WRISTS BATHED IN RED SESSION FORTY FIVE

 2:20PM EST - 3:20PM EST

MONDAY FEBRUARY 12TH, 2024

2.12.2024

WRISTS BATHED IN RED:

 SESSION FORTY FIVE:

CYNICAL ANALYSIS SAGA

MICROWAVED HEARTS:

SESSION THREE: I WASN'T ALWAYS LIKE THIS

  I CHANGED GREATLY. I WASN'T ALWAYS LIKE THIS. I WAS WAY MORE GULLIBLE. I WAS TEN TIMES MORE NAIVE. NAIVETY FLOWED THRU MY BEING. I WAS SO UNAWARE OF HUMAN NATURE. SELF PRESERVATION IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL. SELF PRESERVATION IS A FALSE BELIEF. THIS SIMULATION IS IN YOUR MIND. NOTHING OUTSIDE OF THE YOU IS WITHIN THE SIMULATION. TRUE SELF PRESERVATION IS TO REALIZE YOU ARE WHAT YOU SEE. 

  IF YOU'RE A SEPARATIST THEN EVERYTHING YOU SEE IS NOT YOU. I CAN SEE YOU AS ME ALL I WANT BUT IF YOU DON'T SEE ME AS YOU I CAN'T TRUST YOU. I DON'T WANT TO TRUST ANYONE'S ABILITY TO CHOOSE THE LIGHT PATH OVER THE DARK PATH. THAT'S A HUGE FAVOR TO ASK OF THEM. 

  I LIKE BEING ALONE. IF ANYONE'S GOING TO HARM ME THEN IT WILL HAVE TO BE ME. IF ANYONE'S GOING TO MAKE ME LAUGH AND SMILE THEN IT WILL HAVE TO BE ME. IF I WANT TO SMILE I KNOW HOW TO MAKE MYSELF SMILE. IF I WANT TO CRY THEN I KNOW HOW TO MAKE MYSELF CRY. I ALSO NOW KNOW HOW TO MAKE MYSELF SMILE AFTER MAKING MYSELF CRY. 

  I'D RATHER SPEND ALL DAY JUGGLING MY OWN EMOTIONS UNTIL I FIND A STABILITY PROCEDURE. OTHER PEOPLE JUST PLAY WITH YOUR EMOTIONS. OTHER PEOPLE JUST WANT TO PROJECT THEIR INSECURITIES ONTO YOU TO MAKE THEM FEEL LESS BAD FROM THEIR INSECURITIES. IF THEY CAN CONVINCE YOU TO DOUBT YOURSELF AS MUCH AS THEY DOUBT THEMSELVES THEN THEY ARE NOT ACTUALLY WRONG FOR HARBORING THEIR OWN SELF DOUBT. 

  I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS AND I DO NOT CARE WHAT THEY DO. I JUST WANT THEM TO STAY THE CIRCUMSTANCE AWAY FROM ME. I WANT THEM TO FEEL AS FREE AS THEY POSSIBLY CAN FEEL AND AS FAR AWAY FROM ME AS POSSIBLE. I DON'T WANT THEIR ATTENTION OR THEIR FOCUS. I WANT THEM TO FOCUS ON THEIR OWN INTERESTS. THEY SHOULDN'T BE INTERESTED IN ME AND I SHOULDN'T BE INTERESTED IN THEM. 

  I LIKE MY SPACE ABOUT 95% OF THE TIME. 5% OF THE TIME I DESIRE ANOTHER'S COMPANY BUT THERE'S A VERY STRICT STANDARD FOR ME TO REQUEST A CERTAIN PERSON DURING THE 5% TIME FRAME. I'M NOT CURIOUS ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE. I AM CURIOUS MORE SO ABOUT OTHER IDEAS. I JUST WANT TO SPEND ALL DAY CRACKING RIDDLES. THIS GAME IS ONE BIG PUZZLE AND I'M PUTTING THE PIECES TOGETHER BY MYSELF AND ALONE IN THE ROOM. 

  I'M NOT NORMAL. YOU'RE MOST LIKELY WAY MORE NORMAL THAN I AM. THERE'S NOTHING FOR US TO TALK ABOUT MOST LIKELY. I DON'T LIKE SMALL TALK. SMALL TALK IS FOR STRANGERS. A LITTLE SMALL TALK TO SEE WHAT YOU GOT ENERGETICALLY THEN WHAT YOU GOT ON PHILOSOPHY? I WANT TO HEAR STRATEGY. HOW DO WE OVERTURN THE ESTABLISHMENT?

  HOW DO WE BREAK OUT OF THE MATRIX? OH THERE IS NO MATRIX? THERE IS NO SIMULATION? THIS IS REAL LIFE? YEA I'LL NOT HOLLER AT YOU NEXT TIME PLAY BOY I GOTTA BOUNCE. ARE WE DREAMING RIGHT NOW? OH NO WE ARE NOT DREAMING AND THIS IS REALITY? 

  OK YEA ABOUT THAT. MY ALARM ON MY PHONE JUST WENT OFF. ITS ON VIBRATE YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T HEAR IT BUT I JUST REMEMBERED I HAD THIS THING TO DO AT THIS PLACE AND I'M ACTUALLY RUNNING LATE RIGHT NOW. YEA I JUST TOTALLY FORGOT I'M ACTUALLY VERY BUSY RIGHT NOW. YOU TAKE CARE NOW. BLESS YOUR HEART. 

  I'M IN COMPETITION WITH EVERYONE AROUND ME IN A GAME I CALL DESTINAL AWARENESS. I WANT TO BE MORE AWARE OF MY INNER VOICE AND TO FOLLOW IT ONLY. I WILL BE LESS DISTRACTED BY OTHER PEOPLE THAN EVERYONE AROUND ME. THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP TO ME IS MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD AND MYSELF. I CRAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP WITH MY INNER VOICE. 

  I LISTEN TO THE INNER VOICE. IT WHISPERS DIRECTION TO ME ALL DAY. I FOLLOW THE INNER WHISPERS. I DON'T WANT ANYONE AROUND ME CLOUDING UP THE SPACE WITH THEIR CONSTANT NOISE. I AM ON A MISSION. YOU WILL NOT DISTRACT ME. YOU WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO DISTRACT ME. THE FACT YOU DON'T CONSIDER ME AS A DISTRACTION FROM YOUR DESTINY IS A GREATLY DISTURBING FACTOR TO ME. 

  IF YOU HAVE TIME FOR ME YOU'RE NOT USING YOUR TIME WISELY. I WOULD ONLY ASK FOR A SMALL PERCENTAGE OF YOUR TIME SOMETIMES. I DO NOT REQUIRE MUCH OF YOUR TIME. I WOULDN'T COMMIT SUCH A TEMPORAL CRIME AGAINST YOU. I NEVER HAVE TOO MUCH TIME TO SPARE AWAY FROM THE LIST. 

  THAT'S JUST WHAT IT IS. I WILL GET WHAT I WANT OUT OF THIS SIMULATION OR JUST DIE IN THE PURSUIT OF IT. A CHAMPION MINDSET IS ALL I'M AFTER. EVERYTHING OUTSIDE OF TRAINING AND PRACTICE IS A DISTRACTION FROM THE CRAVED CHAMPIONSHIP. I'LL GIVE UP ANY PLEASURE REQUIRED. I WASN'T SENT IN THE SIMULATION TO SEEK OUT PLEASURE. YOU WERE. NOT ME. 

  YOU CHASE PLEASURE. GO AHEAD. CHASE IT ALL DAY. THEN CHASE PLEASURE ALL NIGHT. THEN GO TO BED WITH PLEASURE ON THE BRAIN. I HOPE YOU WAKE UP WITH PLEASURE STILL ON THE BRAIN. I HOPE YOU SPEND ALL DAY SEEKING PLEASURE. BUNCH OF PLEASURE SEEKERS. SEEKING PLEASURE BRINGS PAIN. I SEEK STRATEGY. 

  I SHARE MY STRATEGY FOR THE NEXT GENERATION. ANYONE CONSIDERED MY CONTEMPORARY I HOPE THEY DON'T TAKE ME SERIOUSLY. I'M NOT PENNING THESE WORDS FOR YOU. YOUR DESTINY'S ALREADY SET. I CAN'T HELP YOU SIMULATORS. YOUR SCRIPT IS ALREADY SET. 

  ONCE YOU'RE BORN YOUR SCRIPT IS ALREADY WRITTEN. YOU'RE ALREADY ON THE PATH TO YOUR DESTINY AS WHATEVER IT MAY BE. YOU'RE DOING EXACTLY WHAT YOU WERE MEANT TO BE DOING AT THIS PARTICULAR MOMENT. I'M SO NOT CONCERNED WITH MY GENERATION. I PREFER TO LEAVE THEM IN THE DUSTS OF HISTORY.

  I GAVE UP ON MY GENERATION YESTERDAY. THE DAY BEFORE YESTERDAY I CARED. AFTER YESTERDAY I STOPPED CARING. THEY ARE JUST MY COMPETITION AND I VOW TO DEMOLISH THEIR ACCOMPLISHMENTS. WHAT DID THEY EVER EVN WANT AT ALL? MATERIAL POSSESSIONS. BLAH BLAH BLAH THEY ARE LYING TO YOU IF SAYING OTHERWISE. 

  YEA WHATEVER. READ THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA. DO YOUR RESEARCH. MONEY CARD CLOTHES AND HOES. THAT'S ALL MY GENERATION TALKS ABOUT. AND THEIR MUSIC PLAYLIST AND MOVIE LIST WILL HAVE YOUR GRASS SITTING IN PRISON FOR A LIFE SENTENCE. THE MUSIC YOU LISTEN TO AND THE FILMS YOU WATCH DIRECTLY CORRELATE TO AND REFLECT YOUR CRIMINAL RECORD. 

  ASK THEM TO WRITE DOWN ONE THOUSAND SONGS FOR YOU TO LISTEN TO THEN ASK THEM FOR THEIR CRIMINAL RECORD. BET YOU NOTICE SOMETHING STRANGE. BAH. I WASNT ALWAYS LIKE THIS.