED IN RED:

SESSION FIFTY THREE:

CYNICAL ANALYSIS LP: 

SESSION ONE: TRACK ONE: MAPLE BOOMBAP CHILL 90S PIANO LOFI

I COULD CHOOSE TO SMOKE A BLUNT

THE JOKE IS IT'LL GIVE ME WHAT I WANT 

BUT IN WAY LESS THAN A MONTH

I'LL HAVE TO SMOKE ANOTHER BLUNT

IT'LL TELL ME THAT IT WANTS

THAT IT AIMS TO HEAL MY PAIN

BUT THAT'S A LOSING GAME

IF I LISTEN THEN I'M INSANE

THE PAIN WILL NEVER LEAVE MY BRAIN

AND IT NEVER FEELS ASHAMED

SO WHOSE WINNING THIS GAME?

DID I EVEN HAVE TO PLAY?

WHY IS YES WHAT I'D SAY?

WHEN IT ASKED TO HAVE MY DAY

WHY DIDN'T I GO THE OTHER WAY?

THERE'S ALWAYS TWO ROADS PAVED

ONLY ONE OF THEM IS SHAVED

IT DIDN'T START OUT IN SUCH WAYS

YOU SEE BOTH OF THEM WERE ONCE EVEN

BEFORE I WALKED THE OTHER CLEAN THEN

NOW THE OTHER NEEDS CLEANING

THEY BOTH DIDN'T GROW EVEN

CAUSE I CHOSE TO ONLY WALK ONE

NOW THE OTHER ONE SEEMS DARK SON

ONLY CAUSE IT HASN'T BEEN WALKED ON

AND SINCE IT NOW I CHOOSE TO WALK ON

I SEE A LOT OF GRASS STALKS ON

THIS TRAIL HASN'T BEEN TENDED 

TO AND TO MEND IT I HAVE TO BE MENDED

TOO AND THIS IS SUCH A SAD RULE

MY ADDICTION HAD A TATTOO

ON MY HABITS I NEED A LASER

IS IT TRAGIC OR IS IT JUST A PHASE SIR?

SEVENTEEN YEARS LATER

DAM THAT'S A REAL LONG PHASE SIR

I'M EVEN AMAZED YOU'RE

EVEN TRYING ALL THESE YEARS LATER

I HAVE TO DUEL WITH MY LIGHT SABERS

THE EDGE IS SHARPER THAN A SABER'S

BUT I CHOSE TO PLAY THIS GAME SIR

I DIDN'T CHOOSE THE FIRST WAIVER

NOW IT CAN'T DO ME ANY FAVORS

NOW THIS GAME I'LL FOREVER PLAY SIR

IN THIS GAME I'M JUST A PLAYER

I EVEN TASTED ALL THE FLAVORS

WASTING THE GRACES OF MY SAVIOR

THE WINNINGS ARE FOR THE TAKERS

WHERE THE LOSING'S FOR THE FAKERS

I MADE THE CHOICE TO GET BAKED SIR

LIKE WATER OR MILK IN MY QUAKERS

WHEN YOU RUN FROM THE PAIN MAN

THEY DON'T TELL YOU IT MOVES FASTER THAN A TRAIN CAN

OR EVEN FASTER THAN A PLANE CAN

NOW YOU'RE FEELING LIKE A PLAIN MAN

THREW ALL YOUR MONEY IN VAIN CAN

YOU HIT THE GROUND BUT THE PAIN CAN'T

CAUSE IT WAS RIGHT THERE WAITING IN VAIN MAN

BROKE YOU IN HALF LIKE BANE MAN

NOW YOU LOOKING UGLY UNMASKED KANE MAN

WITH NO ONE ELSE TO BLAME CAN

YOU NOT SEE YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE IN PAIN AND

WHAT IS EVEN PAIN STAND

UP TO IT AND SEE IT'S ONLY IN YOUR BRAIN CAN

SO I'M RUNNING FROM A MEMORY?

MY ADDICTION SCREAMS IT'S HIM OR ME

ONE OF US WILL HAVE TO GO

AND THE OTHER ONE WILL GROW ACTUAL

ONE OF US WILL HAVE TO BE SHOWN

THE DOOR FOR THE OTHER ONE TO STAY FACTUAL

ONE OF US WILL WIN THE WAR

THE OTHER ONE WILL AS SURRENDER OR

THEY WON'T BE HERE ANYMORE

IF I DON'T CHOOSE THE WINNER

THEN I LOSE MY CHICKEN DINNER

WAS THE CHICKEN THE BEGINNER?

OR DID THE EGG JUST ENTER?

WAS I WAS BORN WITH AN ADDICTION?

OR WAS I SCORNED INTO ADDICTION?

WAS ADDICTION MY OWN INVENTION?

OR WAS I BORN NEEDING A PRESCRIPTION?

DID MY ENVIRONMENT PRODUCE THE OUTCOME? 

OR WAS I JUST NOT FAST ENOUGH TO NOT OUTRUN?

OR DID I NOT HAVE ENOUGH DOUBT SOME?

TO NOT DOUBT GETTING SMOKED OUT IS HOT FUN?

IF I NEVER KNEW WHAT IT TASTES LIKE

I WOULD NEVER HAVE THE TASTE RIGHT?

THE BIGGEST LIE WAS IT TASTES RIGHT

BUT TELL ME WHAT'S FACING THE PAIN TASTE LIKE?

YOU KNOW WHAT THE PAIN TASTES LIKE

CAUSE YOU FACE IT EVERY WASTELESS NIGHT

WHEN YOU'RE NOT WASTING YOUR FACE AT NIGHT

YOU WERE RUNNING FROM YOUR PROBLEMS

AND COULDN'T RUN FAST ENOUGH TO SOLVE THEM

WATCHING THE PROBLEMS REVOLVE SOME 

CHASING A SPELL FROM THE BLACK CAULDRON

IF YOU FACE IT YOU'LL EVOLVE SOME

IF YOU DON'T YOU DISSOLVE SOME

LIKE A CUP FILLED WITH SOLVENT

THERE'S A HIDING ADDICT IN A HOLE IN ME

I ASK MYSELF IS HE IN CONTROL OF ME

IS THE INNER ADDICT IN CONTROL OF THINGS?

IF HE IS THEN HE CONTROLS HIS SWINGS

DOES HE WANT TO BE IN CONTROL OF ME?

OR DID I CONSOLE THE WRONG THING?

HE COULD HAVE BEEN ADDICTED TO ANYTHING

I HAD THE OPTION OUT OF MANY THINGS

I COULD HAVE CHOSEN ONE OF PLENTY THINGS

SOMETHING LESS TANGIBLE LIKE SERENITY

THE ADDICTION'S FOCUS MUST BE REDIRECTED

OR MY TRUE FOCUS WILL HAVE TO BE

AND THIS IS JUST HOW IT HAS TO BE

I CHOSE TO PLAY THIS GAME AND IT'S SAD TO SEE

IF I ALLOW IT TO END TRAGICALLY

BUT I'M ONLY FIGHTING WITH MYSELF

AND I DON'T EVEN TRULY EXISTS

A BUNCH OF NOTHING FIGHTING FOR NOTHING OVER NOTHING

BUT IN MY MIND IT APPEARS TO BE REALLY SOMETHING

AM I BLUFFING IT OUT OR TOUGHING IT OUT

DOES THE PAIN TRULY EXIST OR AM I JUST CUFFING A CLOUD?

EITHER WAY I SET THE EXAMPLE

WHETHER OR NOT I AM STAMP PROOFED OR GRAB A HANDFUL

IT DIDN'T FEEL THIS HARD TO GIVE IN TO ADDICTION

BUT CHOOSING TO FIGHTS SEEMS TO NEED MORE CONVICTION

DID I DEBATE THIS MUCH OVER GIVING UP MY POWER?

SINCE WHEN IS IT TOO HARD TO TAKE A SHOWER?

I JUST STRIPPED DOWN AND DIPPED IN

IS THE ADDICTION MICHAEL JORDAN OR SCOTTIE PIPPEN? 

WHOSE THE CAPTAIN OF THIS TEAM?

THIS GAME MAKES ME SICK I FEEL LIKE WILLIE BEAM

JUST THROW UP THEN THROW DOWN

CHAMPIONS ARE BRED FOR THE SHOWDOWN

IF I CAN CONQUER MY WEAKEST SELF

MY TROPHIES WILL COLLAPSE THE WEAKEST SHELF

IF I CAN PULL THE INNER WINNER OUT OF ME

THERE WILL BE LEFT NO MORE DOUBT IN ME

IF I CAN LOOK AT MARIJUANA HOW I LOOK AT WOMEN

LIKE IT'S THE KILLER OF ALL OF MY DREAMS

THEN IF YOU NEVER DRAFT ME

YOU'LL NEVER APTLY HAVE THE KILLING TEAM

AND IF ONLY THE STRONGEST SURVIVE

DARWIN SAYS THEN I BETTER KEEP ADAPTING

WRISTS BATHED IN RED SESSION FORTY FIVE

 2:20PM EST - 3:20PM EST

MONDAY FEBRUARY 12TH, 2024

2.12.2024

WRISTS BATHED IN RED:

 SESSION FORTY FIVE:

CYNICAL ANALYSIS SAGA

MICROWAVED HEARTS:

SESSION THREE: I WASN'T ALWAYS LIKE THIS

  I CHANGED GREATLY. I WASN'T ALWAYS LIKE THIS. I WAS WAY MORE GULLIBLE. I WAS TEN TIMES MORE NAIVE. NAIVETY FLOWED THRU MY BEING. I WAS SO UNAWARE OF HUMAN NATURE. SELF PRESERVATION IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL. SELF PRESERVATION IS A FALSE BELIEF. THIS SIMULATION IS IN YOUR MIND. NOTHING OUTSIDE OF THE YOU IS WITHIN THE SIMULATION. TRUE SELF PRESERVATION IS TO REALIZE YOU ARE WHAT YOU SEE. 

  IF YOU'RE A SEPARATIST THEN EVERYTHING YOU SEE IS NOT YOU. I CAN SEE YOU AS ME ALL I WANT BUT IF YOU DON'T SEE ME AS YOU I CAN'T TRUST YOU. I DON'T WANT TO TRUST ANYONE'S ABILITY TO CHOOSE THE LIGHT PATH OVER THE DARK PATH. THAT'S A HUGE FAVOR TO ASK OF THEM. 

  I LIKE BEING ALONE. IF ANYONE'S GOING TO HARM ME THEN IT WILL HAVE TO BE ME. IF ANYONE'S GOING TO MAKE ME LAUGH AND SMILE THEN IT WILL HAVE TO BE ME. IF I WANT TO SMILE I KNOW HOW TO MAKE MYSELF SMILE. IF I WANT TO CRY THEN I KNOW HOW TO MAKE MYSELF CRY. I ALSO NOW KNOW HOW TO MAKE MYSELF SMILE AFTER MAKING MYSELF CRY. 

  I'D RATHER SPEND ALL DAY JUGGLING MY OWN EMOTIONS UNTIL I FIND A STABILITY PROCEDURE. OTHER PEOPLE JUST PLAY WITH YOUR EMOTIONS. OTHER PEOPLE JUST WANT TO PROJECT THEIR INSECURITIES ONTO YOU TO MAKE THEM FEEL LESS BAD FROM THEIR INSECURITIES. IF THEY CAN CONVINCE YOU TO DOUBT YOURSELF AS MUCH AS THEY DOUBT THEMSELVES THEN THEY ARE NOT ACTUALLY WRONG FOR HARBORING THEIR OWN SELF DOUBT. 

  I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS AND I DO NOT CARE WHAT THEY DO. I JUST WANT THEM TO STAY THE CIRCUMSTANCE AWAY FROM ME. I WANT THEM TO FEEL AS FREE AS THEY POSSIBLY CAN FEEL AND AS FAR AWAY FROM ME AS POSSIBLE. I DON'T WANT THEIR ATTENTION OR THEIR FOCUS. I WANT THEM TO FOCUS ON THEIR OWN INTERESTS. THEY SHOULDN'T BE INTERESTED IN ME AND I SHOULDN'T BE INTERESTED IN THEM. 

  I LIKE MY SPACE ABOUT 95% OF THE TIME. 5% OF THE TIME I DESIRE ANOTHER'S COMPANY BUT THERE'S A VERY STRICT STANDARD FOR ME TO REQUEST A CERTAIN PERSON DURING THE 5% TIME FRAME. I'M NOT CURIOUS ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE. I AM CURIOUS MORE SO ABOUT OTHER IDEAS. I JUST WANT TO SPEND ALL DAY CRACKING RIDDLES. THIS GAME IS ONE BIG PUZZLE AND I'M PUTTING THE PIECES TOGETHER BY MYSELF AND ALONE IN THE ROOM. 

  I'M NOT NORMAL. YOU'RE MOST LIKELY WAY MORE NORMAL THAN I AM. THERE'S NOTHING FOR US TO TALK ABOUT MOST LIKELY. I DON'T LIKE SMALL TALK. SMALL TALK IS FOR STRANGERS. A LITTLE SMALL TALK TO SEE WHAT YOU GOT ENERGETICALLY THEN WHAT YOU GOT ON PHILOSOPHY? I WANT TO HEAR STRATEGY. HOW DO WE OVERTURN THE ESTABLISHMENT?

  HOW DO WE BREAK OUT OF THE MATRIX? OH THERE IS NO MATRIX? THERE IS NO SIMULATION? THIS IS REAL LIFE? YEA I'LL NOT HOLLER AT YOU NEXT TIME PLAY BOY I GOTTA BOUNCE. ARE WE DREAMING RIGHT NOW? OH NO WE ARE NOT DREAMING AND THIS IS REALITY? 

  OK YEA ABOUT THAT. MY ALARM ON MY PHONE JUST WENT OFF. ITS ON VIBRATE YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T HEAR IT BUT I JUST REMEMBERED I HAD THIS THING TO DO AT THIS PLACE AND I'M ACTUALLY RUNNING LATE RIGHT NOW. YEA I JUST TOTALLY FORGOT I'M ACTUALLY VERY BUSY RIGHT NOW. YOU TAKE CARE NOW. BLESS YOUR HEART. 

  I'M IN COMPETITION WITH EVERYONE AROUND ME IN A GAME I CALL DESTINAL AWARENESS. I WANT TO BE MORE AWARE OF MY INNER VOICE AND TO FOLLOW IT ONLY. I WILL BE LESS DISTRACTED BY OTHER PEOPLE THAN EVERYONE AROUND ME. THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP TO ME IS MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD AND MYSELF. I CRAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP WITH MY INNER VOICE. 

  I LISTEN TO THE INNER VOICE. IT WHISPERS DIRECTION TO ME ALL DAY. I FOLLOW THE INNER WHISPERS. I DON'T WANT ANYONE AROUND ME CLOUDING UP THE SPACE WITH THEIR CONSTANT NOISE. I AM ON A MISSION. YOU WILL NOT DISTRACT ME. YOU WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO DISTRACT ME. THE FACT YOU DON'T CONSIDER ME AS A DISTRACTION FROM YOUR DESTINY IS A GREATLY DISTURBING FACTOR TO ME. 

  IF YOU HAVE TIME FOR ME YOU'RE NOT USING YOUR TIME WISELY. I WOULD ONLY ASK FOR A SMALL PERCENTAGE OF YOUR TIME SOMETIMES. I DO NOT REQUIRE MUCH OF YOUR TIME. I WOULDN'T COMMIT SUCH A TEMPORAL CRIME AGAINST YOU. I NEVER HAVE TOO MUCH TIME TO SPARE AWAY FROM THE LIST. 

  THAT'S JUST WHAT IT IS. I WILL GET WHAT I WANT OUT OF THIS SIMULATION OR JUST DIE IN THE PURSUIT OF IT. A CHAMPION MINDSET IS ALL I'M AFTER. EVERYTHING OUTSIDE OF TRAINING AND PRACTICE IS A DISTRACTION FROM THE CRAVED CHAMPIONSHIP. I'LL GIVE UP ANY PLEASURE REQUIRED. I WASN'T SENT IN THE SIMULATION TO SEEK OUT PLEASURE. YOU WERE. NOT ME. 

  YOU CHASE PLEASURE. GO AHEAD. CHASE IT ALL DAY. THEN CHASE PLEASURE ALL NIGHT. THEN GO TO BED WITH PLEASURE ON THE BRAIN. I HOPE YOU WAKE UP WITH PLEASURE STILL ON THE BRAIN. I HOPE YOU SPEND ALL DAY SEEKING PLEASURE. BUNCH OF PLEASURE SEEKERS. SEEKING PLEASURE BRINGS PAIN. I SEEK STRATEGY. 

  I SHARE MY STRATEGY FOR THE NEXT GENERATION. ANYONE CONSIDERED MY CONTEMPORARY I HOPE THEY DON'T TAKE ME SERIOUSLY. I'M NOT PENNING THESE WORDS FOR YOU. YOUR DESTINY'S ALREADY SET. I CAN'T HELP YOU SIMULATORS. YOUR SCRIPT IS ALREADY SET. 

  ONCE YOU'RE BORN YOUR SCRIPT IS ALREADY WRITTEN. YOU'RE ALREADY ON THE PATH TO YOUR DESTINY AS WHATEVER IT MAY BE. YOU'RE DOING EXACTLY WHAT YOU WERE MEANT TO BE DOING AT THIS PARTICULAR MOMENT. I'M SO NOT CONCERNED WITH MY GENERATION. I PREFER TO LEAVE THEM IN THE DUSTS OF HISTORY.

  I GAVE UP ON MY GENERATION YESTERDAY. THE DAY BEFORE YESTERDAY I CARED. AFTER YESTERDAY I STOPPED CARING. THEY ARE JUST MY COMPETITION AND I VOW TO DEMOLISH THEIR ACCOMPLISHMENTS. WHAT DID THEY EVER EVN WANT AT ALL? MATERIAL POSSESSIONS. BLAH BLAH BLAH THEY ARE LYING TO YOU IF SAYING OTHERWISE. 

  YEA WHATEVER. READ THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA. DO YOUR RESEARCH. MONEY CARD CLOTHES AND HOES. THAT'S ALL MY GENERATION TALKS ABOUT. AND THEIR MUSIC PLAYLIST AND MOVIE LIST WILL HAVE YOUR GRASS SITTING IN PRISON FOR A LIFE SENTENCE. THE MUSIC YOU LISTEN TO AND THE FILMS YOU WATCH DIRECTLY CORRELATE TO AND REFLECT YOUR CRIMINAL RECORD. 

  ASK THEM TO WRITE DOWN ONE THOUSAND SONGS FOR YOU TO LISTEN TO THEN ASK THEM FOR THEIR CRIMINAL RECORD. BET YOU NOTICE SOMETHING STRANGE. BAH. I WASNT ALWAYS LIKE THIS. 

WRISTS BATHED IN RED SESSION FORTY FOUR

 12:50PM EST - 1:56PM EST

SATURDAY FEBRUARY 10TH, 2024

2.10.2024

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🎈🎂

SHAKEVIA KANAIJAH HARRIS

WRISTS BATHED IN RED:

SESSION FORTY FOUR:

MICROWAVED HEARTS

SESSION TWO:

  SHE'S JUST A COMPUTER PROGRAM. SHE DOESN'T EXIST.  I AM JUST A COMPUTER PROGRAM. I DO NOT EXIST EITHER. I AM AWARE I AM JUST A COMPUTER PROGRAM. IS SHE AWARE OF THE SAME FACT? IF I AM A COMPUTER PROGRAM THEN WHAT IS MY PROGRAMMING SET TOWARDS? WHATEVER I DESIRE MOST. WHAT IS HER COMPUTER PROGRAMMING SET TOWARDS? WHATEVER SHE MOST DESIRES. WHAT DOES SHE MOST DESIRE? WHAT DO I MOST DESIRE? 

  I DESIRE TO SEE MY DESTINY TO FRUITION. SHE DESIRES FUN. NOTHING BUT FUN. IF SHE SAYS OTHERWISE SHE'S JUST LYING. YOU BELIEVE HER. I WON'T. 

  DO I WANT TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A COMPUTER PROGRAM WITHIN A COMPUTER SIMULATION? I DON'T THINK I DO. DO I WANT TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A SIM CARD? I DON'T THINK I WOULD WANT TO. I WANT TO EXPLORE THE SIMULATION. I WANT TO TRAVEL THRU THE DREAM SCAPE. 

  EVERYTHING WITHIN THE SIMULATION IS SET TO DISTRACT ME. SHE IS JUST THE MOST BEAUTIFULLY CREATED DISTRACTION POSSIBLE. HER FACE IS A DISTRACTION. HER BREASTS ARE A DISTRACTION. HER BOOTY IS A DISTRACTION. SHE'S A DESTINY TRAP. SHE'S JUST A BEAR TRAP. SHE'S A LANDMINE. SHE'S A GRENADE WAITING TO BLOW ME UP INTO SMITHEREENS. 

  MEN OPPRESSED WOMEN FOR CENTURIES. WOMEN WERE TREATED VERY UNFAIRLY BY MEN THRU OUT ALL OF OUR HISTORY. I WASN'T THERE WHEN THEY WERE BEING OPPRESSED. I DIDN'T OPPRESS THESE WOMEN. MY ANCESTORS DID. NOW THE DESCENDANTS OF THE OPPRESSED WOMEN OPPRESSED BY MY ANCESTORS ARE THE SAME WOMEN I SEE TODAY. 

  THEY HAVE THIS SUFFERING WITHIN THEIR BLOODS. ALL THEY THINK ABOUT IS REVENGE. THESE WOMEN WANT REVENGE FOR THE ILLS COMMITTED UPON THEIR ANCESTORS. HOW WILL THEY EVER GET THEIR WELL DESERVED REVENGE? 

  THEY CAN'T GET THIS REVENGE ON OUR ANCESTORS BECAUSE OUR ANCESTORS ARE DEAD. THEY CAN HOWEVER ENACT THEIR REVENGE UPON THE MEN THEY SEE ON EARTH TODAY. US. OH MY GOD I'M TERRIFIED. SHE'S GOING TO PUNISH ME FOR SOMETHING MY ANCESTORS DID TO HER ANCESTORS? I DIDN'T DO THE CRIMES TO HER OR HER ANCESTORS AND MY ANCESTORS DIDN'T DO THE CRIMES TO THEM EITHER. SHE STILL WANTS HER REVENGE. 

  HOW WILL SHE GET THIS REVENGE UPON ME FOR SOMETHING I NEVER DID. HOWEVER SHE CAN. HOWEVER THE OPPORTUNITY PRESENTS ITSELF. SHE IS PROGRAMMED TO PRESENT HERSELF AS A DISTRACTION STANDING IN FRONT OF MY DESTINY. SHE'S NOT REAL. SHE DOESN'T EVEN WANT REVENGE. HER PROGRAMMING CODE IS TO TEST MY CONVICTION AND FAITH TO MY DREAMS. SHE'S CREATED TO SEE IF SHE CAN DISTRACT ME FROM MY SPIRITUAL DESIRES. 

  IT'S NOT PERSONAL AND IT'S ONLY BUSINESS. SHE WANTS TO SEE HOW MUCH I WANT WHAT I SAY WHAT I WANT. SHE'S MY GURU. A BEAUTIFUL GURU IN DISGUISE AS A SEXY LADY DESIGNED TO TEST MY DETERMINATION. AM I MORE FLATTERED BY MY OWN IMAGINATION THAN I AM HER BOOTY IN A FLATTERING DRESS? 

  HER BODY IS HER GREATEST ASSET AND MY SEXUAL DESIRE IS MY GREATEST LIABILITY. OF I CAN'T CONTROL MY SEXUAL DESIRES THEN SHE WILL CAPITALIZE OFF OF THIS OPPORTUNITY. 

  IF I CAN'T CONTROL MY SEXUAL DESIRES SHE WILL CONQUER ME. I WILL BE CONQUERED BY MY PHYSICAL DESIRES IF I ALLOW THEM TO CONSUME MY THOUGHTS, EMOTIONS AND ACTIONS. 

  THIS LIFE IS A DREAM SIMULATION. WHILE INSIDE OF THIS DREAM SIMULATION WE ARE ENGAGED IN MANY DIFFERENT WAR ZONES. WE ARE SPIRITS IN A DREAM SIMULATION THEREFORE IT IS A SPIRITUAL WARFARE. WE ARE IN A WAR TO REALIZE THIS IS A DREAM SIMULATION. ANYTHING PREVENTING US FROM REALIZING WE ARE DREAMING IS A WAR ZONE OBSTACLE. ANYTHING LOCKING US INTO A NIGHTMARISH SCENARIO IS A DREAM SIMULATION DISTRACTION. 

  EMOTIONS ARE POLYGAMOUS. WE HAVE ALL FELT EACH EMOTION IN MULTIPLE CIRCUMSTANCES AND TOWARDS MULTIPLE PEOPLE. THIS INCLUDES LOVE AND HATE. 

  EVERY EMOTION IS FREE FOAMING AND WILL BE AROUSED BY DIFFERENT SITUATIONS AND DIFFERENT PEOPLE. 

  I WILL NEVER BE THE ONLY PERSON SHE WILL EVER LOVE. I WASN'T THE FIRST PERSON SHE HAS EVER LOVED. I WILL NOT BE THE LAST PERSON SHE WILL EVER LOVE. 

  LOVE IS A FREE ROAMING AGENT. SHE WILL LOVE 50-100 DIFFERENT MEN OR WOMEN DURING HER LIFETIME. I WILL ONLY BE A TEMPORARY LOVE FOR A TEMPORARY TIME PERIOD. HER LOVE WILL ALWAYS BE CONDITIONAL. HER EMOTIONS TOWARDS ME WILL CHANGE. SHE WILL NEVER FEEL THE SAME ABOUT ME. HER EMOTION IS AN ILLUSION. 

  HER EMOTION IS A MIRAGE. SHE IS A MIRAGE. SHE IS THE OASIS IN THE DESERT'S CENTER . ONCE I APPROACH THIS MIRAGE OF AN OASIS WITHIN A DEY DESERT SHE WILL DISAPPEAR. HER EMOTIONS WILL DISAPPEAR. 

  EMOTIONS ARE FLEETING. EMOTIONS WILL ALWAYS SHIFT AND CHANGE INTO NEW ONES. DO I WANT TO BE THE 50TH LOVE OF HER FIRST 100 LOVES? 

  DO I WANT TO BE ONE OF ONE HUNDRED LOVES OF HERS? SHE WILL FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE. I WILL TOO. WHEN SHE DOES FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE THEN WHAT WILL SHE DO WITH OUR RELATIONSHIP? THIS IS WHEN LOYALTY AND CONDITIONALITY COME INTO PLAY. 

  SHE WILL HAVE TO REMAIN LOYAL TO THE LOVE SHE HAS FOR ME. SHE WILL AFTERWARDS HAVE TO DECIDE TO BASE HER LOVE FOR ME ON CONDITIONS OF THE RELATIONSHIP OR TO LOVE ME UNCONDITIONALLY. 

  NOT SAYING SHE HAS TO RETAIN HER LOVE FOR ME IF I'M MISTREATING HER BUT WHAT IF I AM TREATING HER EXCEPTIONALLY WELL WITH ALL OF MY EFFORTS AND SHE STILL DECIDES TO EMBRACE THE LOVE SHE HAS FOR SOMEONE NEW? 

  SHE WILL WANT SOMETHING NEW AND FRESH ONE DAY. I WILL WANT SOMETHING NEW ONE DAY. POLYGAMY ISN'T SOMETHING I ENDORSE BUT EMOTIONS IN THEMSELVES ARE POLYGAMOUS. 

  EMOTIONS BY NATURE ARE DESIGNED TO SPREAD. HER LOVE IS MADE TO ROAM FREE. WHO AM I TO ASK HER TO ONLY LOVE ME FOREVER. THAT IS SO SELFISH. 

  SO I'M SUPPOSED TO ENDORSE HER SPREADING HER LOVE FREE TO ANY AND EVERYONE SHE SO DESIRES AND THEN STILL TIE MY ASSETS IN WITH HERS? 

  SO THEN MONOGAMY WOULD BE A BUSINESS ARRANGEMENT. IF YOU AGREE TO SUFFOCATE YOUR FREE LOVE BY ONLY OFFERING IT TO ME THEN I WILL AGREE TO SHARE MY ASSETS AND OR RESOURCES WITH YOU. MONOGAMOUS LOVE GOES AGAINST THE POLYGAMOUS EMOTION S VERY NATURE.

  NOW TRUST COMES INTO PLAY. EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE AND SPIRITUAL INTEGRITY MUST NOW BE APPLIED IN ORDER FOR HER TO DISABLE HER FREE  ROAMING LOVE  CAPABILITIES. 

  IF I GET A WOMAN PREGNANT I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO GET A PATERNITY TEST PROVING THE BABY IS MINE BECAUSE SHE'S A DOCTOR AND AN ANGEL AND SHE SAYS THE BABY IS MINE. UNTIL I GET A TEST DONE I CAN'T PROVE THE BABY IS MINE. THE BABY HAS TO BE PROVIDED FOR THEREFORE IT'S A BUSINESS ARRANGEMENT AND DECISION. 

  MONEY IS INVOLVED THEREFORE IT'S JUST BUSINESS. NOW SHE'S MAD AT ME BECAUSE I WON'T TAKE HER WORD THE BABY IS MINE. EMOTION NOW IS GETTING USED AGAINST ME. IT'S BUSINESS INVOLVED IT REQUIRES SCIENTIFIC PROOF. IF A DETECTIVE TELLS ME MY DNA WAS FOUND AT THE SCENE OF A MURDER DO I TAKE HIS OR HER WORD FOR IT? I NEED PROOF MY DNA WAS FOUND AT THE MURDER SCENE. 

  IF I GO TO WAL-MART AND TRY TO RETURN SOMETHING TO THEM I NEVER BOUGHT FROM THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE, DO THEY TAKE MY WORD FOR IT? THEY WANT TO SEE A RECEIPT. WHERE IN BUSINESS IS PROOF NOT NEEDED. WHEN A POLICE OFFICER PULLS YOU OVER IN YOUR VEHICLE WHAT DOES HE ASK YOU FOR? PROOF OF IDENTIFICATION, A DRIVER'S LICENSE AND PROOF OF REGISTRATION. 

  WHEN YOU APPLY FOR A JOB WHAT DO THEY ASK YOU FOR? PROOF OF AMERICAN CITIZENSHIP. THEY RUN A BACKGROUND CHECK. DO THEY TAKE YOUR WORD FOR? WHY DO CREDIT SCORE CHECKS EXIST? DO THEY JUST TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT? DO YOU GET MAD AT THEM FOR NOT TRUSTING WHAT YOU SAY? 

  WORDS ARE INVISIBLE WHICH IS WHY PEOPLE LIE BECAUSE THEIR PREVIOUS WORDS AREN'T VISIBLE AND THEY JUST DENY EVER SAYING THOSE WORDS IN THE FIRST PLACE. EVEN IF YOU VIVIDLY REMEMBER THEM SAYING THE WORDS TO YOU THEY THEN JUST GASLIGHT YOU WITH LIES OF "OH I NEVER SAID THAT YOU'RE HEARING THINGS SO NOW YOU'RE JUST CRAZY AND YOU NEED TO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST."

  WHAT MEANS THE MOST TO ME? AM I WILLING TO ENDURE THE LONELINESS COMING WITH CLIMBING UP A MOUNTAIN ALONE? DO I DESIRE COMPANY SO BAD I NEVER CLIMB UP THE MOUNTAIN. IS THE COMPANY WORTH NEVER GETTING WHERE I WANT TO GO. 

  IF I MAKE MY DESTINATION MY TOP PRIORITY AND I NEVER GET THERE EVEN THOUGH I GAVE MY LIFE FORCE TO COMPLETING THE TASK THEN I CAN DEAL WITH THIS SCENARIO. I GAVE IT AN HONEST EFFORT WITH ALL OF MY BEING. 

  IF I ALLOW A SIM CARD TO DISTRACT ME FROM EVEN TRYING THEN I COULDN'T LIVE WITH THIS. I DON'T WANT TO BLAME SOMEONE ELSE AS THE REASON I DIDN'T COMMIT. EVEN IF THEY WERE THE REASON I DIDN'T COMMIT THE JOKE IS I STILL COULDN'T BLAME THEM. 

  I ALLOWED THEM IN MY LIFE AND I GAVE THEM POWER OVER MY FOCUS. I ALLOWED THEM TO ALTER MY SELF CONFIDENCE. I MADE THEM IMPORTANT ENOUGH IN MY LIFE FOR THEIR SELF IMPOSED MENTAL LIMITATIONS TO BE THROWED ONTO ME. 

  I ONLY WANT FREE MINDS AROUND ME. A FREE MIND IS HARD TO FIND. A RED PILL IS HARD TO FIND. I AM SURROUNDED BY BLUE PILLS. SOMEONE WHO FULLY BELIEVES IN THEMSELVES IS RARE. WE ARE SURROUNDED BY SELF DOUBTERS AND OUR SURROUNDINGS AFFECT OUR THOUGHTS. UNLESS YOU'RE A FREE MIND AND YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES DON'T AFFECT YOUR THOUGHTS AND YOUR EMOTIONS.

 NCT AND NCE ARE WHAT I NOW WILL REFER TO THEM AS NON CIRCUMSTANTIAL THINKING AND NON CIRCUMSTANTIAL EMOTIONALITY. THESE WORDS ARE JUST FOR ME TO RETAIN MY FOCUS. I EXPECT MOST SIM CARDS TO EMPHATICALLY AND ENTHUSIASTICALLY DISAGREE. YOUR DISAGREEMENT DOES NOTHING TO MY CONVICTION FOR ONE REASON AND ONE REASON ALONE. NEITHER OF US TRULY EXISTS ANYWAY. WITH THIS SAID I WILL ATTAIN MY DESTINY AND I PRAY YOUR OPPOSITE PERSPECTIVE DOES THE SAME FOR YOU. I WAS IN A WAR WITH A FOCUSED STRATEGY IN HAND. YOU WERE AT A PARTY WITH COTTON CANDY IN HAND. 

  

WRISTS BATHED IN RED SESSION FORTY THREE MICROWAVED HEARTS SESSION ONE

 MICROWAVED HEARTS 

SESSION ONE

2:40PM EST - 3:02 PM EST

FRIDAY FEBRUARY 9TH, 2024

2.9.2024

  WOULD I BET MY SPARE CASH FOREVER A $1 TRUST FUND WILL RISE IN VALUE EARNING ME PROFIT? YES I WOULD AND IN AN INSTANT. WOULD I BET MY SPARE CASH ON A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP LASTING UNTIL I DIE? I WOULDN'T AND I DON'T. WHAT DREAM HAS THE BIGGER RISK? WHAT DREAM HAS THE BIGGER REWARD? WHAT AM I SEEKING WHILE ON EARTH WITH MY TIME AND ENERGY IN MOTION? 

  AM I SEEKING OUT LOVE AND AFFECTION FROM ANOTHER PERSON? NO I AM NOT. THEIR ENERGY IN MOTION BELONGS TO THEM AND THEY WILL SPREAD IT WHERE THEY PLEASE. AM I SEEKING TO SET OUT AND THEN ACCOMPLISH MY OWN PERSONAL GOALS? YES I AM MOST DEFINITELY FOCUSED TOWARDS. MY GOALS ARE TOO BIG TO SPLIT MY TIME. IF HER PERSONAL DREAMS DON'T ENCOMPASS ALL OF HER MENTAL FACULTIES I DON'T WANT HER TIME. 

  THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE BELONG TO MY DREAMS. I CAN'T GIVE UP MY DREAMS FOR A ROMANTIC PARTNER ONLY FOR HER TO SAY SHE'S LEAVING BC I DON'T WANT MORE OUT OF LIFE. I WANT MUCH MORE OUT OF LIFE THAN SOMEONE TO TELL ME THEY CARE ABOUT ME. GOD CARES ABOUT ME WAY MORE THAN SHE EVER CAN. I CARE ABOUT ME MORE THAN SHE EVER CAN. WHATEVER SHE LIKES ABOUT ME SHE HAS ONE OF TWO DESIRES CONCERNING IT. SHE EITHER DESIRES TO ENCOURAGE THE GROWTH OF WHAT TRAIT SHE ADMIRES ABOUT ME OR SHE DESIRES TO COMPLETELY DESTROY THE TRAIT'S EXISTENCE WITHIN MY CHARACTER TO SEE IT NEVER EXISTS AGAIN. SHE ONLY WANTS TO BE IMPORTANT TO ME LONG ENOUGH FOR HER OPINION OR PERSPECTIVE TO MATTER TO ME. ONCE SHE KNOWS HER PERSPECTIVE OR OPINION MATTERS SHE WILL TURN SAID OPINION AGAINST ME IN ORDER TO MALADJUST OR NEGATIVELY ALTER MY CONFIDENCE IN MYSELF. 

  WE LIVE IN A DREAM WORLD. SHE'S NOT REALLY IN EXISTENCE AND NEITHER AM I. WE LIVE IN A DREAM WORLD SIMULATION. IF SHE DOESN'T TALK ABOUT THIS ALL DAY THEN SHE DOESN'T BELIEVE SO. IF SHE DOESN'T BELIEVE THIS WORLD IS JUST A DREAMING SIMULATION THEN SHE'S A CONSTANT VICTIM TO THE CIRCUMSTANCES PROVIDED WITHIN THE SIMULATION. IF SHE'S CONSTANTLY VICTIMIZED BY THE CIRCUMSTANCES AND FEELS THIS WAY THEN HER EMOTIONS ARE CIRCUMSTANTIAL. IF SHE DOESN'T KNOW SHE'S TRULY DREAMING RIGHT NOW THEN SHE WON'T APPROACH LIFE AS IF IT WERE A DREAM. 

  IF SHE DOESN'T APPROACH LIFE FROM THE LUCID DREAMER'S PERSPECTIVE THEN SHE'S NOT FULLY ACTIVATING THE DREAM'S TOTAL CAPABILITIES. SHE HAS TO BE FULLY AWARE SHE'S DREAMING RIGHT NOW. IF SHE'S NOT FULLY AWARE SHE'S DREAMING RIGHT NOW THEN HER LIFE CAN POTENTIALLY BECOME A NIGHTMARE AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT. I WON'T LET HER TURN MY DREAMS INTO A NIGHTMARE. 

  I'M DREAMING RIGHT NOW. ANY CIRCUMSTANCE I FACE DOES NOT CONTROL MY EMOTIONAL VIBRATION. IF THIS ISN'T HER DAILY MANTRA SHE LIVES OUT THEN YOU KEEP HER AWAY FROM ME. YOU KEEP HER. YOU MARRY YOUR FINANCIAL ASSETS TO HER. SHE'S JUST ANOTHER DREAM WORLD CHARACTER. I DON'T NEED DREAM CHARACTERS CLOSE TO ME. I DON'T EVEN WANT DREAM CHARACTERS TO KNOW MY NAME. I'M DREAMING RIGHT NOW AND MY EMOTIONS ARE ALWAYS SUBJECT TO MY DISCRETIONARY APPROVAL. I FEEL WHATEVER EMOTION I NEED TO IN ORDER TO COMPLETE MY MISSION'S OBJECTIVE. I WIELD MY EMOTIONS SUCH AS A TOOL SHOULD BE USED AND UTILIZED. 

  I UTILIZE MY EMOTIONS TO THEIR HIGHEST CAPABILITIES. IF I FEEL AN EMOTION NOT CONDUCIVE TO THE MISSION OBJECTIVE'S SUCCESS OR COMPLETION THEN IT WILL BE GONE FROM MY VIBRATIONAL VORTEX FIELD AS SOON AS I CAN POSSIBLY RID MYSELF OF IT. 

  I'M SEEKING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE TO IT'S HIGHEST DEGREE. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO PICK UP AND OR SHED ANY UNDESIRED EMOTION WITHIN HOURS AND SOON MINUTES. I TRAIN MYSELF ON THIS ALL DAY. IF I DON'T WANT THE EMOTION THE CIRCUMSTANCE STIRS UP THEN I'M GETTING RID OF IT. 

  IF SHE ISN'T ON THIS EMOTIONAL LEVEL THEN NO RELATIONSHIP CAN EVER WORK OUT FOR HER. THIS IS REGARDLESS OF WHO SHE IS WITH. I CANT.

2:09PM EST -

FRIDAY FEBRUARY 9TH, 2024

2.9.2024

MICROWAVED HEARTS:

SESSION ONE:

  WHAT'S THE BIGGER RISK? LEVERAGING MY CAPITAL ON THE FINANCIAL MARKETS OR LEVERAGING MY TIME, MY EMOTIONS,  MY PHYSIC SECURITY ALONG WITH MY FINANCIAL RESOURCES IN A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP?
  WHAT'S THE BIGGER GAMBLE? I JUST BOUGHT A STOCK AND I PRAY IT GOES UP LONG ENOUGH FOR ME TO CASH IT OUT OR I JUST GAVE MY TRUST TO A WOMAN NOT TO BETRAY ME UNTIL I DIE NO MATTER HOW WELL I TREAT HER? IF I MISREAD A FINANCIAL CHART THEN I ONLY BETRAYED MYSELF AND I DON'T END UP PSYCHOLOGICALLY DAMAGED.
  IF I MISREAD A WOMAN'S MINDSET, HEART AND SPIRIT AND SHE BETRAYS ME, THE PAIN IS WAY WORSE. WITH THE FINANCIAL MARKETS IT'S STRICTLY BUSINESS. IF MY ANALYSIS WAS WRONG THEN MY ANALYSIS WAS WRONG AND IT WAS NOTHING PERSONAL FOR IT WAS ALWAYS BUSINESS.
  BUT WHAT IF MARRIAGE WERE ONLY A BUSINESS AS WELL? WHAT IF ACQUIRING MY ASSETS THEN BETRAYING ME WERE HER BUSINESS? OH SHE WILL NEVER ADMIT IT EVEN AFTER SHE DID IT. I'M BUSINESS FIRST.  FIRST AND FOREMOST THE STABILITY OF MY PERSONAL AMBITIONS COME FIRST. NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT TO ME THAN MY DREAMS.

WRISTS BATHED IN RED SESSION THIRTY THREE: GANGSTER'S PARADISE SESSION ONE:

 7:00AM EST - 7:18AM EST

FRIDAY FEBRUARY 9TH, 2024

2.9.2024

WRISTS BATHED IN RED:

 SESSION A: 

GANGSTER'S PARADISE SESSION ONE: 

  I WAS ALWAYS A GANGSTER. I WAS BORN A CRIMINAL. MY MOM SOLD CRACK. MY DAD SOLD METH. MY BROTHERS WERE BANK ROBBERS AND MY SISTERS WERE PIMPS. CRIME IS ALL I EVER KNEW. I GREW UP ADMIRING THEIR PRIME EXAMPLE OF WHAT IT WAS TO BE AN AMERICAN CITIZEN. YOU SEE AMERICA WAS FOUNDED ON CRIME. THEY ROBBED THE NATIVE AMERICANS OF THEIR LAND. THE NATIVES DIDN'T LIKE IT AT ALL.

  WHAT HAPPENED TO THE NATIVE AMERICANS? THE ENGLISH PILGRIMS KILLED AS MANY OF THEM AS THEY COULD. ONCE THEIR NUMBERS WERE TOO LOW TO FIGHT BACK HEY THEY GAVE THEIR OWN RESERVATIONS ON THEIR FORMER LAND. 

  IF YOU RUN IN SOMEONE'S HOUSE AND BEAT THEM UP UNTIL THEY FORFEIT THEIR PROPERTY NOW YOU OWN THE HOUSE. ITS PURE BARBARIANISM AT ITS FINEST. IF THEY DON'T SURRENDER THEN YOU JUST KILL THEM. THAT'S HOW PROPERTY OWNERSHIP GOES IN THIS COUNTRY. IF YOU WANT IT THEN YOU JUST HAVE TO TAKE IT. 

  IF YOU TRY TO TAKE IT AND THEY FIGHT BACK THEN YOU KILL THEM. NOW WHAT WAS ONCE THEIRS IS NOW UP FOR GRABS. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO THEN IS JUST GRAB IT. ITS LIKE GRAND THEFT AUTO. WHEN THEIR BUBBLE POPS UP YOU WALK INSIDE OF THE BUBBLE. I CALL IT THE BUBBLE GRAB. 

  MY FAMILY SET SUCH A FINE EXAMPLE FOR ME I DECIDED TO CREATE A CONGLOMERATE. I WOULD COMBINE ALL OF THE FAMILY BUSINESSES INTO ONE. I WOULD SELL CRACK AND METH. I WOULD ROB BANKS AND PIMP WHORES. I WOULD BE THE BEST PIMP WHO ROBBED BANKS INBETWEEN SELLING CRACK AND METH EVER. I CALL IT A P.B.R.C.M.S ER. 

  I STARTED MY OWN GANG TOO OF LAW EVADING CITIZENS. THE P.B.R.C.M.S ERS. EVERYONE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD JOINED MY GANG. I MEAN WHO DOESN'T WANT TO PIMP WHORES WHILE ROBBING BANKS AFTER SELLING CRACK AND METH?

  DOES NOT THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT DO EXACTLY THE SAME? I WANTED TO BE JUST LIKE MY GOVERNMENT. THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT IS THE BIGGEST GANG IN THE WORLD. THEY DO WHATEVER THEY WANT. I WANTED TO DO WHATEVER I WANTED AS WELL. MY GOVERNMENT TAUGHT ME WELL. 

  I WANTED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF PEOPLE'S ADDICTION. IT'S NOT MY FAULT THEY ARE ADDICTED TO DRUGS. I DON'T DO DRUGS. I'M TOO BUSY SELLING THE DRUGS. THEY WERE ADDICTS LONG BEFORE I EVER EVEN MET THEM. DON'T YOU BLAME ME. I AM A CAPITALIST. MY JOB IS TO SECURE THE BAG AT ANY COSTS. 

  YOU THINK I CARE ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT? ONLY LOSERS CARE ABOUT THE ANIMALS. DEFORESTATION? I'M WITH IT. TELL THE ANIMALS TO FIND ANOTHER FOREST. I'LL DEFOREST THAT ONE TOO SOON. WARFARE IS BETTER IN A DESERT BADLANDS WASTE LAND. I DON'T WANT CHARLIE HOPPING OUT AT ME FROM BEHIND BUSHES. 

  ROBBING A BANK IS THE EASIEST WAY TO EARN A BAG OF CASH. ALL OF THE CASH IS ALREADY IN THERE JUST WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO TAKE IT. MY BROTHER DOES IT ALL OF THE TIME. YOU JUST GET A BUNCH OF GUNS AND YOU LOAD THEM ALL UP WITH BULLETS. YOU WALK IN WITH AS MANY LOADED GUNS AS POSSIBLE AND YOU SHOOT EVERYBODY UNTIL THEY STOP SHOOTING BACK. 

  THE COPS WILL NEVER CATCH YOU IN TIME. EVERYBODY KNOWS ALL THE COPS DO IS EAT DOUGHNUTS AND PATROL TRAFFIC LIGHTS ALL DAY. JUST MAKE SURE YOU DRIVE THE SPEED LIMIT IN THE GETAWAY CAR SO YOU DONT LOOK SUSPICIOUS. 

  YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO TAKE YOUR MASK OFF ANYMORE. EVERYONE'S WEARING MASKS NOWADAYS. JUST MAKE SURE YOU WEAR AN OUTFIT MATCHING YOUR MASK SO YOU DONT LOOK SUSPICIOUS. AS LONG AS YOU DONT LOOK SUSPICIOUS THEN YOU'RE NOT A SUSPECT. 

WRISTS BATHED IN RED SESSION TWENTY THREE: CREEPY MOVIE SESSION ONE:

 3:00PM EST - 3:51PM EST

WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 7TH, 2024

2.7.2024

WRISTS BATHED IN RED SESSION TWENTY THREE: CREEPY MOVIE: SESSION ONE: I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND SLEPT ON THE COUCH

  I'M IN MY BEDROOM RIGHT? I CUT OFF THE LIGHT IN MY ROOM. IT'S MIDNIGHT ON THE DOT. I TAKE OFF MY SHIRT. I LAY DOWN IN MY BED. I START DOZING OFF RIGHT? NEXT THING YOU KNOW I'M HEARING A KNOCK ON MY DOOR. I GET UP. I GO TO THE DOOR. I OPEN MY BEDROOM DOOR. THERE'S NO ONE THERE. I PEEK BOTH WAYS WITH MY HEAD OUTSIDE OF THE DOOR. 

  I GO BACK IN THE BED. I START DOZING OFF AGAIN RIGHT? FIVE MINUTES LATER, ONCE AGAIN, I HEAR A KNOCK ON THE DOOR. THIS TIME I REALIZE IT'S COMING FROM MY CLOSET DOOR. THE CLOSET DOOR IS CLOSED RIGHT? SO I GET BACK UP OUT OF THE BED. I WALK TOWARDS THE CLOSET. I OPEN THE CLOSET DOOR. I DON'T SEE ANYTHING IN THE CLOSET BUT MY CLOTHES ON THE HANGERS. 

  NEXT THING YOU KNOW I SEE A GREEN HAND REACH OUT FROM BEHIND MY CLOTHES. THE GREEN HAND TOUCHES MY RIGHT SHOULDER. I HEAR A VOICE TALKING TO ME RIGHT? THE VOICE SAYS "I'M NOT REALLY TOUCHING YOU". I SCREAM OUT "OH HELL NAW!" I RUN OUT OF MY ROOM RIGHT? I FLY DOWNSTAIRS. I RUN TOWARDS THE FRONT DOOR TO GET OUT RIGHT?

  THE MONSTER SLIDES IN FRONT OF THE ROOM. " DON'T GO OUT THERE MAN THERE'S A MONSTER OUTSIDE" THE MONSTER SAYS. I SAY "WHAT? NO YOU'RE THE MONSTER. YOU BETTER STOP PLAYING WITH ME". THE MONSTER LOOKS OFFENDED. THE MONSTER RESPONDS TO ME WITH "NO YOU'RE THE MONSTER AND YOU BETTER STOP PLAYING WITH ME BEFORE I EAT YOU." THE MONSTER STARTS LAUGHING. 

  I START SHAKING INSIDE. I'M WELL DONE FOR I'M THINKING TO MYSELF. THE MONSTER SITS DOWN BLOCKING THE FRONT DOOR. "YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR MAN. YOU SEE I'M NOT REALLY HERE BRO." "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT REALLY HERE MAN I'M LOOKING AT YOU RIGHT NOW." THE MONSTER SAYS "JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE LOOKING AT ME DOESN'T MEAN I'M REALLY HERE RIGHT?" 

  I SAY "OK FINE. I'LL CLOSE MY EYES FOR FIVE SECONDS AND WHEN I OPEN THEM UP AGAIN YOU'LL BE GONE RIGHT?" THE MONSTER SAYS "EXACTLY." THE MONSTER SMILES. I DON'T LIKE HIS SMILE. "NO YOU'RE GOING TO DO SOMETHING SCARY WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES" I SAY TO THE MONSTER. "DUDE I JUST CAME FROM YOUR CLOSET TO YOUR FRONT DOOR BEFORE YOU GOT DOWNSTAIRS. IS THIS NOT ALREADY SCARY ENOUGH? DUDE LOOK AT YOU. YOU'RE COMPLETELY TERRIFIED RIGHT NOW BRO BE HONEST." 

  "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME SIR?" I ASK THE MONSTER. "I'M ONLY FIVE YEARS OLD MAN DON'T CALL ME SIR AGAIN OR I'LL EAT YOU." I BACK UP A LITTLE MORE. THE MONSTER STARTS LAUGHING AT ME AGAIN. "DUDE YOU'RE SCARED SPIT LESS. I BET YOUR MOUTH IS AS DRY AS A SOLID SURFACE." THIS MONSTER WAS WEIRD CUZ. I DON'T KNOW IF HE'S TRYING TO SCARE ME OR MAKE ME LAUGH. 

  "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME MAN I'M GETTING TIRED OF YOU." THE MONSTER STANDS UP AND SAYS "NO MAN I'M GETTING TIRED OF YOU. IM NOT DONE WITH YOU YET SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT HUH?" I SIT DOWN TOO. "FINE MAN WHAT'S THE DEAL? WHY ARE YOU HERE?" 

  "I CAME HERE TO TELL YOU I'M NOT REALLY HERE." I ASK THE MONSTER "SO YOU CAME INTO MY HOME TO TELL ME YOU'RE NOT REALLY IN MY HOME?" THE MONSTER SITS BACK DOWN. "YES. EXACTLY. I'M NOT REALLY IN YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW. I'M NOT REALLY HERE IN YOUR HOUSE. YOU'RE NOT REALLY HERE IN YOUR HOUSE EITHER. THIS ISN'T EVEN REALLY A REAL HOUSE."

  I GET IRRITATED AT THE MONSTER. "DUDE YOU'RE CRAZY." THE MONSTER STARTS TWIDDLING HIS FINGERS WHILE LOOKING DOWN AT THEM. "I'M NOT THE CRAZY ONE. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO BELIEVES HIS OWN EYES." "BELIEVE MY OWN EYES? WHY SHOULDN'T I BELIEVE MY OWN EYES? THEY ARE REALLY CREEPED OUT BY LOOKING AT YOU RIGHT NOW." 

  THE MONSTER LOOKS UP DIRECTLY IN MY EYES. "BECAUSE YOUR EYES ARE LYING TO YOU COMPULSIVELY. I'M NOT REALLY HERE BRO." THE MONSTER LOOKS BACK DOWN AT HIS FINGERS STILL BEING TWIDDLED THIS WHOLE TIME. HE STARTS GIGGLING AND WHISPERS TO HIMSELF "THIS MAN'S CRAZY. HE'S SEEING THINGS". 

    "WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO RIGHT NOW? ME OR YOURSELF?" THE MONSTER RESPONDS "I'M TALKING TO THE OTHER MONSTER SITTING RIGHT TO MY LEFT. YOU CAN'T SEE HIM YET BC YOUR EYES ARE STILL LYING TO YOU." I START BACKING UP. IM GETTING GOOSEBUMPS. THIS MONSTER IS SERIOUSLY CREEPING ME OUT BY NOW. 

  "SO I CAN SEE YOU BUT YOU'RE NOT HERE?" "EXACTLY" SAYS THE MONSTER. "BUT I CAN'T SEE YOUR OTHER MONSTER FRIEND RIGHT NOW BUT HE'S REALLY HERE?" "YES EXACTLY. YOU CAN'T SEE HIM BC HE'S REALLY HERE. I'M NOT REALLY HERE WHICH IS WHY YOU CAN SEE ME." 

  "SO ANYTHING REAL I CAN'T SEE AND EVERYTHING I SEE IS FAKE?" THE MONSTER STANDS UP. THE MONSTER UNLOCKS THE FRONT DOOR. THE MONSTER OPENS THE FRONT DOOR. THE MONSTER TURNS BACK AROUND AT ME. "EXACTLY. NOW YOU GET IT. PRECISELY. TOMMY I'M SO PROUD OF YOU. NOW YOU GET SOME REST. I'M COMING BACK TOMORROW TO DELIVER TOMORROW'S MESSAGE. MAKE SURE YOU LOCK THIS DOOR BACK." HE STARTS TO SMILE WIDE. "YOU DON'T WANT TO LET ANY MONSTERS IN RIGHT?". 

  THE MONSTER WALKS OUT OF THE HOUSE. I LOCK THE DOOR. I HAD TO TAKE ANOTHER SHOWER. I WAS DRIPPING IN SWEAT. I GET OUT OF THE SHOWER. I DRY OFF FROM THE SHOWER. I GO BACK IN MY ROOM. I LAY DOWN IN MY BED AGAIN. I START DOZING OFF. TOOK ME AN HOUR TO CALM MY MIND. 

  THE WHOLE HOUR I KEPT WONDERING TO MYSELF, WAS I TRIPPING OR IS THE MONSTER RIGHT? THE MONSTER OPENS MY CLOSET DOOR. "YOU'RE THE ONE TRIPPING FOOL. I'M RIGHT. NOW STOP THINKING BRO YOU'RE KEEPING ME UP." THE MONSTER CLOSES MY CLOSET DOOR. I GO DOWNSTAIRS AND SLEEP ON THE COUCH. 

WRISTS BATHED IN RED SESSION TWENTY TWO:

WRISTS BATHED IN RED SESSION TWENTY ONE:

WRISTS BATHED IN RED SESSION TWENTY:

 7:10AM EST - 7:55AM EST

THESDAY FEBRUARY 6TH, 2024

2.6.2024

WRISTS BATHED IN RED

SESSION TWENTY: BUTT CHASERS

  ASK NOT WHAT THE UNIVERSE WILL DO FOR YOU. ASK WHAT YOU WILL DO FOR THE UNIVERSE? I HELP YOU YOU HELP ME. PASS THE MESSAGE ONWARDS. FREE AS MANY MINDS AS YOU CAN. I AM HERE TO HELP YOU HEAL THE PAIN. THE PAIN ONLY EXISTS WITHIN YOUR MIND. EVERYTHING YOU SEE OR TOUCH OR HEAR OR SMELL IS FAKE. EMOTION IS NOT PERCEIVED BY THE FIVE PHYSICAL SENSES.

  EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING IS JUST COMPUTER PROGRAMMING ACTING OUT IT'S CODE. GIGE NOTHING POWER OVER YOUR EMOTIONS. DEFINE YOUR ABSOLUTE OBJECTIVE THEN NO MATTER WHAT YOU MIST REMAIN OBJECTIVE. IF YOUR CURRENT EMOTIONAL STATE IS NOT CONDUCIVE TO THE OBJECTIVE'S COMPLETION THEN YOU MUST SHIFT YOUR EMOTIONS. 

  IT CAN BE DONE AND IT IS HARDER THAN IT SOUNDS OR FEELS. YOU'RE IN A TIGHT SPOT? GIVE IT LESS POWER. MAYBE IT'S ACTUALLY YOUR THINKING MANIFESTING YOUR REALITY. YOU CAN APPLY MORE POSITIVE MENTAL FOCUS INSIDE OF THE TIGHT SPOT WHICH EXPANDS WHAT YOU'RE FOCUSING ON. FOCUS LESS ON WHAT IS UNDESIRED AND FOCUS MORE ON WHAT IS ACTUALLY DESIRED OR PREFERRED. 

  BECOME OBSESSIVE OVER YOUR FOCUS. IF EVERY NEGATIVE THOUGHT COSTS YOU $1 TO THINK IT THEN WOULD YOU BE IN EMOTIONAL DEBT BY NOW? HOW MANY DOLLARS WOULD YOU OWE THE CREDITOR? IF I TYPE A BUTTON ON MY PHONE THE PHONE RESPONDS TO THE BUTTON PRESSED. 

  THE PHONE DOESN'T KNOW IF I WANTED TO INTENTIONALLY PRESS THE BUTTON OR NOT. THE PHONE ONLY FOLLOWED MY ORDER. ORDER YOUR THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS AROUND. IF IT'S JUST TOO FOGGY IN YOUR HEAD AT THE MOMENT THEN MAN YOU NEED TO BREAK OUT AND DANCE. DROP DOWN TO THE GROUND AND GIVE ME 100 PUSH UPS. DO SOME JUMPING JACKS UNTIL YOU FEEL STUPID. 

  DO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO IN ORDER TO GAIN CONTROL OVER YOUR MIND. SOBER MIND YOU. IN SOBRIETY MAKE YOURSELF FEEL BETTER. ARTIFICIAL HAPPINESS IS NO BUENO. MUY MALO. YOUR EMOTIONS AND YOUR THOUGHTS ARE ALWAYS UNDER YOUR CONTROL. IF YOU DONT LIKE SOMETHING THEN STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. IT DOESN'T EVEN EXIST. YOU'RE JUST CRAZY. NO MY BAD I WAS WRONG. YOU'RE BORDERLINE INSANE. 

  YOU'RE THE DICTATOR OF YOUR MIND STATE. EVERYTHING IS FAKE. HOW MANY TIMES DO I NEED TO SAY THAT? YOU'RE PAYING ATTENTION TO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING AND NOTHING REALLY MATTERS AT ALL WAS SAID BY THE MISEDUCATED LAURYN HILL. 

  I DON'T GIVE ANYONE OR ANYTHING POWER OVER ME. WHEN SOMEONE SAYS SOMETHING OR DOES SOMETHING STUPID TO ME I IGNORE THEM. I LAUGH TO MYSELF WHILE REMEMBERING THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW THEY ARE FAKE. I KNOW IM AN ILLUSION. I'M JUST ENERGY IN MOTION. THEN I KEEP IT MOVING. I KNOW I'M IN A DREAM RIGHT NOW. 

  WHY WOULD I ARGUE WITH A DREAM CHARACTER? THE EPITOME OF WASTED DREAM TIME RIGHT THERE. WHY WASTE MY TIME WITH SOMEONE WHO THINKS EVERYTHING IS REAL? WHY WASTE MY TIME ARGUING WITH SOMEONE OVER ABSOLUTELY NOTHING? WHY WASTE MY TIME GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH NEGATIVITY WITH SOMEONE WHO GIVES POWER TO EVERYTHING HUT GOD. 

  NAH GOD WILL DEAL WITH MY PROBLEMS AND I WILL DEAL WITH MY DESTINY. I'M ALWAYS QUIET NOW. I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO ANYONE MOST OF THE TIME. IF I DON'T RESPECT YOUR LEVEL OF OPTIMISM OR POSITIVITY THEN YOU'RE GETTING NO WORDS FROM ME. MY SILENCE MAKES THOSE AROUND ME UNCOMFORTABLE. THEIR NEGATIVITY MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE. 

  ALL THEY SO IS COMPLAIN. EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS A PROBLEM. SUCKERS. COMPLETE SUCKER TO ME THEY ARE. JUST SHOOT YOURSELF IN THE LEFT FOOT WHY DON'T YOU? WHAT THEY'RE DOING IS CURSING THEMSELVES. I'M SPEAKING BLESSINGS. IM JUST TOO BUSY TO TALK ABOUT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MY TIME IS WORTH TO ME? 

  YOU KNOW WHAT MY GOALS ARE? I DO. I KNOW MY GOALS. SO I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR COMPUTER PROGRAMS UNAWARE THEY ARE COMPUTER PROGRAMS INSIDE OF A COMPUTER SIMULATION. NAW HOMIE I GOTTA BOUNCE. I'D RATHER DANCE BY MYSELF IN FRONT OF TRAFFIC ON THE SIDEWALK UNTIL I FEEL BETTER. I CAN MAKE MYSELF FEEL BETTER WITHOUT YOU AROUND.

  ITS ACTUALLY EASIER  TO MAINTAIN MY POSITIVE VIBE FAE AWAY FROM YOU. I DONT HAGE TIME FOR THEM. I HAVE TIME YOU FOR

 THE READER AND THE AUDIENCE. ONLY YOU EXIST TO ME. HOW DO I HELP YOU? HOW CAN I SHOW YOU THE LIGHT? THE TAO. HOW DO I GIVE YOU MY POWER? I'M TOO POWERFUL TO WASTE MY TIME TALKING IN PERSON. IF YOU'RE NOT ON MY FACEBOOKS YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M THINKING. 

  IN PERSON I'M LISTENING INTENTLY TO EVERYTHING YOU SAY. A PERSON CAN ONLY SAY WHAT'S ON THEIR MIND. SO I LISTEN. THEN I PUT MY HEADPHONES BACK ON. NAW I'LL LOSE ALL OF MY INTELLIGENCE BY SITTING HERE LISTENING TO THIS CLOWN TALK ALL DAY. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? IF WE NOT TALKING SOLUTIONS TO THE MATRIX I'M DONE. IM LEAVING. HEY I'LL SEE YOU LATER. 

  I'M WORKING ON A BOOK. MY SPARE TIMES SHORT AND IT ALL BELONGS TO ME. I'M SO STINGY WITH MY TIME. YOU HAVE FIVE MINUTES TO IMPRESS MY MIND. MY IMAGINATIONS SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING THAN YOURS. I'M SO SELF SUFFICED EMOTIONALLY IT'S THE FUNNY. I HAVE MY SPOUTS OF DEPRESSION. THEN I'M REALLY ON MY OWN. NO ONE CAN SAVE ME THEN BUT GOD AND MYSELF. 

  THIS LIFE WAS A GIFT TO ME FROM GOD AND MY PARENTS AND I CHERISH IT. I SPENT HALF MY LIFE IN PAIN. MENTAL PAIN. I'M IN THE PROCESS OF OVERCOMING IT AND THE SUBSEQUENT EMOTIONS DERIVED FROM IT. I'M SHARING THE CODE WITH YOU. I'M AN AMBASSADOR FOR THE FUTURE GENERATIONS. I WAS SENT HERE TO FINISH UNFINISHED BUSINESS. 

  THE UNFINISHED BUSINESS OF AMERICA IS MY MISSION. WHAT AMERICA HAS FAILED TO DO FROM LONG AGO IS NOW KY BUSINESS. THE BALL IS IN MY COURT NOW AND I HAVE THE BALL. I TAKE THE LAST SHOT. I TAKE THE FIRST SHOT. I HAVE TO REBOUND THE BALL. I HAVE TO STEAL THE BALL. I HAVE TO GUARD THE HOOP. IF WE LOSE IT WAS ALL ON ME. WHEN WE WIN THE GLORY GOES TO GOD. 

  I DID WHAT I HAD TO DO. I SACRIFICED AS MANY PHYSICAL PLEASURES AS HUMANELY POSSIBLE. I ATE ONLY TO SURVIVE. I RARELY EVER HAD SEX. I DIDN'T GO OUT AND SOCIALIZE. FOR WHAT? SURROUND MYSELF BY INSECURE COMPUTER PROGRAMS WHO THINK THEY ACTUALLY EXIST? NAW THATS VERY DANGEROUS I'M STAYING INSIDE AND HONING MY ART CRAFT. 

  I'VE NEVER BEEN INVOLVED IN A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP AS AN ADULT. COMPLETE WASTE OF MY TIME. IF SHE HAS TIME FOR ME THEN SHE HAS NO GOALS. OH SHE'LL SAY SHE DOES. THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE WITH ME? YOU'LL LEAVE MY SIDE TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO OCCUPY YOUR TIME. CAN'T LIE TO ME. OR YOU'LL SPEND ALL DAY ALONE ENTERTAINING YOURSELF AND GETTING HIGH AND DRUNK. YEA WHATEVER. 

 LET ME SEE YOUR CURRENT PROJECT THEN. SHOW ME THE PROGRESS LET ME READ SOMETHING. LET ME SEE SOMETHING YOU'VE CREATED WITH YOUR TIME. SHOW ME RESULTS. I'M INTENTIONALLY GIVING HER A SMALL AMOUNT OF MY TIME THEN ITS BACK TO THE BOOTH. I'M ON A MISSION. 

  I DON'T WANT AN INSECURE PERSON WHOSE UNAWARE THEY ARE A CPU PROGRAM OR CPUP PLAYING WITH MY SELF CONFIDENCE. MY SELF CONFIDENCE IS UNBRIDLED AND UNMATCHED. YOU CAN'T FEEL THIS GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF UNLESS I TEACH YOU STEP BY STEP. EVEN THEN YOU'LL BLOCK YOUR OWN PROGRESS WITH OLD PROGRAMMING. 

  MY MIND IS TO FREE TO EVER BE ENCAGED EVER AGAIN. HOW? HOW WILL THEY LIE TO ME NOW? I HAVE 100% FAITH IN GOD AND IN MY OWN ABILITIES. IF YOU CAN'T SAY THAT WITH CONVICTION AND I DONT SEE IT IN EVERY INTERACTION WITH YOU I'M GRANTED I DONT BELIEVE YOU AND WE NOT COOL ENOUGH FOR ME TO SPEND MY PRECIOUS TIME WITH YOU.

  A MAN WHO DOESN'T BELIEVE IN HIMSELF IS DANGEROUS. THE LACK OF SELF CONFIDENCE IS A DISEASE. IF YOU'RE AROUND AN INSECURE PERSON THEY WILL THROW THEIR MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL INSECURITY ON TO YOU. EVERYTIME YOU SPEAK A BLESSING THEY WILL SPEAK TWO CURSES. MY CONFIDENCE IN MYSELF IS HIGHLY INTIMIDATING TO SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES. 

  THAT'S NOT MY FAULT. YOU WANT ME TO CONFORM TO YOUR AAD WAY OF THINKING AND FEELING? NAW HOMIE I'M GOING TO LET YOU BE INSECURE OF YOURSELF ALL BY YOURSELF. YOU DON'T KNOW A CHAD. NOT THIS CHAD. NOT CHAD XZAVIER. I CHASE IDEAS. I SO DO NOT CHASE PEOPLE. I AM NOT CURIOUS ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE. I AM MORE SO CURIOUS OF OTHER IDEAS. 

  I HAVE A LONG LIST OF SPECIFIC TOPICS TO STUDY. A TOPIC WON'T STUDY ITSELF. I HAVE TO STUDY IT. I AM OBSESSED WITH LEARNING. I WANT TO LEARN AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE AND SPREAD AS MUCH OF WHAT I LEARNED AS POSSIBLE. MY AUDIENCE OF READERS AND ART OBSERVERS ARE MY MAIN FOCUS. IT'S YOU. ONLY YOU MATTER TO ME. EVERYONE ELSE IS NOT IMPORTANT. 

  I AM AN ARTIST. I CARE ABOUT MY ART THEN I CUT THE DECK. EVERYTHING ELSE IS FAKE. JUST AN ILLUSION. I LIVE MY DREAM. I LIVE WITHIN MY DREAM. I LIVE WITHIN A DREAM. I KNOW I AM DREAMING. EVERYTHING ELSE BESIDES MY VISION IS A WASTE OF DREAM TIME. I'M INTERESTED IN EXPANDING THE SCOP OF MY DREAM SCAPE I WANT TO EXPLORE THIS DREAMSCAPE.

  I WANT TO DEEP DISCOVER THE CONTENTS OF MY OWN DREAM. I WANT TO EXPLORE MY OWN MIND. THERE ARE UNDISCOVERED TREASURES WITHIN MY BRAIN. THERE'S AN UNIMAGINABLE GOLD MINE WITHIN MY MIND. THERE'S ONE IN YOURS AS WELL. I CAN'T FIND IT FOR YOU THOUGH. THAT'S YOUR JOB. OR YOU CAN SPEND YOUR LIFE CHASING OTHER PEOPLES BREASTS AND BUTTS. BUTT CHASERS AND BREAST FACERS.