WRISTS BATHED IN RED: SESSION CYNICAL ANALYSIS MICROWAVED HEARTS SESSION MY FIRST STEP IN ADDICTION RECOVERY

 3:15PM EST - 3:30PM EST 

FEBRUARY 18TH, 2024

2.18.2024

WRISTS BATHED IN RED:

SESSION 

CYNICAL ANALYSIS

MICROWAVED HEARTS

SESSION 

MY FIRST STEP IN ADDICTION RECOVERY

HI MY NAME IS CHAD AND I'M AN ADDICT. MARIJUANA WAS MY D.O.C. OR MY DRUG OF CHOICE. I AM 34 YEARS OLD. I FIRST SMOKED MARIJUANA AT AGE 14. I STOPPED SMOKING MARIJUANA UNTIL AGE 17 ANS HAVE BEEN SMOKING IT AVIDLY UNTIL 33 YEARS OLD. IT WAS OCTOBER 5TH, 2023 WHEN I DECIDED I WANTED TO ATTEMPT SOBRIETY. 

  I WAS ABLE TO ADMIT I HAD PROBLEMS I WAS RUNNING FROM WITH MARIJUANA AND DECIDED I WANTED TO FACE MY MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL ISSUES. CHILDHOOD SEXUAL TRAUMA PLAYED A HUGE ROLE IN ANY PERSONAL ISSUES I FACE TODAY. I CHOSE TO AS AN ADULT SUBSTITUTE SEX FOR MARIJUANA. SINCE I AS STOPPED USING MARIJUANA I HAVEN'T RESORTED BACK TO SEX EITHER. I WOULD RATHER SMOKE MARIJUANA THAN TO HAVE SEX. NOW THE MARIJUANA IS GONE FROM KY ROUTINE AND SEX HASN'T REISSUED ITSELF INTO MY ROUTINE OR DAILY REGIMENT. 

  BEING HIGH HELPED ME IGNORE THE OPPOSITE SEX A LOT EASIER. NOW I HAVE TO IGNORE THE OPPOSITE SEX WHILE COMPLETELY SOBER. 

  IT'S HARDER TO IGNORE THEM BUT I STILL MANAGE TO MAKE IT WORK. I LOOK MORE BUT I TALK AS LESS TO THEM AS I DID WHEN I WAS INTOXICATED ON MARIJUANA. 

  IT WAS AN 18 YEAR SMOKING SPREE LEADING ME TO REALIZING I HAD AN ISSUE. THIS IS A VERY LONG TIME TO NOTICE AN ISSUE. TOOK ME ALMOST TWO DECADES TO SEE I WAS RUNNING FROM A DEEP PAIN CAUSED A LONG TIME AGO. I EVENTUALLY GOT TIRED OF RUNNING FROM THE PAIN. 

  THERE CAME A TIME WHEN I WAS READY TO FACE THE PAIN. I WANTED TO DEAL WITH THE EMOTIONAL HURTING WITHIN ME. I DIDN'T WANT A SUBSTANCE TO CONTROL MY MIND. I WAS SO HOPELESSLY OBSESSED WITH THE EFFECTS OF CONSUMING MARIJUANA. 

  I DIDN'T WANT TO BE HOPELESSLY OBSESSED WITH A SUBSTANCE ANYMORE. I DIDN'T WANT AN ADDICTION TO SMOKING A PLANT TO HAVE POWER OVER ME. I HAD TO ADMIT I WAS POWERLESS. I WAS POWERLESS AROUND MARIJUANA AND I NO LONGER DESIRED TO BE. 

  I WANTED TO KNOW HOW TO REGAIN POWER OVER MY MIND. I NO LONGER WANTED TO BE WEAK UNDER MARIJUANA. AT THE TIME I MADE THE FIRST STEP I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT WAS THE FIRST STEP OFFICIALLY YOU MUST MAKE. I JUST KNEW I WANTED HELP AND I SOUGHT IT OUT. MY FAMILY HASN'T SEEN ME SINCE.